We Stand in Victory: Shame Be Gone, Enemy Be Shushed with Nikki Godsil & Dawn Scott Damon
So I hope by now you guys have heard all of the buzz about the book that I actually helped co-author! She Writes for Him: Stories of Resilient Faith.
I can’t believe I get to say that, alongside podcaster and coach…author? That’s so cool. But the coolest part about the whole thing is to be alongside other women who also get to say they are authors, but with such humble servants. With such beautiful depth and transparency. And you all know how much I love the power of vulnerability. And to sit alongside Dawn Scott Damon and Nikki Godsil for this conversation I was continually amazed with the aha moments and the Truth behind what it is that God is doing within His girls. And I believe this is not just for this generation but for many generations to come.
We are calling out that shame will not be the burden that weighs his daughters down. That shame will not be the covering that inhibits us from our growth or the covering from standing in our purpose and our identity.
Instead, we stand in victory. We stand with our heads held high. We stand knowing that we are fully known and fully worthy. And these two women did that in an incredible way by sharing their testimonies in this story, alongside the 22 other women who co-authored the piece. I really hope that this meets your nightstand soon.
You can get the book here: https://tamraandress.com/the-book/
We are just so grateful that you all have the opportunity to know that above all things, even the painful dark secrets of our heart that there is abundant light and God established Himself in those places so we don’t have to be in the dark anymore.
Connect with Dawn:
Helping You Live Full, Fierce, and Free!
Dawn Scott Damon www.DawnScottDamon.com
Your Freedom Coach www.Freedomgirlsisterhood.com
Connect with Nikki: http://nikkigodsil.com/
Show Notes: We Stand in Victory
Alrighty, I am so excited for you guys to be here with us tonight. Thank you for joining. For those of you who don’t know, a new book was just launched into the world, and these are some of the authors, so this she writes for you had book, stories of resilient faith. I’m gonna allow them to introduce themselves ’cause they know themselves best, and we’re gonna start sharing a bit about what it is that this collection of stories means to us and where we’ve been in the story, so… Don’t let you go first.
Certainly, well, it’s great to be with all of you to at night, my name is Dan’s got Damon, and I am a pastor and a speaker and a car, and… The great thing about me is that I’m a follower of Jesus Christ, and I have 11 grandchildren, so that’s the most incredible exciting thing, have to of 20 years old down to one year old, we’ll celebrate in a word than to more adenosine.
So how or Rand records Michigan.
Awesome. Or… Right, nice.
I’m Nicky a rotator, the… And she writes from him devotional. I have four kids, I have a husband who is a worship leader, and we leave forks at our church, and we just love the Lord and try and tell them the best that we can, even though we are not perfect, we know that He loves us, so as so I really and one get to know you guys and to meet you and to see your faces on here… I know, I really mean because I don’t know about you guys, but when I jumped in and I’m Tamara, for those who are not familiar, we’re streaming live for the fit and face podcast right now, but this is not necessarily about that. It’s just a hosting platform for this amazing opportunity for us to come together, because when I first jumped into the opportunity, I actually didn’t even look to see who else was gonna be a part of it, I felt like I was leading me in this direction with the multitude of things that had occurred at the she speaks Conference for the last two years that I’ve attended, and I just accepted it, and when I got the book and when we started getting the emails, I was like, Oh, I guess I should like, Oh, who… These other people are… That are so bold to come in and share stories like these, and had no idea the depth that was gonna go into them beyond what I knew I was called to share. So tell me a bit about how did you choose from all of the options of your life and all of the deep stories that we’ve experienced, what did that look like for you as an uncovering process? And so I think for me, like I said, there’s so many facets of our story that we could let the Holy Spirit highlight, but I think one of the universal things will women, is this thought of shame, so many women walk around with the sense of feeling unworthy and the shame, and we know that guilt says, Man, I’ve done something wrong, I committed a sin, but same says, I am something wrong, and there’s something loud with me, there’s something intrinsically wrong on inside of me, and so I decided to write about shame because that’s something that I wrestled with in my young adulthood after seasons of abuse as a child growing up, sexual abuse, and I just felt like there wasn’t enough showers that you could take, there wasn’t enough scriptures that you could read, there wasn’t enough make-up that you could put on that we can cover the shame, and so I just felt like that was something that I wanted to communicate to women that that shame is not from God, the… And it’s not… Our inheritance is not what you should be carrying around, so I think that’s what… Why I chose to write about shame. It’s really good.
I read your piece and obviously it’s like gut branching because you think if those 11 grand babies… Right, and you think about my two babies and Mickey’s for babies and your children, and it’s just… It’s so hard to ranching, but at the same time, there’s so much Jesus in the midst of it, and it makes us have the ability… And this is something I had to walk through myself to go back to the times of when I was a really little girl and really pinpoint as a grown woman and a daughter of God, like Where was God in those moments? Instead of questioning Him, instead of it, just writing him off, he wasn’t there, but he’s here now, and I feel great and I’m redeemed, I really, truly wanted to know and see him, and so I’ve sat in the same room as the experience of sexual abuse going on in my own life and the traumas and the choices that I made thereafter, and the cycles of cyber sex and sexual intimacy issues that I had to walk through, and I had to find out that he was there even still, and that shame that we carried was like… Wearing blinders. And so it wasn’t allowing us to see him…
I did as… It’s really well, but… Good.
