• Tamra Andress

Making God's Love Clear and Simple with Ashley Henriott

Nothing sweeter than meeting a new friend and diving really deep, really fast -  just simply going there. This is part 2 of my time with my girl, Ashley Henriott, and she lights a fire inside my belly because she makes God's love so simple to understand without all of the Christianese elements that can distract you from actually just knowing Him.

Make sure you go listen to her podcast and enjoy the depths and the richness. Ashley's freaking fire and she lives close to me. Enjoy!

About Ashley:

Confidence building coach Speaker, Author, Podcast host of confidence and coffee, and Tiktok Regular with over 300 thousand + fans, Ashley Henriott is connecting with people and showing them what life, faith, and motherhood are REALLY like behind the scene. (While having a little fun with it all too!) Through coaching, speaking events, and podcasting, She's made it her life-long mission to share her experience with others so they can find the same hope and confidence she found.

Where to Find Ashley:

Text HEY to (540) 210-1621 To Stay More Connected!

Where to Find Tamra:

Let's Connect! Book a Call today to see how I can help you grow your business!

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TEXT Me (yes, it's really me!) at 📱757-906-3734

Show Notes: Making God's Love Clear and Simple

Nothing sweeter than meeting a new friend. Diving really deep, really fast, just simply going there. One, because you're so confident in the Lord that you also can see the mirror image of confidence in another. My girl, Ashley and Roy is on today and y'all, Woo. She just, she lights a fire inside my belly because she makes it so practical.

She makes. His love, his grandiose love. So simple, the words, the context of spirituality and religiosity, and all of these Christianese elements that can distract you from actually just knowing him, resting in who he is and his adoration for you, and the fact that you are literally made at his. We talk about confidence, cuz of course she's the confidence and copy podcast host.

And if you didn't already, check out part one. This is actually part two of the sequel of our conversation. I was in the hot seat first on her confidence and coffee chats and then she's in mind. So if you haven't already done it, make sure you go listen to hers as well, and enjoy the depths. Enjoy the richness.

I told her how much I love her peace, even though she's so playful. She also is so peaceful, and obviously that's indicative of who she loves and who loves her. So, Ashley girl, man, y'all gotta get on her podcast. You gotta get on her membership. You gotta get into her social channels that are hundreds of thousands across all the things.

She's freaking fire and she lives close to me. We're gonna see pictures and selfies and reels and ticks coming your way with me and my girl. My new friend, my new sister.

Welcome to the Fit and Faith podcast. FIT is an acronym representing founders, innovators, and trailblazers who are looking to live a life wholly, fully, authentically, and truly fit a space for us to connect on the raw real stories of mind, body, and soul alignment of entrepreneurs and kingdom leaders. I'm your host, Tamara Andres, and this podcast isn't like the cookie cutter interview experience.

I've been coined the entrepreneurial rabbi, and so we do go there unscripted no matter how far, wide, deep, or high the there is. My desire is to see people rise from the inside out into their greatest calling by sharing their truest stories. And tips as a purpose activator and brand builder, I believe our successes and failures are derived from who and who's.

We are not what we do, but strategy and vision are equally as important to the mission. So let's cut to the chase together and get fit in faith.

Welcome. Welcome to the Fit and Faith podcast. I am so excited to host today's guest, y'all. She makes me laugh. She brings me actually into a place of peace, which is probably not connected to her ministry movement, but it's cuz she's so connected to God in the way that she shows up and is just so vulnerable.

My new friend, Ashley Enro, I am so excited to just. Confidence talk. Coffee. Not about coffee, but with coffee. With coffee, and share with coffee Share just the light of the Lord that shines through you so much. Yeah, I'm super excited to of connect with you, like the fact that we're both in Virginia. I mean, I just want you a little bit closer, but you give me excuse to go back to the beach.

Yes. Um, than just how you know, we connected before. This was even a thing and how God predestines everything. And so I love what you're doing. I love your whole intro. Just like bang into it, girl. Like it was phenomenal. I love everything. I love to be here. I love everything we're gonna talk about. Yeah. So thanks for having me here.

And I think that's, I'm so excited about cuz I got to be on your show. Confidence in Coffee. Your podcast is amazing. And we went, we went deep real fast. And I know it was probably a little shocking maybe for some of the people who were listening to your show cause you're like, Ooh, we're going there right now.

I'm like, Yes, let's. Let's do it. And I wanna provide that same space here. I wanna provide that same open opportunity, um, for the community that's gathered for the show, but then also is coming over from listening to that podcast to this show. Cause we're gonna dually drop them. So let's get into all things.

Ashley, you. You shared so many interesting nuggets on our show when we were on your podcast, and I was like, Oh my gosh, I wanna uncover this. I wanna uncover that. I wanna uncover this. But I think what's really important is to allow you just to have space in where is the Holy Spirit leading you to share?

And so going kind of a backstory, what, who, how is Ashley, who she is today? Yeah, so Ashley is busy. Um, Ashley just shows up how she is who she is. I believe that was the nature of Christ and the more I get to know him, the more I fall in love with him. But, um, where I'm at right now is. It's such a weird season because I'm, I'm in where God's like, Okay, it's time.

But then also there's periods of that time where he's like, And we rest and we wait. Then we go. But overall, in my own life, I am a mom. Okay? I am a wife. With a busy husband, um, who is working, you know, and my kids are in school and I have sick babies and dirty laundry and all the things. And so, um, this is something that I get to do along with my priorities and my responsibilities to my beautiful family.

