Transform Don’t Conform: The Power of Surrender – With Ebony Williams
Today I talked with Ebony Williams about the power of surrender. It’s the holidays…everything is in abundance…I know even in just the last weekend, I have over-indulged too much. What if we switched our mindset…if we adjusted our concept of “need” and turned this season into one of obedience.
No, I’m not legalistic, trying to strip away all the fun and joy…even your sweet peppermint and chocolate delights…simply asking you to take a step towards positive transformation…which is exactly what today’s guest has done in the larger scheme of life.
Ebony shares about her own life transformation, both in relationship, health, and overall mental wellness. She has walked out a subtle process of surrendering…and believe me when I tell you…it was much more than a diet shift. It was a full life variation in life approach. And I’m already seeing the fruits of the spirit blossom as a bystander to her choice in having God direct her compass instead of herself adjustment.
I hope she blesses your holiday season with her naturally instinctive joy!
Connect with her here:
Show Notes: Power of Surrender
Hey, I have a camera address, I’m your fitting podcast, so I upto me your… Just me. No words, no scripts, no interest, no altos. I love authenticity, I hope to breed vulnerability, and I usually do this alongside another Dreamer mover, shaker entrepreneur, passion is A… Is what I love to call them, if you’re a dude, then a dude, but I am loving just coming together in community with other people to share their high and low stories, to share their journeys to come back, because I believe ultimately that for God would have us he would have us on the mountain top, and even though we learn a ton in the pit and in the valley, God would manuscript now, especially in this season of life, in this time of our culture to shine.
And so here I am, I want to teach you how to shy, I wanna be alongside you when you get your glow, I wanna capable to… In your calling, whatever that is. So this isn’t a fitness podcast, this is my religious banter that week, Jesus all day long, and this is not just about nutrition or health or wealth, now I lack some greed and I know you do too, it’s not okay for us to not be okay.
Was talking about all of these things that, Edison, you guys, we don’t miss need a mental health podcast, we don’t just need a fitness podcast, you don’t just need a religious spiritual protest. It needs to win.
This is what fit in things all about, it’s all about frontline men methane, it’s about pursuing your wholeness and playing it over your life and over the line, a loved one that you have around your career. So thank you for coming again. I would love to get to know anymore, you can subscribe, whatever it is in an email is… I have an amazing team alongside, but you guys are gonna get for now, so enjoy, I’m so A to have a pocket conversation with you is what I’d love to call up, don’t have my coffee right now, but I have it in my system, as you can see, all the love, let’s do this together, and I keep going fretting The…
I also, This is gonna be so good. I literally had to make her be quiet so that we could come on and all of the goodness can flow through the ITU guys. Today is gonna be so special, and I haven’t even shared this story with you, so I’m gonna start by sharing this story as an introduction to our time together, ’cause you all don’t know her, and that makes it not much more fun.
This is a new friend who… My girlfriend, who was with me at the event at the wealth of social with Christ and crowd, who’s amazing.
She, a couple of weeks later, I told her, I’m having bad to host Merritt.
And she’s like, Oh, so who is coming? And I’m telling her, he’s like, Oh, is that the girl from Maryland? It was like, No.
Now, what God from Maryland. And she was like, You’re friends for Maryland from that event that you were at, and I was like…
So I was like that, I just met her and she was like, What? She, Terran, you interacted with her. You had known her free year, I was like, I had no idea that you introduced me to and I had no clue, I’m like, That made me feel so happy because that’s what I want people to feel like… Just immersed when I first meet them. So then I told her the whole story. How you were stuck behind chare.
I really love the S, which you’ll have to remind me what it said… I just remember something about Jesus and music.
Yeah. Was it somewhere between 90s rap in Proverbs 30-1 A?
Yeah, so I saw from a bar we just kinda lock dies and you were kind of trapped behind all of these people and chairs and we were waiting to me, and it just ended up being this awesome experience, and I am so grateful that God had you planted there, from another city at such a time as this, because I had no idea what I was doing at that event, I just knew that I had to show up, and I had never done a vendor event before, and I was like, I don’t know where this fitness is going to mesh in with what she’s got going on, because at the time I didn’t even know she was in her face, and so it’s been just such a blossoming experience since doing that.
I can’t wait to do the next one and I can’t wait for this.
So you all are here introducing you to the joyful Ebony, two is what I know her, the Senators, and she has just been such a light and immediately connection and just sharing what I’m doing and sharing what she’s doing, this is this mutually beneficial relationship. And I think that that’s such a part and a testament to her heart, so to have her all the way from Maryland here, finally, hopefully at a retreat in the days to come or the year to come, I went to a TA was all of the… So she has a podcast too, so this is not her first time, so the last guest I had on it was her first time ever on a podcast, so that was really cool. I know, I was like shocking when you do it all the time, but she has been doing here is for three years, this is her six or seven guest appearances, and so she’s got a lot to say, sasanian it re-comfortable if you’re drinking or afternoon to or your morning coffee or you’re driving to work, wherever on the… Let’s chat.
Yes, I eat.
Thank you. I’m just so thankful that you have me here that we’re doing this because… It’s funny that you say that because… And we even talked about this during that, I said, God, I don’t know what I’m going.
Yeah, but all I know is that I need to be there.
I said, whatever it is that you want to happen. Just let it happen. And as soon as I walk in, I just felt so comfortable. And I saw you initially and I was like, Oh it… Cool, say hi to her.
Let it go.
And then I turned around and I was talking to someone else and then going back and forth, and the crazy part was as I sat down and as I was interacting with other pressing… I wanna go talk to her.
And then when I finally did that, I was like locked in the chairs in the rise, literally every time I would try to get to you some understanding or they move on or like not… Do they say and in, Are you serious? I wanna pose a… That’s a good… So literally that was like how I was trying to get to you, there were… One thing after another, I was like, No, it’s gonna stay here. Yeah, and then just look at the… It is, and it was just love the first night.
Great, just so… And it’s crazy because I had no idea that that was your first vendor, Ben or anything, and I’m like… When I was talking to you, I say, this is my right.
