The Motherhood Lens with Jessica Hessels
Let’s look at life through the lens of motherhood.
So I don’t know about you, but there has never been a more applicable time for us to feel empowered as moms. This quarantine has me a little bananas, a little bonkers some moments, and then other moments feeling like I’m in pure bliss.
And so, the highs and the lows of those experiences I dive deep into with this podcast as we chat with Jessica Hessels, who has The Bad Ass Moms Podcast and blog and community. She’s rad! She’s from Toronto Canada, lives in a different part of the world (not that different) but another country, it’s pretty amazing to hear the like-heartedness that we love to celebrate here.
If you’re a mom and even if you’re not, she has an 8 month old baby. So she’s a newbie in this momma club, but a super incredible in advocating for women and moms and health and wellness in that pursuit of self discovery and self-exploration. Be sure to follow her along and check her out on her podcast!
It’s epic, chat soon.
The Motherhood Lens with Jessica Hessels
Connect with Jess Hessels –
Show Notes: The Motherhood Lens
Okay, my name is Tamar Andres, I’m your fit and big podcast, so I was gonna come to me here, just me… No words, no scripts. No interest, no Astros. I love authenticity, I hope to breath vulnerability, and I usually do this alongside another dream or mover shaker entrepreneur has, Anita is what I love to call them, if you’re a dude, then a dude, but I am loving, just coming together in community with other people to share their high and those stories to share, their journeys to come back, because I believe ultimately, that’s where God would have us, you would have us on the mountain top, and even though we learn as Hun in the pit and in the valley, Godavari… Now, especially in this season of life, in this type of our culture to shine, and so here I am, I want to teach you how to shine, I wanna be alongside you when you get your glow, I wanna catapult you into your calling, whatever that is. So this isn’t a fitness podcast, this is not a religious banter that we thesis all day long, and this is not just about nutrition or health or wealth, so I like some green…
01:12 S1: And I know you do too, it’s not okay for us to not be okay with talking about all of these things, and he said, You guys, we don’t… Nina, a Mental Health Paphos, we don’t just need a fitness podcast, who don’t just need a religious spiritual protest, it needs to… Git, this is what fit and things all about, it’s all about preeminent connectivity, it’s about suing your wholeness and blaming it over your life and over the lives of the loved one that you have around you in your community, so… Thank you pursuing in, I would love to get to know you more. You can like or you subscribe, whatever it is, send me an email, defeat an amazing team alongside me, but you guys are gonna beat for now, so enjoy, I’m so Tom to have a funky conversation with you is what I love to call up. Don’t have my copy right now, but I have it in my system as you can see, all of… Let’s do this together and I keep going from your group… Hello, Facebook world. I am so excited. You welcome a new guest today on the podcast, I say new.
02:27 S1: There’s ever been an old podcast guests, there hasn’t… I’m the old one. She is the NuVu. I’m so pumped to bring you guys to this conversation today, everyone quarantined at home, it’s been fun having podcasts on my traditional time, This is what I always do, it is during lunch time. But there’s been so many more people interacting, which is so cool, so I’m excited to connect with some moms and introduce you to to the bad ass mom Jessica hassles and… Yeah, let me like You gonna go from here and explain your storyline.
03:01 S2: Yeah, thank you so much for Antony. This is incredible. So I am Jessica Hessel. I live downtown Toronto with my boyfriend and my almost eight-month-old daughter. Like I said, Yeah, really write downtown Toronto. It’s very different weather here then… People watch it. Also, I run my own podcast called Batman’s club, my podcast is all about normalizing motherhood and empowering moms to just live the life that they really want to live. I’m also a holistic nutritionist and personal trainer, so I do have my own online business, and I am in the middle of transitioning over into coaching me, I’m very passionate, but more was a very passion about motherhood. I’ve kind of found my rhythm in all of this, so
04:04 S1: I am really excited to just see where this takes me and you connecting with more and more mom, so that’s really awesome. I don’t think I even knew about the nutrition fitness component of it, and it’s such an important thing for us to be mindful of as moms, I’m walking through a weird season right now where my kiddos are watching me work out really for the first time that they can remember, because I worked out before they woke up in the morning, and so now my job’s not open, and I guess my burn sister is so bad, but it’s been critical for them to know, and they’ve always known Mommy works out, but now to actually see me do it and watch me sweat and watch me like her breath. I’m like, Holy can’t talk right now. Yesterday, I’m just throw up, thank you to my girlfriend, Jamie DOCSIS previously on the show, and I just think it’s really important for us as moms to up in that way, visibly for our kids. It’s been a lesson that I’ve learned through this time that I wanna work out in front of them more often, even after things shift.