So, Remember right now. And there's much like grace in the middle of the mess, right? And that's the thing that a lot of people don't speak a lot to, though I have Mets like Messy in the middle, another podcast that I've, I've chatted with the host of that and to know that this is the process, right? I think a lot of times we look to people who especially have a massive social media following like you do, and they think that there's.

Super human trait that you have that they can't have access to. Right? Yeah. And I, and I've had people approach me a lot like that, like that there's this like secret recipe or secret, um, thing that I'm doing, but re it really is grace and I love that you say that because, The nature of grace is really what catapults us into confidence.

I mean, that's where I truly found it was when I was able not to just give grace to other people. I think that's easier, but to give grace to myself and then just to know that, um, is able to just show up who you are, Right? There's never, like, I think that we like to look at that like faith too, right? Like, or a relationship with Christ where we think it's like, work, work, this plan, this plan.

But ultimately it's just saying. Being available, um, and, and kind of using common sense for me, my family comes first. You know, like I don't believe in balance. I don't believe that there is a balancing act. Um, I know a lot of experts that try to come to me and they ask me how I do it all, and I'm like, I'll be real with you.

If there's one area that I'm striving in, there's another one that probably needs some attention. Um, And that's where the grace of God is made available. Right? And he gives us the strength to do what he's called us to do. As long as we show up, we say yes to him. Um, and we give him all the glory. So, and I love the word like availability, just that notion.

And I think when we think of the antithesis of being busy, Our busy schedules can actually keep us from ever being available. I think about my friendships. I mean, you and I wanted to hang out, right? It's like, when are you free? Uh, nope. Not, nope. Right? Yeah. And so how are we making ourselves available to the, if he can't ring us up and, and I have to end and sorry, busy calling, call me later.

Leave a message after the tone. Right? Right. Talk to us through how do you create availability in your. Yeah, so that's number one. I mean, that honestly is my medication. Okay. That's my dependency. That is, that is like a non-negotiable, right? So we have non-negotiables in our life. Those are those common sense things.

So you'll hear me use like, Very plain, basic words. I never, I've never been one from the hood. I'll be real with you. I'm from the hood. I dropped outta school two times. Um, and I learned a lot of these big words when I became a Christian. Okay. . Wow. So I never wanna assume that people know these huge words that we use nowadays.

So you'll hear me say really basic words like, Attention or priorities. Um, and for me, um, spiritually where I make that is a non-negotiable. So that's not something that I compromise. Common sense, common sense for me is my, my time with God and my time with my husband, and my time with my children. Now, is it perfect every time?

No, it's not perfect every time. Am I lacking in an area? Yes, but guess what? Grace. Okay. Grace is made available to. . Um, but in regard of that, like I never, like, I know some people are so amazing at that, like when it comes to that time spiritually with God, right? We are spiritually growing all the time.

Mm-hmm. , we're never making it, There's never like you made it now when it comes to ministry or purpose, and I've, this is where I've really recently been with Jesus. I'm just really like, dove into studying his ministry. Um, there was a period where he was. before he went and ministered, there was a time for everything.

Right. Um, and I think that we always wanna just hop into things. I know for me, my personality is like, I'm a visionary. Let's go. I don't know what we need to do, but we're gonna do it. Um, and so God has really helped me in that area. But in paying attention to his ministry, he was with his father first.

Right. Like he, that was so utterly important to him. And of course he went with his father continually through his ministry, but he really wanted to wait till the time was right. And I don't wanna think of the what if, if he didn't. But for me, um, I think about that. I think, like I said, I'm in a season where God's like yes in this, and I make him priority, but then there's times where he's like, Just be with me, right.

And wait for me. And so I think that's so important. It's so vital in your walk wherever you are to. Spiritually make God number one. And now that doesn't look like waking up at five o'clock in the morning and having five Bible journals and like your Bible. Sometimes that's like, I had a sick daughter this morning, so for me it's like resting and then afternoon nap time.

Um, , but knowing that God is my number one, he's like, We can't do this. I can't do this without you. Like, he's my water man. He's my food, he's my bread, he's my everything. And, and ultimately everything I do is for him. And so if that is the focal point of everything that you do, Um, God is with you, right? And so for me it is very practical.

Um, my Bible time, my journal time, my, uh, I, I think that people like to make it over complicated, you know? Um, and that's just a conversation for another time. But ultimately for me, I just talk to God. Um, I get in his word. I have a study. I share my devotionals that I, I use for other people. It's a, it's kind of like a catalyst, right?

Like a study is a catalyst of like, okay, and you know, this is where I'm at, but then God may take me somewhere else in the word. Yeah. Does that make any sense? But it's like a motivation to get there. I agree, right? We put on our workout clothes. Like our workout clothes ain't gonna get us losing the weight.

It ain't gonna get us strong. You know what I'm saying? But we put on our, but we put on our workout clothes because it's preparing us for where we wanna be. We get in this devotional because it's gonna take us where God wants us in the word. And then ultimately, he just wants us to be with him, and he wants us to get to know who he is, um, and the purpose that he had for us a long time ago, just like he did for Jesus in the beginning.

And, and that honestly, that is the availability. That's like you saying, Okay, I'm gonna get this devotional. I don't really know where it's gonna lead, but like, I'm open, I'm here. Yeah. My time is yours. My attention is, Yeah. Is yours, right? Mm-hmm. . For me because you get to see what somebody else was revealed to during their time and then you're like, Oh, there's like a whole nother layer.

Cuz God is like constantly unveiling himself to us in our season of maturity and sometimes immaturity, right? Depending on where we're at. But he's constantly revealing himself to us. Cause he's just eager to be in relationship just like we are eager to be in relationship with one. Yeah. Yeah. And he designed us that way too.