I even, I’d love to hear how the things for you blossom since then because you were up on stage less than 30 minutes later… Yeah, that was a lot of… I’m like, Wait, what the… So I am in this season of just really being obedient… Yeah, and whenever someone asked for something or a prompt comes through, I’m like his A piece, I… Which is very different than what my personality used to be like… Yeah, especially when I was married, it was like, Okay, it’s has been… You go, you survey the crowd.
I’ll sit back and watch. Yeah, maybe not talk for an hour.
We… And then I’ll come out and say, how we we…
I can not… And you like that? I mean, either A, I… Like in retrospect, when I think about it, yeah.
I, this last year and a half has literally been the year, oh God for me, and the year of faith on this, and just everything in between and really walking in my purpose and understanding who He’s called me to be and understanding what I need, and joy is literally, the word that I identify with, every time I interact with people, they’re like, even that the farm as work it on Saturday.
I was like, You were so joyful.
I was like really in a… Okay, I love it.
So he just sprinkle that, which you do obviously naturally, wherever you go, people want more.
Yes, and essentially… And eventually that more… Or you get to introduce Jesus.
Yes, and that is just so cool, but you naturally give that out… Yes, now, literally every, even since then, just understanding that I have a gift and I have a purpose to… And it’s selfish of me to keep that inside, I have a corporate job, I literally will do carts down the hallway at 12 o clock because my notes… And I’ve had co-workers stand there and watch me and they’re like, What do you do like… I’m like, I’m having fun.
Exactly, I don’t wanna see does right out, I’m gonna go cage them all way as I… So awesome, I’m stiff.
My life hurt.
I don’t wanna climb up the stairs… Yeah, so I’m gonna do carpels instead. Thank you, Teresa.
In my rider… Well, they have ten to be very well for this to happen, but I’m handstand are… Oh, so I, I, I will pop up into a sand and they’re like, What are you doing? I’m like, I’m in a good in. And I feel like doing Hansen, and I remember I do it sometimes at a frustration as well, I’m frustrated, I’m like, Let me just flip upside down really quick… Yeah, it’ll send to me, he… Or put me… Or whatever you wanna call it, I get it. But I was like, Oh gosh, I know Target because she’s in hand stands and it is out of a bunch of emotions, really like boredom, frustration, joy, excitement. Why not?
All the things. I mean, it’s so great. So if you’ve never cart wheeled out of just desire to move or so and Stanton, not what you’re trying to, try to only don’t do that, just… Or part of the side of the road where there’s not a lot of gravel and try it out into the forest is often… You know that flaking thing that happened, but everybody was just blanking, I’ve never actually tried it, but I would love to start a movement where people are just… In the city of New York, and they’re just like, Carmelo.
You do it already being a one, I… That’s a reset.
So, okay, so tell me, how did you transition?
Because I think a lot of people feel like if you are this when you are young, you’re never gonna be something different, and there’s this desire to shift and yeah, they don’t know how, or there’s a fear to shift because they think… What are people gonna think of me?
And you had to have dealt… Especially with people who are really, really close to you.
What are people gonna think of you? And for people to be like, who does she think she is?
Yeah, I just actually are gonna change who she is.
I don’t know this woman, I don’t know this lady.
What’s happening, or especially probably, or ex-husband who’s Woods, you think she is… We don’t have to talk about him.
I have a very funny story about that is… Tell me about that, ’cause that has to be very… Just transformational overall, it was The… So I remember going through the process of thinking, just right before our separation, actually like, I’m done with this. Yeah, I don’t like being super serious all the time, I’m not very structure in that way, but unfortunately was my upbringing, I’ve always had to be the adult in all of my relationships, that’s just what it was.
So I had to grow up early in many, many situations, like my father was on drugs and he left when I was not… He died when I was 13, and then my mom did not take that well at all, and there was a lot of death in my family and between drug addiction and alcohol abuse, thankfully out my mom, but she suffered depression as a result of all of that, some I had to be the one to kinda keep it all together, I could not show emotion.
Well, I could not say, Okay, well, today I’m gonna be a kid. Because I had to get a job. Because my mom was like, Okay, we have X amount of food, or, This is what we have to do. So for me, it was like, task, get it done, don’t think. Don’t process. Don’t have a motion.
So when I ended up going through the motion of my life at that point, I’m like, You know what, I’m done with this, I’m really tired of supporting everyone else… Supporting everyone else’s dreams. And not being true to who I am.
Yeah, and I like to smile, I like to laugh. I love to dance. Yeah, I’m kinda over this. I told myself, I said I wanted my 30s to be the year of the years of joy and laughter and fun. I did not have that opportunity to be a kid as much as I wanted to, so this is what’s gonna happen is so, Okay, I’m gonna care down the hall, right? Because four-year-olds do, and I can’t do heroically, I have always gravitated towards children and children love me and animals, and even when they’re crime or upset, I literally would just crouch next to them and they just literally jump into my arm that I get… It’s such a blessing, and I have loved that since I could process that, that’s what was happening well, so I…
I’m like, I get along with them in it, along with me, let’s do this. We probably have such an empathy for them to whether their emotion was high or their emotion was low, because you always had a flat line, you were like, Let me experience this emotion with you and I’ll hold you until a year into the next emotion, whether it is Happier SAT or whatever it be.
That is exactly what it was. All cool.
And then… Literally, when my ex-husband said, You know what? I’m done. Yeah, don’t wanna do this anymore. Let’s… Let’s just end it. Yeah, and I think because I did not express emotion that much, I think what he thought was gonna happen was that as I say, a little can a problem by or I lost it.
We, all of the emotions that I held a was the anger and the fear and the sadness and the… Well, wait a minute, I never thought that I was gonna be married in the first place, so the fact that I was as broken as it was in my head, I was like, We… Everything that I had always been told.
Yeah, that this was your in point.
That’s not true anymore.
And now I have to start over. And all the questions that you asked, how am I supposed to to do that? What am I supposed to say to my family? How is this gonna work?
