Live Fearlessly: BadA** Boutique Business Babe – With Tatiana Hill
It is time to live fearlessly. We all have limiting beliefs. We all know what it’s like to be anxious. We all have experienced failure. We all tell ourselves stories that are only figments of our own imagination, not the actual truth.
Where, when, and how in all of those mental and emotional struggles do we find the time stand up, get off the cyclical rat wheel, get a little brave and face our fears?
Today’s guest is a rock star. She’s a business babe with her own awesome clothing boutique, but even greater than that, she’s a voice in our community teaching us by action and through her words that we can all live fearlessly!
After our conversation, I feel empowered to go home and hug my hubby, kiss my babes, take some time out for myself, better my ministry, and go for a run. Yes, I got all of that motivation in 1 hour.
Whether in marriage, motherhood, girlfriends, business, or just being our own advocate for our relationship with our self – Tatiana speaks with wisdom and boldness in giving us each the freedom to soar above what has previously taken us down.
Connect with her here:
Show Notes: Live Fearlessly
0:00:01 S1: We all have limiting beliefs. We all know what it’s like to be anxious, we all have experienced failure.
0:00:07 S2: We all tell ourselves stories that are only figment of our own imagination, now, actual truth, where, when and how in all of those mental and emotional struggles do we find the time to stand up get off the cyclical rate wheel, get a little brave and face our fears. Today’s guest is an absolute rockstar, she’s a business page with her own awesome clothing boutique, but even greater than that, she’s a voice into our community, teaching us by action and through her words that we all can live fearlessly.
0:00:41 S1: After our conversation today, I feel empowered to go home, hug my hubby, kiss my babies, take some time out for myself, better, my ministry, and go for a run.
0:00:53 S2: Yeah, I got all of that motivation in one hour from here, I can’t wait for you to listen, whether in marriage, motherhood, girlfriend’s business, or just being your own advocate for our relationship with ourself, Tatiana speaks with wisdom and boldness and giving to each of us the freedom to sore above what has previously taken us down, learn to live fearlessly, we’re all in pursuit of something more, wherever, whatever or whoever your more is, I will help you get there. Holy, fully, authentically and truly fit. The fit needs movement was birth through my own trial and error discovery of mind, body and soul alignment, I learned first hand that being fit isn’t about our physique at all, it’s about the wholeness of our heart and the root of our joy. This isn’t a fitness podcast, this isn’t a quick fix health detox ploy, this isn’t confusing religious banter, this is a whole body health check-up focusing on the heart, this is an opportunity to join me alongside other big dreamers, innovative movers and lifestyle shapes. As we explore and share our messy contact service homes, if you’re one step away, achieving your idea of something more, tune in for practical fund in healthy ways to unite yourself into even more.
0:02:18 S2: Welcome to the fit and faith podcast with me, scaring. And there is no better time than now to get the…
0:02:27 S1: You are here today with one of my longest-standing friends, I would say
0:02:32 S2: Are other than cousins, but that doesn’t really count
0:02:35 S1: Family. This is your family. Which is so crazy kindergarten right now. Yeah, I was thinking about the same Alesi and how we were doing selfies and modeling long before there was ever a self-music with our image. Yeah, yeah, I still have some of those to actually do a… We have to make them as a part of the program for that… He’s so funny. It was so much fun though. We were like, Not in spelling rostered, man curtain in our hair, we were so trendy. We kind of know it. Look like Spice Girls. That you said a lot of fun. So it’s interesting to see you fast forward what 30… Well, probably 20 years where we’re at now, and how that has to. Either Math, it’s like 28 years because Rocky is the same… We have had the same length of friendship, and I was trying to figure that out, it’s about 28 years. That is created. A lot of people don’t have friends that long, especially super close friends, long…
0:03:39 S2: That’s very true. I think it says a lot about, there’s a commitment to that, and I know even when I think about that, we don’t commit to each other probably as much as we could and should and would like to, but we kinda just did flowed through life, so similarly, and even in this last season of my life, like the changes that I’ve made, I kinda see you kinda doing the same thing and evolving into the woman that we’ve always wanted to be, but the 20s, you’re just kinda… It’s a crap shoot. Honestly.
0:04:10 S1: It’s the type of friendship that just kind of picks up where you left off… Yeah, we’re in the same chapters of life, so I feel like it’s really understood that. Well, I’m busy and kids in businesses.
0:04:23 S2: Those are the best kind of friends too though, because they understand… Understand, yeah, it’s been really fun to watch. But also live it out with you. I was thinking this morning when I was getting ready about… I have lots of friends with kids, but I think Ruby was one of the first I was at the hospital, got a hole.
0:04:41 S1: She was so sweet. How old is you now, she’s eight heat. That is so crazy. Well, what’s crazy about it is. Okay, so I had her when I was 25, we found out we were expecting her when I was 24, right at the time, I felt like, Oh, you know, Where do we share… That’s fine, young. Yeah, at 33 now, I’m like, we were babies, so we were… So yes, but I am in the middle of it. I didn’t think anything, I was like, You know, we’re doing well in… And we did handle it. But now when I look back, I’m like, we were me, and really better not even think about that without wild, because you did things a little different than most people did when it came to… We were in Kevin’s relationship, and I always… Even when I went to your wedding, I remember being like, This is so firm. This is so cool. So.
0:05:36 S2: Such a love story, and I know that there’s probably… We’ve been trials and tribulations. We’ve all had them since I been married, and a special time of the not, but just watching that unfold and you guys growing into one another, as you’ve grown into who you are as a person, one, we’ve both done some personal transformations, I think, which is really neat, and now we’re kind of working on ring it back together. If that makes sense. Yeah.
0:06:02 S1: I’ve talked about it a lot, so I don’t mind kind of being honest about it, but we do marriage counseling all the time, we are super opposite and not in the way that compliments one another, we’re the negative charge magnets or whatever. So it’s a lot of work here, and I’m very upfront and honest about that.
0:06:22 S2: It’s a lot of work and we have to work every day to kind of stay a bit… Stay united front. Yeah, some days are easier than others.
0:06:31 S1: So yes, absolutely. Yeah.
0:06:33 S2: But I think, again, we did do things a little bit differently, and so for… I guess for people who don’t know, we had our daughter before we got married, so 24 had our daughter, I don’t think we got married until we were like 27 asked that time. And we’re both 33, he’s heading into 34 pretty soon. So we’ve been together for a decade.
0:06:56 S1: Is
0:06:56 S2: A long time, a very… In to this year, he is a decade together, and there’s a lot of change, mechanical cortex hasn’t been closed till you’re 25, so often, especially you’re thinking of my baby, you really are so multiple until that time, and so then you going into being a mom where you’re already in the cyclone of what’s happening to myself and my life, and you go from having… You were together with Kevin, but single lifestyle, just you guys.
0:07:25 S1: And then into that transformation of weight and none of my friends have kids, none of us. I use your phone content, you use the parties on the weekend, and then you’re expected to parent together and do all of these things that it’s just not something that even like pre-marital counseling can prepare you for sure. And so it’s just a matter of, let’s do it. How were we gonna… First, and nobody can give you advice, even the marriage counselor because we have a therapist, she’s amazing and she gives us communication tips and gives us a safe space to talk about things that are difficult, but at the exact same time, she can’t say, You should do this and this is gonna work. Yeah, because she doesn’t know. Sure, it’s different for every… Every personality type and are there is such an Enneagram, I thought process. So she will share like, Oh well, she’s doing this because daddy’s doing this because deals, she knows all of our backgrounds or childhood.