05:09 S2: I think you really… You touched on it a point, and this is where I think a lot of parents can attest to that your kids mimic you and what you do, and they don’t necessarily always care so much about what you say to them… Yeah, but if they doing something, and that’s my hope with SMA is that as she gets older that she sees… My partner and I worked out, we’re both very big in the health and fitness that she’ll just naturally kinda go that way. So that’s a place I work. That’s
05:40 S1: So awesome. I think that’s so important, and I love her name as me, that’s so pretty edge that from…
05:48 S2: You know, I think the first time I lit… Remember if it’s actually in the movie twilight took on the book, I think to dormitories. Yes, that reside… And I had just heard it when we were pregnant, and I just said to a manual, my partner, I was like, What about a man? And it was just like a no-brainer, and we toured with one or two other names, and it is a thing we really like it. Yet didn’t know if she was gonna be a girl or a waited into you until you were in the hospital. So we actually do her. Tell me about that. This is so interesting, I… Did you have a senior? It wasn’t planned. It wasn’t a plan to how… This is good.
06:42 S1: Okay, tell me all… Smiths is so fun. I love this.
06:46 S2: So we hire midwives. I was a midwife and or over having a doctor, and it was just… I had full attention of doing hospital birth, I really didn’t like the idea of a home birth, just the whole… You know, if something goes from, I wanted to be in a hospital and it was a Sunday morning at 1 AM in the morning, and manna was working at the time, but he did some bouncing at some clubs and stuff at that time. Yeah, so she was at work and things just… Things progressed really fast, and I had never been pregnant before and I never had a labor before, so I annoyed, then we called… By the time I called the midwives, it was like 4-30, so then maybe about three hours at that point, my water had never grow and My contractions were not close… On you would normally call. And the midwife showed up and she was like, Well, you’re fully dilated and you’re ready to have this ABA… I just had to make a decision on the spot. She was like, I have all of the equipment. Just in my car. He’s like, I brought everything with me.
08:05 S2: I’ve already called the back of midway, she’s on her way, she’s like, You can have this baby here or we can pull you together, ’cause I was like, Make it. Yeah, and she’s like, We can pull you together there, we can show you in the car and soon to the hospital. And I looked at her and I was just like, if we go to the hospital, do I get to have an epidural? So I were a… For that point at all, eSignLive way, let’s do it
08:43 S1: That. So crazy. So are you currently living in the same house that you gave birth in… How has that experience of walking by like, Oh, that’s where that happened.
08:55 S2: I gave birth to her on my day, so it’s like I could just sleep in the bed every night
09:02 S1: That I know a lot of traumatizing stories where happen where that doesn’t feel as traumatizing as some of them might have been, so… It sounds pretty peaceful, it’s just the unknowing and the expectation of that experience is so different than what it always ends up being, which I love.
09:21 S2: Yeah, yeah, and it’s funny that you say that then because I was pretty traumatized initially for quite a while after it happened, and it was… I think it was the fact that I hadn’t planned to do it that way, and it was just this big surprise, and then obviously that not having an epidural… Really? Yeah, that could definitely terrible. You know what? It’s a story, it’s the only story. It’s part of her journey into the world, and I’m very thankful that I had my mid-wives, they were fantastic, and I’m just thankful that it was a healthy first… And there were no complications.
10:06 S1: So what happens the… After the baby is born, do you go to the hospital with her? You just kept her own…
10:12 S2: No, I’ve never been in it. I’ve been to the hospital ’cause I had to go for my ultra sounds like… But I’ve never been back since I traits. Amazing. So the first 24 hours, did your midwife stay in your house with you or they’re like, Oh, you’re good. So they stayed… So she was born about 5-30 in the morning, and they stayed, I don’t remember to maybe 10 or 11, they did all the baby checks and obviously measure her and water, they washed my sheets and everything for me, they cleaned up their house, all this stuff. And then they came back, my midwife came back the Monday to check on as me myself, and then she came back on the Wednesday again as well, and then we went to her for the following six weeks until we were transferred back to our doctor… That’s
11:12 S1: So cool. So many… I had a traditional birthing experience other than the non-traditional part of jacking all over the registration counter when I came in because I had… Every contraction I threw up because that’s how I managed pain, and so I was literally just like, just popping non-stop, and I told them I was like, I’m going to throw up on this next contraction, my husband is so sweet and he kept being like, No, you’re fine, he thought it was like a mental thing, and I’m sure mentally it was a thing, but it also was a physical thing, I was going to her up… Okay, and so all over their computer, I mean everything, it was not a pretty entry, and so then I was second triage because there were so many kinds during the storm that we were having in a second triage way longer than they anticipated. Almost two hours, and the epidural didn’t come as soon as it was supposed to come, I was basically labouring without the epidural all the way to seven-ish centimeters, my water broke in triage. And they were like, You’re not gonna have enough time. Unless we get you over to this other room.
12:22 S1: And so sure enough, I got my epitope last minute, and it did take, thank God, and I had my baby after that, but it was like I threw up every single time, it was just… So it was not a beautiful thing, but then my second was really different, and so it’s really… I love birthing stories, and I don’t know if you know this about me, but I started my journey almost identical to what you’re sharing in the fitness and nutrition realm, and personal training moms, and had my specific background in maternity and post-natal, and then had my maternity and infant boutique thereafter. So it’s definitely a heart and passion point of mine, I would have another baby just to do the birthing part again because I love the experience, it’s so fun. I am such a fee for surprises, and there’s nothing more surprising than that experience.