I was ashamed, I wasn’t very… Are all these things… And that is just when I have found a church… And thank God that everything happens for a reason, so. Because it was in that moment where… I forget what the name of the sermon series was, but it was along the lines of understanding how much God loves us and that we have to show others who God is through our actions. Yes, and I was in this group called The Power of I am, and we were talking about forgiving others and forgiving yourself, and sometimes you have to kind of be the example, and I’ll never forget when Chris was like, Well, get off work and just say, Hey, do you wanna walk to the grocery store and we… If you wanna be… Or her go. Yeah, and I literally did that that night, and I said, God, I don’t know what this is gonna go…
Yeah, but I’m gonna try it. I’m going to be as nice as possible and as supportive as possible and show him that I’m trying to work on this, let me do what he wants to do with no objections. And I literally walked in and I said, Hey, I know that this is something that you like, why don’t we go walk together and go…
Yeah, I do. He literally almost dropped his food, oh, I… He was just so flabbergasted and shocked, and I said, I’m gonna go anyway, in my head, I surround do this, but I’m like, I’ll grab a slice of pizza and if you’d like to join me later on and come over, I’ll be there for maybe an hour… Literally, he told his mom, he was like, I didn’t know what to do. As… She’s never just come out and said that before. And we were still in the same house throughout the separation process until I moved out, and I would ask God every day, how do I pray for him? And I had actually watched the war room that weekend, I had to go to a group fitness training. And I said, Okay, God, if he can’t see that I’m trying.
Let me pray for him.
Let me… Let me change me.
It has nothing to do with him.
Yeah, but change me in my behavior and my actions, in my habits, so that I can be a better person, so that regardless of whether or not we get back together or not, the help me to be obedient to who you’re calling me to be is so good, and to our… Was I so you… That it was one of the most difficult things to do.
To be nice, even when you know that that person wants nothing to do with you, to try and try again, and not just with him, but also with my family and with his family. Right, because they’re all looking at me like, Oh, this is your flaw, your day this a sellout.
I literally just… Every day I said, God, help me to love myself enough to understand why relationships are important, why praying for him is so important when I really don’t want to. And all of a sudden, I ended up going to this prayer retreat in Chicago and had some of… So we through there, and all of this was going on during some things with his family, and then I came back and his mom was like, You really can… Jane, I’m happy for it. Like, I can see it. I don’t know if he can, I can… And she was, regardless of what happens, keep on this because I can see how happy you are. Well, and literally, I’ll never forget the first day I actually went on a wall, so trees for the first time that I never noticed, so I saw how green and fibrin things were and how bright the sky was, like What has a… What… Have a Rochester.
The road is such a beautiful place, but it wasn’t until I started the process of surrendering and saying, God helped to change my heart, so… Okay.Helped to guide me and direct me and help me see what you’ve been trying to get me to see all this time, and literally by continuously praying and doing that and getting connected with Bible study and the women’s group, and then I also did divorce care, and I do therapy because I was like, Listen, I statement, I am not taking my old bags on to my new vacation… Yeah, I won’t get some new luggage, so not doing it, the go, literally, just walking through that process was incredible.
And there were times where I was like, This is me.
Yeah, but I found myself becoming more and more joyful and more happy, and literally the flood gates open in terms of blessings and opportunities, and I myself asking God, was he blocking my blessings well, and I was like, You know what, he was not backing my blessings, but it took me to have that experience in order for me to realize that I have to depend on you for absolutely everything and the girls… Yeah, I changed it, that it wasn’t his fault, it wasn’t anything, it was just God needed me to be at that place where he had my undivided attention… Absolutely, and the surrender in that work regardless, and that keeps coming up, and I keep just hearing that word in my spirit is that we so often, there’s always a limiting believer, a limiting factor of, But this or if this, then this, and if we can stop those and we can say, regardless of what it looks like, regardless of what tomorrow it has in store for me, regardless if I get the job, regardless if I lose the job, regardless if I lose my marriage, regardless of I lose the baby, I mean, there’s so many pieces that if we can focus first on what he wants for us, and then he gives you the ability to see, yes, he… Just like you did, literally solve differently, and I witnessed that experience in my own life, and just the other day I was looking through the reviews from the retreat and I was stunned it was a new one that had come in, and I actually don’t even… To this moment now, who exactly it’s from, which makes it that much more incredibly like getting… Is, I read through it and said that when I was driving home from the retreat, as I was driving, the sky became more blue, the trees became more grain, I felt more alive in that moment than I did after my own baptism, and I was like Hollister… Thank you.
In that was just… I’m still just blow, I wanna re-read it all the time because it’s such a part of my why, because when you grab hold of… And I know part of your message and I want you to get their next is the concept of wholeness is part of my desire to illuminate people and for them to truly understand this mind, body and soul connection, is that you have the ability to be… Hold.
And it’s all within you because He’s already given it to you as… And it’s just, it’s a no.
So are you feel like… And when you have your own things blocking your way, you don’t even know it, so to start, back to the question that I originally asked of like, how did you transform… People started to notice your mother-in-law starts to notice, that’s a big thing in and of itself, mother-in-law relationships, and so where… At what point were you like, This is definitely over, and I’m just gonna continue to jump full force into me, so it was at the point of, I would say month to… Okay.
Of me just trying over and over again, and I’m like, Okay, I feel like I’m banging my head into the…
I had a conversation, I said It’s been a while now. Yeah, I’m just…
What do you think… And I’ll never forget how he propped himself up, ’cause we were sleeping in separate areas and he was like, I don’t… I don’t know any other way to say this to you, but it’s over… I said, Okay, great.
There goes that.
And literally, I remember going full force into finding an apartment and making sure that I had a car… Sure, and just doing all these things, and I said, go from this day full word is you and me. But within that two-month period to such a… I’m not sure if I will cry during this one, but that… Okay, literally right before that, within the first month of us being separated, we found out my dad person, I called my dad… Yeah, his non-Hoskins, the follower came back, but it was slow growing in this case… Okay. Whereas before, very aggressive. Okay.
And I was like, Okay, God. Okay, okay.
I feel like the whole is starting to go on full force, but I think I can… I think I can, but literally after that, my parents were like, You know what, come home, let’s figure this all out, let’s take a break and re-her… My mother is there too, so it’s my mother and then my parents… Yeah, and literally, we’re there, we’re driving, and I remember asking my daily… He was coming back and for… From the restroom, and I said, you’ll look right.