Yeah, go ahead. I don’t think you… Yeah.
Well, do I actually really loved reading both of your pieces in the book because we all used very similar versus… Yeah. All used from the very beginning. Out of an eaves shame from the bean, we use this exegetical study in order to formulate our own stories and how to actually reflect Jesus in that to other people, so… I love how you used Palo, because you used it in a way where I never really looked at it the same way that you did, even though I experienced… And we have some parallels in our story, I just love seeing how both of you used to Genesis and so did I at any story, but yeah, we correlated it differently in our own toast. How perfect.
I thought it was so wonderful. Beat Word is alive, right? And it’s strategically speaks into each one of our stories in such a powerful way, so I think of the women are gonna be listed by that, just to be able to see how we all three use that same content in the Bible in order to speak Durant into healing our own LOS, and the thing that was really powerful in your part going now… Thank you. Well, to that, and I think when we look at Adam and Even the gardens, you bring that up, after the fall and sin came into the world, and the fear came into the world, and then the first thing they do is they look at each other and they feel exposed in in that moment that that was almost… They felt some sexual abuse, right, their last you’re seeing me and judging me, and I feel exposed, so I went to cover, and that’s the nature of shame, it doesn’t even make sense at times where it’s just like, I just wanna cover… I wanna hit.
And so many women who have come out of trauma, they still walk around with the fig leaves, their heart, their personality, they’re the beauty of life, they… The cover they hide, they hold up in the back, and you know there’s gift to there, you know there’s talent, you know there’s a purpose on a calling of God, but they live small because shame is whispering in their ear, You’re not good enough, you’re not like those other girls don’t try to get out there, you… You have no business case, cause people knew who you really were, and in an animals that bore ashamed the voice of the enemy in our years, so this book is just filled with stories and your stories, your girls, a resilient faith was saying, You know what?
That today, so to that you… He used to get me with that, but I’m gonna keep marching on… Yeah, it’s so good. And I think that that’s so intentional on God’s behalf to bring together women from across the country, so many different ethnicities and cultural backgrounds and stories, and all of us… No matter who you are, where you are. You have a story too, and I don’t know, obviously done as being a best-selling author of multiple books, take was this year first piece get… Yeah, it was my first published piece too, other than blogs, so it’s been a fun adventure and it’s a definite… I don’t know, when I got the book, I was really excited are actually not the book, but the PDF version of the book, and then I almost sense that shame being put back on top of me, because I was like, I’ve already been redeemed, but none of these people know that I walked through this, and none of these people know the full redemption story that I’ve had, What will they think of me if they knew them and the grid and all the shameful thoughts that I had already, and I had to walk that out almost again, while also being excited about something that God has gifted me, tell me, did you guys have or have you had those experiences as you continued to share your stories in a big way on… Oh yeah, for sure. So my first book was called when the woman was abused a husband’s Guide to helping his wife overcome child. Was he a… So that’s incredible, the ANSI Ofer husbands and helping him because when in the end, Maris, a woman who’s been sexually abused, I really think it’s kind of like a special needs… Why, if there’s a way that you’re gonna have to speak to a singer course, not that we’re high maintenance, it’s just the reality that there’s triggers inside of us, and so when I wrote that book and then I knew my story was going out across the world and I asked my mom and my sisters if they mind it, would it be okay, and I just felt like the only way to redeem this thing is to get it out of the shadows… Yeah, in he… And let God use it, if God can use our stories, then it makes sense if I went through all of this just so that for the rest of my life I could live under a bushel… That doesn’t make sense to me, but if I can get it out, submitted to God saying, Use it for your glory, Lord, because it’s my history, but it’s his store, so I just… Your gory.
So yeah, I felt that coming in. And again, that’s that worker that we have to do, right, that’s that affirmation that we have to say is like, No, if you’re gonna come against me double to make me feel small and sample, I know them on the right path.
Yeah, good, that’s really good. Yeah, it’s really amazing, Nicky. How did you feel with it being your first piece… Did you have any of those emotions?
So for me, I know that Satan is crafty, but he’s not creative. And as we begin to feel that’s really the foundation that we have to set as we’re really in the beginning process of developing nation ship with the word, so for me, I’ve known the Lord for 20 years in hired to…
I was a nurse before and I see nurse, and he really grabbed a hold of me a couple of years ago, and I healed from sexual assault from when I was 13 years old, and then I ate… Didn’t write about that.