13:14 S2: My vendors, you’re right, and you’re writing saying that no two births will ever be the same even when it’s you… Every single time. Yeah. So tell me, intervening triage while you’re going through that, I
13:32 S1: Was just screaming the whole waiting room had… I’ve heard me, I mean, I was in so much pain. It was horrible and I didn’t even care. And then you’re hearing me yet, I’m like, Oh my gosh, these poor nurses, they’re like, We need to get that girl out of there because that’s disturbing everyone, they’re hearing the times and then the Y and then the child, and then the screen. I’m like, I’m so sorry. It was just, it was interesting. It hurt, that’s for sure. I thought I was gonna have a natural labor, and then I was begging for the epidural, so that was interesting, and then I’ve had a girlfriend too, are so sad that they got the upper and that they needed the epidural, and I’m like, It’s okay. It’s there for a reason, and it doesn’t make your experience less natural, it still is happening, your body is still doing something we’re active.
14:22 S2: Yeah, yeah, and that’s the thing too. It’s like, you’re so great, Mom put some pressure on themselves, and it’s like, it doesn’t matter whatever way your baby comes into this world, it doesn’t matter if it’s a cesarean vaginal epidural at home in the hospital. It’s all beautiful. And it’s all here.
14:44 S1: So true, it’s so true. That’s a perfect segue for us to share about the fact that you have this bad ass Mom’s Club podcast and your website with all these awesome blog, which I was reading through, and even your Facebook community, so tell us about how that launched, when that launched and… Yeah, what it is? You’re cultivating over there. So
15:12 S2: I… I only launched it at the beginning of March, and that really came from a necessity for myself, so when I was pregnant, I would go on my Instagram and Facebook and I would just talk very opening, honestly about my journey. And there’s a lot of parts that are not flavors, you now, and he just was just like… I had a lot of those moments where I was like, Am I really the only one that’s experiencing this thing, whatever it is. And I would talk about it and moms would message me and they would be like, Wow, I thought I was the only one who was experiencing this, and I just noticed this happening over and over and over again, and I was like, This is bizarre. I’m like, yeah, Do you really walk around all through mother being like, Well, I’m messing this all up, or you know, all those thoughts going through your head and I’m like, I can’t… I can’t let this continue happening, so I really started my podcast, I would have like a necessity for myself to connect with other moms, to alleviate for other areas that… I essentially Latino mandates, they come on and they just like to tell their stories, and I’m always in awe of these moms, I’m just like, your jury is so beautiful and everyone goes through all these different things, but there’s all these similarities and to find the comfort in someone else’s story, it’s just incredible for me and for my listeners and the months that I connect with, so that’s kind of where the podcast came about, and my social media is very much just a part of that as an extension of all of that, and then say With my blog, it’s sort of just like…
17:25 S2: It’s all just kind of one thing at webcast, people like to absorb information in different ways, so I try to get everybody to… Doing a phenomenal job, I love the concept of it, and I think as a mom myself with a five and six-year-old, I think that there’s often this experience of isolation in motherhood, even before all of this type of isolation with covid has happened, we were… So much on our shoulders as moms, that mom guilt is such a huge component of that, are we doing it right? Are we doing enough? Are we not doing enough? Are we pouring in the right things, are we pouring out the wrong things, and there’s so much weight and burden that comes with that, and then the fact that raising a human being like, This is a big deal. Y’all, this is a lot of work. And so I think even taking care of a dog is hard, so bringing in the component of having an actual a human child, it’s like I feel like I’m doing it all wrong, but then I’m doing it so good and so well, and then it’s from cousin and perplexing, and
18:33 S1: So the fact that you’re bringing light to these conversations… In my pregnancy journey, I didn’t even really have Instagram the way that we do now. I wasn’t really involved in Facebook in the same capacity, it was more strictly for my boutique, not consuming friends or parallels or that comparable experience. So the fact that this is how the day and age that we live in is so necessary that they have other people as a reliable source that is coming to them in all honesty and all truths, and if I hadn’t had that during my pregnancy, that would have been so helpful because there is definitely things that happen to you that you’re like, Whoa, this is embarrassing, This is confusing, this can only be happening to my strange body and it’s not…
19:22 S2: Yeah, yeah. And that’s what it was too, because the other… If anything was when I was pregnant, I would talk to my mom and I feel like these things are going on, and she’s like, This is some new millennial stuff. She’s like, I don’t remember, I mean, this from when I was pregnant and I’m like, I’m pretty sure this all existed back then… Yeah, you just don’t remember because it was 30 plus years ago, or
19:46 S1: It wasn’t documented in the same way that we document things now, so there really wasn’t that awareness factor at all, and they’re surely… I found a continue in conversation with my mom is like, You didn’t communicate about the things that we communicate now, there wasn’t the same transparency, vulnerability, authenticity, those things like or ashamed, unless maybe it was with your close close sister, but otherwise… Especially to the mass public, they think what we do is so bizarre, they like, What are you gonna share your whole story, that’s just part of… That’s just for you. You’re like, No, actually, I walk through this to become a servant for other people, so they don’t have to walk through it alone or confused either. Which is exactly what you’re doing.
