Removing the Triggers In Your Life with Amber Lia
Amber Lia just dropped some bombs today when it comes to triggers. They are a real thing and are something I deal with on a consistent basis. Amber Lia has written several books and resources and hosts thousands of people within communities associated to triggers and parenting, triggers and relationships, and triggers with food.
I really know that this is going to be one of those people who are going to help you move mountains in your own life. She is so relatable and I know it's going to make the waves of what you need, but you've got to be willing to catch her wave. She's written the books. She's created the tools - jump on board and ride home in the freedom of what it is that she's sharing.
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About Amber Lia:
Amber Lia is an independent certified health coach who has been on her own transformative health journey. She has written and coauthored several books, including Marriage Triggers and the bestselling parenting book, Triggers. A former high-school English teacher, Amber is a sought-after mentor for women and a regular contributing writer for The Better Mom. Amber and her husband co-run the faith-friendly production company Storehouse Media Group, and they live in Southern California with their four boys. To learn more, visit AmberLia.com.
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Show Notes: Removing the Triggers In Your Life with Amber Lia
So many nuggets. I mean, really, if you guys kept a bag with you and you listened to every one of the over 200 episodes of the Fitbit podcast, you'd be rich. And I am now lying on that one on so many levels, both monetarily, spiritually, relationally, emotionally, physically. Oh, my heaven. Amber, Leah just dropped some bombs today when it comes to.
And triggers are a real thing. Triggers are something I deal with on a consistent basis. Um, she has written several books and resources. She's created tens of thousands of people within communities associated to this when it comes to triggers and parenting, when it comes to triggers and relationships in your marriage, when it comes to triggers with food.
And I really know that this is going to be one of those resources. One of those people. Who are going to help move mountains in your life. And so she is so relatable and I know it's going to make the waves of what you need, but you've got to be willing to catch her board. She's written the books. She's created the tools, jump on board and ride home in the freedom of what it is that she's sharing.
Ultimate. It's him obviously, cause we're both faith, but God is good. And he glorifies in our conviction when we say yes to the sharpening and that's exactly what she did. So come along for this conversation, come along for the journey of showing up and really releasing those triggers. It's all about. And if you didn't know, I'm actually, co-hosting an event coming up in may mother's day weekend for the triggered event.
When did it leave? No connection to Amber at all, but fully connected, obviously, because God has shared similar messages with her and my cohost. Has, and so I'm so excited for you guys to be a part of it. Be sure to check out our social media and our events page and get your tickets today because it is a limited experience, but it is going to be for mamas and women and grandmamas and single mamas and anyone who is ready to just receive the Lord and also let go of these triggers.
So be sure to check that out and let's get to Amherst.
Welcome to the fit and faith podcast. It is an acronym representing founders, innovators, and trailblazers who are looking to live a life wholly, fully, authentically, and truly fit a space for us to connect on the raw real stories of mind, body, and soul alignment of entrepreneurs in kingdom life. I'm your host, Tamra and dress.
And this podcast, isn't like the cookie cutter interview experience. I've been coined the entrepreneurial rabbi. And so we do go there unscripted, no matter how far wide, deep or high there is. My desire is to see people rise from the inside, out, into their greatest calling, by sharing their truest stories.
And tips as a purpose activator and brand builder. I believe our successes and failures are derived from who and whose we are not what we do, but strategy and vision are equally as important to the mission. So let's cut to the chase together and get fit in faith.
All right. All right. Welcome to the show. Miss Amber, Leah, we are so excited to have you here pumped up. Yes. I love that. That intro is awesome. So glad and even more excited to just jump in. All of the incredible topics that are your passion points, your purpose points, the way that you show up. Um, it's incredible and really connecting to a lot of my story.
And so I'm excited to see how it's interwoven even more deeply than just the word and that word that I want to bring to light is triggered, right? Marriage triggers another parenting book called triggers and now food triggers, which is your now pre-ordered book, right. That we can pre-order today. Yeah, it's actually, it's actually just out.
So it's available anywhere because there was an old, I had a little incredible it's gorgeous. I love the cover, but excited to just see how it's connected to who you are. So thanks. And let's just dive right in. Great. Sounds good. Tamra. Thank you. My total pleasure. So Amber, tell us a bit about the backstory of who you are before we get into who you are and how you're activating today.