I wrote about a couple of things that happened prior to that, and it was smaller, it wasn’t as assistant somatic, it was just how I felt rejection in the Chinese place from my cheerleading coach, and how that really started me on this path of believing shame and rejection and lives and that led me into the hands of mine for the trader, and I think God wants keep it to see that he cares about the small goons and the big wins, and if we don’t get to know, to hear his voice early on and disciple sharing that process of sanitation, that we can easily fall pray to the enemy because his voice sounds like the Lord’s place a in our heart and disciples, so we can absolutely start to follow that and really get off track, and so for me… But I started meeting at… Or I started writing this book, it was more about really opening up and saying, Okay, what I know that Staten has used these things in my past to really get to me, and so I just… I put on the aphasia and six were her… It was like, no, that I had to as… Yeah, I had sent a ready, let’s go… I don’t mean that I don’t get affected, but I feel like I’ve clothe enemies. Can Aida a at me there anymore, you know what I… Yeah, it’s so good. Yeah, and I wanted to actually circle back to something done had shared about the first book that she wrote, because I think that this is such a necessity for us to know if you’ve walked through shame, the importance of understanding intimacy, and you… I think you had mentioned the into me, you see component of intimacy in your chapter, and that desire, that deep desire to be fully known, and when you wrote that, I literally got chills because I had had moments, even married, even as a mother, where I was curled up in a bathtub, literally listen to the torn Well song, fully known, just bawling, crying on, repeat, on repeat, and it was the desire to just rid myself of everything and let m allow myself to be fully known, that experience in that exchange with the Lord is unlike anything I’ll ever, ever forget or remember that is just so necessary, then we have to take that intimacy experience and that learning that he continues to show us and bring that into your marriage, and that’s a hard place, so those husbands need that need that word, and they need that grace and they need the understanding that they are enough as well, because I think that’s the struggle that my husband walked through is that, am I not enough because I love you and I do see you, and I love you even still, but… How come you can’t know that love… Right, not only do they feel that they’re the second victim of our sexual abuse, they’re paying the price for the perpetrators to us, and the sad thing is, is that then we… Even more shame, at least I did, I’m not being a wife that I need to be…
I’m not able to.
I wish I could just abandoned myself is what I need, an unsaid let go and I can’t… And it’s just not an exciting thing, it’s not for play for a husband when you’re living cry, not that I don’t not… And it, it’s like there’s just kind of a downer on A That isn’t that, and it was like in a site of presence of true love, in the presence of God, love, I could feel those parts of me healing, and that’s why in this book of resilient, the stories, she writes for him.
Everybody has been willing to lay down the glamor and the glitz and the image and say, You know what, Into me, see, let me share a story from the hut with you because what comes from the heart touches the heart. And when we open up and we read with inside of us, we are more effective than… Because there are so many people saying you to a goodness that how I didn’t know anyone else felt that way, so whether it’s our husbands and whether it’s a single woman, whether against whoever is telling their study, that’s… That’s let Jesus…
I heard a light on have get those lies and that disperses insidious lie from Satan, that is what I’m trying to say, that he tricks us up with… Turn a light on. Get that out of there.
Yeah, and I wanted to share other chapter like or other section concepts besides the shame is loss. I have a lot of people that I’m coaching right now that are walking through this experience of a consistent grieving, and we do grieving through letting go of shame as well, so I feel their stories so deeply, abortion is one of them, depression and anxiety, which during the season of the world that we’re in right now. I know that’s truly gonna penetrate hearts and such an incredible way, like how good is God that He time this book when He did, we couldn’t have cultivated this and been like, Oh, it’s a pandemic. Let’s put this out. We had no idea. And yet, God still reigns, he still gets the glory, we can still have excitement over who he is and what he’s done in our lives and what he’s going to do if he hasn’t already in your lives through a book like this, and the one of the last sections is the trail, which that crosses so many balanced…
I don’t think there’s anything in there that I have an experience.
Yeah, so I treat pretty scary.
Yeah, the teeth, the… And thank you for bringing up all those chapters because again, those… All those women who share those stories, there’s something in their pain that will help others walk through, we walk through that valley of the shadow and depth, and praise God for Valley walkers, did you have people who walk with you and mentor anus… We are willing to tell you a little bit about what they were to… To give you some hope.
Have… Yeah, I absolutely did it. You have about you.
Oh, my biggest… Every step of the way, I always say that feeling is secondary trauma, you can’t walk through that, and we surface those Dorman things in order to have the support system that you need, and I think God planted that support system in my life. And the exact time that he knew I would be ready to see all… So my husband was a huge part of that, my pastors, my therapist, during the very first year of my healing, that just walked me through crisis, he was pivotal in the very first year, and then after that, my friends in community in my church were huge in supporting me and then old friends from college that I hadn’t talked to actually re-surfaced in my life, even for a short period of time, but that short period of time, they served such a need and a purpose that I never could have seen, and now I’m closer to them than I was before.
It just… Yes, so absolutely.
Yeah, I found it really interesting that as I came in to my healing, it was a simultaneous experience of discovering who I was in the Lord and that I was his daughter, and that self-identity experience and unfolding, I realized the lack in every other relationship that I had… That I was not… I wasn’t living to my fullest self because I didn’t know who that self was, and I wasn’t allowing the inner light that he had already gifted me with fully shine, and I was never to the fullest extent, truthful, I was always showing up out of an act, not out of vulnerability. And when I made that transition, it was a healing process in a healing journey over a few years, it happened almost overnight, and the people that were walking alongside me saw this sudden shift, because God can do that.