20:31 S2: Yeah, yeah. And it’s incredible, and it’s funny because it’s like, do more I share my story, it’s like the more it as is a healing for myself.
20:44 S1: Sally. Totally, and that I believe that that that’s the whole point of sharing your testimony, we’re called to do that with such intentionality, not… And it’s not just for the service of other people, and not just to bring the glory back to God, but for us to become the best version and the full… Whole version of ourselves. So cool, it’s such a cyclical experience that I think is really beautiful to share with me about the journey of… And we talked about this on a confidence conversation that I had the other day with my girlfriend Tiana, who would do the sister sister experience once a month, and we were talking about confidence and body confidence specifically, and how did you deal with being pregnant for the first time as someone who was previously like fit and in shape and in tune with their body, and how did that journey unfold for you?
21:37 S2: So I hated being pregnant at… I even have a regular pregnancy or anything, I had pretty regular pregnancy symptoms in terms of morning sickness and the school and fee and all of that type of stuff, but the biggest thing I didn’t like about it was I just didn’t feel like myself. And being someone, when you are very in tune with yourself, it’s very noticeable when you’re off, and that’s how it felt right from pretty much the beginning, pretty much four or five weeks into my pregnancy, the whole time I just felt off, but I loved being pinned in the way that my body looks at all really like having a belly, I thought it was so cute
22:32 S1: That I feel like different than a lot of people… Have you been on the same page with women in that… No, that I would say I was in varies. I would say there are women for sure who are being pregnant because they feel really great, and then there are women who love being pregnant because they love their belly, and then there’s the women who hate pregnancy all around and then hate it because they don’t… Like they’re not either. But I liked it. I also, though, I will say I never got very big, I was relatively small. When I went to a wedding, I’m trying to think when I was 36 weeks pregnant. And the dress I was reading, you couldn’t even tell that it was private. That’s interesting, I’ll be so curious because I see pretty small, I had my gender reveal and around 2-20-ish weeks, and you could hardly tell in my pictures that I was even pregnant, people are like, How do I… You already finding out that you have a boy or a girl, and you can’t even tell that you’re pregnant, so I was similar. How tall are you? Is that part of it? I’m fine to…
23:46 S1: So I’m five set in, so that I think is a part of it, but around too, that I wasn’t a lucky… I showed pretty soon, I had pretty early, but again, I also liked my belly at the beginning as it was like that last month for me, that was just so hard, but I think that… I hear that is very common experience, just ’cause you’re exhausted, you can’t sleep as well and all of that…
24:08 S2: Yeah, yeah, and probably to your second time around, your stomach is just… It’s not a advertisement.
24:18 S1: Your body knows what to do. So I was like, Oh, they’re pregnant. I’m supposed to grow. Already go. So it happens. So tell me about the journey after them, so you wait the traditional six weeks or whatever before you start working out, how did you feel about… Did you feel a really big urge or desire to get pre-baby body back, or what was that very like…
24:42 S2: Yeah, so I don’t like to use the term like pre-baby body on… ’cause you know what, it’s just very… It’s just very negative and you’re trying to get back something, it doesn’t even exist, memory on is just different there saying he got in and it’s just like… I’m a firm believer. There’s absolutely nothing wrong, if you want to look a certain way, that is fine, and if the way I want to look happens to be the same way I looked pre-penance, that’s fine, but it’s just like it’s your mentality around it that has to be different, and that’s why people call it all different things they like… I don’t know. I’ve heard other term since I’m like three maybe body that are more positive. I can’t think of any of them right now. Yeah. But yeah, so I just… Once I get that six-week mark and I was clear, I was very excited to get back into something. It was very eye-opening for me because when you come from a world of fitness, especially when you’re in to we training, you can’t just go back to that once you had a baby, and I had it in my pad, but I could…
26:10 S2: I was like, ’cause everyone just says six weeks, you get clearance from your doctor if you go… And I was just like, I went to see a pelvic floor physio, that was one of the first things I did, and she said right away, she’s like, You have a bladder pro late, she’s like, You can’t be doing all these different things. She’s like, You can do certain things and here’s your list of things you can do, but it’s going to be… Sorry, it’s gonna be very minimal. And knowing hitmen and to you figured out, I had my back had separated because of my Valley, so it was very much like an eye-opening experience that there is no going back. It’s literally just, this is a new season in my body, this is a new season in my journey, and that’s okay, and this is what I have to look forward to, that things are going to improve or advance in whatever way I want, but I have to make sure, I take care of all these steps first, and just like my mentality around working out has also shifted because before, especially when it’s just you to take care of, or because I’ve been aware continue themselves to…
27:29 S2: It’s very… A lot of my goals, pre-baby were very aesthetic, I really wanted to look a certain way, and I love the way I looked, and I agreed to the benefits of feeling really great as well, and now it’s much different where I’m just like… I can still love the way I would look, but I need to be focusing more on how do I feel, because I can’t perform my best, when I say Perform, I mean be energetic, be present with us, maybe involved in the manual, I can’t perform the best if I’m not feeling the best. So it’s much more now just like what makes me feel good and understanding that how I look is gonna come as a by-product of doing things that make me feel good.