Yeah. He designed us to be in relationship with him. And I think that we, Do you ever feel like when we say that it sounds not only cliche cause people kind of like overuse it, but also mm-hmm. , um, there's like that resistance of like, it's a work to be in a relationship with him, but man, it's so. Yeah, it's like the ice a lot of times on the cake, right?

Like, well, even us, like it's, you're like earlier when we first got connected, you're like, I dunno if you have space for any more friends, but I'd love to be friends. . Yeah. It does feel how? How is that possibly going to happen? When are we gonna have time to get together? I wanna be with you. I wanna hug you.

I wanna nurture this conversation and the differences based on proximity. I can literally be with Jesus every minute. I can't be with Ashley every minute. and that's ver, that's the massive variable. Not to mention, I can only read you so much because we're in this newness of relationship where God has read us since day one.

He knows the scuffs that you make. He knows when you're avoiding something. He knows when you're procrastinating. He knows when you're heartbroken like he knows. And therefore, we don't have to really create words to share with him. He just wants your presence. He wants your availability. He's so good. And there he speaks.

Yeah. And in. Their strength because being known like that. , Right? Being known like that, um, is so freeing and it's so hopeful. And because you have all that hope, knowing that God knows you like that, he's in those areas with you, He's a part of you. He's in your life in the dark, darkest spots and the ugliest parts.

It's, it really is a protection for me. Number security was number one for me my whole life. It was a desire I needed. My whole life because I didn't have it. So for me, I, that, that was a determination, that was a motivation to get me through where I needed to be, to get me where I'm at Today was the security that I found in Christ, right?

I always pictured myself under his wing. And that he wasn't just with me, man, like he was for me, like he saw me. And so when you live in a way that the God of the universe, the creator of all things, Cause first we have to believe that. We have to believe that he is the creator of all things. He is the God of the universe, and that he is big as he is, sees you, that he wants to spend time with you, that he chose you.

I mean, that in itself is so motivating to do so much. The things that you can do in a love like that is phenomenal. Like, I don't know how many of your audience members have children, but I always refer back to this as a mom, right? So for me, I look at my children's eyes and they all receive love very differently, right?

Children have love languages, just like adults have love languages. And when I think of my son, one is words of affirmation. And when I tell him I, I'm looking at a picture that he made, and when I tell him how proud I am that he made that picture for me, he completely physically lights up. And there is a confidence and a motivation in that child like never before.

Right. And so the fact that I acknowledge, I love, I support and I'm proud of him, right? Yeah. Um, it motivates him into a confidence to continue to go and conquer the world because, hey, my momma thinks I am the bomb. Okay. Like this is, this is Van Gogh here, Okay? Yeah. Um, and I want my kids to hear that with them.

Forever and ever, and I believe that God loves us like that if not more. And if. If my children can trust that I love them like that. And here's the reality too. It's not like, I think that people are like, Well, how do you know? Well my son, I don't have magic. I just tell them there is a love that they feel, there's a security, there's a safety.

Um, and in that, in that consistency, God is so consistent. Yes. We women need some consistency, man. Like I need it like, But God is so consistent in that, and we as parents are so consistent in that for the most part, um, that in itself is just powerful enough. God is enough, and so there's nothing we need to work for to feel that way.

I think, I know that when I coach clients, that's one of the most difficult parts for them is like, Well, how do you. Walk in that confidence, Like how do you walk in that? And the best way, I love to picture it for them. I love to make a visionary. I like to like, Hey, we're gonna go back to childlike imagination and I want you to imagine this And, and God says that even now, like you have to have faith like a child to enter the kingdom of heaven.

Yep. You have to believe just like our children believe and, and it's really not that difficult. It's a, it is us adults and you know where that spans from fear. Yeah, students from doubt, fear, insecurity of like, I was gonna say, what if for sure, What if, what if, what if? Um, but the reality is, is this, which brings me back to this.

This is a practical tool. And this has helped me with my, like I used to be very suicidal. I think we talked about that. I used to struggle with depression, anxiety, my, my whole life. Like the devil was like, I got a mark on you. And then when God gave me a purpose, he even had, I mean, even when I moved here to Virginia, man, he had a mark on me.

I mean, he has got a mark on me, but come on, bring it. I just know that cause God had purpose for me, that was supposed to be an abortion. I was, I was literally claimed a mistake my whole life by everyone in my life. And I know that I started to believe that. I remember the moment, the smell, the room I was in, the chair I was sitting on when I finally believed I am a mistake.

And that went with me and it defined a lot of what I did. A self, a lot of self-sabotage. But in coming out of that and healing through therapy, through mentors, through church, through God, it was a very long process for me. . But what really kept me from going from a darker place, um, was the fact that I believed in a God who didn't make mistakes.

Okay. Okay. So good. So if I believe in a God who doesn't make mistakes, I'm singing worship, Lord Jesus, you are in control of it all. You don't make a mistake. How am I one of 'em? Mm-hmm. Right. And so I would defeat the feeling, which can be our feelings can not be trusted. And I was defeating an emotion and even a lot of like diagnosis of like PTSD and stuff and like just going back like, I'm not a mistake because my God, whom I believe doesn't make mistakes.

I'm not a mistake, and I would go back to the devil like Uhuh, my God. Don't make mistakes. Yeah. I'm not a mistake. I'm meant to be here. I'm meant to be here. I'm meant to be here. And so I always help clients with that. And like just retraining your mind. Right. Speaking to your mind. Even when I coach clients, like on a physical health aspect, like.