He’s that good, a entendres.
It can be scary to the people who have only known you in a one way, and when I had to make that adjustment because it was to the detriment of my marriage was to the detriment of my life, I have… And I had two babies at home.
And so, I just wanna encourage people that one, you don’t have to be a part of a book to have your testimony reach people, your testimony matters in the one person, and it matters first and foremost to Jesus who wants you to see the love and resiliency that he’s had in your life and in your story all along, but to know that there will be pushed back a perhaps from the people that love you most, and it’s not because they don’t love you, it’s because they don’t understand, and they might not have had their come to Jesus moment yet.
That’s a really good word, erected.
I wish I could stay on longer with a healing… This is so good. I have another, I’m gonna be preaching and teaching Tagalog a rule. Well, I hope that this gives you just more vibrancy than you already had, I’m gonna play the traitor that has been ready… Yeah, I play the trailer when they jump on a… Thank you, and you too. And just to Joy, girls are both beautiful and your stories are powerful and thank you for sharing that. I know we’ll talk again.
Yes, definitely. I wanna get the link to that book so I can tag it in those too.
Okay, alright. Do less things for the rest of your evening, don’t worry all… We’re not going anywhere yet… Alright, created.
Yeah, it has sisters.
I do that a.Alright, nice. I’m gonna give them the trailer and give us a transition time. Okay, okay, you treat facing the unthinkable and failing to shame didn’t beneath the surface, what life experiences define my value just into than my father’s daughter. The day the world changed, that time I called under my desk, the club, we do not choose the loss of a dream, a… It lost its finale.
And you can’t fill your life the truth that sets you free, he makes the world bigger than he is, this qualified in no pain, wasted I… To the round of Caroline, everything is everything. Why do I feel this way? Getting real to heal.
A season to silence.
Worthless white, not LED driver, the tea.
I changed my mind the morning after the Erie prisoner of hope, the trade by other… But the loader to forgive.
It’s so good. It always makes me so happy when I sit in.
It’s so pretty from the first time I saw it in… Everyone is in the… I got so much more real than just having their name on a PDF or in an email thread, the anti… Oh, it was so wild. Love it. It actually made me yearn to go open the other chapters again so I could put that face to the day and their voice and their energies, it was just… It was really cool to you to get her to a…
Yeah, yeah, it was really fun.
It was a great joy. I was so grateful to be able to do it. And it says at the end of that, all that we… Our book is for pre-sale, but it’s actually already getting into the hands of women across the country, I don’t know how you chose to go about… Did you sell it through just Amazon or the redemption president-Ed yet, I know it’s gonna be there and also… And some Barns and Noble, I had sold it through my site, so today I had the most gratitude of a moment when I got to ship to seven different states, so to think about that, I can’t wait to see what hands it gets into.
Amazing, I got all about… Oh, my books in, and I had a couple of different speaking events and I was gonna take them to, of course, since the pandemic, Haiti completely would shut all that stuff now, but I’ve been getting them on a really during personal messages and singing, love that love that love that. Well, and you’re apart or give away going on… Is that ending today? Tonight? No, not as… And that ends the day before mother… Oh yeah, okay, so we can share about it to me. Okay, good.
There’s a bunch of different giveaways that you guys can enter into, check out our Instagram pages that link them here and the show notes after, and you have an opportunity to win this gorgeous mother Stay neckline, one of the books. But there will be a lot of other things you’re gonna see more of the authors in the next couple of weeks as the book continues to roll out, but it really was an honor to be a part of it, and now I have some people in my sphere who… They have stories, just like I said. We all have stories that I’m like, you need, right? You need to be in the next one because this is a series, there’s gonna be, I think two more books is the plan right now, so… Been such a blessing. So tell me more about you, Nicky. We started with your intro, I wanna know…
I honestly love how he started talking about how as he started to feel, he started to recognize their true identity in Christ, and how that was hidden under the shame, and I talk a lot about that in my center to… So I believe that what she does is a sin, and all sin is a barrier to really truly getting to know the word, and he has to be the one that removes that sin in order for us to get into to relationship with him.
So even though I knew him for the longest time, I was terrified of letting him know me on this go three things that I ever heard… We’re allowed to speak into my life, it was a lie that I wasn’t good at ask, and so really, it took some time for Lord, for the Lord to really allow a truth to come in there to say, you’re not… You just need to surrender at all, and when I finally did all of the dirty stuff, not like… I always felt like I had to kinda come to him like a Sunday morning, all dressed up, ready to go, hair time to…
Yeah, I really wanna be like In the morning, heroes, my teens, it’s really hard for us, especially if you have a phone at victim of assault or Rama… Because of a victim mentality is that it’s your fault.
You know, I heard that year story, I heard that Don story, it is the same across the board, though we don’t have the same stories, there’s this car levels that you start to see in other people that you’re like, Oh, I’m not being on it, so… Yeah, and so God loved how you tie in at your two identity really starts to come out when you start to shed that shape.