28:22 S1: That’s so good. And that movement is such a… It’s not just that physical realm, it’s that mental realm that comes into play in the spiritual realm even, and how that bid projects into the other portions of your life and overflow because you’ve just spent time movement, moving and serving your body and your soul and your mind well enough that then you have this experience to be able to say, Okay, I have to say do levels are high, I’m ready to interject and provide that to somebody else without feeling like a drain or a sucking experience, you now can just hand it over more freely because we have an abundance of it. So I love that perspective and what a beautiful part of your story line as a coach, to be able to now serve women, especially moms in such a beautiful way, because you’re gonna be able to break thought patterns that the world puts on people ’cause that is not that is a heavenly perspective and mindset that you have, that the world isn’t serving in the same way, and so I really love that you’re creating community around something that is so freeing for women to understand, I’m seeing and I can’t even speak into it, you surely.
29:34 S1: I can’t speak into it yet either, but the same thing happens again and again in our lifetime, so I’ve heard people… Your body hits 40, everything changes, right? So that’s a new birthing ground for the one… And then because you’re like, Then you’re going through menopause, and so this is like a new birthing ground for the woman’s body and yes, it’s something that we get to deal with that guys don’t seriously have anything and they say parallel, and so one day we’ll get to ask God the purpose and all of that. But ultimately it comes back to the very first adjustment, which is motherhood, we have this beautiful gift, an opportunity to breathe life into the world, and so our bodies and thereforee that you’re not the used to version of yourself, and I am so grateful that I’m not that used to version because this new version has a better mentality, has more wisdom…
30:51 S1: More growth in other areas. Sure, maybe my pant line is a little bit bigger too, but we have this ability to still be very healthy and I… After having children, three years passed, in fact, I had gotten in the best shape of my life at that point, and so giving people also hope to know that it’s not… Again, like you said, it’s not about getting into a specific style or genre or body type, it’s feeling your best and giving your best in that energy mindset, so… So cool that you have that. So tell me, let’s go back because I feel like we can go a little bit deeper into this experience, how did you get started in this realm, what was your influence like in your home as a child… I want more of your story line, let’s go deeper.
31:46 S2: As a child, we were… As a family when we were kids, we were really… Activity wasn’t really like a thing. I suppose you could say. I would say we were naturally sort of just active people in the sense that we played outside, which is also the attributed to the fact that social media stuff wasn’t a thing when I was really small, so we just had less to do it. I just naturally navigate, I did some sports and stuff when I was a kid, but I never really stuck with anything, I went through a really big transition in high school and early college where I was very much Cell Center here, but I was probably his way to explain it. And it was just… I think we’d be… A lot of people go through this, but I was really more like, How can I be popular, how can I get invited to the parties? And how can I just sort of look like the best person for the people around me versus trying to be the best person that I can be, so I really… I went through a lot of transitioning for good, I don’t know, high school and college, a public or eight, nine years.
33:14 S2: War really lost myself. And then when I was in college, it was my first or second year of college, I was introduced to the gym, and I’ve talked a lot about this on my social media, working on… I would say it changed the trajectory of my life, and I was involved. At the time, I was in a really, really bad relationship, I was finished drinking, I was involved in drugs, and I was wasting away. Pretty much everything has… And with the gym, it just… Things just changed, I just over time, got this confidence I never had before in my life, and it was a very slow progression. And it took a lot of work because it’s very scary as a woman in a gym, especially when you venture over into the weight section and away from cardio, it’s very, very scary, man are staring at you, they’re watching you, everyone wants to see what the… One holy woman is doing in the gym, so I’ve built up a lot of confidence in myself and it just… It just, it made me feel so good. And they came from the internal spot inside of me, and then I started to just notice these things in my life that I never saw before that I was just like, this relationship that I’m in is very detrimental to my myself, as detrimental to the person that I was with…
34:51 S2: Because we were not serving each other whatsoever, and you know, these other factors in my life, like the bench drinking and the drugs and whatnot, we’re just selling these plays for a temporary amount of time, and I very strongly believe that if I had not been introduced to the gym, I don’t know where my life path would have been, but it probably would have been negative for at least quite a long time. Yeah.