Put your stomach in submission. Yep. Put your flesh in submission. Like, stop letting your stomach tell you what to do. Stop telling your mind, tell you what to do. Stop telling your feelings what to do. You have like, it's a, it's, it's hard, but it's, it's worth it. Nothing worth it is easy ever. Yeah. Like, like, I don't know about y'all, but like, having babies ain't easy.

No. Putting your life in the world is ucky and nasty and . And painful. But man, is it worth it? Right? Totally. Yeah. And I just think about the layers of fasting, right? Connected to that. And like when we surrender our flesh, when we surrender our mind, when we surrender the things of the world, the tangibles.

The comforts, what he does and what he reveals in that season is more comfort, is more assurance, is more fulfillment and sustenance than we could ever get from the thing that we quote unquote put. Period. We idolize even our minds thinking that we being in control and that think about people who are book smart or people who have a high IQ, or people who read all the time or feel like they know it all and some should perform and they're actually missing out, right?

They're missing out on the wisdom that could be connected to that smarty pants. Know. Yeah, . It's so true. You know? So tell me from a place of identity, Ashley, cuz you mentioned it earlier a couple of times, that you struggled with trying to figure out who you were before you knew whose you were, and that you walked a lot of different paths in that process as especially as like a teenager and a young woman.

How do you now speak into those women's lives who are still trying to figure it out? Especially trying to figure it out on their own because they don't have the stewardship of. Yeah. So I didn't have the stewardship of parents and identity is such a big word. I remember when it was first introduced to me, um, I was like, What are you talking about?

Right. Yeah. Cause we don't really, You never, never hear about it. You never really, Yeah. You don't hear about it. It's not something that, it's like, well you, it's not like you go to a college course and you need to figure out who you are. Right, right, right. It's like our, our identity. Right. Our identity starts with our name, and that is also something I've been studying.

Names mean something, right? Um, the things that we hear, the things that were called it, it sticks with us. It stays with us. Um, and from a personal, from my story, I was named a mistake. Um, and I ultimately identified with that. And so in that, in believing that I was a mistake, Rootly intentionally was not more born to be here.

I thought I needed to work for love, I needed to work for approval and I was gonna take it wherever I got it. Um, because that's just where I was. And if you think good things came to me, cuz God was with me through all those years. I mean, he showed up in so many different ways, but like if I, something good came to me, I always felt like I wasn't good enough for that.

Like there's no way. And I. Push it away or I would sabotage it, which is another form of pushing it away. Um, but I just remember my whole life, not only was I walking in a, a worthlessness, I was, not only was I walking in a place that I didn't feel worthy enough, even to the point that I ran from everything, there was a certain part of my life that I ran from God.

Um, cuz I didn't feel worthy enough for him either. It was never that I was mad at God. I was more so like, I'm not worthy of you. Yeah. Um, because of the way I saw him. Right. And the way I saw myself. The way I saw the world. Yeah. Um, when I finally came to a place that I actually, um, wanted to be something, it was only, only through getting pregnant.

Like there was, there was only. A place where it's like worthless, worthless, worthless. And then you get pregnant and I have a reason to live. Okay? So there's another thing inside of me that's going to love me. What . Um, and so I wanna love that. I wanna love this, this baby who's gonna love me. It gave me a purpose.

And I believe 100% God used that. Um, but in that, that was a catalyst, that was a motivation to continue to want a better life, not. . Okay. I never wanted a better life for me cuz I would've chose that a long time ago. But I wanted it for this baby. And this baby, um, gave me the bravery to do many, many things to step in a church in the middle of the country, um, where you saw more bear and dear than you did people

And in that, like, I would always look at him and look at. And eventually I got saved and baptized, but it wasn't just like I got saved and I'm like, I know who I am. Right. I was just ex, I just had hope, man. I just had like, wow. Like I'm not going to, Hell. Yeah. . There's this guy that loves me already though, like claiming like.

I don't know who I am yet, but I know I'm not like that. Right. I know that I'm not like that immediately start like, Well, I'm not going to hell. We immediately almost start comparing, well, at least I got this part of my life together when we become saved. Right. Like this salvation process. And it's like that's really the antithesis.

God immediately just wants us to have empathetic eyes. Yes. Yeah. Right. That takes time. And he, you know, and he meets us there though. Yes. Like even if we're like that, Right. He knows. Yeah. I mean, you know what I'm saying? Like he knows, he's like, Look, okay, this is the process, right? Like everything is a process.

Baking a cake is a process, right? And so God meets us there and I just even like, I just love his character cuz I, I just picture him and he is like, okay. I got you. Let's go. Right. Um, and so I was just hungry for him. I was hungry, like any relationship to get to know him, um, and, and know this Snoop found faith, but it was, I mean, even in that, I, there was even a self-righteous season moment where I'm like, I just trust the Lord.

But really I was naive . Um, and that's just any young Christian, and I try to, I, I know a lot of young baby Christians where they're like, self-righteous. And I'm like, Oh, just wait till God brings you in a heart season. My friends . Yeah, people, lovely. You real, real quick. You, but those seasons are the best because those are, were characters built.

Which brings me to this point, but like in identity, I, I think idolization is a really big problem right now. Um, I, I believe that we idolize a lot of things, um, and can fall trapped to it. Um, even more so the Bible, right? Like, I'm gonna be bold here. I think that people, um, have forgotten the whole realm and aspect of a relationship with Jesus Christ.