Yeah, so what’s so neat, I feel so privileged to be able to do is help women as a business coach, be able to walk through this process, because before I was a business coach, I was sharing mind, body and soul retreats and experiences, and that’s how a fit a, he created and cultivated, and I realized this incredible experience of understanding that our minds and our bodies and our soul are all working in unison at every given moment of the day, that we are not separate entities, and I’m sure you experienced this from a body space that my physical being, I kept way over here and I had my spiritual being and my mental self, and I never correlated them because of the Shannon compartmentalized a 10% living, 100%. So my workouts, and I’ve always really been into my health, I was a teams growing up, and so it just always was this place of, I’m not good enough, and it’s a shame space, and then when I found that blend and I started walking that out alongside other women, where I was actually sharing that transformation, people are so eager to grasp hold of that aha moment that we have in our lives, and that Aha moment has fully been Jesus, they want him because he’s unlike any light that you could ever be in front of, or be around the energy is incredible and so much goodness, and I realized I wasn’t able to serve it in a coffee conversation at a coffee shop or in a quick… After church conversation, what is it about you? What happened? Tell me your story, you just can’t do that that quickly, so that’s why I started these retreats and as the retreats and the coaching experience unfolded, I came into realizing that a part of your identity is recognizing your purpose through that identity, and that God is grasses the crown at a yeast.
And that’s where people… I love that space because people show up in such an incredibly different way as an entrepreneur, and people… Ministry leader is also in that space. And ministry leaders are entrepreneurs and vice versa, it’s just a secular word that people use versus not, but when you are ready to make your mark and leave that print, it is transformational for the growth of you as a human being, all of the relationships around you, including your business.
But it’s messy too. We talk about healing and grimy, it goes against everything that our own human nature tells us to do when you grow in Christ, you become dependent upon him, and everything can be as a woman prior to really know me in said, Don’t be dependent on any… And that anyone other than you.
He… So that was a really big struggle in the very beginning as… And it was ugly, and there wasn’t like some strategic plan or Tualatin I could go to or… Yeah, the entire trail I… There was nine. Yeah, and I wanted structure elated to be lean. Yeah, my defensive walls were like, I am rich, ID, I should close off the tenor, release me to the world and holy.
And the board was like, in a to… That is to me. That was so ready.
Oh my gosh. Oh, so tell me, it’s a very a…
I know, but this is the problem. I was legitimately like Bearing my own life through sanity and where my head space was going and where the enemy was creeping in, because at this point, I hadn’t had that transformational moment with the Lord, and you talking about prior to this, when get everything uncovered at this point and my husband was finding out, and I’m finding out for the first time in the way that I was and did, and again, two babies at home, and I was so scared of my life that this one, it’s important to mention here too, what you were experiencing or what you experienced was a suppressed memory that’s not that you completely forgot that it happened to you, it’s that your mind is so powerful that it kind of had the details on it in the back of some Dorman area so that you can survive yet… Yeah, and what I hate is a… A sudden certain things. You start to unwrapped. I actually talk about this in an earlier book that hasn’t been released yet, but I felt like a circus act, you know the man where you’re on a unicycle or the person’s on us, yelling hole.
Yeah, yeah, yes. And I was holding 19 polls and plate from my head and my hands in my last focus for one minute, not one site with… So like all of my places, we’re gonna phone, I was gonna come of my… The IBL and every day was gonna be disrupted, and the board was like growing… Yeah, yeah. That what happened in detail.
And it’s so like… And it hurts, and you’re like, I worked my whole life to add these plates and figure out how to balance them into focus, and you just took everything from me.
So in the very beginning, I was angry as I get out, I was… My paranoia was Rona wrote, I mean, I had PTSD, I couldn’t sleep at night. I still remember being, I was on the pastoral team in our last church, I’m up on stage speaking to over 500 people in my nightmares throughout the beginning of this process, Egan gene so bad and I wasn’t talking to anyone about in… So they started to come into my day time and my nighters was… Was this man the… Every single time I saw him, he would get siring singer, and it was almost like… You had the liri-a standing in front of everyone. I’m talking and all of a sudden I’ve seen nobody in the room, but this may… Any bat to the point where it was so bad, I would be on the playground with my kids and I… Wiseman, I would have to take a picture with myself, and if he wasn’t there, it was last… It was that when he was never there, and that was the reality like, Okay, that’s what the Lord used… He next in is how need to go talk.
And that was the beginning of my journey. It was terrifying. It was scary.
Oh, my plates now, I’m a mom of fortunes, I’m pastoring at a turn…
I’m a nurse and we… And I’m like, I… Right, yeah.
Everybody thought I was great, I was falling apart and I… And lest I at of the order to drop on my plate, everything was gonna crumble. Just couldn’t see it. You know, it’s so great in to see… Yeah, from that 20-year-old wood, I wasn’t really truly going to get to know who I was, and I think sometimes it’s… What needs to happen? Yeah.