Maybe where triggers started for you. Sure. So I. Live in California and in Southern California, Los Angeles area. That's where I was born and raised. And I met my husband a little bit later in life. So had a teaching career for 10 years or so. Got married, ended up having four beautiful boys who we love.
You know, I always thought that I had a pretty good handle on my life. And then when I got married and had kids and started adulting and all the things, I realized that I was a little bit of a mess. And not only that, but I loved God, but I didn't feel like I was living life to the full or thriving. Like I had.
I learned my whole life. This is what God wants for you. He's got good plans for you. And then when I started growing a family, a lot of things began to spiral for me. And I started having a lot of overwhelm in my life loss in my life, uh, challenges in many different areas and parenting was kind of that first glaring one.
And so really everything I write about parenting marriage, my health journey with food triggers. Are really just, and look into the different stages of my life, where I've recognized that I'm triggered, I'm set off in certain things, whether it's an angry. Frustration or poor eating habits. And then God has just had me on a journey of refining me and working through me to navigate a lot of those triggers and all these different issues and areas of my life.
And I really just believe that the things that God's working on and. Are probably really similar to other things that people are struggling with. And so for me, it's very cathartic to write about those experiences, but I also want others to journey with me. So I'm not always coming from a place of perfection in these topics, but still on the journey.
And let's do this together. And let me share with you some of the things that God has revealed in me and allowed me to progress in so that I can live life to the full, because I want that for others. So good. And I think it's commonplace. Right. And I think it's commonplace for, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, how do I want to say.
Woke people. And I'm going to say woke versus Christian with intention, because it seems like a lot of the triggered conversations aren't necessarily conversations that are happening inside of the church they're conversations that might be happening and really safe, small. Or in women's retreats, like I just hosted one in Mexico and we had an opportunity to discuss all of these things, but it's not commonplace in what people see in common form Christianity or especially CA Catholicism.
Can we talk through why, where, how do sure. Yeah. And I think the number one was in tantra you're so right. It thrills me that you've picked up on that and are, want to talk about this because. I think one of the reasons why is because there's a stigma attached, right? So like initially when I started writing about my struggle with anger and parenting, like who wants to raise their hand and say, Hey, I struggle with being an angry mom.
You know, nobody was really doing that. And so I felt very isolated and I felt a lot of shame and I think. That is one of the enemy's tactics is for us to feel shame about ourselves and, and whatever issues that we may be having or sin or whatever and whatever, our struggles, even our just natural being a human being.
And so my desire was that I wanted to de-stigmatize some of these issues and I wanted to do this journey. No doubt about it. I didn't want it like air, like all of my God. I was like, no, I'm going to have you go ahead and just lay it all out there and I'm going to use it. And so it has been a blessing, but I think there's this stigma.
We don't want to feel shame. And also we want to do it in a way that is sensitive. Right. I mean, in no way, do I want any of my readers in any of these areas, whether it's parenting marriage or their health journey to feel guilt and condemnation, because that is not from God. You know, God gives us gentle, loving conviction so that we make steps in the right direction.
And I really want to come from a place of kindness and a place where there is no judgment. And I think that because I'm a person who's been through these same struggles, They're going to pick up on that. Like, this is not someone who's going to judge you for where you're at. She gets it. She understands and lets compassionately move forward in some of these areas.
One step at a time. Okay. Yeah. I love that. And I think that's where people often think that in order to write the book or start the podcast or even start the business that you have to. All of it figured out. And honestly, if we all had it figured out, none of us would have a business, a book or a podcast because that's not the boy.
And I love that God gives us conviction in the timing that is right for us. And that does seem to appear on drastically different levels of completion, I guess, or sanctification, or even your journey within your relationship with the Lord. I mean, I was a newbie Christian. I was a baby Christian when God convicted me to start speaking to the point where I'm like, I don't know, scripture, like they do, I couldn't stand up and do it like them.
And that was all the more why he kept pushing me, kept pushing me, kept pushing me. It's exactly the reason that you who are listening, what you're being called or summoned. It's ultimately him. That's what you're being called or something too. Right. Let's just get that really clear your calling is to him.
Um, but the way in which you show up in the world to help activate other people to answer the calling might be something that's not in a specific like form or timing that makes sense to anyone around you, specifically your family, just so you know, the people who love you most are often the ones who want you to stay in the safe comfort zone.
