Interview with Jessica Bettencourt, author of "I Almost Canceled"
This interview with Jessica Bettencourt was a coming together of two like-hearted women who want to impact the world. Her love for others and passion for helping others is clearly seen in this interview. Be sure to check out her new book, "I Almost Canceled."
How her passion and business came together
The importance of doing the right thing
All about her new book, "I Almost Canceled"
I am a successful entrepreneur. I have built two multi-million dollar businesses, and I lead and coach over 10,000 female entrepreneurs. Through business, I found a passion to encourage women to pursue their dreams. Through years of coaching, I've learned the number one key indicator of success is self-confidence. Confidence is learned, it is a mindset. Let me help you build a mindset of "Yes I can!" This is the first step in maximizing your potential and building the life you really want to live. Faith and family are my biggest focus. I believe being successful at home sets you up to be successful everywhere. I have been married to my best friend for 25 years and I am charged with raising four little humans, one not so little anymore. If anything can rock your confidence, sending one off to college and questioning if you have done everything you can to help them to be successful will certainly knock you off your game. Thankfully I know God loves them and He has them all covered. l have walked out my faith through a 17-year prayer journey to adopt our youngest and I continue to advocate for orphans across the globe. I'm a southern girl that loves big hair, cute shoes, ice tea, and a great pair of jeans. I'm a skincare girl and I believe a little lip gloss goes a long way!
Where to Find Jessica:
Show Notes: Interview with Jessica Bettencourt
How many times have you almost canceled something? You weren't going to go to that dinner, you weren't going to answer that call, you were going to say yes to that opportunity, and yet you're so glad and grateful and amazed that you made it. You did it. And it turned out amazing. I have done this many times in my life. And today's guest, Jessica Bettencourt, has too and I don't even know all the intricacies yet because I still have to get her book.
But she just launched her brand new book, I Almost Cancelled. And I know that there is going to be some juiciness to it because her storyline is incredible. She is a woman of faith. She is just a sister and a knowing member of so many beautiful organizations. And she knows what she's talking about when it comes to entrepreneurship, too. So I'm pretty pumped that she is going to be a guest illuminated speaker with her husband, Mike, at the upcoming Kingdom Clubhouse Conference in October in Hampton Roads, Virginia.
You guys have got to come out for it and see her in person, hug her neck and see her on stage. Just share her story and her truth and help you transform your business, just like we like to do all the time, not only here on the Fit in Faith Podcast, but also on CORE Talk with Tamra. So if you haven't tuned into my other podcast, I would love for you to also look there. But now don't cancel. Don't stop the show or just getting started.
Enjoy. And I'm so grateful for Jessica. See you guys soon.
This is your God wink the moment that heaven says for such a time as this, it's time to own your joy, prioritize your health, discover your wealth and exude your wholeness. It's time to become truly fit. However, this isn't a Fit in Faith Podcast though I'm a retired personal trainer and nutritionist. This isn't business jargon or tips and tricks to landing your successful passion project, though that's totally why I'm a business coach. This isn't a quick fix health detox ploy, though I'm all for therapy and I love Whole Foods. I do have a YOLO side sweet tooth though. So this isn't confusing religious banter, though I'm an ordained minister still figuring out the many things and facets and faces of Jesus. It's really none of that. So I'm wondering if you're wondering what is this? Well, this is an opportunity to join me alongside other big dreamers, innovative movers and lifestyle shakers as we explore and share our messy comeback stories and discoveries with each of you fellow passionate thinkers.
The Fit in Faith movement was birthed through my own trial and error, discovery of mind, body and soul alignment. And to be totally transparent, my own entrepreneurial crash and burn experiences. I've learned firsthand that being fit isn't about our physique at all. It's not about our qualifying abilities or titles. It's not about our potential. It's truly about our God gifted passions, meeting our purpose. You are one step away from achieving your idea, your dream, your calling, your purpose, whatever you want to call it.
And I want to be there for the moment that you say yes in freedom, clarity and confidence that you are living fully fit in who and whose you were made to be. Welcome to the Fit in Faith Podcast with me Tamra Andress. There is no better time than now to get fit.
Hello, hello, welcome to the Fit in Faith Podcast, Jessica. I am so honored to have you here. It has been a long time in the making for us to reconnect and so I'm so excited to take the time to do that live and in action on the podcast and for everybody who's going to join us.
Well, I am so excited to be here. I've loved watching your journey and it's just so fun to see how this is kind of a full circle moment for us. So I'm delighted to be here and I'm so excited for this this time with you.