Yeah. and we get so caught up in work. So it doesn't even have to be on the span of like, not knowing God, but even so knowing God, thinking that you know God so much. Yeah, that's great. Right. You know what I'm saying? That I do start to idolize certain things that like totally miss the, the concept. Totally miss the purpose of who we are and who we were, who we were created for.

Um, and so, and we all tend to. Fall in trap for that. But I know for me, my drive was, I didn't know God. Like I didn't know norm normalcy. I didn't know what it was to be loved. I didn't know how to love. I even worked at preschools to learn how to parent. I didn't know anything. And so in that, I fell into the identity of the church, so I was just, I am a gonna serve in the children's department and that's who I am.

And I'm this, and I'm this, and I'm this. And I started to take on these works and I started to take on things that I do. Even a mom, I started to take on like I'm a mom, I'm, I serve in this church, I go to this kind of church, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you start to take all those things on. And what tends to happen is when we do that, and we're not careful, not that those things are bad, but because we found identity in it, Because we have labeled ourselves on this very, very surface level.

We're actually not dealing with internal, internal things, right? We're not, because it's still all work, like it's still just a lot of work and it still could go away. All of even being a mom like you, you're a mom even in your womb, but like I know women who have lost their child. I also know women whose kids are now in college and they've had this like in full shaken of, Wait, if they're not literally attached to me, what am I?

Who am I, what am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to go? And you're now not. Yeah, so and so's mom. You the name, like you said, birth. The devil knows this. This is a great conversation. Here's the thing, the devil knows that. Think about why he wanted to tempt job. Mm-hmm. . He wanted to take everything away.

God's like, Go ahead. You know why? Because I know he knows who he is. And who's he is on the inside. And so even though those outwardly things that were gone were painful, I mean were painful, and Joe felt all the feelings. He blamed himself, he asked God to forgive me for, forgive me. He was so upset. And we tend to think that if we find our identity in those outwardly things, when those things are gone, not only do we not know who we are, but we tend to fall into condemnation.

Yeah. It's the devil's biggest trap because think about it this way. Well, God, what did I. Right. What did I do for you to take it away? It's literally problematic in the church. Mm-hmm. . Because when a person whom we love, and trust me, I worshiped people more than God in the church. Okay. Um, when, when those people let us down, Well, what do we wanna do?

We didn't know God fully. Not that we didn't know God, but we didn't know him fully. That's like, Well, I'm walking away from the church because you know what? Like those people let me down. Nobody. It's just never gonna happen, and we lose all hope. Yep. That's nice because we stop at a certain point. And my, and honestly, practical, let's get practical when I, when I help people find identity in Christ.

And let me tell you, I was the biggest work for it. Work for it, work for it work. Appearance, fakeness, prosperity, perfection, success. This is how you know I follow the Lord, right? The church loves power, man that I bear. Church loves that. The church loves power and we have hurt people. Yeah, we have failed in that aspect.

And so when I ask people to do pray for God to take everything away, people look at me like, What? And I'm like, Ask him. Ask him to strip it all away, because then you will discover who he is. Because he will be all you have. And then you will realize that he is more than you ever needed, and you will experience grace in a way that you had never in your life, and then you will know your worse because you were chosen despite anything you ever did, anything you worked for, any outwardly thing that you thought was perfection and amazing, God still loves you.

And so when you walk in that pride, Of God loves me despite my struggles with depression. God loves me despite like my circumstance, financially, whatever it may be. When you walk in that there's a confidence that literally the, the enemy himself could not take away from you. So good. That's identity. It's literally walking in the fact that you're loved man, right?

Well, you're walking, wearing the armor of God, like Ephesians, man. Yeah, I mean that's what I imagine and, and as you're talking, I'm thinking I just.

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I think it was yesterday, my days of learning, learning together right now. But I just got all of my outfit, my wardrobe ready for the conference next week. And I, I love fashion. It's so fun for me. Yeah. And I remember being stripped of all of it and, and stripped not just a fashion, but of. All of my earthly things, I've, I have been in that place where I had nothing.

I had no titles. I, other than the fact that I was a mom, but I couldn't even call myself a mom cuz I didn't feel like I was good at it. I couldn't call myself a bride. That's so good. Cause I didn't think I was good at it. And so I literally had nothing. And I remember just yesterday as I was preparing, I, I told my husband, I said, I never ever want somebody to think by my outward dress that I am getting dressed for.

that I am getting dressed for my mirror moment, but that I'm getting dressed because I have a joy and a sparkle and a light inside of me that I discovered in years of discovering God and discovering that identity that allows me to get dressed. Yeah. And so it's also that way when we get to show up on social media.

When we're doing it out of a place of authenticity and God honoring versus man honoring. Yeah, we can't, That is such an easy trap to fall into. Here's the thing, I'm writing a book about that and I start the book off with being on the red carpet and I just, I'm a visionary kind of person and so. You know, I try to take people to a place where it's like, this is your moment, and Jesus is at the entrance, right?

And you dressed up the way you wanted to for him. You showed up, you did your hair, everything the way you wanted to, but then people started to come in and tell you what you needed to wear, how you needed to do your hair, what you needed to say. And the crowd got bigger and bigger and the noise got louder and you started to be easily influenced by everyone around.

Even the negative voices like you were, you're not meant for the red carpet. Like, what are you doing here? Like that dress doesn't look all good on you, All these influential voices and Jesus was waiting for you at the entrance right when you showed up. And so there has to come a time where if we are gonna let those people influenced, they're gonna keep us where we are and we're gonna struggle with those voices all the time.