0:08:25 S2: So if I was to continue to study something different, it would totally be like The neuropsychiatric, how you intermingle with people. I find that fast thing, I actually went to school, I got my Bachelor’s in Human Services, ’cause I thought I would go on to do the master’s in counseling and so forth. And I wanted to do kind of child development, ’cause I’m interested in how you evolve from your childhood into the adult in it is because you know that nature versus nurture or
0:08:55 S1: The baggage that we carry around as far as the… The way we communicate with people, and I think that’s so important. Now, as a parent, I will find myself stepping back and being like, crap, that was a really bad example of how we communicate, it’s really important for me to set an example for them on how we talk to one another, how we talk to our siblings, how a husband and wife should talk to each other, how adults talk to children and vice versa… Yeah, I won’t say that I succeed every day, no, but
0:09:25 S2: I’m really interested in how those relationships through a child’s eyes kind of evolve into creating the person that they become… Absolutely. Soweto many conversations, Gary and I in our therapists in regards to like Cooper and Waverly, and you have a boy and girl, but a girl boy. So I’m curious, how does their relationship is a little bit different, and ours are really close at 16 months, so it’s a lot of competition. He wants to do everything his way, he bikers and fights and picks and prides his little sister all day long, and she’s so emotional and she just wants to be a friend.
0:10:00 S1: And so I often take her side and I realized that I can’t do that because I also have to hear why it is that he’s frustrated, what does he do? And yesterday, we’re driving in the car, I was like… He held her hand ’cause she was like Cooper Cooper and was touching her in the car seat and he pinched ring in the squeeze really hard, and I’m watching in the rear view mirror and I’m like, I wanna laugh out loud at this pace is so eLearning, but I don’t like that decision, why do you have to touch her like that, and he was like, Well, she was interrupting me and I’m gonna call her interrupting Waverly everyday sounds like my… It sounds exactly like my house, I was doing… I was like, I can’t even be serious, right, now you’re gonna call or interrupting way really? ’cause they do the knock knows they’re interrupting cow and the Camille stop. It is a true… I think that’s like the sibling, it is, it’s a whole nondenominational. Anybody else like that? It’s just the comfortability, which is exactly like your marriage…
0:11:06 S2: Yeah, you get so comfortable with somebody or even relationships within family, and you know the buttons to push, you know what’s gonna affect them in just the right way because you’re mad or irritated or frustrated or whatever it is, and learning those communication strategies to simmer back on that… And do it… Treat them as you would wanna be sure.
0:11:28 S1: And it’s just kind of learning how they receive information, I have learned that I need to take a softer approach in my Sybase, I just had to be firm and lay it out, and that’s how it is. Yeah.
0:11:44 S2: He takes that definitely is really attacking a brace it… I wasn’t like, that’s just how I talk to…
0:11:51 S1: Is the sales time? Right, and so I get the… I think we should do it one, please don’t sell ice to it, but right now, my, my wife, I wanna do it because it’s this way, and he’s like, I wasn’t trying to sell you, I’m like, you just gave me a whole pitch on why this diagram should be white instead of what? I like the black one. Yeah, that’s a… And baseboard, five years that are like, I really hate this black tables. Are you kidding me? I stood in that Star for hours trying to get you to use a is often times you end up biting your tongue and realizing not that they’re right and we’re gonna give them all that credit, but that there could have been an easier compromise. Yeah, well, and for me, learning to apologize…
0:12:32 S2: I don’t like to apologize. Oh yeah, I’ll be real honest about that, and he’s almost real quick to apologize ’cause he thinks like, Oh well, if I just say Sorry, we can move one easy solution, I’m kind of like, No, I’m gonna Everton
0:12:46 S1: This for a while, so kind of meeting in that mode, he needs to take it a little more seriously. I appreciate your apology. But do you really understand why I’m upset.
0:12:55 S2: Right? And I need to be a little bit quicker to say, Okay.
0:12:59 S1: That’s interesting. Sorry, I love you. Really.
0:13:02 S2: I think I probably… I have definitely had the stubborn trait for sure, but then I have this component of Gary needs… Not the words. He wants the action. Yeah, so he wants to see how… I’m sorry, why? I’m sorry versatility, and that’s a hard thing to do for someone new stubborn, I’m like, Sorry. And that doesn’t work, and he’s like, Sorry really doesn’t mean anything to me, because people my whole life has told me sorry, and then the very next day votes at the same thing, I was one to him, so I can get that…
0:13:36 S1: Not fun. The
0:13:37 S2: Love languages thing are interesting, and it’s interesting when you put it in your… The relationship you with your children too. Yeah.
0:13:45 S1: I read a book at the book at the outward mindset.
0:13:49 S2: And one of the stories really resonated with me, and it’s a father and a son, I don’t remember it completely, but I remember the long of the short EIS, the father wanted to bond with the sun in one way. Sure, and it was always a drag to the son and the father, it was His way, His way, His way, and what he didn’t realize was that the sun really enjoyed bonding through playing basketball, and he was gonna actually connect with his child by bonding with him through basketball versus whatever way he thought, you
0:14:22 S1: Tag along with me for this, or tag along for the…
0:14:24 S2: And he’s really busy with work and they’re just virtually uninterested in just so kind of recreating your relationship with them through their eyes and their interests, and our children just want our time most of the time and… Absolutely. Undivided time. Yes, I’m guilty. And that you found down… I’ve heard from my daughter more than my son, you’re always working, always working, heart-breaking, and so they get used to their devices or whatever they do to occupy their solo time in the mom and I flip the switch and say, Let’s make some jewelry together, or do you want it to an art together, it’s like the world lights up here, so… So excited. So whenever they ask, I try to at least give them that little bit of time
0:15:07 S1: Yesterday leave, I wanted to play a roller coaster, which was literally just running around in circles in the front yard, so I didn’t feel good, I did not feel like doing it and I was like, Okay, I’m gonna give you five minutes of the most enthusiastic roller coaster ride ever, because right now, this is how you are trying to find and connect with a tattoo. It’s interesting. It is hard. It’s busy.
0:15:28 S2: Yes. And I don’t remember my parents ever playing with me.
0:15:32 S1: I don’t think we lived in that detonated, but they took us on adventures, I don’t remember that, but other than that, go outside and play… Yeah, to occupy yourself. That was it. So it’s hard for me to kind of merge the two because it’s a tattoo them so… Sure, they should. Yeah, I don’t have time to occupy you all day long… Yeah, but I also wanna figure out a way to connect with you, Vinay.
0:15:55 S2: That means something to you. Yeah, I love that. And especially for all the people about to go into summer break, that’s like such sound advice, to know that it is okay that there is times where you’re not sitting on the floor doing every single thing with them, but then at the very same time, to know that it’s just super important for us to be intentional with our time and with the type of love that they are… Sure, and my son would love if I was a gift giver at every moment of the day.
0:16:22 S1: What is the series? And I’m like, No, I’m not getting you that… And so he knows that he’s not gonna get Eves to never has a date. Yeah, but he recently… His birthday is coming up, help six, crazy enough. And we were talking about, What kind of birthday party do you want? Where do you want it to be? Who do you want to come? And we just kind of… Honestly, the kid brain storms, his birthday all year worth, you’re on 65 years. And we’ve been stuck on Star Wars Legos for a good six months. So I know that’s what he wants his team to be, and he said this when he was about just turned five, and he said all the people he wanted to come, and specifically, some of them are in the younger or older elementary to middle school age brackets.
0:17:05 S2: He hangs out very much with older kids, he loves that. And he said, But no devices. And I was like, Interesting.
0:17:15 S1: Why? No devices, he’s because they don’t pay attention when they’re on their devices, so no devices. I’m like, That is awesome. And no device birthday party, and he’s like, even you Mommy, to its… We’re gonna check in at the door, just like you would check your keys if you having a drinking party and everyone has to come with no intense
0:17:37 S2: So excited about that one fact, you can have nothing else there other than that quality time of their five minutes of rollercoaster.
0:17:45 S1: It’s funny because we just did Ruby’s birthday party at a really cute place, and the staff after it was all kind of done, she said You guys were the most involved party, like the most involved adults that we’ve ever had in here… Where were you? The green man. Yes. No, they’re also, I wanna call them out. And so we had this big dance party and it was so fun, and all the parents were dance
0:18:11 S2: And the grandparents… Everybody shows that. The parents, aunts, uncles. And I was like, Well, what are the other parents do? And Kevin, look at me, go sit on their phone, and it’s true.