Likewise, friend. It's so cool. You guys, even prior to this, we were praying and I was just thinking about where I actually first saw her and the electric energy that I know you're going to feel by the end of this podcast, whether you're here live with us or you're here on the podcast, listening later.
And Jessica was at a lunch table that was very busy at the Rise Conference with Rachel Hollis a few years back in the fall of 2019, which seems like yesterday when I think about it, but then also seems like a decade ago. It's crazy how much has happened since then and we'll dive into what that looks like for your story. And I'm sure I'll get to share a bit of mine in that time frame. But we were eating in the midst of trying to get back to the conference as soon as we can so our good seats were still there and her and her girlfriends were just chatting and then we had to just connect. There was something in the energy of the conference, but more so just in the connectivity of our spirits. And so I got to learn a lot about you Jessica in that short conversation.
And I have since then talked many times with my girlfriend Liz about going to visit where you live. My mom was with me and we were just talking about our moms too. So it'd be fun when we get your back story of all the things and all of who you are and how you've just been growing in the last few years and on way before then, too, to hear how our moms had a deposit in who we are today, I think would really be able to illuminate Women's History Month in a really fun way.
So you guys, I haven't really introduced Jessica yet beyond how we got introduced. And so I'm going to let you do your own rap sheet because I always think it's fun. I get the opportunity to read your bios and they'll read your bio when they read your book, which you guys have to get. I Almost Cancelled is the name. No, I didn't almost cancel buying her book.
I have the book on called I Almost Cancelled and her beautiful self in her fashionable high heels are on the cover. So Jessica just introduce who you are beyond your book and all the things.
Yes. Well, thank you so much. I have to say I was a mutual attraction, if you will. The day that we met, I knew that your energy and who you were. I needed a little more of that in my life.
So I am so delighted and I have loved following your journey. So just real quickly, a little bit about me. I am a nurse by education. I'm an entrepreneur at heart.
I have failed at many businesses and I've been fortunate to grow some successful businesses. I took a pretty nontraditional path in life. And so that is one of my heart passions, is to encourage other women that don't worry if it doesn't look exactly the way society maybe laid it out.
For me, it was not that I left home at 18 was kind of on my not kind of I was on my own trying to make it in the world, figuring out how I was going to put food on my table. And so often that was chips and salsa night. I was like, I'm going to figure this out. So I made my way through college. It took me about seven university or seven colleges, five community colleges, two universities to finally get a bachelor's degree and really just decided that I knew God had given me gifts and talents.
I knew that he had implanted something on my heart.
And so I was like, I'm going to start businesses. I was passionate about that. But they kept failing, like such great ideas.
I don't know why they didn't take off anyways through the course of a few different events. As we know, the Lord just weaves things together. I was approached about starting a photography business. I knew nothing about photography. I had never even held a professional camera.
I didn't even take pictures of my own kids and started that business help grow it to a national brand through partnerships with other people, and then, by a weird, strange of events, landed in a direct sales company, which I know a lot of people have some raised eyebrows over. But that was the business that propelled me into being able to do the philanthropy work that I really was passionate about, which was advocating for orphans and advocating for families who wanted to adopt.
And so anyways, through the course of just being an entrepreneur, what I've learned is that there are so many women out there with God given gifts and talents and abilities, and society has stifled it or scared them so much. And so I want to encourage them. Don't be scared. Get out there. I was scared.
I mean, my whole book is about all the crazy fears that I had and the anxiety that I had and how I truly did want to cancel over and over and over again.
But I had a few principles in place that can. Me from doing that, and I'm so grateful for it, so that's a little bit about Mama, Mama, a wife of twenty five years, a mama to for one adopted three biological and I love, love, love, all things supporting, encouraging, empowering women to go after whatever successes for them.
And I do believe it's different for all of us. And I think that's what makes it so great. I I'm in admiration. If you can't see me, I'm like I to Jessica Bettencourt I mean literally like and in a not a godly like a false idol perspective. All right. All you Christians out there don't be not me. I mean I'm just an aberration, like a mentorship perspective.
And you are so humble in nature and in spirit. And you guys have to know that she's not just done like pretty good and been able to do her passions on the side in the process of that direct sales marketing. She's actually done multiple businesses and made millions in the process. And so I love that you led beyond even a nurse, that you were an entrepreneur, because a lot of times as entrepreneurs, we can take on identity of what that entrepreneurship looks like.