Oh, my cousin to the really dark, scary places. Yeah, I got free you to finally be willing that… To give it. To give it over… Yeah, it’s about it being my quarter life crisis, but it literally was all of those things, it’s so wild because I never plan these podcasts and even choosing who was gonna be on it, I had no idea how aligned our stories are, and so it’s just… So I have full body chills, like God is so present right here in this moment with us even virtually, and I’m grateful for you for sharing, and I think my heart in developing the retreats for women was that I didn’t have anywhere to retreat, and I literally googled non-stop like, Okay, do I go to an addiction facility? Am I supposed to go to a sexual trauma facility, am I supposed to go to a Christian yoga place?
Just to a… Right, me somewhere to go. I looked and the only viable potential option was maybe these two resorts that I found that were very… It was a very Christian-oriented, but it was like 30 grand, and I had a one in a two-year-old at home, and I’m like, I just… God doesn’t allow us, even though he allows all the plates to fall, you’re still standing because he’s home to you and he caught it all, and he’s telling you, release this, release this, release this. And then just like you’re at the eye, just like your daddy when you first learn to walk or your mom… My essence were moms, and you’re protecting everything, you’ve got pillows around them, you like, Come to me, come to me like, Oh, I just take one of the cry because that’s him, that’s how much he loves us and how much he protects us. And how much he yearns for us to be able to walk in His goodness and understand that he’s got us every step of the way, and I… It’s just as you start to feel… In the very beginning of that process, the Lord starts to take down your defensive models, and that makes you feel so naked.
We talked about in the devotional about Adam and Eve ending and putting those files and hiding it in your shame, that initial response to them… I wasn’t condemnation.
Now, we can’t ask why they did that, He didn’t… He looked at him and said, Where are you?
And he posed that question to them, not because he didn’t know where they were, not knowing is a mission, all ones. He posed that question for them to think about what they did, and then for them to choose him as I never forces himself on us, that was such a pivotal moment for me as a woman who suppressed this horrific and traumatic attack at such a young age. I remember that in a… Was he… If he is a good guy.
Yeah, I could he allow something like that to happen to me.
And I remember looking at my counselor and I said, You know that story about the woman being about to the death and Jesus, all it took was him to sit down in the sand or squat sadananda DOL in the sand and just ask one question. You know, I say one statement that said, but the first person who has not said, cast the first stone, no money, throw a stone, I couldn’t… We do that for me, and I’ll never forget it. My counselor looked back at me and he said, Nike, he didn’t force anyone not to her stone, he gave them a choice.
He can’t give new free will and not give it to someone else, he gave your perpetrator or choice and no idea what your perpetrator was being asked to, what the Lord was saying to him, but he chose not to one award, but he was with you experiencing everything that you’ve experienced all of the pain, all the trans, he never left his side, he just waited for you in order for you to be ready to come to Him, start to feel… And it was in that moment that shame, after I started talking about the things that were live embedded in my head for over 20 years, that light started to shed on them, a darkness started to lift up and only the way that I could do it.
And through the misperception that the enemy used either with on word to start in grading the truth in my life, and I think that’s my… Me that find a rehab facility or a… You know, whatever, you have to go straight to the Lord Howard. Visit to each and every one of us, and it makes my hero happy to hear that you’re running these coaching programs for other people, the light in you…
I feel like unless you’ve been through something like this and come out on the other side, you can’t look at someone else and start coaching them on her way… No, no, you have to go and work Alito them. Absolutely, and that’s…
I am so special. Yeah.
It’s really incredible and not something I ever imagined myself doing. Which again, that purpose and those passions just started bubbling in such a new way, and I got to do it in the authentic me, in that true identity, which you… The shame has no place in that space, it’s not even possible. And like I said, even when the PDF came out and I was like, Oh my gosh, I… It was moments. My moment that I was like, No, no, no, and he has the power and he has the glory in the story, and it’s not about any of the hardship that we’ve walked through, so please know that. I know plenty of women who are like, Oh, my story is nothing like yours, my story is…
I grew up in the church and my parents were great, and my parents were great, and all all these different things where they don’t feel like they have a testimony, and that line is, yeah, there… There’s so much that’s happening on a consistent daily basis, that we have to stay so rooted in who Jesus is, but it’s not possible that there’s not a component to what you’ve walked through, good or bad, that isn’t relatable and isn’t something you should share, I totally… And I were for you to fully know who you are in, and you have to face your own fears, and Brody has experienced something in their life that has forced fear upon them in some way, shape, form right now.
So if you don’t like your story matters right now, which it even be using that torture because I feel like it’s thrown around and freer. Yeah, yeah. Okay, the A… That’s such an easy line that the enemy uses to keep people from truly walking into their purpose and knowing who they are as a child of God, as an ERA tried so… Yeah, so yeah, Sam and truth. Can’t line the same place?
Yeah, so you got a release replaced, but the removing… It is so difficult.
It just takes that everything you’ve ever known and being comfortable with… Yeah, it just places you in such a… And that’s why the closest relationships to besides my husband who was literally walking me arm-an arm, because he was also afraid for where I was going or what I was doing and what was gonna happen to our family and our marriage and our children and all those things, we pressed so hard into church into our pastors and… And we weren’t even in church at this point, they all so please know that I wasn’t rooted in a place that I had a comfort, a safety zone to go to, that’s why I was on the… On Google, figuring out where I was going.