Oh no, I’m fine. I said, No, you aren’t… Was the last time you had a colonoscopy without going into all the great details about what I actually said to the… Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He’s like, Well, I never have.
I said, I’m sorry that…
Well, I… Even after the first experience? Yeah. Oh no, he had not got one, so I… So guys do that, I don’t… Now, it’s a guy I really…
I think so, it’s red. So he gets a colonoscopy, literally, they call him back, not even within a couple hours, they’re like, Yep, you’re gonna die.
Probably in the next month.
Well, and we’re just like We… What… And I say you most absolutely will not take that first opinion, you will go and you will get a second opinion. Yeah, so he got a second of opinion, he had came back from Michigan right before I got home, and I was in the car with him for the second opinion and literally I was sitting there in the car with him, the dot cam poor. And they said, Well, it’s stage for a colon cancer.
We can tell from the scar right now that it spread to your liver, which is what makes it stage for, but you also have the lymphoma, right.
We’re not sure what your outcome will be, but… You need to start treatment, right?
And I remember I could hear what the guy was saying over the phone, but I live my dad hang up and tell me he definitely left out some details, and I was like, Okay, great, I understand why you’re with whole day… Right, right.
But literally, I sprung right into action, I was like, Okay, this is what it is.
Let’s figure this out. And we were between Johns Hopkins and you pause? I work at Hopkins. Okay, and I said, Well, I’ll talk to the oncology team there and see what’s gonna happen. The problem was they wanted him to send his blocks from the last place so that they can determine if they were gonna treat him, whereas is the woman that treated his lymphoma before… Yeah.
She had a mentor at pen, and he called me, he said, I think they can get me in the next day, I’ll fly out or do all these things. I said Go.
Yeah, I didn’t know where it was coming from, but I was like, You need to go.
Yeah, forget happens there a institution… But we don’t have time for this, right?
And literally, he got there… I think I didn’t come out until much later. But we were sitting and talking about it, and he said, Ebony, I’m scared.
Yeah, and for him to express that type of emotion literally stopped me in my tracks, and that was really the point where I was like, Okay, God, whatever is from the past… Is from the past. Yeah, this is where I need to be now. Helped me be a vessel for good in my family’s life, in a… Because I can’t focus on the things that didn’t go right, I can’t focus on the fact that felt like I wasn’t good enough or I wasn’t worded like none of that matters now, this is me today.
Yeah, so I will move forward and walk in my purpose because I am a healer and I am going to be able to help my dad through this regardless of the outcome, and I… Again, regardless.
So, do you know what I’m trusting you?
Well, and literally throughout that process, there was a night where he started the treatment, but then we find out literally that he was genetically incompatible with the treatment, and I again, came home at in… I was like, Oh.
When he going to the ER, everyone else is like, What are you talking about? He’s fine, like All I A…
Yeah, literally, they gave him a medication to stop the diarrhea… That did the exact opposite. Oh, gosh.
So I was up with him throughout the night and he had really bad hiccups, and I remember praying and I said, God, regardless of the outcome of this, I surrender. And I said, I want you to know right here in this moment that I am going to do your will in this situation, but I need you to help me understand what that is.
I need you to help me to understand how you want me to move, because everything that I do from here on now is going to be dependent on you or your instruction because… I can’t do this anymore, I can’t control the situation. There’s nothing I can do, I have to stop.
Yeah, because at this point, it’s not me, it’s you let me decrease so that you increase and my iPad was sitting on the dress or next to me. Right.
I have no issues with my iPad at all.
Let me preface it by saying that. Okay, I had a screen saver on it that said, Make it happen.
Okay, and as I was praying, I said, I’m going to do your work. I am going to pray for my family, I’m going to pray for my dad because he is going to be healed and your name and literally, my screen saver started flickering. Okay.
I was like, Okay, I’ll make it happen.
And literally in that moment, I got down on my knees and I prayed.
I prayed over his health, I pray for his well-being, I prayed that it ever would come our way, that he would help me to understand that this is not in my control, but it’s his… Whether it’s my relationships at work, at home with family… Yeah, help me understand how to weather this storm, right.
Fast forward, almost a year later, my dad no longer has cancer in a condition… What… Well, I was a big… Like a good… He’s doing so well, he just finished his chemo Friday, and his doctor told him, he was like, You are the healthiest patient that I have, but he said, You’re also extremely resilient, we… And he’s like, where that don’t come from? And he said, You know, I knew I had to do it. And he was talking about me apparently, and so within the trees and stuff, and he was like That kid or is it like her… Oh, I too.
I didn’t last a good, the… And it’s crazy because my dad was like, I never… He’s like, I knew you were always smart… Yeah, but I never realized how much of this… Because I never really shared or sure what I know, what I do, how I operate, even when I do it, my full-time job, which you never explained that to them, well, but I also never talked about why advocating for other people in helping people with autoimmune conditions was so important. But him and I bonded over that initially.
Because when he had cancer the first time… Sure, that’s when I got really sick with my food disease.
Okay, so as we’re already like… Right. And out and figuring out.
Right, but we would flap over these years… Yeah, and now it’s just like I remember saying, I’m going to exercise my body and get in the best shape that I possibly can, because if he can be strong, I can be, or if there are moments where I have doubts or worry or anything like that, I literally go to God and I say, God, help. Direct my compass. I’m not going north anymore, I need you to help me understand why I feel this way. What are those self-limiting beliefs that I’m putting on myself, what am I holding on to still… Yeah, and I have lost a lot of friends. I have been surprised at some of it because of that… Well, who do you think you are? And what do you mean? Like you’re going and doing… There are events when there were things happening, I went to…
I had no idea where things were gonna come from, but I was like, Okay, God, like, are you sure and literally… Something would happen.
Yeah, and in July, I literally had a moment of surrender, I called my friend Susan and I said, I’m letting you know I’m going to be a mess on the phone, but I’m okay.