And I, too, am working on my mindset, in my language of not saying that I'm a business coach because I'm so much more than a business coach that I am an entrepreneur. I do a lot of things and coaching is a component of what it is that I do. And knowing, too, that a lot of the people that I have the pleasure and I'm sure it's the same for you to work with and it was a part of your story is that there's like this nonprofit ministry side that has a component of what we truly want to do.
And so I'm curious when you said that, like, I really was passionate about this, I was doing this other thing and I'm sure passion bled into that. At what point did did one ever take off more? Did you ever give more emphasis to one or the other? Do they now collaborate and they're one?
Well, it's so interesting. So from a business standpoint, when I when I started that first successful business, after having a few business ideas that got off the ground but didn't really take off or failed, I actually started that photography business, not having any idea how big it would grow or not knowing that in a few short months I would need it to be what put food on my family's table. So I started that business honestly, just I was going to give it my best shot and I didn't know what it would grow into.
And then my husband, who was the breadwinner of our family, got laid off and I quickly became, I need to make this grow. I need to figure out how I'm going to make this happen. So grew that business and we were living in a way that I don't think either of us ever intended.
I mean, we were had had a nice home, had nice cars, had, you know, was able to tithe with no thought. And then that was what kind of realized, like, if I'm tithing with no thought that I need to be giving sacrificially, I need to be going above that. And so that's where I had this welling up inside me like I'm tithing and I'm helping, but I'm not making huge sacrifices here.
So I really had been praying, like as crazy as it sounds, I wanted to be able to support a cousin going on a mission trip of fifteen hundred dollars. And we could we could pull that from our regular fund. But I had this weird thing of like I want to do this that I don't know why, but I want to be able to do this. And this business fell in my lap through a series of events and I thought, I'll just give it a try.
And what if I could make money to do that? And then that little seed led to I knew that so many people would be willing to adopt, but they turned back because of finances. So then I thought, what if I could help somebody adopt and then helping that first family to adopt? I thought, what if I could help another and another? And the Lord bless the business in ways I didn't see coming.
I worked hard. I worked really hard.
But it was so passion driven because every bit that I put into it, I could turn around and literally make a difference for a child. And it just lit me up. And so the rejection and the sad eyes and the people that thought I was crazy and the people that made fun of me and the mean things that happened along the way, I was blind to it all because I was like, that's OK. I just helped a little and bring home to their forever family.
That's OK. I just helped a foster mom to bridge the gap. That's OK. That was I was so focused and driven on that. So that's how it all happened. That's really wild.
And it's such a key takeaway for anybody. I mean, honestly, if you stop listening now, like, that's the Golden Nugget, right? There's going to be many more, I'm sure. But it's the knowing that if you're doing something out of self seeking or self serving, then all of that ridicule would have put you in your demise.
Right, because there would have been no no point for you to keep going because you're being deflated, deflated, deflated.
But when you're doing something for somebody else and that somebody else is just one person, sometimes that one person is you. But it likely is not.
You're doing it for somebody else who used to be like you or is just that's a pain point of something from your past.
It's the. Mission that then all of those naysayers don't matter. And you said the thing, hearties like it was really hard that I had so much passion. That's also a key takeaway because entrepreneurship in and of itself is hard. It takes a lot. And yet, at the same time, entrepreneurs had this unique factor about them that people are so drawn to because we are attached to an energy outlet. I would say that it's him upstairs. Right.
But that energy outlet is that passion, that deposit that never goes away, that we lose sleep over every single night because we can't wait to wake up the next day and do it again to serve that one. And you've served thousands, ten thousands. So I'm I'm excited to hear deeper about that. What is your perspective on that and the recognition that the naysayers in that regard don't matter?
Well, I think that you can get so drawn into impacting so many that then you can get caught up in the the I mean, it feels good to help people. Right. And you can get caught up in that. And I saw a quote one time that said, you can have influence over many, that you can have true impact over over a few. And so I just thought of it that way, you know, like I may be able to inspire or encourage motivate a lot at one time, but I can really probably only have impact over small, like personal, intimate.
And so for me, that's what I stay focused on. So if the masses were making fun of me here or giving me a hard time, I didn't even stay focused on that because I was so focused on who might I be able to just impact right here in front of me?
And it was a foster mom who was exhausted and didn't know how she was going to make ends meet. And I thought I can just help her with that. It was just staying focused right on that or in business coaching. You know, if I could help one person take the next step, be courageous to take the next step. What I know is that if they go and be successful, then they're going to have great impact. So I don't need credit for that.
I just need them to do it. My mom always said, you do the right thing. No, don't worry about the rest of them. You do the right thing. And that's how I eat. That's my leadership mantra. I'm going to do the right thing regardless of the outcome. I'm going to do the right thing regardless of how they respond. If I know I've done the right thing, then I know it will bear fruit. That's what I believe.