And maybe even stay, not that they would want you blanketed in chain, but they want to know you as they know you. They don't want to see this blossomed form because it convicts them and that's uncomfortable. And so talk to us like marriage triggers. That's a big out the gate conversation. How, um, how, why, why that first and how has that really.
Like shift and create momentum for the ministry. Well, so, you know, originally God had his hand on me and working through refining me, working on me in my parenting. And as I began to, you know, navigate, why was I angry? What was that rude about? I realized that a lot of it had to do with my marriage too. So those things were sort of a simultaneous package and.
You know, we had gone through some terrible job loss and financial distress, and then we moved to a little town. And so there was a transition stage and just all of these big, like stressful by things like we experienced, you know, diagnoses of a, you know, a relative having a brain tumor and just all these big, heavy things all at once.
And so that caused me to be in a place where I. In turmoil in general. And so, you know, it wasn't compartmentalize it. I was just frustrated as a mom. I was frustrated as a wife. I wasn't a great friend and I knew that that needed to change. And so God first started working on me in the parenting, and then we navigated that to the marriage.
But, but also when. Parenting triggers with my co-author Wendy speak. We travel around a lot speaking and doing all kinds of things. And people would always say to us, this is really helping us so much in our parenting. And I'm even being able to apply some of these principles to my marriage, but I'd be great if you had a book about that.
And I didn't want to touch that with a 10 foot pole, because I also didn't want to, you know, navigate that publicly either, even though we had navigated it privately. And so. But God has his way of, you know, again, pushing us out of our comfort zone and moving in those directions. And really now I'm so like, I want to live up to my full potential and I want readers to live up to their full potential.
And we, we get into a routine culturally. Wash rinse repeat with our lives. And we were made for more than that. And in order for us to live up to that full potential that God has for us, it is necessary that we go through this sanctification process that you mentioned early Tamra. And so I'm just committed to helping people do that with me, because I don't want to do it by myself.
We are made for community and we are iron sharpening iron. So I can't even reach my full potential without others around me seeking to reach their full potential. That's so true. And that's the part of community or kingdom mind that a lot of people don't understand and why competition runs are rampant because people don't look at it from that same perspective.
It's like we say, community over competition or women supporting women, and you don't always feel that. And so I think that it's been really amazing as I've stepped into really locking arms with other people who truly believe that in a heartbeat. It's created such a vast array of community. And it's also created that forward momentum and upward momentum because it is the iron sharpening iron and like giving ideas and sharing community platforms and really working together to make this thing, which is ultimately family.
It's all about relationships. It's all about not just the relationship with our kids or our spouse, but the relationship with ourselves and then our relationship with the Lord predominantly. To come together in such a seamless way. Um, and so I'd love to talk first about the parenting side, then we'll do marriage and then we'll talk about the hot topic of your new book release with food.
Um, and it's coincidental. And obviously not because God knows what he's doing, but my earlier live today was. With a health and fitness coach. And so, um, there's a lot of parallel even in the conversations we were having earlier. But I do think the parenting side of it is something that's not talked about because of the shame associated to it.
Um, and it's something that I think parents struggle with so much in that isolated from. And they don't know what to do that. Then it becomes habit. And after habit it becomes trauma. And so I'd love to hear just your perspective and what you kind of studied and how the book kind of evolved. Well. So when I realized that I wasn't living life to the full, my husband had just moved us to the central coast and here in California.
So I was in a season of transition. I had three little boys age four, and under my husband was gone. Like most of the time, because he worked a very demanding job during the day. And then he even was up during the night, oftentimes working with clients and in Asia. So I felt like I had just been thrown into the deep end of not knowing what I was doing and, and how to cope with these three little boys and really no support system in place.
And it was overwhelming to me and I, I operated from a place of overwhelm and frustrate. And I remember very clearly my husband leaving for work one day and he's dressed all nicely and his suit and tie and off he goes and I shut the door and I'd look around and I'm a very neat and tidy person. And the house is kind of a mess because, you know, four little boys are three little boys, four and under is a lot, you know, your, your house gets a little messy when that happened.
Tornado was like a tornado. And I, I just remember. Looking at, out at that, in my three precious little boys. And they were just kids, they weren't doing anything to upset me, but I was so frustrated and I started to just snap, you know, like, okay, this is not okay. I gotta get this mess. And dah, dah, and I was drained.