And she was like a way…
I said, it’ll make sense. Just let me get in my room ’cause I don’t wanna cry in public… It was bad. It was a bad… Yeah, and I literally was like, I have been reading scripture, I have… And she really brought up Psalm 46 again today.
Yeah, and I was reading over Sam 23 and I was like, Oh my God, he makes so much sense. He makes me lie. Renato, He restores my soul. Yes, He’s renewing my faith. I get it, I get it, I understand. I surrender to God right now in this moment. And she’s like, Okay.
For you, right?
’cause she had recently had a similar experience, so she’s like, That’s good. Any… Let it out, right? Everything that you’ve been holding on to. Just let it out.
Yeah, let him flow through you and let him just show you how much He loves you in this moment… That’s what you need to let go. Yeah, yeah, I was like, Okay. And so now it’s just one thing after another, it’s like off shoots of a plant, and I’m like, Oh… Where is all this stuff coming from? So, cool.
In the… Probably when I go back a little bit, ’cause did you express that you had your thyroid issue, What… How old were you in that kind of loss and… More so like 16-17. okay, okay, and so you steal… ’cause that doesn’t necessarily go away. Right. Okay. No, in remission. Okay, okay, so you’re not dealing with the flare-ups or anything like that, and you haven’t been… For how long?
Ten years now. Wow, okay.
But really… During my separation? Yeah, I had a really bad flare-up. Okay.
And what was crazy is that I literally had to go through all of the steps all over again… Wow.
And it was with food. It was with exercise, it was with finding a new endocrinologist, it was…
I literally had to start all over in a last… Is it stressed? It is for me. Yeah, interesting. For some people it’s food, for some people it’s stressed, but I know for me, that is my trigger… Well, which is why I’m always talking like, Please manage your stress.
I… So in a bout that…
Yeah, I… It’s crazy, I’ve seen in the same cases of people just based on stress, and literally cancer can come just from stress, everything, the root, when you pull it, everything back from any issue, exam, any of those things, it’s medically proven that it just goes back to a stress point in your body. Yeah, it might not be the same stress point for everyone, it’s gonna be variations, it’s gonna be different areas of where that stress is being held based on a life, in a situation that happened in the past, or physical ailment that occurred that you’re now just holding the stress there, had a co-worker at the other day who has been dealing with a bunch of crazy issues, she went to a touch chiropractic, who I also love, she’s incredible. She’s amazing, but she’s also an MD. So I think that there’s an extra quality point to that, yes, that she has training in those and she immediately touches her and he’s like, Did you have my on accident at some point in your wife… And she was like, No, no, I did it. And she was like, No, your hips are really out of alignment, and it’s causing an issue here here and here, never even touch her before.
And she’s like, Oh my gosh, yeah, I actually had a really bad biking accident when I was dating my husband, started like 16 years before, and it was a stress point that she carried ever since then, because she didn’t address it then… Yes, and so the value in addressing stress, the value of letting it flow and really unpacking what’s the problem, so the fact that you went to therapy, you were going to Bible study or worshiping, you’re praying you were surrendering, all of those things were the fight against the stress point of my life is about to go under. Yeah, and where does it end? Back to and going into that childhood explanation, it is a lot of work, it’s not easy. It was so I shouting. And simultaneously, especially when you’re leaning on the strength of the Lord during that time, that joy comes out, that is so insurmountable, confusing, because you’re like, How yesterday it was a sobering-ness and I used the entire therapy box of tissues, and you did not wanna talk to me, now I’m like, Oh my gosh, oh, something… To tell you the eye I have express something amazing that just happened, it’s… It’s so weird, it’s so weird. And so people truly do not comprehend it until they walk through it… Right.
And at the same time, you wanna get them to that point, but you don’t want to… Or broken this on anyone, I don’t wanna wish the stress point, I don’t wanna do that, but… So then the prayer point becomes, Okay, God, I surrender to you, I even surrender for them because they can’t do it. Show me what to do.
Yeah, and it’s such a wild ride ’cause he does, He actually responds very quickly… Yeah, a lot of times.
So you, your eyes and the ears are open… Yes, yeah, ’cause sometimes you’ll ask for it and then you’re like, He’s not answering, and you’re like, Yes, he is… You want it your way, you wanna control it, and therefore you’re ignoring what he’s actually already provided the… Which is really frustrating to… And I do it all the time, so I’m speaking to myself in this very moment as well, I have to temper, tension is better than the two rates that the Erie…
I was like, God, I don’t like this, I… It is this… I thought you said that every day was gonna be okay as a… I never sent that. Right, it’s just not going your way, and so now you’re upset… Right.
Yeah, take a minute. Yeah, calmed down and then let’s… To re-negotiate. Exactly, exactly. It’s so good. So your life’s work now kind of stemmed from that battle, he is… Okay, so you guys don’t know this yet, but she is a metamorphosis coach, which… What does that need? Immediately, I’m like, Give me all the butterflies… Yeah, I love a good butterfly, a list I want all and then oreste in of your life. So tell us what that looks like and what that coaching process is like and what… You said I had to go through the process of the steps. Again, you don’t have to give him what your secrets on the Asian, but I wanna know, I wanna do… So it is so important for me to take a full body approach… Yeah, and with a lot of the folks that I’ve worked with in the past, they have a word issue… Yes, and they’re like, Oh, well, I tried this and the diet didn’t work, and this didn’t work, and that didn’t work. And you’re like, No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Let’s be friends.
Yeah, tell me everything that’s gone on with you… Yeah, and it’s not like we’re… I’m trying to be a therapist or anything like that, but it’s like for me, I have to understand what people have gone through in order to say, Okay, this is where we’re starting from today, right, this is what we’re going to actually start working on.
And I literally will have them walk through exercises and ask them a lot of questions and say, Alright, well, how old were you when you noticed this, what was your… Let’s say, what was your… What should edition like have…
What is your sleep like, where do you currently eating or what are the areas of stress in your life?
And a lot of times people… I just had this happen yesterday where I was talking to someone, I said We… What are your current stressors, why will have any…
But to rephrase that much tension, it was like asking questions in different ways, just say, Well, you’re a new parent, go all the…
A male tortoises are…
Oh wow, I’m like… And you just told me that your doctor said that you have high blood pressure now… They’re stressed there, right?