So good and so powerful. And again, our Golden Nugget, you guys, I hope you're taking notes because I have recently been on clubhouse and I'm taking copious notes. And I keep asking my friends, I'm like, what are we going to do with these? Like, there are somebody else's words and I can only do so much. So it's like, what Lindsey am I looking through with what you're listening to right now? It's even though it's your words, it's depositing into my spirit through the guidelines that I've been provided and it's so important for us.
And that experience of affecting the masses going to get lots of people that listen to this. But who's actually taking it for a space of activation within their life? It's not just inspiration, it's the activation that matters and that activation, whether you're providing it for one or again, the many, the numbers, the follows, the likes, all of those things, the likes and the followers don't matter.
It doesn't matter how many subscribers you have, it actually like the reviews matter. And you have since recently just published your book. And so I know that you said like you're like maybe it wasn't what the rankings that everyone was expecting or even yourself was expecting, but you're receiving the transformational activation of reviews and deposits. And so talk us through like what that journey has been like, launching a book and all the things. Yeah.
So I want to encourage anybody who has a story.
Don't be afraid because I am not an author by any I mean like I'm a grammatical nightmare. I am southern to my CORE I use Southern slang. So I told myself that I would never be able to write a book. But over the years people have said, Jessica, you should write a book, you should write a book. And so through a series of different things, I really did. I really felt like God laid it on my heart to write this book.
And I thought, I don't want to write a book like how will I ever even get from point A to point Z? But anyways, through the long and short of it, I wrote this book and my heart for the book is to show people that we are probably a lot more alike than we are different. And your differences make you so interesting and so clever and so smart and take those and relish in them and then use them. So for me, I really did take a nontraditional path.
I didn't have a fancy degree. I didn't have a lot of experience. I have never taken a business class. I literally was just figure it out, figure it out, figure it out.
And what I've learned is that if you focus on what you can do, not what you can't do, you can do a lot.
And everything is figure out, well, I mean, you get so I, I just love it the the, the whole process of it. So the name of the book is I almost canceled and people say, what does that even mean. And what it means is people look. Me and they look at the cover on the book because I kind of look like a superhero. You are. They happen picture that we ended up using, right? So people say, what does it mean?
I almost canceled. Well, I have the same dialog in my head that you have in yours. I have those same fears. I'm not smart enough. I don't belong. I'm not going to I don't know what to do. They're going to figure me out. They're going to quickly figure out that I'm not who they think I am. Right. So I have those same dialogs. And in that dialog, I wanted to quit. I wanted to cancel.
I wanted to not show up. But what I did was made a no cancelation policy in my life.
And when I made that, I showed up and I also forced me to say, yes, the right thing. So I wasn't just showing up for all the wrong things. So I share about that in the book.
But they almost canceled is that I had the same anxieties, the same fears, and I just chose to show up even when that crazy dialog was telling me, you're not worthy, you don't belong, you should just stay home.
Oh, this is so good. I love how God deposit so many things. I was just on a call prior to this with Richard Cohen, who is the author of The 80 20 Principle, as well as Unreasonable Success, Success and a bazillion other books. Twenty five books, I think. And he's in the process of doing a research study on the next one and an unreasonable success. He researched some of the most grandiose, unreasonably successful people in history, everything from Henry Ford to Napoleon to Hitler and obviously unreasonable success.
You're looking through multiple lenses when you're thinking of that, but thinking through the success that they had on their mission, regardless if it was a good mission or a negative mission. Right. And so he's talking specifically around the fact that there are people who get unreasonably successful. Most people stay in the realm of reasonable success and they never get unreasonable success. And the thing that's holding them back and the differentiating factor of the unreasonable and reasonably successful person is because they said I can and then they actually did it.
And there is this practice where he believes that if you were to take yourself 10 years from now, so we're going to pluck Jessica Bettencourt out and we're going to put her ten years fast forward.
And I'm sure, like, no, I'm I'm at so 10 years.
Fast forward and you want to look back on that past 10 years and that 10 year fast forward is exactly where you want to be, where you imagine yourself, where you envision yourself, all of those things. And so you have to do a practice of writing your realities in five different ways. Right. Your first reality on what's the roadmap to what you're going to get there? What's the roadmap to which I'm going to be unreasonably successful in ten years?
What happened? What was the storyline?