And then there was a knock on the door and I go, oh no, that whoever it is, they're going to see this mass. They're going to hear me in this like, storm of. When I opened the door and thankfully it was my neighbor down the street, who is an older bachelor, who was really hard of hearing as was like, okay, good.
Maybe he hasn't heard me in my broken moment right now behind closed doors. And, but when he left, I knew I was like, this has got, this is my. I'm not going to operate like this anymore. This isn't working for me. I was still in my pajamas, like from two days before I just was again, in that place of overwhelm.
And I didn't like feeling frustrated and angry all the time about it. And so I committed when my kids went to their nap time in the middle of. In the past, that was my time to get some dishes done or do something in peace that I needed to do. Or even to watch Oprah at the time, Oprah was still on, you know, to watch a show for myself for just 15, 20 minutes.
And I said, no, I gotta get back to reading my Bible and prayer. And I was like, I got to study what it is that's causing me to be. So anxiety filled and quick to frustrate. So I started examining, what does the Bible talk about? Anger? What does it say about anger? And I would just take one thing at a time and then I would say, okay, what are my triggers?
Like what are my big moments where I'm struggling the most? And I just began to write them down and systematically address them one by one, because I needed to get to the root spiritually, but I also needed to get some practical things in place. And when I didn't know what to do, I asked God for wisdom, Lord, you promise.
You're going to give me wisdom supernatural. So I sat down that 15 minutes, the kids were napping and I just went through, okay, God transform me, change me, show me what to do, what to say and let's deal with this because I can't go for the next 10, 15, 20 years like this. And so he did, he was faithful to show up.
And so he helped me show you. And what I ended up doing was taking one thing at a time. You know, if I was really overwhelmed, cause I'm trying to get out the door and three little guys and this one's going that direction and that one's going that direction. I don't know where the shoes are. I, you know, got a basket and put everybody's shoes there.
So all the baths, you know, all the shoes that by the front door, you know, and we would practice it. Okay. Four year old three-year-old you can grab your shoes while mommy's getting the baby ready. We're going to practice getting out the door in time. And so I had to coach them. I began to realize I was their coach.
I needed to be, I need to be proactive so that I stopped being reactive in the heat of the moment. And so I began to, again, just really look at that if, if I was snapping because I'm impatient, cause no one's getting out the door. Then I also would meditate on a verse about, you know, the teaching of kindness is on her.
And I would say, okay, well I had a PA I apologized a lot, right. Cause I had to break that pattern. And so, you know, as the Lord worked in me and transformed me, that became something that, um, was a real joy in my life. I got my joy back in my mothering. And then I started writing a blog, which led to writing for a contributing blog about.
Which led to readers, asking for help with their own anger. And could we start a private Facebook group? And I resisted it for a long time. Eventually said, yes, a thousand women joined that first week. I opened up a group for moms who struggle with anger and yelling. And that was my aha moment that all these years later there was still a whole lot of other people struggling.
Like I had. And that we needed to address the issue. And to go back to your question earlier, Tamra about why is this such a secret thing? It was secretive for publishers to, I tried to publish a book about this because my group go to 17,000. In a pretty short amount of time. And I was in there every day, trying to bless people and help them transform into more gentle parenting methods.
And I knew that the need was high, but publishers wouldn't publish it because they didn't think anybody would buy a book about anger. And, you know, it's, it's one of the top selling parenting. Um, out there because it w there was a need, and I knew there was an aid. And so we D we self-published it, you know, initially, and, and it's just been tremendous.
So, you know, God uses everything. He doesn't waste anything if we're open to allowing him to do that. And that's kind of how that first, um,
What I think a lot of people need to take away. I mean, there's so many takeaways from just that short stint, but it's the recognition that it's not always just this like one God aha moment, right? Where like God speaks from heaven and he's like, you should write a book on triggers, like write about it. It doesn't work like that.
It really is in the process. So much in the process to the point where you were picking up the Bible daily, we're meditating on his word moment by moment, minute by minute, and recognizing the need for him. And then as that evolved, the other pieces to the puzzle started to come into play. And I love that part.
I also loved the proactive versus reactive, and I remember. And my own experience when ever I was overwhelmed. And it honestly, like you said, didn't have to do with mothering, but because that was the first thing in my responsibility list or the task at the moment, or they were pulling at my pants or they were eating the food out of my hand or anything that could be theirs was theirs.