0:18:22 S1: They’re being entertained for an hour… Yeah, it’s like baby sitter free time, I’m super guilty of it, I work at my course, but I really try… I try to be conscious of it, I try to kind of like, when I have it out and I mindlessly scroll is… It’s like, What? Yeah, what’s the point here? I’m not looking at anything, but I do know what…
0:18:42 S2: Rights. Anything? Yeah, and I… Some friends who practice doing the… They don’t have their phone next to their bedside either, and the phone stays on the other side of the room plugged in or it’s downstairs plugged in, I will be honest that we have not gotten to that part of our relationship to that, and I see sleep through an alarm, if it’s not right next to me.
0:19:01 S1: And I think it’s my phone.
0:19:02 S2: You just feel like I had a conversation with my boss the other day, he was like, So what do you… And Gary, do you… If you never… ’cause he always referenced his shows, and I’m like, I have no idea what you’re talking about, that we don’t tend not watch to be… And he’s just.
0:19:15 S1: So what do you guys do? And the kids go like, go to sleep.
0:19:18 S2: It’s like… Well, I mean, just your downtime, I’m like, We might for a glass of wine and talk
0:19:24 S1: Like, Oh, it was so… Just so confused. And I said, Actually, you know what, we will get on our phones and like, Hey, did you see this? Do you see this… And he likes to him in May, but he does it all on his phone, and I am on my phone working all day long, so I’m done by the time the day is over.
0:19:43 S2: But I would love to talk about that too, like that component of where… How your businesses have evolved, when I got dressed today, I put on my Lula, which I know you’re only… It’s actually really torn and whatever… It’s a show. But I know that you have this transition from everything that you went from college into all of these different things… I want to hear about that. Entrepreneurial journey.
0:20:05 S1: Yeah, well, reference lures, we had said I had my daughter when I was 24. I was going back to school and taking a break from school, I went to school after high school, and then took a little bit of a break, and then I decided to go back and it was a week before my semester started that I found that I pregnant so it was like, Wait a minute. I was fairly unplanned. I did the whole last, I think it was roughly three years
0:20:33 S2: Pregnant, and then with a child and I worked, I waited tables, I kinda did whatever we did whatever we could to make ends meet while he finished it out, and then I was like, Great, I’m gonna get my degree in men, get a job yet
0:20:47 S1: Would be great, and then I couldn’t get a job, I couldn’t even get an interview that it was so frustrating because I… So good interview you. I love the human services aspect and fundraising, child welfare, non-profit, all of that stuff. I couldn’t get a job anywhere. It’s one of those… Oh, there’s a lot. I think maybe there’s a lot of candidates, a lot of the positions now require masters, so there’s just a lot of factors. I think a lot of our generation, and then definitely the millennial younger is What kind of on the cusp, right there… I know exactly what I’m talking about. You go to school, you spend all of his time investing in a degree, and then there’s no jobs, or there’s not a job that’s in your field and…
0:21:34 S2: Not to sound like Brady or whatever, but we were kind of at the point where if I was gonna leave my children for my child at the time… Yeah, it was gonna be for something. Right, and the only positions that were even remotely accessible at the time would have been spending more on child care always to have a job, and that’s a hard decision to make for a woman, I think… But we just decided to have a second child. As this is the point, I heatseekers. Yeah, what do we wanna do? A soda with the… As you ended up would have gone back maybe for a year, maybe for two, and then you’re like, Okay by again and…
0:22:14 S1: Yeah, and there’s just… There was no road.
0:22:16 S2: There was no real direction, and so it just felt like a good time to have a baby. Number two, A, that’s home. Right then in there. Right.
0:22:24 S1: Why not? Absolutely. So after Levi is when I stumbled into luring, invited to a party. It was three months old. I’ll never forget, he was really young, so I was almost immediately… And we were under contract for our house, were buying houses, and Kevin was like, You are crazy, ’cause it is a big financial investors
0:22:45 S2: To join. And I was like, Please, I think this will work. This is something I could do. It was brand new at the time. Nobody knew what it was, yeah. Long story short, I ended up winning that argument, he was not
0:22:56 S1: Not on board.
0:22:57 S2: And it was a really cool journey, it really was, and I just kind of evolved out of it for personal reasons, and then honestly for creativity in the fashion world, I just felt super limited or… Sure.
0:23:09 S1: One of the hardest things for me was getting up every morning and feeling like I was not dressing for myself.
0:23:16 S2: I
0:23:16 S1: Mean, your clothes express who you are, and when you’re wearing something that makes you feel less like yourself…
0:23:22 S2: It was hard, and so I had to make… That was one of the inner of dilemmas that I was happy, but what a lot of people don’t know is, I laughed and I was making really good money at the time is, was I was consistent in business, and I have a really small but really solid group team, good sellers, I had trained them to just… They were really good, really good group of girls, and I left and we needed that money, so it was a really big decision for us, we had to sit down, I had to go over all of the plans and kind of what are we gonna do as… I say that because I started a new business, I started my own boutique, and that option to fail is not there, I say it now because we still rely on my ad income, of course, our whole life had kind of evolved to rely on dual income, and then if I’m like in
0:24:15 S1: The quickening there looking at me going, Okay, well, I want now. And so, yeah, but I’ve always been a really hard worker. Oh.
0:24:26 S2: Totally, but the question… So it’s interesting because it’s not like opening a boutique is they’re paying you immediately, so there’s your little… The money income. And you’re investing again. Which you had just done it. Like a eyesore. Yeah, literally, I invested pretty much everything that I had into kind of flipping clothes online, and now we have the store and it’s still… I certainly wouldn’t say I’m in the clear door at all, so we definitely have kind of put everything that we have into on the side, but it’s doing well, you’re so good at it because it’s so much more… And I can say it from experience of having my own boutique… Yeah, I feel like it’s so apparent that it’s not just about the clothes, the clothes are such an open door conversation and beginning relationship starter, you empower people
0:25:22 S1: To think in such a way when you interact with them, when you share about your experience, and it’s not about the clothes that the clothes make us, you can feel a certain way when you put on something.
0:25:35 S2: But you’re so good at just making everyone and feel beautiful. Yeah, I love that. And you feel that way when you go into the story. We feel so spoiled. And you haven’t bought anything.
0:25:44 S1: I have really good staff. I will say the laterally Costa almost do a better jump on it to some… I love it. They’ll start talking, I’m like, Oh, that would be a real… And I love it. Well, I had my manager in our store for a while and everyone thought she was my mom… Yeah, and at some point… And then she also would just call herself the owner because they’re like, Oh no, the one… And she’s like, Yeah, she… And she still does it today, which thinks my mom, this is hilarious to her because she now owns it fully and I appreciate it. I’m like, Girl, you, Oh, whatever you wanna, you can have the back end because that’s not the part that I love.
0:26:24 S2: The part that I love is the customers, and so them feel beautiful and connecting with them about their babies and all of this… That was definitely the biggest thing that I missed, but when it came to the retail industry, when I had told you, I think I was… I don’t open a store
0:26:37 S1: To it… Yeah, atonement. First time I went to market, I reached out to you as I. Do you have any advice about going…
0:26:45 S2: And I love market in a week.
0:26:47 S1: BRE, all the classes I take. That is so much fun. So it’s really cool to see that how that’s evolved for you, and now it’s what I know you’ve done a couple of your own pieces… Yeah. T-shirt. Okay, is that something you wanna continue to look into
0:27:06 S2: Or… Yeah.
0:27:07 S1: I’d like to expand the brand, that concept a little bit. In the future.
0:27:13 S2: It’s really a matter of having time, I feel like I can’t start another project or we were talking about the creative side of things earlier, I can’t start that until I’m really… I feel real dialed in with the day-to-day management of the store and everything that’s going on, and we’re getting there, that’s awesome, but it’s just not enough yet where I’m able to walk away for a little bit, I… Attention elsewhere, but I would like to really back to women empowerment and just kind of creating a space for women, much like what you’re doing to live fearlessly… To stop letting fear, I know speaking from personal experience, I spent a long time being afraid of what other people are gonna think and not chasing dreams, and I know that I would have been super good at… So I didn’t have the courage
0:27:58 S1: And the self-awareness
0:28:01 S2: To chase them, and looking back now, I didn’t have the self-awareness, so I probably would have been eaten up a lot…
0:28:06 S1: Yeah, a like.