What obstacles? Because we know there's going to be obstacles. We talked about that prior to the call to like, yes, she failed. We all fail. You have to be OK and get comfortable with failure. And then you're going to rewrite that story. Same ending, but a different reality, a different path, a different journey. You do that five times. And as you start to live frontwards to backwards. Right. Because now you're not going back.
You're going forwards and you're going to meet in the middle with that person. That is ten years from now you're going to notice these things that happen in the actual stories that you wrote, that you took time to write each story, like literally take an hour for each story and you're going to say, oh, my goodness, this could work because you've already created a storyline of its potential. And you said, I can because I will. And then you become unreasonably successful.
And I'm like, this is really this is so good. And I've never done this practice. I just heard about it hours ago, so I'm so glad that I get to redeposit it.
But wouldn't it be amazing? And I'm so certain that if you were to look at yourself ten years before this moment, you might not be where you're at now or vice versa.
Do you think you would have dreamed bigger knowing where you're at now versus where you were ten years ago?
I don't know. I don't know, because I'm not necessarily wired that way. I'm not I was never I'm not really money driven. I'm not. My husband says I'm terrible with numbers. I lose decimal places. I'm like, can you believe there were ten thousand people there? He's like, it was one hundred thousand, you know? So that wasn't that. But what I love what you just said, because it's actually a practice I use in my coaching business with a lot of my team members.
I will say to them, what obstacle is right in front of you or what excuse are you? Allow yourself to believe about yourself right now.
And then if if where you are right now standing behind that barrier, if you're there in five years from now, are you going to be OK with that and not then I'm going to say, let's project out. We're going to be five years from now and let's work backwards from that and then realize that it's just little steps.
It's little steps that get you there.
It's daily intentional activities that get you there.
So for me, I don't know. I mean, I don't think I ever dreamed this would be my life. So when people say dream big, I'm like, I love that philosophy.
But for me, it really was just every day I wanted to make an impact. You know, I. Think about people who climb mountains, I've never climb the mountain, and I daresay I never will, but I think more people who climb a mountain and I think for me, if I think about getting to that summit, goodness, that feels like a really big achievement. But I think people who climb mountains, they think about taking those steps and preparing themselves for what their body needs to be able to do to take that step and take that step.
And then they look back and realize how far they've come. So for me, that's kind of been my journey. I've just taken the steps. I've just taken the steps. And then I look back and I go, I cannot believe this is the life that God's allowed me to to live and design and be a part of. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think that and I think that that's a beautiful way to live because you're staying in the present and you're OK with those obstacles.
But those obstacles, you also face head on and you're anticipating that you're going to move them rather than staying in that place of rest or comfortability. I say often that comfort zone is a death zone and it shouldn't be where we're staying. It should be where we're learning so that we can hurdle. That's right.
It's giving us athleticism of our life. It's that's how wisdom and knowledge are cultivated is through living. And so and it doesn't matter how old you are, you can live and be wise and be five years old. There's a lot that five year olds have gone through. I watch my six and seven year old every day and I'm like, gosh, you guys have so much wisdom, right? And it's because they're living and they're being present with themselves.
And then you meet people who are 30 and you're like, oh, you need to get present with who you are.
You a lot the that I was that at twenty nine. So I'm not speaking to a stranger, I'm speaking to my past self and I have moved that blockade. Right. And I know the next time that we were together we are going hiking because first I've got to get to the top of the mountain and it is the best view and I will be with you in the process, as we recently did, one of the hardest hikes in Virginia, which is called Old Rag, and it's a rock scramble, which is that much more exciting because it's not just your typical mountain with like dirt and grit undulation.
Right. This one is actually like rocks that you're shimmying up in between.
And I had my entire well, I say I had one of my siblings and his wife and my parents with me and myself. And we took this on like three am with headlamps, which is the first time I've ever done a dark night.
And so we're going and it's switchbacks are going up and down, up and down, up and back, not down, because that would be defeating or going up and back right up the mountain in the middle of the dark.
And of course, right as we're getting to the top, is DAYBREAK right? So you're seeing literally the sunrise over just three sixty views of beauty of the Shenandoah Valley.
And the reason I'm sharing this with you is because you will feel that you're going through life in the dark sometimes. But it's in his promises that we get to stay and stand in peace and hope, in resilience, because we're leaning on his strength, not ours. And there were people on the hike and I won't name who. So we don't cause them any shame.
But they got they got hurt. They skinned their knees. There was blood happening at some point. There were people who gave up, people who wanted to give up, the people who didn't give up.
And I say give up because everybody met their level of achievement. Right.
And they got to the top and they couldn't wait to go back and do it again, even though hard.