And that was my attention, my energy, all of the above. It was so easy for me to let all of the emotion out through verbal, because that's what I had been examples, my life, my whole life. And also through like, there's only so much that can go bottled up on the inside. Right. So eventually it's got to come out.
And so, you know, that people will discipline in ways that they don't intend to, they hit and then they. And I'm so grateful that that wasn't a response of my body, but vocally, it was, and I would have to catch. And then, like you said, I loved the other thing, and this is something that's really important on any relationship is the apology side of it.
And to understand and point them into the next. That wasn't your fault. Mommy holds the responsibility in this one and also on the contrary, when it's their turn to learn how to apologize well, and to do so with actual deep meaning rather than fleeting up. Oh, I didn't mean to do that and do it. The next minute, right?
Because that doesn't hold well, either now. Um, so, so many learning lessons. Yeah. And, and our books are very, very practical. Like they they're short chapters. So Wendy and I wrote a follow-up to triggers called parenting scripts. When, what you're saying, isn't working, say something new and it's literally to, to give people what to say, because we get caught in that kind of like we want to do.
Right. We're trying to. But what do I say in the heat of the moment? When that things come, something that's going to breathe life into them instead of tear them down. And so we give like very practical scripts. Like here's something you could say, tweak it to make it your own, but here's the issue. Here's the, you know, the trigger.
Here's what to say in that moment, so that you're actually breathing life into them and reaching their heart and not using words that won't because if you don't figure out what to say, you're going to say something. Um, and we want, we want to figure out what to say before we say something mean now, when I was looking at your site and seeing the age of your kids, how old are they?
So Oliver is 14, almost 15. Um, Quinn is 12. Oakley is 10 and Quade is, oh, that's cool names and such ages.
so my, what I was processing, as you were saying, that was, oh, I hope you have a new book coming out when all your kids are. Because I don't have teenagers yet. I have a 78 year old, but I have nieces that are teenagers and just like having even just interesting conversations with them. And it's not a matter of like, um, my voice raising, cause I'm, I'm kind of having a conversation pseudo with my peer, even though I'm trying to still impart with them, they can have full-blown conversations, but when I don't agree or when it doesn't seem like the cool thing.
With, like, how do you sharpen in love? Um, and so I think that that's such a valuable resource for people. Yeah. That that's, it that's in the hopper at some point that that's in the, in the lineup of, of future books. Cause we get asked about that a lot. And even though I only have a couple of teams now I taught high school for 10 years.
So I spent the majority of my adult life with team. Every day and I love teenagers and I love my teenagers. And so we'll see what God has in store for that at some point. But we do address a lot of things that are really meant to be whatever agent stage your kids are at in our parenting books. Um, but eventually perhaps we'll have the teen triggers.
I love it. I love it. And I think for me, and I didn't have your book as a resource at the time, but it was really. Um, not even just like being in the word, but it was therapy. It was both. And that really helped me understand why. And I didn't go to therapy because I felt like I wasn't a good mom. I went to therapy because I was overwhelmed.
I went to therapy because I was anxious. I went to therapy because I was considering taking my life. Okay. And all of those thoughts, understanding that it really does affect the children so much. So at that young age, because all they want is your love and attention. And if it's not coming to them in full throttle, they can't, they don't know what to do with it.
Um, and it leaves them in a spirit of rejection or abandonment or isolation and not being cared for. And that. Crates generational trauma. And so it's like this vicious cycle that we don't even know what to do with, because we're just trying to keep our own head above water. And so when I finally was able to like figure out not only how to tread water, but to build a raft and have the whole family on and like, let's go this direction and not this direction to that single, um, is when I finally was able to come above water and not have to worry about the yelling piece.
And that doesn't mean that I'm perfectly. Times your S your, your heightened escalation. And honestly, this is what my husband always brings to my, to my intention. It's usually because I'm distracted. Usually the kids should have my full attention in that moment or this thing, this phone right in my face.
And I think that that is more important in the moment because it's a text that I needed to respond to, or an email. Fun too. And then I have to remind myself, whoa, you already had those hours to do those things. Like you need to be present in this moment with these humans, with these people,
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Let's transition a bit into our marriage because I know that without my marriage, I would not be who I am today. Um, and I always tell him, like, I couldn't do this without you. And he's always like, yes, you could. And I always tell him, actually, no, I couldn't. And it took. About four years to S to say that in response confidently.