And we break that down. They say, Right, we’re gonna look at your food… Yeah, we’re gonna look at your fitness… Yeah.
You’re gonna have fun too. Yeah, I feel like fun. Oh too over this or… I’m like, I don’t know.
Yeah, everyone needs to have fun, some way somehow to… Aria, that looks like for you.
So you need to have joy in your life, a period… Yeah, so if you’re that person that’s always looking at the negative side of things, and I know because I’ve been there… That used to be me. Yeah, I would get upset when things would happen, I’m like, Why didn’t I see that coming? Yeah, I could have predicted that.
And it’s just getting people out of that and helping them to recognize, what are your strengths? What are you good at? Yeah, and when we sometimes talk about what they’re good at, they’re like, Oh, well, this is what I like doing, and this is what I like talking about, and once I get that I… To come to my favorite point, I like it, I do have… I got a… Yeah, so now that you’re really happy and excited, yeah, let’s talk about these other things and address your fine that way.
Yeah, and that way they’re like, Oh yeah, well, I really have issues with food because my kids can’t have this more… My husband can’t have that, and I don’t wanna make him feel bad, and I said, Well, what’s stopping you from, let’s say going to a coffee shop on a Saturday, doing some work and getting that treat that you really like getting… Yeah, because if you deprive yourself of something and you’re gonna have feelings of guilt when you actually do have it, and then you’re going to just over-indulge in that one, so how can we set up healthy barriers and system… Put systems in place to help you address those things… Yeah, it’s good. And they’re like, Oh.
So I have first of all of that, so I’m like, Yes, this is all I think about all the time, the way to bring us the good… And it’s so necessary.
Yeah, and even getting them to think about things from a fitness perspective, and I was coaching one of my athletes this summer, and she said, Well, I wanna jump 20 feet. I said, Well, you’re already jumping 19 on your 14 years old.
You have made it to the junior nation a little in banat.
Let’s celebrate that.
Yeah, because I think what you’re missing is the fact that there are people that come to track means to watch you, you… Yeah, just you… Yeah, let’s look at that for a second.
And I said, The way that you’re gonna get to jump in 20 feet is your diet, it’s your sleep, and it’s how you’re actually taking care of yourself, because I know you don’t like the stretch, I know you don’t like to phone world. So how are we gonna work together to make sure that you do more of that? And then I got smart and realized, she’s not gonna do it on her own, so we’re gonna have sessions devoted to stretching and toning, but you’re going to literally be doing all the things that I know you need to do what we’re together.
And then I went and talked to her parents, I said, This is the deal, this is what we need to start doing for her from a diet perspective or nutrition pipes, how can we work together to make that happen? And she’s gonna eat pizza all day to… We put some… The shapes on it.
He ties a little bit to tell it, so… Yeah, right.
And I will text her right before, I said, Hey, you need to make sure you drink a bit of water before I see you today. Yeah.
And then we get here, I was like, Were you ballade? She’s like, Oh, it’s in the car.
No, no, we’ll get it. Cause people at a by into see, you need the water model, sometimes it be half an… That one is the State Water is my jam, right?
The peach water all day long.
Yeah, if people like it’s a joke at my place of work because I… They’re like, You always have water your hand.
My nieces think it’s fun. The is a water… Let’s have a conversation on this. This is like a fundamental element of life, and you’re asking me why I was at it, why don’t you have it? Right. What Am with you, she Tian? I have so many women who I talk to were like, I… I don’t think I had a glass of water today, I’m like, it’s 3 o’clock, get up and go to the waterfall in that’s not okay for your body, and it’s not that they’re not there. Well, sometimes they’re drinking other things because now most people know that so is not good for them, they might drink multiple cups of coffee and there’s water based in that, but that still is not okay. And they’re drinking like, Oh, but I eliminate or I’m drinking un sweeten T and I’m like, It’s still not just water, just flush your system. It’s so necessary. So then I… That I was always carrying around half my body weight in a bonobo, I have a drink, half of love 5 ounces. I don’t want 100 pounds, so where… Let’s be honest, I don’t want that as I don’t want a 100 pounds, 039 pounds. And when I would have my half bottle have to drink by new and the other half by the time I go to sleep, and I was realizing I was going through not only spending 22 a week on my own case of water, now I’m spending 22 a week on my husband’s case on water, and I’m not probably contributing to the environment I would like to… For recycling standpoint, right?
So I convicted myself and my husband’s like, Why did you buy that stupid thing and it’s this massive… And he didn’t say stupid, I said Stupid, this massive work cycle bottle and you just bought it off of… Immediate, you just wanted it.
No, I seriously know that it’s something that I need to do, so I didn’t have the straw in it, so I’m drinking and I’m slowly drinking and the water is falling down my face… No, I’m not for a week and I’m like, Or this thing is stupid, I’m going back to my plastic water bottle, finally, I came up with another solution and I found out that the 60 ounce does carry the 40, I’m strong, so I now carrying around my love a single, and I’m really excited about it ’cause I’d see so cold and I just really love it, and now it’s an extra 10 ounces, so I’m golden child over here, and I really want people to hold water bottles and just carry the most scrotum to make you happy, joyful. It’s all over there. Correct, right. I do it all the time. It’s so great. And that’s why I write before, I was like, I really gotta go.
You did this about it, not the part of it, just build that into your time schedule of a mental break, so Carvel to the bathroom or maybe we don’t do that after go to that or to go… Because that doesn’t work out very well. But it’s so necessary in people… I actually did an entire… It wasn’t really a sermon series, it was just a presentation for a women’s breakfast brunch one morning, and it was all about the concept of refresh was what they were doing, and as I hit the refresh button, but really the ultimate component of it was, you don’t leave here with anything Jesus, know that Jesus is the living water. Right, he is the fundamental element of life, which is water, there’s no co-incidence that he is one and the same, and go drink water and so now I see, I go treaty. Then I’ll go in and they’re like, Yeah, I…
I like the 60-year-old women, and it is is so happy, I’m like I said, I the… That’s a awesome the… You took the one thing, and as long as they’re constantly thinking of the other component of that one thing, which is the thing, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus…
I’m pumped, I’m happy.