It was so hard. Entrepreneurship is so hard. We're not going to lie to you. But guess what?
The passion that exists in the process and the look back. Oh, it's all worth it. Every pitfall, every bloody knee that I've ever gotten is worth it about you. Oh, it's so true. Well, I will tell you real quick. I did climb head in Hawaii, OK, that's the whole way. So I don't really see that as climbing a mountain. And I shared with you about the mountain. I just climbed CamelBak in Arizona.
I dare say you would probably be like Purgative Jessica. I'm not taking you, but you'd be dead weight. I was a hazard to the whole group and I think they really were like rolling their eyes and going, Who brought you Cecille here? You don't like this. That's awesome.
And it is really a great it's a great parallel when you're doing it. You do feel like you're in the dark and you sometimes feel like you're alone and you feel like your headlamp fell off three steps back and you can't find it. But it's so amazing when you get to that summit or even to the base camp. You know, I always think about climbing a mountain, get to a base camp, regroup, regather. But don't you know the lingo?
You know, I can talk to your girlfriend, but you got to say, like, get to that base camp, regather, keep yourself together and then decide you're going to keep going. That if base camp is really all I mean, I think that's true, too. Like give people permission that if base camp is as far as you wanted to get, enjoy that, be content. They be happy there. Don't compare in a way that's now made you feel like a failure when that's where you were trying.
To get to begin, you know, I think there's a balance in that, but I also think people who set out for the hike and it gets hard and then they say, forget it, it wasn't worth it. I say, are you sure about that? Because if God wink on your heart, it's worth it. And if God called you to it, it's worth it. But he didn't say, hey, I've got this for you and it's going to be easy.
He said, I've got this for you. Now he expects you to get there. So I do I do want to encourage people that it's hard but me and it's all worth it. It's worth it.
OK, OK. You know, my feelings overcommercialized, but this is too good a timing to pass up the chance to tell you about this incredible opportunity that I have cultivated with you directly. And mind you, the passionate kingdom entrepreneur, stop running the race on a treadmill to nowhere.
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Anyway, book your call and simply email me coaching at Tamra Andress Dotcom. Either way, I cannot wait to see you activated and this is going to be an incredible opportunity and a beautiful season to see you design the God dream that God has planted in you since your mother's womb. It's going to be fun, y'all. I can't wait to connect. Let's get started.
And I want to speak to one of the notes that you said at the very beginning of that part. You said, you know how it can feel isolating. And I have a lot of women specifically that I coach who feel alone. I feel like guys for some reason in that process don't have that that same feeling.
I think that there is this, like, competition thing where, like, you're usually alone when you're running, when you're the runner, when you're ahead, when you're in the first. Right. So they just go just like I've got I've got this I'm going to get I'm going to finish first where girls are likely.
Where's my sister? Where's my friend. I need a buddy. I need a POW. Right.
And so I know that you are epic at creating friendships, creating relationships, developing community. And so I love for you to share about like what that journey has looked like, what's your community is like, and maybe the belief systems that your community has on their own journeys. Well, I do think it's so important that you surround yourself with people who you want to emulate.
People that are doing things doesn't have to necessarily be the same thing you're doing, doesn't necessarily have to be in the same industry that you're in. But I had a really tough situation in the beginning of my journey as an entrepreneur who I considered my best girlfriend. All of a sudden, my success was intimidating to her. All of a sudden, my success felt like I was no longer who she wanted me to be available all the time to do coffee dates and kids at the pool and those things.
But I really knew that I had a mission and I had to change how I used my time and I had to refocus. It didn't mean I loved her any less. But then there was this negative pool to it. So I did have to reevaluate. So I always tell people, notice who you're spending time with, notice who's encouraging you and who might be discouraging you.
And then you may have to adjust what you share with those people. You can't decide to no longer be your sister sister, but if your sister is a negative Nelly, then maybe you don't share with her about your biggest passions and dreams. Maybe you just let your time with her be about family. But then you have that other girlfriend who you can share your excitement with and she's not going to make you feel crazy. You feel crazy until you're not at all.
I mean, seriously, people make you feel crazy and then you're successful when they go girl, I mean, you had it all wrong. You're like, no, you were you were the one telling me, my poor children need a mother at home. Right.
So I was like, who are you?
Who can you lift up and who is lifting you up? And if it's mutual, man, you've got something magical there. And if there's purpose behind it, even better yet, I call into our belief system, we couldn't be any further apart. But where we come together and we really mesh is her heart forgiving and my heart CORE for helping in the community. And when we come together on that, it doesn't matter that we believe different or think different.