35:21 S1: I feel like a lot of people can relate to that. I can relate to that. I think a lot of college kids, girls specifically can relate to that, even guys, I remember seeing the transition, this was more post-college, that I saw it in the opposite sex, but because they honed in on the binge drinking and all of the other things when they were when they were there, right? I feel like I have such a different perspective even on what college could be or should be for my own children because of my own experience with it, and there were so many amazing things about my schooling experience, but definitely the party scene is not a thing that I want to see replicated in any child, and that’s the biggest thing we’re so young, were such babies at that point in our life, and we’re just like sent off to this next phase of our life with such freedom and such… Unless expectation that we are going to survive and succeed based on the tools that we’ve had since we were 17 years old, and you’re just… You are wavering because you’re wavering, you’re a baby. You’re still technically Watling right? And I don’t know if you know this, but the prefrontal cortex of your body, of your brain development doesn’t actually close until you’re 25 years old, meaning you’re still literally consuming every single thing that happens to you that’s in your sphere as a foundational premise to who you are gonna become…
36:55 S1: And so a lot of those party tactics and strategies and the experiences they’re really ingrained in me from a place now that I can see was like a developmental time for me, but I was broken, so broken. And it’s really sad when I look back even at pictures, I’m like, Oh man, so unhealthy, and so walking out my life for the mirror and the other people around me, and like you said, there was no even regard really to my own emotions or so… Soul awareness, it was all around, Where is the block going today, okay, I need to make and move and adjust to where they are too, and yet the whole block is lost, a lost sheep just meandering around looking for not healthy water. So I think that I saw a post college, more people than in college, so I’m grateful for you to have had that experience in school where they realized, Okay, this is a real life, I cannot maintain this if I want to have a career, because I have to wake up for it tomorrow versus having a 4 o’clock class the next day or the way other… And then seeing their lives change because they’re now not just involved with somebody who’s peer-to-peer, they’re now involved with the 30-year-old dad, the 40-year-old dad, the 50-year-year-old business man who’s been a part of this and playing the game for 30 years at this point, who’s pouring good insight into them, healthy mindsets and being stewards and examples of not only their own personal self, their employment area, but then also their personal lives with their families, and so it’s definitely a journey like…
38:43 S1: I love journeys, I think it’s so important. But I’m amazed that you’ve found it so early and wanna gift to you and to your child into your boyfriend, and for that to have come on in such a way, ’cause I feel like even in the gym, oftentimes that Cochin SS that you were originally talking about, can sometimes get worse. So tell me about other experiences that you had as you developed through that time, or do you see this happening in other people
39:16 S2: That they were kind of like not finding themselves, is that… Yeah, I never really… That’s good. That’s cool. I love to prove. Any question? I would say, You know what I would say, I’m kinda with you, people generally don’t find… Start making those discoveries until they leave school, I would say, and granted, it took me years, it wasn’t… I didn’t leave college. Seat, I would say, yeah, that people… I think a different slow that happened with me is that when I started to change, I also shifted my friend group…
40:09 S1: Yes, that is so powerful.
40:13 S2: That was… So I don’t even know if it was necessarily that people were changing or just found the people that were already kind of on that path, and we just aligned more with each other, so that was a thing, and I’ve become very comfortable with only having a very small tightening group of really close people, because I think too… And that’s a really… A very college thing is that you have 100 friends and you’re like, These people are all my friends. And you’re like, Wait, no, they’re not a part of my friends. Right, totally. And I like the more I grew, the realization set into and I was like, These people, realistically, don’t really care about me all that much, and quite frankly, I don’t really care about them all that much, and I like them because we go out Friday night and have a great time. And then we don’t reconnect until the next week, and so once I started making that growth and seeing that, then it was just like, none of these people are really my friends, and then you go through that stage where you’re just like, Wow, so I… One friend.
41:35 S2: Yeah.
41:36 S1: So that happened to me when I have a mom. And that was… So I was dealing with motherhood and all of that journey on top of the fact that I was one of the first in my friend group to have a child, and so I felt like completely left out ’cause they’re all still partying on a Friday night, and I’m the one at home, trying to raise again, the sin human… Like What just happened? And it was really hard for me, I’m like, Oh my gosh, I don’t… I don’t have any friends, my phone book has now gone from my Friday night call, and I was like, I’m still kinda like this, but the coordinator of the event post, the planner, and so I like to plan out what’s going on this Friday, so by Wednesday, everyone who partied with us knew what the plan is, we were showing up what time… What the theme is, if we’re dressing up and we’re not dressing up, all of those things, and so it was a really hard transition, and I think really important for you to know as your journey along this path with moms, to be mindful of the fact that this might be that moment for them is something that you’ve already walked through previous to having as many…
42:46 S1: Thank goodness. But you might be walking through it now, which is such a critical component of self-awareness for post-partum depression and realizing that postpartum, they did a lot of times say that it’s a physical realm thing that happens internally or mentally, and so much more than I think there’s a lot of social components that are at play with that.
43:09 S2: Yeah, no, I definitely believe that. And I’ve seen it happen with other people I know with losing friends when they became mom, my friend group is still so timing that I’ve only had very few people to lose, is to
43:27 S1: Go that you’re supposed to have an inner circle. And so important, and there’s so much more quality to that right now would say quality over quantity, but it’s not really understood until you experience it, and mine was definitely post-babies that I came in to realizing like, Okay, I’m really content with the fact that there’s just these amount of people… And now through coaching, and this will be something that you might evolve into, if you’re ever create like a group coaching experience, I have this incredible group of women I get to interact with and grow alongside and just love on… And I have to be mindful too in that experience, as much as I want to provide them all of my energy like, Okay, where is my inner circle, even with that other circle that’s very important to me, and they invest in my expertise, and again, your coaching experiences and what your knowledge you’re bringing to the table, but there still has to be that inner circle layer because that’s where you get filled up versus you always filling others up. So that’s something I’m currently working through as a man and a woman, and I think that’s an important message for people to hear, and think
44:41 S2: The other thing too is we’re relevant on keeping people in our lives, because we’ve had them in our lives before, and I think that’s something that I have come to terms with. And it’s not easy by any means. But as much as we talked about seasons of our bodies and you go through life seasons, and sometimes the people just don’t fit anymore, and it’s not always a bad thing either, and I think that it takes a lot of courage and self-awareness and understanding when the relationship is no longer serving you and vice versa, and letting that go in a positive way, and we’re not very good at that as a society. I think because I was friends with this girl back in Grade, I should still good friends with her today… Yeah, that was true.