0:28:07 S2: I’ve had to evolve into a person that I’ve become to be able to look back, but I would have liked to have had the tools maybe sooner… Yeah, sure. And really looked into that personal development aspect earlier… Sure, so if I can help other people do that and feel a little bit more fearless, little powered to take control of their life, ’cause we get in this rut of like, wake up, go to work, come home, fixed in… Or put our kids to bed, wake up, go to work, come home, fixed in, or put our kids to bed live for the weekend, then
0:28:38 S1: On the weekend, we get together with the same five people, we all have a couple of drinks or kids play it Sunday, everybody gets ready to Tetris like this ratio, the same monotony for… Take better words, and I love routine, and I love the simple moments, but I just… I wanna create something that’s more on my own terms, less monotonous, restricted to that.
0:29:01 S2: That schedule, it’s been interesting because I have the desire for a lot of that as well, and I jumped into the core concept this year, and I feel like we’re live fearlessly. Group will be similar to that. And whether it’s the group that you already have established you social media, or if it’s a local group of women that come, I feel like it’s gonna have that similar take for you because it becomes less about your day-to-day routine and more about how can I help them live fearlessly in their routine or lack thereof, and I love seeing women shatter that a little bit, shake it a bit and get uncomfortable, and so often the first thing that people say is, Well, I don’t know how… Or, well, I don’t have the time, or I don’t have the resources. And I always challenge those questions, ’cause I’m like, What is the limiting belief to why you think you don’t have time, yeah. What is the limiting led to why you don’t have enough resources, it’s not about your bank account, ’cause we can work around that and through that and with that to your advantage, and why…
0:30:06 S2: And that courage piece is such a huge one because it kind of circles back to what we were talking about before, like who in your childhood Who told you that you weren’t good enough, who stepped on you enough to say you don’t deserve to do what you’re passionate about… And it’s a multitude of people generally, but sometimes it’s like one situation that rests within your soul so deeply, and it really should be a freedom opportunity to say, Okay, you’re likely not even friends with that person anymore, you’re likely not intimately involved with that person anymore, and if you are, how can you get on top of what their belief is of you and stop living Aloha? They say, Yeah. And so it’s been such an inspiring thing to watch women let go of all of those limiting beliefs and step into that ownership and being able… It’s fearful. Don’t get me wrong, there’s so many steps that I take on a daily basis, like I don’t know what the heck we’re gonna talk about
0:31:06 S1: Where we are.
0:31:07 S2: And it’s like, let’s just step into that un-comfortability and see where it goes. Because it’s gonna be good, and there’s fault moments, there’s missteps, there’s the time where your self-awareness isn’t in the place that it needs to be, but if you continue to go back to what the purpose is, and the purpose is to live fearlessly outside of that at Race outside of the mundane and the desire to pursue your dreams and what you’re made to do, you’re always gonna come back to it, okay, customers a little bit, and that’s on a test, keep going
0:31:39 S1: Well and living fearlessly or being fearless is… It doesn’t mean that you don’t have fear.
0:31:45 S2: It ’cause we all… Here’s
0:31:47 S1: One of her day Brown Browns books actually, where she talks about riding in a car and fear is allowed to be a passenger in the car as our joy and all of other emotions, but fear is never allowed to have the driver seat is a lot of ride, you were allowed to acknowledge it’s there, but it is never allowed to be the driver, that’s always really resonated with me because everybody has that crazy anxiety-ridden, fearful
0:32:12 S2: Or something, especially if it’s something that’s important to you or something that you want… You’re passionate about… There’s a big alert, so much ’cause it’s your out…
0:32:22 S1: It’s about pushing forward. Anyway, I’m feeling this and I acknowledge that it’s there, and I acknowledge the importance of whatever I’m about to, whatever journey I invest to embark
0:32:33 S2: On, but I’m still gonna go forward anyway, even though it scares me. Yeah, and it’s the people who end up taking that plan and going that next step that you’re like, How come they can do it, it’s because they recognize and they’ve kept walking versus some people do let that fear or whatever it is, like a battle, him Just get over… Yeah, and then they find ways to love it, and sometimes the numbing is the fact that they have a 70 to 60 PM job, and then you’re so stuck in the rat race. I thought it was interesting when you were talking about how lunch you guys had the dual income and how we as a society, if you make the money, you’re gonna spend the money, it’s how we operate is you become the lifestyle of what your pocket book will other center, and then it’s stuck in a different situation and you’re like, Hold on a second. But this is what we’re used to doing. This is what we’re used to doing. And Gary and I walk through a really scary time when I let go of the boutique, I let go of the other brawling that I was developing and decided to be home with the kids and pour into the people in the place that wasn’t ever gonna go away yeah, it was a really hard decision.
0:33:45 S2: It was a really fearful decision, and to watch our finances just go up in flames, it seemed like it was so scary, and yet people look from the outside looking in, I’m like, Oh, they’ve got everything. They go on trips, they’ve got a nice car, they’ve got… My car is a 2011, has 110000 miles on it. It looks brand bank and new from the outside, ’cause somebody gave it a good paint
0:34:10 S1: Job, and currently, if you open the trunk, the shock is broken on it, and so it’ll open really beautifully in your hand, it’s like shutting on you to see… And people are like, Oh my gosh, are you gonna get that big something in… It’s not a big deal at
0:34:27 S2: Learning to deal with… The concept of money is also such an important thing because it can be the main limiting belief, but it can also be the unlock if you can get past that to say there’s more… Yeah, right, yeah. I also think in terms of money, if there’s a will, there’s a way, and I certainly don’t mean like for anybody who’s… Their limiting belief is in the financial aspect, I certainly don’t put yourself in the mounts of debt that you’re a… Gonna be able to pay off. Absolutely, but again, if there’s a will, there’s a way, and I think if you’re real, if you’re why is strong enough and you’re really passionate about what you’re gonna do, you’re gonna figure it out, you’re gonna figure out how to finance it, you’re gonna figure out how to trade for it, Laredo, whatever. To make it happen, that’s etawah, it evolve. And it’s interesting too, because now with the concept of collaboration, and I feel like you’re really good at that, you’re so open to community, you’re so open, you’ve been like that, and you say it kind of like you went to school for and having that heart…
0:35:26 S2: You’ve been like that for so much longer than what I feel like the fad of community service. Right, and that’s a horrible thing to say that that’s a bad… Because it’s amazing when people have outreach, and here I am doing a bunch of super safe house project locally, but at the very same time, it’s more about the why behind it, but you’ve always opened your doors to these concepts of collaboration and being willing because you’ve been there, how can I help you? What can we do to… You know, and I don’t know, I feel like I’ve always just had one of those generous hearts or I always wanna do good, I always wanna give back because it’s the right thing to do. I live by this moral code of right and wrong, and Kevin is always like, It’s not that black and white, and I’m like The… It is though.
0:36:10 S1: It is right and wrong is. Right, right, right. Even if it doesn’t benefit me, if it’s like Ron is, roti think in terms of giving back and collaborating, I’ve always felt much like a loner, I’ve got friends and stuff, but I’ve never had this group of… The friends is big up of friends or this big group of business professionals, I’ve never really had my place kind of floated to the groups or whatever, so I just do my own thing, and then when people who are looking for companionship or help or collaboration, ask and make sure I never had that, I never had the bringing me in.
0:36:47 S2: So it would have been nice to feel like I had a community to belong to, so I just always try to see that community for other people that do that. I feel like I’m more established. I do have little networks and mantles where I feel like I belong, but in terms of creating my business from the ground up… Yeah, I didn’t have at back to being… Having a newborn at 25, and how many friends?
0:37:12 S1: The few friends, and I’ve never run with a huge social group, we’ve always had just a small coordinate of friends.
0:37:19 S2: And so the few that I had a work right the moment that they thought that I was pregnant.