And it took him back because I had always just surrendered to like, oh yeah, you're right. I could do it alone, but I'm glad I don't have to write. And when I finally confronted, I was like, actually, no, like I really couldn't do it without you. And I say that because God is we're. We are, we are meant to be my strength is his weaknesses are my strength.
And like God intently knit us together for these children, for our lives to be lived out the way that it is. And so I, I am honored to walk in it with him versus being a separate entity that then comes together. Yeah. And we talk about that in marriage triggers. My husband got. That you know, you've got your unique personality, your spouse has their unique personality.
And so your, your uniqueness makes up your own unique marriage personality, right? So that's why it's important for us to stay in our own lane and not compare ourselves with other couples. That is a really dangerous thing to do. If we can look at other couples and be inspired and motivated by them and be mentored and learn from.
Wonderful, but we want to be careful about examining our marriage and comparing it to others and then coming away feeling like we lack. And the other thing about marriage triggers book with all of them really is that we take one trigger at a time because it can be very overwhelming, you know? You you've got this healthy relationship and you value one another.
And there are marriages that are, maybe are in very deep crisis. And those folks probably need professional counseling and help. But in marriage triggers, we're really after trying to take people who are. They love each other. They're committed, but there's strife, there's conflict. And they hate that. You know, they, they want to be in a place where they're really thriving and, and allowing that marriage personality that's unique to them to really work for them and not against them.
And so sometimes our triggers are the things that are setting us off and sending us in a direction. We don't want to go relationally. And we want to be proactive again, to look at those one at a time. Not without coming from a place of overwhelm and really just recognize that there's hope there is hope for change, but we have to disrupt the pattern with a holy disruption so that our habits become things that are vehicles for us for positive change.
Woo. I love that a holy disruption. I don't take that all day long. I love it. And I think you're, you're basically talking to it as a manual versus like a, Hey, sit down and read this Sunday afternoon and see what comes, you know, and I love that it's more of a practical, applicable tool, uh, and also to recognize that this is not something that happens or changes overnight.
Sharpening just as if you would sharpen, you know, two rocks that are next to each other, it doesn't happen in an instant. And it's only until that holy interruption, which is ultimately the water that it creates that smooth creation over the rock, um, that allows us to be. Space of being together and seeing that cemetery and where each other's strengths and weaknesses really play.
I love that you called it a unique marriage personality because there's always that analogy of the grass is greener. Right. And it's, it's really just greener where you water. And not on the other side. And that's keeping up with the Joneses. That could be from a financial standpoint, that could be from a PDA standpoint, right?
Like public displays of affection, maybe physical touch. Isn't your thing. That's okay. Right. There's other, they fell in love with you without it. So they're going to still love you through it, but there has to be other ways to understand one another and to communicate that love in silence. Um, and also with really healthy words.
So. Cited about these tools. It's such a family dynamic. It's kind of touching at every point of the human mind, body, soul, spirit relation, you know, emotion. Uh, so let's talk about the newest one food triggers. Yeah. So food triggers, you know, again, these are all things that we've navigated through and three years ago, So prior to three years ago, before I had children, even I was a recreational bodybuilder, I had played college sports.
I know, right. My husband had played college sports and we both, you know, love to be active and outdoors and all of that. But again, as you go through life, life happens, we stopped taking care of ourselves. And I think a lot of people find themselves in that place where they maybe used to feel really good.
And then now they find themselves in a place where they're, you know, even facing medical issues. They, their weight is too high and they, they it's literally impacting their health. Um, they are tired. They don't have the energy they used to have. And that was me three years ago, I found myself. Five pregnancies in 10 years and four little boys.
And, you know, as a nurturing person, I really just got to a place where I stopped taking care of me. And there is a difference between being self sacrificial and self punishing. And I confuse those two things and I was really sacrificing myself at every level to take care of everybody else's needs, but my own, and it's not their fault.
It was mine because I didn't have proper boundaries in place. And so. I found myself significantly overweight. I was even obese at that point. Didn't really recognize myself or who I was and they kid, the kids would say, mom, let's go out on the trampoline. Let's go do this. And I was just like exhausted by two o'clock and I didn't have the, the energy to even be the mom I wanted.