45:37 S1: I think that’s like… I walk through that and I think it’s… So it’s so much harder than we give people credit for, especially when you’re the person like offering advice to the friend who’s walking through it, and you’re like, it’s okay if they’re not serving you anymore, you’re not serving them, just like you were talking about that relationship that you had… That was toxic. And not to say that every relationship is toxic when you’re letting go, if they are, you should let them go, but even more so in this experience of a give and take, and every relationship should exist, and if that is so polarized and one is doing the other or versa, have to be mindful of that. And sometimes that might be you, maybe you’re walking through a season that’s really hard for you and you’re unable to give to those other people, be mindful of that and let them know like, Hey, I want to just release you from feeling any worry that I’m not here for you or that I can’t be the best friend in this season, like please know that I love you and I am… I’m just walking this out and it’s not a cry for help, it’s just a release, so allowing people to also know that are close to you as you even flow and as you’re growing, there’s gonna be changes, and whether or not that person is meant to be in your life is something that’s gonna…
46:55 S1: Is gonna shine. I shine it eventually. It’s a good insight. You have so much wisdom. I 11’s good. Okay, so we’re rounding into the finale here, and I feel like you did a beautiful job of going and sharing kind of the parts of yourself that you’re not overjoyed by, and the places that you probably as a mom have a deep desire to help as May through as she walks through that you’ll be more mindful of as a mom, and I think it’s critical for us to understand that we’re doing things as mom’s really different than our moms ever did, and it’s not to say that our mom still deserve incredible honor because they absolutely do they did the best they can with what they had when they had it, but now just like I’m dealing with trying to maneuver mothering with technology, I am trying to figure out like what’s the best way to do this? And everything seems brand new, and so we don’t have this group of women that are ahead of us to say, Oh, you should try this, or you should do this, so you’re creating this community that instead is coming alongside.
48:11 S1: And I think that that’s so important for us to really play out that the community over competition, like not having mom guilt, like linking arms with other women and walking this thing out in truth and vulnerability and not judgment. So thank you for that. Thank you. It was really kinda… It’s so necessary and people don’t realize the depth of how important it is until they’re walking it out. Yeah.
48:40 S2: And you brought up a good point about mothers, it is very different, and as much as it’s sometimes it’s different in not so nice ways, but I think we have a really great opportunity here to really utilize social media to do exactly what you were talking about. To ban together and it’s social medias Harsha be a place of really, really negative thoughts and feelings for people, and I think that now the more that people can just show up as they’re really authentic to sell and let people in on their vulnerabilities and whatnot, you can just band together more naturally and really just sort of link arms and push together to… Push for it together.
49:34 S1: Yeah, I totally agree, and I love that you’re doing it the way that you are through all of the different platforms, so nobody can say that they’re alone, but also to know even in those different mom tribes that there you’re gonna resonate more with some moms than you are with others, and that’s okay, just because this group has this perspective doesn’t mean that we should shame or guilt or have any horrible judgment towards another group that chooses to do it in another way, and I’m seeing that a lot right now as women are walking through this new experience of being, say, a ho moms and also their teacher, this homeschooling experience, which as MA is in a different realm in that, but it’s very interesting, and yet at the same time, I wanna free women from knowing that it’s okay if that doesn’t fulfill you it’s okay, if that doesn’t make you happy, it’s okay if it drives you… Banana is like that isn’t the role that you’ve played before, so it’s one learning something new in motherhood, which can be hard, but additionally, giving yourself grace and knowing that you don’t have to play the ultimate role for your children in every single way.
50:49 S1: I hope and pray that this too will pass and we’ll be able to lean on the beautiful educators and teachers that we all relied on for so much, but I think ultimately just knowing that we’re each in a new season and we’re all navigating it and it’s all hard and I’m wearing my mom button and my mom closed today because I just was like, I don’t feel like getting ready, and so you’re seeing me, my mom’s glory and it’s okay. I hope that people through this season, even as moms, especially as mom’s, one thing that I’ve taken from this quarantine time, and I’d love to hear what yours is, especially as a new mom with a baby during this season is my kiddos, I don’t have to… I’m not getting ready ’cause not going anywhere in the morning, I’m just at home, and there are at the end of the court before the quarantine happened, my kiddos would be getting ready in the morning with me and my son who’s six now would be like mom and you don’t need that. You’d be talking about make-up and I’d be like, Oh, thanks, but it… You’re so sweet.