0:37:24 S1: No, loathed a childhood friends like you and Rocky and a couple of other friends to anchor down and do a baby shower that I didn’t even want and things like that, but
0:37:37 S2: In terms of people to hang out with after I had a baby, I had no one. So for three years, it was real lonely, and then I had Levi and started that business and it was like, okay, I was a… I just invested all this money in this business, how am I gonna get it off the grand… So it was really… I had to go out, I had to go out of her. So wow. Wow, how interesting. No, was it like… I mean, talk about confronts that out of your cereals. I don’t like failing in that aspect, I believe in you’re gonna fail things and you’re gonna learn from them and stuff, but I gambled a lot of money on that, and we were not in a position for me to do that, so it was like, I gotta make this work, that tenacity of like, We gotta figure this out. It’s gotta work. And then as it started to take off, it was like, Sure, kind of an addiction, you’re like, Oh, this is successful, and then you kind of you… You write that little wave of success as much as you can, it’s interesting ’cause I had the both senses of…
0:38:39 S2: I put in a lot of money for a monomer it when it first opened, and the many businesses that that we did, but that one took the chunk of the change and then to ride that boutique out for as long as we did, you’re constantly investing in that I mean, it’s a constant investment, it’s like owning a home, ’cause you wanna make it new and trendy and new lines in that line it…
0:38:58 S1: There’s 52 seasons in the fashion world, and it’s just like, Oh my gosh, how do we keep up with it? And at the same time, when I let go of the bra company, we decided we’re gonna pour everything in to make the store work, and it was kind of in this… We’re about to resign the lives, we’re not really sure if we’re gonna design the lease, so that’s when we did the store remodel, which looks amazing now and was such an investment for my mom. But at the time, I was like, Okay, we’re gonna make this work. And it was about four months later, and I’m like, This isn’t right.
0:39:32 S2: Yes, isn’t where I should be. I’m not thriving here, the business wasn’t thriving, so it… Of course, the addiction of what it was has now been lost, my energy was all or toward my home, my faith, my kiddos, that relationship, and so I wasn’t in it in the same way that I was so… Looking at numbers, I’m like, Oh crap, I never paid myself. I never did any of the smart financial things that now I have a little first talking person on my shoulder, always talking to me about money in a good way
0:40:06 S1: Because she’s the best friend and she was giving me the resources and the books and all the podcasts
0:40:12 S2: I II love you. Thank you so much. You’re like My life CFO, but it was the scariest thing. And so I felt so much like a failure. And I walked in that kind of shame for about a year, I had to completely remove myself from the store, and it was also my mom, so that situation doesn’t really tough.
0:40:32 S1: You kind of worked with your mom for a little bit, but she had her own thing, it’s like… Yeah, it’s a lifelong. Business is hard, Everett
0:40:40 S2: Took us quite a while to get over it, but the hard part was I still wanted the rain, I still wanted to be able to control because I was such a control freak at the time, and now I’m just so excited for… So when she gets to Ashland and he shows me, so was so fun, and I know that my place was outside of it. Sure it was, it’s become everything to her, and I love that, but boy, that failure component is always… That’s probably my biggest fear. ’cause on the very opposite end, I’m the achiever. So if I’m driving towards things so hard, somewhere in the back of you is like, Why are you driving so hard, what is keeping you from being okay with just resting or not winning… Not letting it happen. So I don’t know why specifically the failure piece is so big to me, it’s just the, I think, praise that I received from achieving a…
0:41:35 S1: ’cause you’ve always been in a cheaper…
0:41:36 S2: Like in an over-achiever? Like in childhood, in school stuff, I don’t know, I… Sometimes I wish there was obviously a huge pieces really, I would love to just be like her.
0:41:48 S1: The kid who never turned in his or addictive understood that. I have anxiety all the time about not being on time and have my document, you don’t… I like to have at the… They say Your eyes dotted in your team or… Oh yeah, and it has to be early. It has to be prepared. I was not a procrastinator, I will say recently, I went through my second year of my ordination, I just got ordained, doesn’t minister it
0:42:12 S2: Really fun. And it was a two-year program, and you had to do like a monthly assignment, well, as that was happening, I fit and faith was also coming off the ground, and that ministry has taken all of my energy and my love and my creativity and my passion, and I am telling you I had no time. No bandwidth to do multiple things. It was all I had
0:42:32 S1: To was doing my other job, and so I was talking to Pastor and I’m like, I am so sorry I haven’t done these assignments, it was giving me Night sweat, I couldn’t sleep knowing that I had these things to check off, and at one point, he told me, God will give you grace for your space, which I’ve said that on the podcast before, and when you said that, it almost released me from the fact of like… You don’t have to do all of those things.
0:42:57 S2: Not to say that that’s what he said, he is not like, you cannot do the homework assignment, ’cause the college professors still says turn in the college professor or the grades to get it, but I just had this release of being like, No. Do what makes you happy. Do what feels right. Again, that moral code, good versus bad, versus always trying to do all of it. Yeah, we can’t do all of it, or just… Yeah, the anxiety of not getting it all done, I could… That resonates with me so much in terms of just having a task that I’ve tasked to myself with and nobody is quoting the accountable and the anxiety it needs to get done, and that not allowing myself to slow down and relax ever… And I’ve had that conversation with myself many a times, or it’s like, Who cares
0:43:42 S1: Who is gonna come knock on your door if that doesn’t get done, race a little bit.
0:43:46 S2: Right. That
0:43:46 S1: Lie, Safar, I don’t have that attitude. I’m very like, Everything needs to get done, but none of it gets done effort, so… Why stress about it? Right. And I will say I have gotten better. Yes, yes, I, I things go. Yeah, I talk about my house. I’m like, It’s well lived in a Thai chaos, I’d like to say it doesn’t look like this all the time. Yes, that’s normal. Yeah, so special is it’s classes. Well, lived in, but yeah, and then pulling back in the child conversation, I don’t want my kids to always remember me as working or cleaning, if our kitchen doesn’t get clean…
0:44:23 S2: Sure, I’m aware about the catiline, the items to be clean.
0:44:28 S1: So if our living room doesn’t get picked up, if the pillows aren’t arranged nicely, but we all got to laugh and play around for 30 minutes before bed… That’s okay. Or There’s
0:44:37 S2: Nobody knocking on my door, but… Excuse me. You didn’t do that.
0:44:42 S1: Yeah, it’s so true. I don’t know where… I think maybe, I wonder if we went back to the way we were raised children, I think we had very similar home dynamics, it was very strict and you had rules and you had chores, and we both know they’re a very good listeners and for children, and if you didn’t do it. You were in trouble.
0:45:00 S2: Totally. And so I just wonder sometimes I think that’s honestly where it comes from… Yeah, absolutely, and it… Even things like making your bed. So I’ve been throughout a huge hit us up, I am not making my bed because I had to make my bed every single day, I enablement doing in college, I ended up doing it when it was my little space, and even in my marriage, I was like, I’m not… It’s like our room, I don’t care what it looks like. Well, since we’ve moved, I’ve been really out of it ’cause I love the decor or bedroom, and it was the only space because my mother-in-law and my father-in-law were there for a while. And it was complete chaos. It was the only space that I could control. And so we started making the bed every day, and now I get it, why it’s one of the list of the seven highly effective leaders things that they do
0:45:45 S1: To make their bed.
0:45:47 S2: Because it feels amazing when I leave, I’m like, Yes, I did something already today that feels good, and when I come back in the evening, they would have to take off the pillows that my husband doesn’t understand.
0:45:57 S1: It feels so Cotonou have home. We’re always running late. I feel like no matter how early we get
0:46:04 S2: Up, we’re always running late, I do like the feeling of coming home and it’s made… Yeah, you want it to nations space. It just feels organized. I’m weird about beds though, I change my sheets at least once a week, really…
0:46:18 S1: That’s a lot.
0:46:19 S2: I like them clean and our beds all white too, so it’s really easy to have to do that and I do it on purpose.
0:46:26 S1: Of course.