You know, it doesn't matter that we maybe voted different or we approach things differently. We can come together on that common ground and we can move forward and make a difference.
So there are people out there that want to love you and help you. And then there are those crazies that want to make you feel crazy. You're not crazy. You're not crazy. So, you know, some people take that as momentum, right? They take that as the push for. They're like, oh, you don't think I can you watch this? I have my son right now. He's been having nightmares. And this is a really random ad.
But I think it's important and a good analogy.
And it's it's terrible. I'm like trying to decipher all the things right. And he I have an amazing resources as a parent and sleep coach. And so I'm reaching out to her and he knows that I'm reaching out zero seven. He knows everything at that point. Right. I think probably when they're seventeen, it's even worse. I can't imagine him.
So he he's like she's not going to be able to do what you what she says she's going to do. She's not going to be able to do it, like in my night terrors. She's not going to be able to get me to sleep in my bedroom. And I'm like, oh, you want to do that? Like this happen, right?
And so it's it's sometimes those comments that make you go forward in spite of but not in a bad way, but like, OK, enemy. You think I can't do this? Let me prove you wrong. And I'm thinking enemy Satan, because he's going to do this. Even if you have the best circle around you, you can do a most inspirational advocating people in your life.
And Satan's going to show up with that roadblock that you think you might not hit or he will suspect that is ahead. And all of a sudden you're like, holy cow, is this even the right road? He's going to make you question every single piece. But what keeps you rooted? As is my next question, because I could answer. But what keeps you rooted? Jessica? Well, you are exactly right.
Like Satan will look for any slither of an open space to slide in. And he doesn't look like the main devil. He looks like somebody dressed beautifully and convincing. Right. But for me, I think it is going back to my mom, just instilling in me you if you think it and you feel like God laid it on your heart, then you follow it. And don't let somebody else rob you of what you know, God instilled in you.
So my dad was actually one of those people that that would rob me and just distract me. And when I moved out on my own and they cut me off financially and there was an ill will in that, it was just that I made a choice. And they said, well, if that's what you're doing, we're not going to support you. But I overheard him say to my mom, she'll never make it.
She'll never make it. Let's just make it hard on her for six months and she'll come home and then marry a good old boy from Tennessee and settle down here in our backyard. I think what he wanted me to do.
But anyways, overhearing that it wasn't like I went out with this vengeance, but it was kind of like, you don't think I can. Well, I'll show you that I can. And but I think it was having that that guiding principle from my mom, who was just this. And my parents are both great Christian people, but my mom just had this grounding and just you are you are a daughter of the king. You belong to him. He instilled this in you.
He gave you gifts and talents. You go use them. And if you know you're doing what he the rock that he put in you, if you know you're standing on that, then you follow it. And so I think it really that's my grounding. That's my grounding, my faith and just trusting that I know what the Lord has laid on my heart. And I don't always get it right. There are days I'm like, I'm not sure I understood that correctly.
There are days I don't get it right.
But if I just keep centered in the world and who I believe God made me to be, if I stay focused on what I truly believe, my columns are not all the other things that seem shiny and exciting. And I'd love to chase all of them. But if I just stayed centered in that, that really, I think is what has allowed me to just breathe and do exactly what I feel called to do and not worry about the rest.
I think that's amazing.
I think the key piece that I'm taking away as you're talking is this understanding that you have a heart switch and a head switch when you are not in your teenage years and you're taking things with that turn the other cheek, but. Let me come back at you later. Like, just wait for me, right? I've got the I'm like rounding up the hook, but instead, just like letting it be like something that you receive and then letting it just like kind of fall off the back.
There was an analogy my coach was mentioning earlier that a duck who like knows it's going to rain, as is it. Inevitably it's going to rain on the deck. Right. But it also knows that it's just going to go right down its back. And if we approach failure, like we approached every naysaying comment like that, like you're not going to be able to do it, there's no way you'll make it. And you just say, oh, that's just water off my back.
Right. It's water under the bridge is another way of saying it. It makes you have a different lens. It's a different heart set in order to receive comments like that. It's maturity, which is my word, over my birth year this year. Right.
Is to mature is to have that process of growing and knowledge to grow and wisdom. And then it helps to emulate because I've really been set on this understanding of marrying and how I in this moment will mirror each other as we're talking.
If I put my hand here for a while, actually, should I do? Yes, I believe in. And it's unintentional and subconsciously we mirror one another.