We're gonna have our salvation, but we are gonna struggle in a world full of influence. Full of opinions, full of beliefs. We have to open our arms up and be like, This is who I am. This is how I'm showing up, and I'm not gonna doubt myself because Jesus chose me. What does that feel like? If people could imagine that for two seconds, what does that feel like?

And that's the thing I love. I love fashion and I love how you, I love how you compared that. I love how you talked. Oh, you're getting ready for conference. And even a mom, When we lose our children, when our kids, a lot of empty nesters. Follow me? Yeah. Talking. I don't even know. That's cool, man. Like, Hey, what's up,

Um, but like, I, I love that because they're a place where it's like, I don't have children. I don't have anybody that needs me. And that challenges you. That challenges you on a whole nother level. And what's great is what I, I don't want people to feel condemned when they get to a place where it's like, Well, God took it away, and now I feel worthless and I don't feel like a good mom, and I don't feel like a good speaker, and I don't feel like a good writer, and I don't feel like a good grandmother, and I don't feel like a good coach, whatever it is.

Um, I'm like, Thank you, Jesus, Hallelu, you're in that. Because this is an opportunity for you to believe that where you are is not because of you anyways. It's because God chose you. God loves to call the unqualified. Mm-hmm. loves it. And when people try, people try to challenge me every day. That's the beauty of social media.

Okay. People like to come at me all the time. All the time. And the reality is, there's two things. One, I'm not afraid to say if I'm wrong because it doesn't mess with my. And second, um, I don't care what they think. Ultimately, I'm just, I'm not showing up to, to be real with you because I decided I wanted, I wanted to be an influencer because I wanted to show people my story of redemption.

You can idolize that. I'll be real with you can idolize your story. I'm gonna be real with you. Really good. Be careful. Be careful about that, Okay? Okay. Because we are not who we were. And you can't take that and identify with that. You can use it as a testimony of what God has delivered you from, but if you identify with that, It's, it's gonna mess with your head in so many ways.

It'll take you back into places that God delivered you from. Um, and so be careful with that. But we do what we do because we love Jesus Christ. Jesus. When you think of the disciples, I, I mean, I challenge everybody to watch the chosen. I'm so, I'm so excited for the new season coming out. Me too. Oh my gosh, girl.

So good. I've watched all the table talks, Sister. Yeah. , I'm obsessed outright. Like I want people to like, like watch the table talks, like all of it. I, and I don't idolize it. I look to it as a resource for people to be resource revealed about the Bible. Like it's a whole nother resource in addition to what the Bible is.

It's living, It's a live word. Yeah. It's like going to a live nativity scene. And I love, I love that disclaimer. It, it really is. I think it's, I think it's powerful because it's gonna really give people the visualization of. The character of Jesus Christ, the Jesus that we know. We knew him before the chosen came out.

I know him like that. I'm like, Yo, let's go to the haunted room. Like, what's up? Let's go. You know, like I knew Jesus like that. Um, I just, I, I love him that way. But think about it this way, Tamara, the disciples, it was mostly focused on the disciples around him. Yep. Yep. And none of their mission was about them.

Nope. Do you hear what I'm, Do you hear what I'm telling you? It wasn't about Peter's story, though. We use it as significant. It wasn't about the leprosy, it wasn't about, um, Mary Magne, even though their stories are significant. But what did they do because of what he did? Wow, It's good. What did they do?

What was their mission? Just follow him and then share what did he ask them to do? Yeah. Go and make Disciples of Nations. Stop trying to figure out your purpose. Yeah. Wow. Stop trying to figure out your purpose. Your purpose is to follow Jesus Christ and he will make it known to you. I didn't say, I never, in my once in my lifetime thought that I was gonna be on social media the way I was

God did. I never did. I never, never, never, never, never. That was never my intent. Is it cool? Heck yeah. It's cool, man. You know, it feels good. I ain't go lie. It feels so good. Um, but that's not something I idolize because I can lose it. And every single day I ask him to take it away. I challenge myself every single day.

Even songs I sing now, worship songs I sing and I'm like, Would I die on a cross with? Ask yourself these questions. Don't be afraid of them, because God wants you to. He wants you to ask these questions, these really hard questions because he wants to meet you there because he wants to know you in that way.

And if we are, if we're too afraid to come to him like that, then do we really have a relationship in depth like that? . Do you see what I'm saying? Yeah. It's so powerful. Well, again, it goes back to what we were saying before. Like we could be sitting on a couch with Jesus and like we can say one thing and be feeling, experiencing doing another, and he knows both and, and so us acting out of a place of.

Idolizing anything else he already knows and so he already know. His desire is just to come back, like our original conversation, to come back into a space of availability, which availability requires surrender. It requires mind. It simply does. Nothing else can make it possible. So if you want something applicable, what can you give up today to become more available?

Amen to God. That's so good. What can you give up today? That's the thing. I, I don't want people to overthink this. Um, I believe, I believe that even people that idolize religion, whatever, Here's the thing. When people come at me and I get a lot of. I mean, you're online. I know, but not like that girl. As a Christian.

As a Christian, yeah, it's even harder cuz I'm not only sharing my Christian, my bold, Christ loving beliefs cuz that's who I am. Yeah. I would never hide that. But I'm also really real about life, man. And I just show up as I am yelling at my kids and then saying, I'm struggling, yelling at my kids and then saying, Jesus met me where?

That's hard for people, and here's the reality. It's because it shakes them, right? It shakes them because there's a surface level within the church and with Christians, and not that they don't love God. When I talk to these people, I don't ever think they don't love God. I think that they do. I think that their intention was to help me.