0:46:26 S2: Is all white. It’s nice and clean. It’s like, Oh, three days, there’s a… My kids have Cheetos or something for loops or something in bed, watching TV, mechanism Mexican has been inside of the bed, he’s like, he takes a shower every single night for he goes to bed, he
0:46:42 S1: Will have just taken a shower and he does it. And it is brown, and I’m like, Why is your skin falling off? Like what has happened to OSIRIS, Kevin to Adrien, get in there to present it as a atheistic a day, and this side is always in like ding, and I can go two or three days about showering and my side is a risk and lead… And I don’t even move the iii’s all nice to just live in that up and not do a… Why is your pillow cases off, why are you your of the bed sheet is like… Yeah, coming off, I don’t know what they do when they sleep drive. I’m sorry, I may have been till they calling you out and you’re weird of it.
0:47:25 S2: It’s a strange… It is funny, it cracks me up, but I love… I just think that there is so much goodness to teach our children with the ability of going into living fearlessly, but also that laws I Farrelly in that combination. And it’s not a control thing, it’s like a freedom meeting
0:47:46 S1: Down a little bit, I really… I try to have that conversation with myself as well…
0:47:51 S2: Have you read President over? Perfect it. Teaching that idea of, Why are we always on the go-go book? And I fear not only for myself, but just for my friends, my family, and just everybody that we’re in such a fast-paced go, go, go, go mentality that somewhere along the line, something major is gonna happen in terms of a mistake or that accident because you’re going so fast that you’re not… Almost not paying attention to what you’re doing. Absolutely, and I worry about that. I’m like.
0:48:22 S1: Did I get all the kids out of the car, you don’t do that, leave something in the grocery cart where’s my purse just going so fast.
0:48:28 S2: It… It’s so easy to make a mistake or an error that could have a really long-term lasting impact, so true. I really try to slow down and just kind of plan out my day, I wouldn’t say I’m Type A organized, but I figure out what’s gonna be on my agenda for the day, and then we just get through that and the day ends and I have time for something else, but if I don’t, I like for my kids to know that it’s okay to go sit outside and read a book or…
0:48:55 S1: I don’t really watch a lot of TV, but watch a show.
0:48:59 S2: I think play a big adjustment for me ’cause I’m a task list person, I have running lists everywhere on my notes on my computer, asked notes everywhere, and taking notes right now, and I… Instead of… ’cause you always… You know, I like to check them as much as I make the list, I gotta check it off was instead of having a running list of what you need to accomplish to take it off of that list and putting it on what you have a complete
0:49:26 S1: It like that, yeah, and
0:49:27 S2: So you have two running list and then instead of being like, I got nothing done this week that I wanted to get done, it’s like… Hold on. Yes, I did.
0:49:35 S1: I did all of these things. And
0:49:37 S2: Then on occasion, I’ll just delete it ’cause I did that all but… And I wanna keep going to it another thing, but it’s a really nice thing for weekly reflection for me specifically in order to calm myself down, and those other things are still gonna be on the list, it’s
0:49:51 S1: Not the other to… And
0:49:53 S2: Your kids, those babies need your attention just as much now as if your whole less was completely done, which will never be… But you don’t care. I teeth. They don’t even know what that is. This morning, I was rushing around getting stuff ready for the kids, it was my brother’s birthday, so I was like, You need to make your uncle Robert or card really quick, I’m brushing hair, putting on shoes. And I said this all out, and I had the rusher here, the put on new shoes, I gotta get your agency for later, I have to get your soccer stuff, and I’m saying it out loud, and he’s like, Cooper sent a country act and he like… That’s
0:50:23 S1: A lot of things to do there. Right there, I was like, Thank you, Pei started laughing. All of the stress that I had just cut up from saying that, just completely release and I’m like, You know what, give you’re right that there’s a lot of things… Mommy’s got lots of things that you never even think about it. And
0:50:41 S2: At the various member just realizing, it really doesn’t matter now, it really, as women, we take care of ourselves last and often forget to take a time out to put ourselves first without our own refueling time, how can we expect to operate on… And you need a mental rest, you need an emotional reset, you need physical norsemen, you need spiritual hydration… The time is now, the moment is yours, and the opportunity has come to the women’s ones retreat, an ocean side experience for full mind, body and soul detox and development experience, a space to be free any time to reunite yourself into better balance. Sign up to day, take the action towards your intended holes, hope to see… I have this anxiety about being on time. I like to be on time, and when I’m not on time or you get in traffic and you know you’re pushing it, it creeps up, and I’ve noticed that… I’ve given that I’ve passed that along to my daughter. She’s old enough now she’s eight that she gets like that I would be late and she already has anxiety, so I can see it and I’m trying to back track.
0:52:37 S2: I ionizing
0:52:39 S1: Like, Hey, it’s okay, if we’re like… So for the past few months, you’re on eight internally like fucking out. I have to put on a face. It’s okay, sometimes relate to, there’s
0:52:52 S2: Nothing we can do about this traffic right now, there’s nothing we can do, so we can freak out or we can take a deep breath and remind ourself that there’s nothing we can venstre sting, I need to… Or convictions
0:53:04 S1: Are a attorney. Yeah, but crying and freaking out panic attacks over being late to school or genetics or something, and I’m watching it happen, going, I did this, I did this, I… I’m barking at me like really originated a shit on 25 Tays over
0:53:27 S2: What I have done over the past… I gear on conscious. That’s really interesting. I literally have taught my children that being on time is being five minutes early, and so I’m like, Yeah.
0:53:39 S1: I overloaded for five minutes early, I’m at… Or because I don’t wanna be like… So since I moved and I’m only an extra 10 minutes away from school, I cannot get there on time, and it calls me such anxiety to the point that the other day we were actually really early, I pulled into Starbucks and Cooper’s like, were we going… Where are we going? I’m like, It’s okay, remember how mommy used to get a coffee very often when we would come to school and have it in the last month because we’ve been late today, we’re on time, so mom’s getting a coffee and she was like, We’re gonna be like… I’m like, No, we’re not. We’re gonna be on top. It’s good. I like to try, I try, now that I’ve realized in this instance, to remind my daughter, especially ’cause she’s older, Levi doesn’t really quite understand yet, remind people, remind them that people’s time is valuable when you’re late, you’re eating into somebody else’s time, and it’s so important to be conscious of other people’s time, so without creating this panic in the stress, and if we are linked to a real kind of towing that line a little bit…
0:54:43 S1: Absolutely.
0:54:43 S2: It makes so internally on life at… Go back again to the moral of that… Right? Or strong, that’s a good thing to do. What’s the good Samaritan thing to do here is not… And I’ve got a friend who is always late, I know she’s gonna be late.
0:54:58 S1: And so I just prepare myself that 5 o’clock means 520, and she walks in LAS DAs and everyone’s calm, and I’m like, I guess I gotta respond with the same thing ’cause she doesn’t care, so if I don’t care, I’m just making a frenzy about something, she’s never betrothal in my life has been really helpful in that, so
0:55:22 S2: I still have on my personal thing, it still was there, but whenever I have something to do with her, I’m just like, Oh.
0:55:27 S1: Well, and I think you talked about expectations at one point when we set these expectations and we expect people to meet them without actually educating them on whatever expectation we’ve set for that… That’s not really fair. So if you know that she’s 20 minutes in the ad, you can just stop setting that expectation, totally embrace the relationship for what it is, and now going into it, like there’s no tenant
0:55:48 S2: Releases her as much as it really has me… She has to… And I’ll have to ask her specifically, now that we’re having this conversation, like she has to have seen the change in my demeanor about it over the course of the last couple of years, is there a… No way. Because before the orrery, mark just called you out.
0:56:07 S1: Sorry, that’s hilarious. But she now at this point, I’m just like, Hey, okay, we’ll say a five in whenever I’m here, I’m outside in your driveway, but I’m just on the phone. Don’t worry about it.
0:56:20 S2: So it’s so true though. I wanted to circle back, ’cause you had said something earlier that I thought was really profound about… You’re a self-awareness and what happens to us as a child to where we are now and moving forward to the women that you want to impact, whether they’re younger, whether here the same age, whether they’re older, ’cause I really feel like you have a really cool connection with women who are older as well, who just are like, you’re doing it, and I’m proud of you, but also you’re impacting them, If you besides the live fearlessly, what would you want to instill in their hearts and minds about… Something to take with them. Look, I’m looking at that going, worthy.