Makes me so good.
The one so happy.
I hear that.
It’s so good.
Yeah, like that’s like the biggest teasin… The one weren’t one?
Yeah, so I have a lot of friends who deal with IRD issues and they’ve tried different supplements and actually have helped Lexis, one of them… The working out is a huge part of it. There are food changes.
I actually always have my… That Roche because one, they always ask the like, Oh, if you have that checked recently, and it seems a little in-flared and all things… Well, I recently, when I switched to the homeopathic doctor that I mentioned before, she had to get all my blood testing done, and in what was the scariest time of my life when I was stripping everything away doing exactly what you walked through from the self-identity standpoint, and trying to figure out who I was. Where are my joys? Where are my passions? I had no idea I was living life, happy, everyone saw my smile, you guys, but there was definitely no deeper joy, it was literally a front for everybody to be happy around me, but I wasn’t happy, it was this really weird tight rope that I walked and I’m glad that I don’t anymore so much more freeing. But I had simultaneously been informed that my family deals with the Lynch Syndrome, and so this is a genetic disposition of your body that it’s 50-50 chance that you have it, that it’s passed down from your aunt and your grandma and all of those things, and it increases your chance for cancer by almost 89% in some areas, and so I had just had two babies, that was a new mom to the youngest, my daughter, and was going into it, get screened for this limb syndrome. My dad refused to go to the doctor, get a check, which would have helped me ’cause if it was negative, I couldn’t have it… Correct.
But no, I had to go do it, and so I went in hopes that I would get a no, and sitting in that office and saying, These are your chances of cancer, they actually walk you through counseling before you ever get your results.
I was by myself, which was not a smart thing, don’t go to the doctor alone when you’re getting test results for anything, even if you don’t, even if you’re not good at dealing with your emotion, let somebody be there to comfort you in silence, ’cause that was really scary, I was already dealing with so much alone-ness and then to sit in that office and then say that you might not ever be able to have children again, that’s not an okay thing for a woman to ever hear, and I feel like doctors… So loosely, throw that out there on so many issues, whether it’s ROI, limp Syndrome, what is the endometriosis? All of these things, I don’t say that to a woman. Whether or not they want kids or not, you don’t know, but that is like what we’re made for in the sense of… That’s what we feel like God is like. Here you are, you procreate, yes.
Whether or not God gives you with that ability or doesn’t give you for purpose, with the inability to do it, because you’re supposed to be a mother of other things, and that is true, and I believe in that.
Don’t do that.
No, it was really, really scary. So I finally an you wait for the two weeks later, and I’m just thinking of all of these wheels spinning and my aunts, many of my non, I believe all of my own, except for one, all had to get complete histories because they all had it. Cousins who had to get it done and they’re in their 40s, some were in their 30s, so I was really scared, I really thought that I was in a habit and I did it, and I think God for that, so it doesn’t mean my dad didn’t have it he still has not gone to get tested, and doesn’t mean that my siblings, my brother specifically couldn’t have it because that doesn’t know.
And so they all deal with their own individual health battles, and I can only give them so much insight, but dealing with the word cancer and knowing that any sort of thyroid-ism issues can then lead to that is petrified, but it’s also something we have control over and just like we said with the stress component, leading from there, starting from there, if we can all put more joy into our lives, we are literally fighting cancer with our joy, literally.
Which is amazing. And so often, the fundamental, why are we having and dealing with all these issues, why would God put cancer into the world?
That is not His will. No, that is not a part of his plan. It is not, it is just that we are going back to the root of what he cited us with, and therefore the name is taking hold of it via McDonalds and many other things. Sorry, I don’t, right.
It’s just like so… So mad. Clearly, it does. I mean, today is a good day in which I’m not like going on a full blow rant about it.
I definitely had a moment a… Last week, I think, because I had to talk to my mom and I talked to her. I said, I have a question. So yeah, I went to the doctor because I found a lump in my breast. Yeah, I have to get a mammogram.
She’s a no. Yeah, I was like, wait, a wait.
Oh, you’re not processing the… The… It is 31 years old.
It that… That’s not normal. No, she’s like, It’s not… No, it is not, no, no. So does anyone in or else in our family have… So the yid… Or see that I E…
I don’t know, he told me I had been pressed it like a… So you already know that I have been going through turmoil trying to figure out why I’m the only one with this auto men Syro condition. Yeah, and then having read some research study that women that have Hoshi modes may in fact have more dense breast tissue… Yeah, I’m like, Oh okay, that’s kind of cool, but maybe not me in, but then for me to find out that that’s the case, but then my mom was like, Oh yeah, I think you’re a great-grandmother had breast kids or to… Oh wow, listen, Linda, we need to have a conversation and sit down, and I actually go to… Yes, and it’s been pulling teeth and then I’ll see, my mom has a lot of heart issues and she as far of my Olga…
Oh, my great. Just like, this stops with me. Yeah, yeah, I’m on me. I am ending the cycle, I’m over it, I’m done, my children are going to be happy, healthy and joy field, I am going to create a legacy for generations to come after me. We’re not doing this anymore. So sorry, not, sorry, I… And that literally is what I want other people to see every day, just because your family has a history of this, you’re able to change your genetic makeup and the expression of your genes through the choices that you make every day to… So either you’re going to make choices for good and for fueling and feed on their body or the destruction of your body, or it’s become very black and white in that area, and that is why on the days I’m like, I don’t feel like getting up in… Do this, I am I. why am I doing this?
Wait a, I have a gift and I have a purpose.
Get up, go exercise, go talk or do whatever you need to do, but you will not stay in this bed, you will not stay depressed, you will not stay upset. You will not stay angry. And just hearing the guy at the farmers market tell me he’s like, You’re so Joyce, I… It’s so good. It’s so refreshing. I was like, Really? My go. Bad, so that you’re happy.