And ultimately, like I couldn’t talk to anyone ’cause I was leading people into that related, I can’t tell anyone because we’re in a lean and that’s a lot… That is actually a huge lie, and it’s also something that is burdens on on so many pastors, which is why 1500 pastors are leaving the church on the daily basis because they’re so ISIS, so I, Gary and so traumatic and it’s so unnecessary that we as an individual church, we need to have the open arms, we are the congregation today, just as much as we are the pastor, and so I like… That makes me so mad. But it’s also the place where there’s a call, there are people who are meant to help shepherd pastors, and I have the honor of knowing one of them first hand, and him and his wife are doing an incredible job of starting in the grass seeds of that ’cause what does that look like? How do you cultivate that? But I just, I think that local or to go, I think one of the hardest things for me and healing from… That’s another reason why I didn’t write about how I was raped.
Yeah, because I wanted went in to know… You don’t have to it fine with that.
God can identify with any one of your words, I need a rejection and betrayal kind of hold the hands, and they look different for every person because we all have different works of life, so for me, I’m wanting something that they wouldn’t look at my story as much as they would see him in their own stories and they were reading this chapter, but as we start talking about the role and in San, we’re not just about my chapter, but my experience with healing from that attack.
I think the hardest thing for me in the midst of that healing was recognizing that for the longest time, I called it after I had been abused to a self-preservation, and instead of handing that won over to the Lord and letting the Hulme…
I tried to help my stuff… It’s good. It’s a lot like rebellion. Yeah, I mean, great years. Yeah, the only reason I… Arminius, momma was praying my hotel God, I don’t want that for my… No, I know. That’s the bar. I’m like such a deep rooted part of my wife of your IT every mom is why… Yeah, in A… So it’s one, I bring so much repentance in that after a… ’cause when you put this victim mentality on afterwards, like You can’t put on the Ephesians 6 or a victim to tame that.
So I… Okay, to me, a warrior to a lion, Max to… Yeah, that was… Well, that I heard my pride. Yeah, that heard it.
All that, I had a kid of hard in… Of alcohol abuse, I had your pin of being promiscuous as of a soul thing, love and all the wrong places in my anger and my dad… Yeah, and it was in that breaking… That test was a fringe at the telemach cause the Otero, and now the result is I’m his Isaiah 61 oak of righteousness that is unshakable, were before the enemy could shake me if anything I was hiding, but I looked like I had it all together now, I’m able to have any… An authentic relationship, not just with him, but with my husband and with my friends and with my family, and was nothing better than that it… The result is it, you know, writing a book or a… Like growing the plant. That’s not it. No, the result is a peace and the result is getting to know who I am and getting to know these can be… No.
So yeah, for real, seeing now, like the girl that got her hair messed up and walking around with pants too big or short to time your belly fat and the things I doing that it’s a… Right, absolutely. And I think that’s such a big… Such a beautiful… On this entire conversation, because what starts and what’s the beauty for ashes, right.
He can take anything in transform and I… It doesn’t matter.
Yeah, it doesn’t matter the size of your story, or the grandiose, or the hurt, or the pain or any of the things, your pain is just as precious to God as the pain is something what you might think is Grotesque, right. It’s just like sin is no different here as it is here, they’re all created equal, and he does the exact same thing for our stories, we are all created equal, and nobody gets a hierarchy based on something that they’ve walked through, and I think that that’s so necessary for us, as we link arms, and I think it’s so purpose that we’re in this… And this isn’t my book and this isn’t her book, this is a book, and ultimately it’s his book because that was our heart for it is that he gets the claim to fame if you… There’s no denying that if you are opening this book and you read 25 stories of 25 different women who’ve never met each other, who’ve never seen each other, and their storylines in the first chapter, we are literally saying the exact same thing. It’s not made up. So this is not what people might view as the Bible, really… Right.
Oh, this is not reality TV, that’s so good.
This is like legit, you guys, and so to bring it all together in the beautiful way they did, I’m just so grateful to be a part of it, I’m grateful to be in community with a sister like you, girl, I am so excited to read your book when your other book coming out, it’s in the weight from… Honestly, I was praying about that. The more data.
That’s a whole another thing, but I worked on that main script for three years… Well, and just this morning, I’m actually doing Lisa Turks study on trust with resend kings. Okay. Oh yeah, nearly first. Karras just nailed me.
Wow. And it talked about being okay in seasons where God says No, in trusting him in the nose, just as much as you trust Him in the… Yes. So I heard, yes, I for so long on this manuscript, and I was praying this week and I was like, or should I reach out to a couple of the literary agent… Yes, that I met.