I think that their intention is like, I love God and you shouldn't be doing that. I believe that they. And I believe in their own way, they think they are helping me. And the reality is, is I'm gonna show them compassion and love and then quietly just kind of like walk away. And here's the thing too, I always tell people, and you probably have heard me, like, if I cause you to judge me, you need to unfollow me.

I never wanna cause somebody to sin because they're not there yet. Good. Like, I never want to get in an argument like, you're just not there yet. But I love you. Like I, I see what I know. You love God, girl. Like, it's good, you know, And I, and we have to be sensitive as Christians about that. Like, don't then come back to insecurity again.

Like if I get online and I'm like, Well, let me come at you like this. I'm trying to get the approval of man. Right, Right. It's true. I don't need the approval of man pe man, man. Hated Jesus first. I mean, the reality is, is the religious people hated him. Nobody understood him, but he did not care because what did he say?

I'm here for my father, my father's will, my father, my father, my father, the disciples. I'm here to follow Jesus. So it's not about like what you do, it's not about what you do. It's not even for you to figure out. It is for you to follow Jesus and say yes, and the reality is, is to accept the fact. I am unqualified, but he called me and that is enough.

That is enough. Like in our weakness, we are strong because we are leaning on him and not us. When we start leaning on us, it becomes a problem. And so always, always test that. Always challenge that I have to still do it. To this day I'll find myself leaning more cuz of my personality. Um, and I still struggle with insecurities.

and I'll find myself trying to lean on certain things or compare. Right. Social media is super scary. Totally. Cause I, I'm an overachiever, Tamara and I have this in common. Yes, we do. I think I, I put high expectations on myself. Yeah. People like my team are always like, Ashley, simmer down, but I'm always like, We got, I gotta be here.

I gotta be here. I gotta be. . And if I do that, then I've lost my focus because now I wanna meet a goal. And it's not even like being with him at this point. and God's gotta like get me in check. Like, yeah, no, no. You don't need to be there. Yeah. Um, I coach, I coach women who don't have children who are not married.

Those are my best clients. I don't know why, girl. I like the people that I coach. Most of them don't have children. I don't know what God's doing. And as you were talking, I wanted to ask this question before we close out it. And it's this idea of influence, right? Because it's become such a conversation.

They discover their identity, they being people, myself included. Right? And now because of the, You've gotta know your calling. You've gotta know your purpose, which. So on board with you of like, stop trying to figure that out. Just take the next step of obedience for today. And God reveals himself every single day.

He brings people to you. Yeah, but I see, because I'm a coach for mainly coaches, they feel like if they don't have like this big community of people, that they're not successful and that they're not actually doing the will of God because God told them to do this thing and now there's no people to do it for.

Oh, I'm listen. Help me. Help me help them. Help me. Help them. It's me. I love, I get caught in that, come on. But I, I mean, I know that God called me to it in whatever form that is. I think that we try to, we just try to identify things rather than just focus on him. Right. We wanna make it into be, That's comparison.

That's good. Right? Good. Like it's, the world will tell you this is what a coach life should look like. This is what success rates look. It's, it'll kill you. Yeah. Comparison will kill you. It'll kill your, the calling on your life. It'll kill your confidence. Comparison is a trap. Um, and so even in that like that, that is, if God called you to coach doesn't mean that you're gonna come without issues.

You're still gonna have life issues. Um, but that's what makes you even more great. That makes you even more qualified because it's not you who's coaching these people, It's Christ. Okay? Yes, ma'am. . And second, like, I want, I want people to know that, like, again, I love how you said that, um, even if it's for one person, keep that in mind that you helped one person.

I, I have to do that every single day, and that's really, really, really hard. But I just ultimately take it back to Jesus Christ because even I'm not even doing it for that one person that I. I'm doing it for him. Like, okay, that's the person you want me to help, Lord, you lead you guide. And I wanna give, if I can, before we close, I wanna give some, a practical, some homework.

Is that okay? Yeah, please. It's just the coaching me, So the, the clients I ask them to do this, um, I'm all about journaling. I think it's vital, important that we journal, I mean, The disciples wrote the Bible, that all thing and okay. It was a big journal. Yes, I'm all about journaling note pads. You know, I got, when I think about Matthew from the chosen, he's like copiously writing notes.

I love him. Oh my gosh. I love what they did with him. I love what they did with him. Um, okay, so this is what I want. This is what I tell people to do. I want you to take a piece of paper and write a line in the middle, and then I want you to write good things about. And that's gonna be challenging cuz we don't always think about, The reality is, is most people don't think about good things about themselves.

And then I want you to think right, things that you don't like about yourself. Okay? Now I want you to go back to the list of things that you wrote good about yourself. And let's say you're good with finances, okay? So then I want you to go even deeper with that. And so then write a line under finances.

And I want you to name a time where it's like, well, if you're good with finances, then you're good with what? You're good with numbers. , right? So then I want you to go in a line against that, and I want you to go, right, Well, if you're good with finances, you're good with numbers, you're really smart, right?

You're really logical, right? And so you're retraining your brain. In all these areas, like you are good with fashion. Okay? So if you're good with fashion, then you're, you have great style tips. Like if you're great with style tips, then you have great taste. You have great taste, and you have great eyes, like then you're smart, like you're beautiful.

Like, then we get to the physical aspects, right? Cause we feel good in that outfit. And so you're retraining your brain to think all these great things about yourself. And then at the bottom, what I have, People do is I have them write like, and Christ gave me all those things and Jesus made me this way.

Mm-hmm. . And so when we take, then we have the, the things we don't like about ourselves, and guess what? That list looks different. So when we focus on this list and we detail all these things that we like about ourselves, and I have them like tape it everywhere that Christ made me this way, the things that we didn't like about ourselves are like, That was dumb , like that was little.