51:50 S1: That’s awesome, you’re right. I don’t need it, mommy just likes to wear it, and then I would see my daughter and she was starting to get into the interest of Let me be just like mommy, so she goes, Can you put some flesh on me before school and dust off the brush and then give her the little dab, and I haven’t been doing that and it’s been really free, not only for me as a mom, but I really feel like instilling something really fresh and important for my children to know that this is me, this is mommy and mommy can be just as confident like this as she can when she has full make-up on… Full hair done, right. So what’s something you’ve learned through this quarantine time is a new long… Oh my goodness.
52:36 S2: Something I have learned, I don’t know if it’s something I’ve learned or I am learning as kind of crash… Yeah, something I’m learning is just a… I do this very naturally, it’s not even the quarantine that does this, but I put a lot of pressure on myself to be performing all the time… A different facets of my life and the Curtis continuously showing me that it’s okay to do nothing, it’s really okay if I don’t feel like doing stuff today, and I’m not mentally in it, to just sit around and be jam was all day, and I scream at 10 and watch movies. You obviously still parent, but… A little different. She’s not walking out. Right, yeah, I could still stick her in one school at
53:39 S1: Enjoy it all that last… It’s so short. I know.
53:43 S2: But that’s why we don’t think this is a big thing for moms right now, and this is another thing to social media, is that you see all these people that are doing all these things and they’re like, I’m learning a new language, I’m wordy. How to think and cleaning my Honda makes us feel like we’re not doing enough. It’s a… Did a podcast episode, a nice… And I just said that whatever you are doing is enough, and it’s like, this is a pandemic, this is not a time where you cover free, be where you do cater all these things, if you are… That’s fantastic. If you’re not… That’s fantastic. You need to really do what is gonna help you get through text, and some days that might look like cleaning the whole kitchen covers, and the other days that might look like where I pajamas around and sitting on the couch all day.
54:37 S1: That’s so good. Such freedom in that. I love that. Thanks for that advice. I’m gonna store that away, I think that that’s really necessary and definitely a beautiful experience, even for a young mom, I was thinking about young moms the other day, and I say young moms being the baby’s yelling it is that… I feel like when my baby was in that stage, I had this uber desire to just show them off all the time and get them dressed, and all the cute clothes that I had gone for my baby shower, like Let’s go to the store and let’s go to Gray’s house and let’s go here, just so that people could interact and see them, but what beautiful experience that you have to covet that time with them and really just see all of those different phases and all of the best pieces of that time and really take it in… Because I feel like so often I was doing what you were doing in the sense of performing out of… I don’t know, I think it was a comparison probably, and that desire for perfectionism when it would have been really nice to just sit and be with him, and so I’m a little bit envious, but I’m not supposed to be envious, so I just…
55:48 S1: I bless you and pray for you during this time that you guys, all of you all will just take that in as a special gift from God himself. Thank you, Your… Well, I am so excited, you all have to tune in, I’m gonna let you share all the places they can find you before we close off.
56:08 S2: Yeah, so as you already know, I’m everywhere at that on Facebook, a major Hosseini in joseon because my Taliban, then I’m on my podcast about a SIM pretty… Because is it everywhere? And I absolutely love connecting with the other or I just love connecting, and I’m a huge voice note, so if someone connects with me, I was not them, and it always freaks people out, but
56:54 S1: I say it’s a lot of my favorite ways to communicate with people.
56:58 S2: Yeah, it’s just so much more intimate than messaging all the time, and at the same time, you can get a lot more information in the texting or messaging
57:08 S1: Or… It’s so true. Yeah, I am so grateful to have you on today. You’re such a gift. I’m so excited to see as things continue to evolve and transform for you and your family, and I’m also really looking forward to being on your podcast next week, so you guys have a tune in, we’re gonna share and collaborate and just how to offer each other’s communities our own hearts during this time and serving you guys in that way, so we appreciate your listening, we hope you subscribe and review and do all the things that ultimately… We just hope that you know that we are here for you. We’re in support of you and we’re cheering you guys on as moms as women, really anybody who’s tuning in, so thank you so much and we will be in tune soon. Thank you. Same address, I’m your fit in faith Post, and I am so excited to just get here to share with you other movers, dreamers, shakers entrepreneurs, pastors, whatever, if you’ve got the head and you got a hard… I’m so excited to explore who that is, who’s you are and discover your wholeness or how your wealth, wealth and your joy.
58:21 S1: I love to do happiness, I want people to know that this is not just came with trial, you guys, this came with a lot of effort, the came with a lot of lows and so many highs, and I want us to experience those together. This is our real community of dreamers, and I’m excited to help catapult your calling, your kingdom, experience the purpose of their infant on the world, wherever, however that is so, come along for the ride. I’m excited to chat with you, like comment, review, Symes, sending an email, it’s me responding, even though I have a credible team, and so I’m just excited to get to know you. Let’s connect, Let’s create community, and let’s walk in our collage… are in constant adjustment mode as we grow, and I always wanna serve people well in the same concept, when they get to those different milestones, 40, 50, 60, our bodies are found and determined to change, and it’s not about getting back into a body type that you used to have, because you’re not the same ag