0:57:02 S1: Worthy ness. I think that that’s a… A great message. I think one of the most profound things for me in terms of help and evolving as a person is being okay with what you’re feeling and actually feeling it. We try to run and hide from our feelings, we try to ask them in a multitude of ways, and one of the things that I’ve learned is like, It’s okay to be angry, it’s okay to be upset, hurt, sad, happy, joy, really honing in on whatever emotion that you’re feeling and allowing yourself to feel that regardless of what it is, you are worthy of happiness, and it’s okay to be sad or hurt, or the failure component, that’s such a normal feeling and it’s okay, it’s really how we move forward from it.
0:57:55 S2: That
0:57:56 S1: Defines us, or that’s how we grow.
0:57:59 S2: And so many people are afraid to feel that not our society is so good at giving you all of the mechanisms to mask it, that now literally… Are rat in the rat race? Running on medication, it’s like we’re in the lab, and it’s crazy because there’s so many different ways to do it, and most of them I don’t even think we realize… Oh yeah, and that’s where when I had to stop, get off, re-evaluate this contraption in my life, the first pursuit was in my first pro proclamation of what I had done was that I quit the American dream, that I let go of everything that I thought I was in pursuit of… And what I was told as a child, I was supposed to be in pursuit. And I said, No, I’m not gonna do that. And so that is so in line with everything that we’ve talked about, and not everybody’s gonna do that, some people are… It’s not about whether you’re pursuing a nine to five job, I’m all for someone was passionately in their position and they have a set time that they’re there, it’s not about having to be your own entrepreneur, it’s about making sure in the time you wait up to the time you go to bed, but at some point you’re in all points, you’re in pursuit of your own happiness…
0:59:17 S2: Sure.
0:59:18 S1: 100%. And you’re living as your most authentic of
0:59:23 S2: Not trying to be somebody that you think you’re supposed to be, or you’re not doing something that you think you’re supposed to do, or something that is expected of you, but isn’t really bringing you happiness and joy. Yep, it’s so true. And even if you’re in a situation, ’cause sometimes you are in a job or a situation where you’re doing something that it’s a means to get by, you don’t have a choice… Sure, that you’re finding time in your day to do something for you that brings you joy, that brings you piece, that brings you happiness, that’s gonna keep you grounded in who you are essentially, and that’s where my whole heart for the whole concept of mind, body and soul, alignment is that there should be points of your day and points of your life that are all gearing you towards a mental state of health and well-being, a body, physical state of well-being, a pursuit of your health, your overall health, and then your spiritual well-being is your spirit man, wherever that place is for you, to make sure that you are searching that out daily, often, as often as you possibly can, staying connected with it for sure.
1:00:24 S2: 100%, I know is my joke, my church’s nature, a spiritual relationship with God in the universe, and the way that I’ve spoken to is 100% through being outside, being in nature and really creating time ’cause I don’t have a lot of time. And that’s an easy excuse, nobody does, but making an effort to create the time to get outside… We got a puppy recently. And that has been such a blessing. Everybody was like, Why are you getting this dog… It’s a crazy dog, and I used to have one, so I’m familiar with the breed
1:01:01 S1: And I was like, Oh, I just want one, I want one to be able to go hiking alone with for safety reasons. They’re very protective. I’ve always wanted… When our other dogs are older, it’s a great time, and everyone’s like, You’re bananas, but what I love about this crazy banana Dalit was insane. He forces me to get outside, so I have made time to get outside for myself, but now I’m forced to every day, and I am so grateful for those… Even if it’s 20 minutes, I take it, we go outside, we go for a walk, we play fetch, and that just 20 minutes… I don’t have my phone with me. I’m forced to do it
1:01:33 S2: And I’m so grateful for it. I love it because that’s where I find my reflection and those conversations and stuff, I love that, ’cause even in conjunction with that component, we haven’t talked about yet for your physical health because you’ve done a transformation in that for yourself as well as being outside for the smart. And races that you’ve done. And how has that… ’cause that’s been kind of an evolution for you, you were always into that… Yeah, we started running… We’ve done a couple of mud run, both Kevin and I throughout the duration of our relationship, but we did the Spartan trifecta last year, which was like a series of three races, we ended up running, I think five or six… I can’t remember total, but we did do that to effect… And they’re just really challenging physically, but what’s so interesting about them, as challenging as they are physically, they’re even more mentally challenging to… You can be so strong. Yeah, but if you don’t have the mental grit to get through 135 miles in the West Virginia Mountains with the mud and rained on.
1:02:37 S1: I was stung by a bee twice, all kinds of stuff, if you don’t have his pain, I think it took us four hours, it was the first time we’d ever done that long one, that’s a long time too, and you have to have the mental stamina to get through.
1:02:51 S2: But I thrive off of that type of stuff, I like being challenged and I like to sing to the challenge. Yeah, so I really enjoy that. And then, yeah, the spiritual side of just being in the mountains, I love and quality time for you guys to make that a pursuit
1:03:07 S1: Together. Yeah, not parenting. Yeah.
1:03:10 S2: And we’ve noticed our relationship get stronger, I wasn’t sure if I should touch like if I was gonna touch on this topic, but we notice our relationship get stronger at the less we drink, cutting out alcohol, we both really like a good cocktail every now and again, but we certainly don’t indulge that men… Not anymore. Not the way we used to say when we were in our 20s. Short, we did for various reasons, and that’s definitely a deep conversation, but as a couple, we’ve noticed that we do a lot better when we don’t do not drinking, and it’s when we’re not drinking together, and when we’re not drinking with our friends, we just bond and thrive better or through a physical challenges, or they go in the hiking, going camping, definitely went down to the beach, just… And that’s both of us have made that decision on or… That’s amazing. It’s funny because when you were talking about the feeling, the feelings just yesterday, and I’ve been convicted of it a lot in the past, probably a week or two, so the fact that you’re bringing this up again, it’s just kind of a… I call my God wink.
1:04:18 S2: So thank you for being a tool for that, is that she was talking about how she was one year sober, and she said If I was never an alcoholic, I would just drink multiple times a week, maybe one, maybe two, but I just always found myself numbing my feelings with alcohol. And oftentimes, if Gary and I are gonna have a cocktail, I have so much stuff going in on my life, whether it’s good or bad, it’s… Absolutely, for that, there is no other reason that I’m using it. I mean, that’s the only tool that it’s for, so we’re talking about all the things that we do to mask things… Yeah, at the same time you’re like, Oh, I feel great. This is a good time together. I know I put things into my body purposely, and I’m really good about having that wholeness concept, I do… You’ve done whole 30, multiple times.
1:05:09 S1: And then though I drink clean line cancellara, it really… But
1:05:13 S2: It’s still doing the same thing of something negative and it’s… I shouldn’t do it alone it not what you should do it alone anyway, and then to do it as a couple, that’s a really noble thing to both recognize that and be on that page on the same time.
1:05:29 S1: We recognizing it as a couple was interesting, it was accidental.
1:05:32 S2: It was definitely through going through the physical transformation, joining a gym, working out, doing the races, you can’t un-drink, you can drink heavily and then still perform in the way that you want to, it was pointing out a little bit by our counselor, we met in a bar we met in a drinking relationship, that’s what they did as hobbies is what our dates were, let’s go cocktail and let the end, and so it was kinda pointed out in different ways, but yeah, using it as a way to mask emotions, to piggy back off of what you just said is something that I think a lot of people do myself as well, and so just recognizing that I want… If we have a drink now it’s because we wanna celebrate something or like, Hey, we were in Denver all let’s go out and
1:06:17 S1: Have a resolutely…
1:06:18 S2: I’m really conscious of if we have a bad day, we don’t have a drink, well, if you’re super stressed out, I don’t wanna pour a glass of wine, and I’m really… It’s a slippery slope that mommy needs a wine culture, that work is… It really is a title.