Um, and they don't overpower us and they don't, they, our perspective, our lens has completely shifted and then we walk and who God made us to be and who Christ made us to be. Um, and that really helps us really transition and cleanse our perspective about who we are. And so, so powerful. And I about, you said at the beginning how you like simplicity and you like to take it from a place that feels.

So ethereal and like, Oh, I'm, I'm speaking in this other language, right? This religiosity even. And to bring it back down to geez, right? I think of like my kids, and we actually do this practice, Ashley, with our kiddos when they're around and, and the cousins when they're over is, we'll say, Hey, let's look each other in the eyes.

They have to completely stop whatever thing they're doing, and they have to say three things that they like about that person into their eyes. They're little 6, 7, 9, Right? And. Watching it. They're processing their own emotions of, I'm about to give somebody a compliment. The recipient is kind of like shying away because it's not really common place Right.

To receive that when it's time for them. Then after they give the three compliments, they have to say three good things about themself. Yeah. And that part is really extra layer of hard. A lot of times they'll come back to, I don't know, I don't. Right. And they're little. Why is that already happening? And now here we are, 30 plus years, 40 plus years, 50 plus years, whoever's listening and you can't even possibly think up the good things on the side of the list.

Cuz we focus so much on the negative, the last on the negative comparison. Yeah. It hurts my heart. Think about what your maker, you as the. You see all the perfections of your child right from the time they're born. Even if they look like an alien, they're perfect. Right. And no one can tell you otherwise.

Yeah. And we, we don't even give God honor in how we see ourselves, because I love that focused on what the world sees in us. I love how you said that we don't give God the. So we need to go back to that too. If we look at ourselves negatively, what are you saying about the creator of who you believe? Are you calling him a liar?

Are you saying you made a mistake? Well, that would be absurd, wouldn't it? So then you have no choice but to reflect on yourself. I tell people even this, Are you good at rubbing your cat? Do you love on your ca? I mean, I'm not kidding you. Yeah. I like, What are you good at? There's something you're good at.

Are you on Zoom? Okay, write it down. You're gonna get in on Zoom. You work a computer. Yeah. I'm telling you, you will find the root of who God created you to be, even from the simplest point of where you are. So, and that is the beauty of Christ. He will meet you where you are and he will show you whose you are and the purpose he had on.

All along, just like Jesus was from the very beginning was the purpose, was the very beginning. So are. I feel like everybody just needs to take a really big breath right now. Just like a, it's all because I feel like so much I said at the very beginning, and if you follow Ashley, you must follow Ashley on, on all social media platforms.

She makes you laugh, you'll wanna cry with her. You'll wanna fight with her in the best ways. Fight for her, not against her, please. And I say that peace because the. And truth is an element of peace, and you provide truth in such a unique way that more people need because you do put it in something easy to chew on, and you make it simple.

And that's what more people need, even. Through the church, right? They need the simplicity of, of the truth of what God and Jesus says about us every single day. And so I honor you. I, I honor you so much. I cannot wait for your book to come out and we will relaunch, we'll make some fun splash in the social media world when that happens again.

But you guys want to follow Ashley, I know you have so many resources on your website and freebies and things like that. Um, so we'll drop all of that in the show notes. Is there anything specific. Key mic drops that you wanna share? Uh, no, I, um, I just, I really want, I guess my encouragement would be cuz it was a, this is a lot, this is a lot to take in.

Um, just know that Tamara and I are no different than you. Um, and that we are people who just love Christ and chose him and. You are so qualified to do the same thing, and the best way to find that is through grace. And so my challenge to you is not just take a piece of paper and write a line, um, but to discover what grace is, Ask God what that is and how to give it to yourself in this season.

Um, and then I also wanted to share my community. Um, so I'm all about a text. I know my homegirl do not like to talk on the phone, like that is such a second language, and so I believe that text message is really powerful. I don't always get to share a lot of, uh, what I want to on social media. Uh, and so I created a community where you will get daily, um, encouragement and devotionals from me, some audio messages, and then you get access to my Facebook group confidence and coffee.

We have like monthly coaching calls and we just hang out and we have fun. We encourage each each other and you get to know the rest of the community. And so if that's something you're interested in, I will give my friend the information to do that. And because you listen to this episode, you'll get 30% off your first month with a code.

Be there, I gotta get in the community. She will light you up because she is connected to this light source and I'm so pumped by that. Yeah, Ashley, I'm so grateful. I can't wait to be in. You soon. And I hope you guys got a little confidence today. And if you didn't yet, I think after you make some of these applications that we talked about and there were several, so if you need to go back and write down the action steps from the show , I think that it's gonna bless you so much.

I know, I know. I talk a lot. Sorry. I love it. No, please. That's what we're here for. Confidence and coffee. That's your show, right? We gotta, we gotta plug it. All right. No, we love you so much. Thanks for being here and I hope that you have an incredibly blessed day and you walk in. Because Christ loves you.

That's it.

Hey y'all. It's me again. Before you go, let's solidify the flame that was ignited within you today by sharing the spark with your own community. Whether it's mentally, physically, emotionally, relationally, or spiritually. I would love for you to take the step right now by declaring your takeaway, Snap APIC of the episode, and share it on your stories or.

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Thanks again for being a loyal listener, and I hope to meet you in person soon at one of the events. Speaking at or hosting, and I say we because the fit and faith team could not do this without you. Until next time. Blessings over your joy, Health, wealth, and wholeness. This is the fit and faith way.

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