He that I went to… She speaks a tester. Yeah, and I kept hearing no, and he kept bringing this scripture as I’m praying, it was all like a flat out no, and I was so confused, we… But when I read that first paragraph, the…
We said workers wrote it out so beautifully that we would start pursuing something that’s of our own desires and not on… Well, it’s pushing a holder on my health, but when we start pursuing things that are of his little for our life, it’s natural and organic and that there’s freedom in it, and you run into it easily, you’re not running up against the wind per se, and for some time now, I’ve really been running against open with it, and I feel the Lord saying stuff right now, I…
I’m more back this morning are really great because I’ve worked so hard, but I also heard this really precious whisper of a voice right after I leaving a baby, the… And I just heard him say, I got so much more in store for you that can just me, and so I’m in a season of trusting in testing, not just in his essay, ’cause I have so many other opportunities that I’m really trusting in these nose to… Which is really easy to say.
In a lot of one.
Yeah, it really is, it really is. And I think it’s been, as I have gone through the last couple of years, similar, similar paths, even in that regard, of saying, My prayer has been, got close every door you don’t want me to walk into and open every door you would… And I have prayed that prayer so many times, and even just this week, it’s funny that we are having this conversation, I’ve had a multitude of things that have occurred, and I woke up on Tuesday or Wednesday morning, and I had a one-liner from somebody that I trust to helping me in the growth of the things that I’m working on, and it said, There will always be shiny objects, and I was like, I got check.
You’re a year.
Right, because the one thing that I was leaning towards, the exact same thing that I was leaning towards, the one con of the situation was that there was no faith involved, there was no… Christianity is present.
And what better way? I don’t know if you see like you’re very similar to me, you’re a high capacity to purpose, like you’re one big…
I hear God make a promise, and I was like, What do you need to do?
So as an oil… Got it done.
I also, I, I, I love it a lot to… Well, the…
I love those. I got was like, Hey, this isn’t the Nicky show. Yeah, I… This is a one, be based on you and what you can do or on your ability to then teach you what I can do, so it’s such a difficult place to live in for someone like… Yeah, some of my go… Yeah. Who were like, Okay, I got it, yeah, I’m ready to do that. I like now, yeah.
And it’s not to say when you ask for closed doors and you ask to visibly understand the nose, it doesn’t mean that it’s like so transparent to us, that doesn’t always know that he speaks in that way, and God will not let things… Oh yeah, well, looks very similar to his.
A lot of times are far designers line up with our ministry, up with our call, and we have to really be prayerful in a way… Right, this book right here, I cannot tell you how easy it was to be a part of, how organic… How different it is to be a part of… Because I’m not pushing an help, I’m literally running into the wind, and I’m so proud and so humbled to be a part of this project, but I don’t feel that anymore with my manuscript and I’m believing now that the word really used it as a start point in my life to really shift gears for me and build up my trust and him and my voice in an and becomes the… And to really realize like there’s so much more out here than just what I was believing for my life before I… Yeah, yeah, for a test in… So good, yeah, resonating and simmering with the words that you’re saying, just based on my own manuscript and where it’s at, and we’ll have to talk off line on all of the things, ’cause we could keep going for hours, yell, but Nike. I am so honored to be in community with you and to have been a co-author in this experience, and I have quite a good cement idea, vision that this won’t be the last time that we come together to work together in some capacity. So thank you, thank you, thank you. And do you want any closing words for the women who have been listening who we’re gonna tune in to the podcast, just a last word remark about the book or your prayer for them?
I just hope that everything that they heard us talk about is a reflection of him, and they don’t hear just us, but they hear some pieces and parallels of our stories become their own, and it really draws them close, so I… Jesus, yeah, that’s… Our whole point is to put ourselves out there so that people can see him, we can be a beacon, and so that our boldness to kind of spread throughout the world and… And that’s really what my hope is. And this Women, listen, here would be a bother, and a lot of the lies that have been playing on a real in their mind, they’re starting to hear and see who our stories through the Parallels at their lives and that Jesus is the only way out, and he’s a truth, the sash and started on a journey and falling on their grounds, so really good to know who they are.
So good, so good. Let everyone know where they can find you on social media before we sign off, his graber on how to…
I, I a… As nonsense as I love it, I was actually making sure that I wasn’t spelling your last name right, ’cause I was like, Did she really have God in her last name? That’s not even fair.
I know it’s almost blase then is a call that… It so good, it’s so good. Well, I can’t wait to me, your husband and your beautiful kiddos, I did flash a picture of all of you guys earlier, and like I said, I’m just honored and I’m excited to see where God takes you and leaning into the notes just as much as you are in the SES is alright. Yeah, well, see you later, or… I know I have everyone has a good night or gonna close off with our clothes out here and we’ll see you at our next live podcast next week.
I came address on your kitten Bay post and I am so excited to just be here to share with you other lovers, dreamers, shakers, entrepreneurs, pastors, whatever, if you go ahead and you got a heart… I’m so excited to explore that is who you are and discovering your wholeness, your health, your well, well, and your joy.
I love to see happiness, I want people to know that this is not… This came as tile, you guys, this came with a lot of effort, I came with a lot of lows and so many highs, and I want us to experience those together, this is a real community at three, and I’m excited to help catalyse calling your key.
I experience the purpose of your internal… Wherever, however that is. So come along for the ride. I’m excited to chat with you. Like comment, review in the season email. It’s me responding on… Have an incredible team. And so I’m just excited to get to know you. Let’s connect, Let’s create and let’s walk in our calling