1:06:36 S1: It’s hard for me to talk about because I haven’t ever talked about it, and I don’t have the words quite formulated with how I feel about it because you’re seeing wrong with a twin. I love a good margarita, the craft to be, there’s nothing wrong with that. You’re an adult, you enjoy yourself, but I also worry about the idea with our little children watching that like, Oh, I had a terrible day and now I need to drink… You’re really stressing me out. And now I need to drink mommy’s upset. Now, I need to drink.
1:07:05 S2: I certainly don’t want my kids to ever feel like they cause me to drink or a day with them as stress me out so much that now I need to drink, but I also don’t want them to associate drinking with… Emotion, yeah.
1:07:20 S1: I’ve had a bad day. I’d rather go outside and read a book, play that to go for a run, you something that’s gonna help you kinda get out of that phone is not out, so position, rather them see alcohol is like, Oh, we’re having a good bottle it, a nice deer or it’s a British Saturday, we love to go to Mexico, chips and salsa, a margarita, and there’s no association with
1:07:44 S2: Anything mental… With alcohol, if that makes sense.
1:07:47 S1: Oh, mahone, definitely have cocktails, and we’ve gone back and forth about whether or not to just… Just stop at alcohol.
1:07:55 S2: Yeah, yeah, it’s like… At
1:07:57 S1: That weird dynamic, I don’t drink enough.
1:07:59 S2: So does it matter if I have one occasionally? Right. And then I don’t drink enough, or does it matter to… Just cut it out, right?
1:08:06 S1: We kinda get back in for… Interesting, it’s interesting, but I definitely want my kids to see that. Yeah, that we handle stress and emotion and anxiety differently than pouring a drink.
1:08:21 S2: And what I have noticed in eliminating alcohol or definitely cutting back a lot is that my anxiety is a lot better, that’s a alliance
1:08:32 S1: Kicker for me and it’s interesting. We can have… Kevin and I could be at home. Right, we could have slide bottle of wine or we can have a margarita and sometimes every now and again, he’ll get real fun and be like, I wanna shut it to Kala with your mind, you’re just at home and there’s nobody else there, and you have a great conversation, and you go to bed and wake up and I will have panic attack anxiety, and it’s just what alcohol does to me, and I’ve realized it’s a trigger for that, and I’ll be like, I’m just… I’m having the anxiety and he like knows
1:09:01 S2: Who
1:09:02 S1: The almost the type of anxiety where you wake up and you’re like, What did I do, you complete a… I like jerk of myself, but you didn’t know there… To reason to feel that way, that’s how I feel with you. Interesting, so
1:09:16 S2: It’s like, I don’t like feeling… Oh no, definitely not yet for no reason, or the anxious like…
1:09:23 S1: Yeah, what do I do? Is everything okay?
1:09:25 S2: Yeah, absolutely, and there’s… It’s interesting because obviously the guilt plays a role in that, than the shame plays a role in that as a… A shape on runabout with my children, and Gary and I always are talking about like, Okay, did what I just say cause shame around that concept, because that is a huge component, and I love for any brown to of hearing how that affects people in such an internal basis, and I noticed it when I were playing house and they like… They always know Mommy needs a coffee. So the way I’m like, What’s my drink options in cosmic coffee and… Yami, sorry. What you
1:10:04 S1: Said here, three. What did you just say? And I really was like, Wow, yeah, that is not a beverage… That’s not like a choice. That’s in our fridge. Currently? Sure. Show it’s in our fridge currently… Yeah, and
1:10:15 S2: I just don’t want them to think almost on a different end that is, it’s a freely accessible option like that we do it every day
1:10:25 S1: For a melanoma some more.
1:10:27 S2: And that really bothered me, and I have so many different alcoholic issues in my family and in front and circles, and I’ve seen what it’s done to my own personal relationships when I was doing it in ways that I shouldn’t have been, and I know my limit, I know we only have one class of line, I’m good, I’m done, maybe two. And even then, I just don’t… I don’t sleep well. Yeah, I do not sleep.
1:10:50 S1: That was one of the reasons that it was really easy to stop drinking…
1:10:53 S2: Yeah, as I never sleep it sleep pounds and then kicks in the next day of anxiety when it’s usually a weekend day because it’s a Friday, so d’etat just happened and now my kids take the brunt end… My sleep listeners. Sure, yeah. And not that sure. It’s less about the anxiety, more about the… I feel like a crappy mom and it only resonates 24 hours later when I’m like… I just had a really bad day. Yeah, and if you go back and you feel the feelings of why and where did it stem from and where did it come from, you realize and so… Interesting. Conviction again, you’re just giving me one after another today…
1:11:34 S1: Yeah, I don’t even know a time is because we end up talking
1:11:38 S2: 20 O’clock and I love quality time, and I think that this is such a special space for that, so I’m so glad you
1:11:47 S1: Perhaps that we made the time. Yeah, I hope it all made sense. It always ends up coming in full circle, so one of my favorite parts about the podcast is when you leave and I get to dissect what just happened and then prepare the introductions, but… I’m so grateful for you.
1:12:03 S2: Thanks for thinking of me. We don’t have to live our lives like hip and hip, but I still feel like I can look across and be like, I
1:12:10 S1: See… We’re kind of on a similar path. It really is amazing. So I think… What is that all Eritreans, I think we literally read Fender… Perfect on this side, Anaheim reading The coming right now with by Michelle Obama. She’s narrating it. Be Audible, I just finished The Rachel Hollis girls at Apologia, which
1:12:36 S2: Was also that awesome. Anyone that I… I’m currently reading you are a bad asset, making money
1:12:43 S1: At it, posting on Instagram, I post the code. So I love that one. I liked… You are that asked to… I just finished it, I liked it enough that I went and got the second one… Oh, who was it? By Jen. I think it’s… I’ll have to look to in Saro, I don’t know how aesthetics
1:13:00 S2: Or there’s so many different ones. I actually, I’ve been reading in the morning instead of scrolling my Facebook every morning, I’ve been like, even if I can get through five or six pages, I try to do a chapter that’s a Ethereum too tired at night. Yeah, oh yeah, I’m in the same way as that’s your day with a really good… So you just got like you came up, you got a head space in one or the tutor day, a totalitarian podcast, which is… But I’m moving and doing all the other things, but I love that it’s been so good, but the Brene Brown Dare to lead A A, A, A, A, A.
1:13:29 S1: A, A, A. I just got it for Christmas.
1:13:32 S2: I haven’t penetrates one of my favorites. She’s… She really is. You watched her Netflix. I haven’t, yeah, I know.
1:13:39 S1: I have to know.
1:13:41 S2: I know I introduced her, I the… Because Gary doesn’t read books. So I’m like, Hey, you have to watch Brene Brown.
1:13:47 S1: He was a little bit reluctant as he is quoted Benbow more time in the last two weeks, and I’m like, I turn to you, she… Her, I think it was the vulnerability of the power of vulnerability is one of the most profound things for me. And then the man in the area, her whole tentative
1:14:10 S2: Shared all the time. It’s one of the most pivotal things I’ve ever listened to in my life. And one in the cheap seats. Yeah.
1:14:18 S1: So we actually wanna get that whole quote done on
1:14:23 S2: A board that’d be really attainted, be good in your space, but you’re gonna have to figure it out and into the list of
1:14:30 S1: Things… Right, and then in the basement, ally, it’ll be on the accomplice like that. I think you think you behave… That people feel inspired. I know they will, I don’t I do a…
1:14:41 S2: Just love. Thank you. Love you. Hey, I hope in today’s episode, you sense an Ignite to an ember within you, something mentally, physically, emotionally or spiritually moving that creates and sustains a fire within your wholeness journey. Before you go, let’s solidify the flame. I’d love for you to take a step right now in declaring your take away by snapping a pic of the episode you tuned in to share your sparked moment and tag me at Fifth with the hashtag faith podcast, so I can help you stay accountable. We’re in this together, right? Community over competition is the motto. I’d also be credibly grateful if you took an extra second to leave a review on iTunes or your podcast was the hapless Fulham and share the gift of wholeness with everybody until next time, cheers to your health and happiness.