Anymore. And I was not okay with that. And again, I came to a turning point where I knew if I didn't change something, nothing was gonna change. And my, my pattern, my biggest unhealthy pattern, my biggest trigger is that I get the kids in bed. And then I used food as emotional management and reward, and I would overindulge, and then I would have ice cream every night.
I'd sit on the couch, watch TV with my husband, eat a big bowl of ice cream. And I knew I had to change. I made a decision. Um, I found a simple plan that would work for me, my lifestyle. Um, my husband committed to journeying with me. We both lost 65 pounds, released 65 pounds and about five and a half months, kept it off for over a year and then continued my weight loss journey piece last year.
So I've released 85 pounds. I became an independent certified health coach and really again, just wanting to pay it forward, but it really wasn't about the weight loss. My journey has been, it was really about what's the root Amber going on in your life that you're even turning to these things that are temporary, you know, that temporary pleasure.
That's not giving you the long-term satisfaction that you're only going to find in the Lord. And in your relationship with him, where is your life not in balance and how can you get back on track? Um, because it's not really about the. It's so much deeper than that. And how can I allow this health journey to also be a time of spiritual, deep spiritual growth?
Because as you said earlier, Tamra, we're not just body or soul or spirit. We are, we are all of those things combined. And so if one of those is off-kilter, then it is going to impact everything else, our relationships, our productivity, and our jobs, our relationship with the Lord, all of it. And so I wanted to take a very holistic and spiritual approach to my health journey.
And so of course food triggers is really the result of that journey and keeping that weight off for the last several years and helping thousands of other people do the same. So incredible. I just love that. There's like now this entire. Uh, realm and it's not the end, right? Like there's so many more things and that's why we created, um, I get to co-host an event this year called triggered.
So I, and I, and I saw this and I'm like, that's so cool. And it's a women's event around the, all of these different topics and how triggers honestly often put us in a place of darkness, put us in a place to shame and outside of God's will and outside of. The purpose for our life. And while he was really glad and pleased that you and your husbands were spending time together, how much more it would be if it was time spent on a walk, having a conversation, you know, having eye to eye experiences.
And we all go through these things. Um, and I think that's what makes the community so massive. And so relatable is knowing that like, yeah, we can raise our hand to it and we can support one another. We can cheer one another on and also recognize that different seasons are going to breed different outcomes and different triggers.
And therefore, how are we dealing with them at the time? Um, talk to me about. Being a coach and understanding and being very aware of all of these things. I'm very aware of all of these things, but also knowing that it's on that person's time and God's time of conviction towards them, like sitting in love and sitting in empathy towards someone and then also needing to activate them, like, where do you find the fine line?
Like, how do you do. Yeah. You know, it, the hardest part about being a coach is that sometimes I want it for my clients more than they want it for themselves. And that is the hardest part. And, and I, but I'm very empathetic because I've been there. I know. Overweight and suffering from auto-immune disease as a result of my poor eating habits and my lack of exercise for years before I got to my turning point and when I was ready and when I made the decision, I didn't even then know if I was really ready.
I just knew that I had to do. And so I hope people are encouraged that you don't have to have it all figured out. You don't have to have it all dialed in. You don't have to be like really super motivated. And that's why the subtitle of food triggers is exchanging unhealthy patterns for God honoring habits, because the beauty of a habit formation is that we don't have to be motivated.
We don't have to be excited about getting healthy. We just have to have put in place some very simple. Achievable things that will make a long-term impact over time. So for example, I don't get super excited about brushing my teeth, but it's a simple habit. It's a healthy habit. I can have my toothbrush out on my sink as a visual cue, which we talk a lot about that.
A lot of practice. Tips in the book about how to actually implement some of these things, water bottle. Exactly. I've got mine right here. See your water bottle, take a few steps. And so that's really the key to all of this is you don't have to feel like you're in a place where you know exactly what to do, or you're even super, super helpful.
But if you will be committed to making a few simple, healthy habit changes, they will have a dramatic impact. On your health, you don't have to be wildly excited about brushing your teeth. I can't wait. That's, what's going to have me do it. I don't even think about it. I just go do it. And if you have specific healthy habits in place related to your eating and your, your healthy movement, your hydration and your.