Thank you, sprinkle. And I just tease you a spring, frankly, a very god mother at… And that’s where the… A lot of more aces and butterfly, a kind of on this round, because they literally like this and kind of just sprinkle like their lightness… Yeah, all over us. And when you see one, it’s like, Oh… And the other thing about this that most people don’t know is every time I have prayed and asked God, please help me to see what it is that you’re trying to get me to see you, or show me what you’re trying to do. I see a butterfly.
I… Cool. Literally, I’ve seen… Or one is in the last year than I have in my entire life.
Well, my mom is a… And why… So that’s a DNA have a girlfriend who’s eagles, it legitimate eagles will show up at her back door, and she’s the thinking like What is happening then you know, here is like crazy, and it’s just… It’s so good, and she’s… Yeah, I think the closer that she becomes, knowing of who she is and who God sees her as, that that eagle is, she’s gonna realize it’s fully… Faith submission of Jesus is showing up in that way.
’cause he’s in all things… Yeah, really as the ability to show you anything… Yeah, I am like, I thought, What are…
I thought it was time for butterflies to go away, why do they still flying around?
That’s so amazing.
Oh yeah, that’s like an inside school.
Well, that’s amazing, and not to mention, obviously, the transformation that occurs in any that cycle is that metamorphosis of connecting the mind, body and soul ultimately, and being able to have the transformation in your life, whether it is from a food standpoint of fitness or fun. And I know because of your joy that that is space… Yes, and so I love that it’s so synonymous to what I do, which is why we’re so connected, it is to the really the… We could see a talk on that, about all things, we have to obviously do this again in a… You said that, I like… What is it gonna be that… So awesome though, and I’m so excited to see where that continues for you, especially, and just admire your obedience, I admire that you show up on, you’re like, Oh, that’s going to cool. I’m coming, I’m going, I’m just gonna go, I’m just gonna go. And I love you. Have the freedom to be able to do that right now.
Yeah, and I… It’s literally get to be able to actually take advantage of it because you could stay in bed, you could stay in that dire standpoint of I… Me, wow me. And I know plenty of people who do that, and it is seriously, such a purpose to encourage people to stand up, to get up, to go, yes. And step into the calling of their life, and it ultimately comes back to just like you said, like a fine way… What brings you joy?
What brings you joy? And I literally posted this the other day without having any idea, this is gonna happen in… My husband sat me down. I will never forget, it was like a dreary day, which I always feel like it pours down in… My life is in a flood, a flood comes, and sometimes that flood is in goodness and a flood comes, it’s the… So we re-baptized in the middle of the storm, so was born in the middle of a storm, or… A very prominent in my life. And he said, What are you passionate about?
We had been crying for 48 hours and I’m like, I don’t know. I was like, What do you mean? You’re just cultivated a business for the last eight years, none of those things make you passionate, and I’m like, I Norell the people, I love the people. And he’s like, Okay, well, that’s a place to start. Let’s go from there.
And it was just this conversation, and so the fact that you… We just ask people questions, and that’s the one the therapist does, they don’t actually really give you any insight on a… They just ask you questions and you answer yourself, it’s the wildest experience, but so necessary. And their wisdom just in question asking, get you freedom. So he does, my husband just a natural therapist, he asks me questions all the time, how does that make you feel?
What do you think about that?
When she responded that way, how did that make you feel?
How would you like to feel?
So I feel like they feel like the one at A and so feeling and finding what makes you joyful at the end of the day is the best way to wake up. And it’s the best way to go to sleep. It is, it’s wonderful. It is, it is.
I love it. We sound like butterflies like and sing around, and I go, But it’s so tangible. I want people, no matter where they are in their life, to know that it gets better, I… If you seek better, you will find better.
Yeah, you see good. You’ll find good.
It’s so true. And I literally was crying from just pure gratitude because I realized at this point last year, I literally was asking God what on earth is happening to me? And what’s the purpose of all of this? Yeah, and I literally have moments every day where I’m like, God, thank you, because you have brought me through the store, and I felt like I was in the wilderness for so long, and to finally cars my way out, I’m like, What?
Yeah, that there’s like, Okay.
And I step into that, I’m like, I… It is a treaty to you. He… This is a good… And to know that the road ahead, you never know what it looks like, and it doesn’t mean that you’re not gonna walk through a storm. Again, we are completely aware of that. I have wilderness areas of my life, and I sometimes have to put my feet both to be in there in order to figure out how am I gonna get my way out of this situation and… Yeah, at the very same time, I can spring through a meadow in the same day, and it’s wild, and that is what Christianity is, that is what faith is. God just left me, us all in a meadow, we would have never pulled the app from the tree and we would all be printed around noon, hanging out in a… That’s not what happened.
That’s not where we are today. And so for us to just find the joy in the midst of the storms, in the midst of the wilderness, it does exist, and he will show up, so just ask… And for all of those who are dealing with any sort of thyroid issues, Hashimoto disease, so many more things that I’m sure you can help with IT… To this girl’s podcast, given all the things, Houston, can they get in touch with you or… So I am on joyful Ebony on all social media platforms, I am at joyful many dot com, and my podcast is called a cider warrior Podcast, and I’m pretty sure I’m on every podcast listening platform as well. Yes, so the… So much in this, but I so much for being here. You truly do admit joy, and it’s not something that’s cool that you use that as your title, but if you didn’t have it there, it would… It’s there.
So the… So I’m appreciative of you, and I hope that people sense that though the mike or via their listening Bator, the tea, then a a camera address on your kitten Bai post, and I am so excited to just be a here to share with you other lovers dreamers shakers entrepreneurs, pastors, whatever, if you got a head and you got a hard, I’m so excited to explore who that is, who you are, and discover your wholeness or how you’re well, well, and your joy.
I love to Zoo happiness. I want people to know that this is not… This came as trial, you guys, this came with a lot of effort, I came with a lot of lows and so many highs, and I want us to experience those together, this is a wheel community at dreamers, and I’m excited to help catapult your calling… Your time, experience the purpose of your infant or wherever… However, that is. So, come along for the ride. I’m excited to chat with you. Like comment review in USA can be an email. It’s me responding. Even though I have the radical Sam, and so I’m just excited to get to know you. Let’s connect plus create common and let’s walk in or call in,