Those different categories, that all are more holistic approach to wellness, which is what I focus on. Then you're going to have a dramatically different future because if you, if every decision I make today is creating the future me that I want to become. And I do not want to be in a nursing home when I'm a great grandma.
I want to be on the. So all the decisions I'm making now are setting me up for the cruise ship or the nursing home. And, and again, I want readers to know and understand it doesn't happen. It doesn't take a lot. It's not all about deprivation or anything like that. But if we put in place some few specific healthy habits and we're relying on God's strength, not our own, which is key, that there is a tremendous positive impact that we can have on our.
Oh, it's so much consistency. It's so good. And, and it's the recognition of grace in the midst of all of that. Right. And a lot of times people will use grace as a crutch and it's grit. Like God is giving me grace today and I'm going to eat this huge bowl of ice cream. Right. And it's not that it really is more so of.
Standing the why behind what it is that you're doing. And I love the legacy factor of what you're saying. Like, I want to be a part of the memories. I don't want to be a faint memory. I want them to actually know me and see me into play. And rather than them coming and thinking of it, they don't like the way it smells in here.
I mean, I'm literally thinking of my own nursing home experiences. I don't want to do that. It's boring. That's how I would relate versus thinking of my own mom, who is a grandmother and, and on the floor and playing, and then all the adventures with my kids because she prioritized. Yeah. And we can't control everything.
Right? Like I know there's going to be situations, circumstances beyond our control, where we may be in some of those situations, but Tamra, as far as I'm concerned, whatever I can do to help ensure my own healthy future, I am committed to this. And that's all it is. It's really commitment. That's all he's asking for us on so many different levels and to understanding in the process, like he's going to have different conviction levels at different parts of your season, and it's not all at once experience.
And so I love that it's one trigger. Yeah, one day at a time, one moment at a time, um, in graces associated for sure. But don't use it as your, your crutch or the limiting belief that he loves you anyway. He does love you anyway. He adores you, but he needs. And because he created you for purpose, with purpose on purpose, you have to be ready to accept the next part of your journey.
If you're not ready, mind, body, soul, relationally, you won't be able to accept it because you'll be in such a fog and such an overwhelm that you wouldn't even be able to say yes. When he calls you. Yeah, absolutely. Amber, this has been amazing. I want everybody to get into your group. Is that a possibility, can they come in?
What's another way to involved? Yeah, absolutely. So I have a website, Leah. And they can go there. And there's a couple of different categories. If you're looking for some of my resources and groups for marriage, for parenting, or for, um, health and wellness, you can find those there, you can go straight to Facebook and type in gentle parenting with Amber and Wendy.
And that's our, um, really awesome parenting group that we have. And then I have a private. For my health journey folks as well, and everyone is welcome to join that. And you can do that through the tab on my website, um, pretty easily. Yeah. So good. You guys, Amber, Leah, I'm so grateful to know you. I'm excited to connect with you further.
Even off this podcast. Love your sweet spirit. And I love that you are a woke Jesus loving woman who wants other families and individuals. Thrive. Yes, absolutely. Thank you, Tamra. You know, I do want to just say that there is so much hope, you know, there may be those that are listening and they, they just feel like every area of their life is unraveling.
And I want people to know, I understand. But listen, God searches the earth, looking for those who he can strengthen. And I am living proof that if you are open and available, that God will do amazing things in your life. And there are people like Tamra and me who want to help you do that and to journey with you.
And so please don't give up, don't be discouraged. God's got you. And there is a lot of amazing blessing in your future. If you'll be open to. Hmm. I love that so much. It made me think of the, here I am, send me Lord. And I think so many people want that. And yet they haven't yet said yes to the other things that God is asking them to do.
And so recognizing again, in that process, he wants to send you, it's already written in your story that he's going to make those big dreams and aspirations and visions come to life, but we have to be strong enough to make it happen. And so I'm grateful. I love. So much, Amber, thank you so much for the hope deposit and for the love today, you guys get her books and make sure you check out her website for all the resources.
Um, they are plentiful and I'm grateful to know you. Thanks Amber. Timnah likewise. God bless you. Bye bye.
Hey, y'all it's me again. Before you go, let's solidify the flame that was ignited within you today by sharing the spark with your own community, whether it's mentally, physically, emotionally, relationally, or spiritually, I would love for you to take the step right now by declaring your takeaway, snap, a pic of the episode and share it on your stories or posts.
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