And so if our our hearts purpose, if our life's purpose since Adam was born is to mirror Jesus, then who are you surrounding yourself with? One, hopefully Jesus. But two, I think that there's this component of that inner circle or the people who you're surrounding yourself with from a place of where are they going?
Like you said earlier, what happens Jessica when you get to a place where you're going, the people around you aren't necessarily either still going or they're they're just stacked. They're OK with that level of reasonable success. And everybody's level, just like on the hike is OK.
It's great. But when God's gifted you a vision that is beyond that level, what what do you do? What have you done?
Yeah, boy. And that's a tough spot, isn't it? Because I've been there. I've been there and I. And you do.
I mean, I don't want to say people I don't feel this way. It may come across this way. People are dispensable or findable or what's the word I'm looking for throw away.
I'm not sure that we'll figure out a bowl and throw away a bowl. We're going to have to around the coin, throw away.
Well, I don't think people are just like people who want to just move through your life. I do believe that if you find yourself and you've reached that base camp and you're ready to climb on and they are not, I do think it's OK for you to climb on. And along that journey, you will find other people that want to climb on. And it doesn't mean that you don't love these people right where they are. And you might yell down and say, hey, it's amazing up here.
Come on, come on, come on and try to encourage them.
But if they don't catch that vision or they truly are content, you do have to love people where they're at. I say love, love the what do I say? Do I work with the willing, love the rest. Right. We're willing love risk.
So I love I love them right where they are, but I can't necessarily stay and hang out all day long.
I can't necessarily I have a friend that she doesn't like to move her body.
I like to move my body a lot. I like to walk and walk and walk and walk and walk. Well, when we're together, she wants to sit on the porch and visit and I want to go for a walk while I can't sit on the porch and visit all day. Right. So so to some degree, you have to love the love them where they are, but work with those who want to keep climbing and going.
And that's it's hard sometimes because you may take those first few steps alone. You might take that advancement alone. But along that journey you will find people if you're open, if you're open to finding people, you will find people who want to partner with you. Come along side, you grow with you support you. It's not always easy, though. It's not easy to step away from that base camp when that's where they want to stay. Yeah, it's so good.
And I think in addition to that, it's like when you start rising, right, you start continuing to the next base camp.
The next one, the next highest right pattern is like you, you will naturally because of flesh. And we'll go back to that masculinity and not saying that's all men. And I hope people didn't take that because I see some of our guys around here listening is that you might start in that competitive mindset is like, oh, they're going where I want to go.
Hold on. Hold on. Let me hit that first. Let me get there first. Right. And it's this recognition, one that there's enough for everyone that Lindsey at three sixty.
There is space for everyone. So one, being mindful that you're creating an environment around yourself that allows other people to climb with you, because I think that's so imperative to know and hope that the place that you're going when you do envision yourself a decade from now, I'm not alone.
How boring would that be if I'm out somewhere? Right. Drinking my little cocktail? That's not alcohol because I don't drink. So that's funny. I brought that up, but I just thought of a cabana boy, that is. My husband and he he's they are giving me a little beverage, he's there, all right. My husband is a part of the vision.
If you're having visions or dreams that are outside from where those current inner circle people are, you really should have a reevaluation of where you're currently at. Is it the right place for you to be? And if it's an area or a place or a space or a base camp that you need to exit strategically. Right. And not fleeing because they'll come down and get you right back. Because people misery loves company. Right. And it's not to say that every place that is you're excelling from is Mizu.
Mazria is a miserable, miserable thank you.
Figure out of all throw out of and miserable, miserable.
It's nothing. Every place is miserable that you're moving on from.
But there is more for you. The promise is different. And that is a beautiful thing because it goes right back to what you said in the almost canceled book is this component that we're in this together and the things that I thought are the things that you're thinking.
And because of that, we are lighthearted and therefore you should know that you two can do right. You do this calling you to our purpose due to our beautiful and worthy. And you deserve a spot on the front of a book that looks like this.
Well, one thing I'll say to that, I always encourage people when you find that your circle isn't isn't wanting to elevate or go to that next level, I say find a group that does and get to know the most intimidating person in the room.
And when I say that people go, I don't want to get to know the most intimidating person in the room. And I'm like, yes, you do. Because believe it or not, she's probably not a lot different than you. She's probably nicer than you think. She's probably more willing to help than you realize. And she will encourage you in all the right ways because you have a weird like there is sometimes a weird competition that doesn't need to be there.
But I think that when you join a circle, a networking group, go to the Chamber of Commerce, join a book club, whatever notice, and the one that seems to maybe be off putting to you or intimidating to get to know them, because there's something about that person that will encourage and inspire you. It's been proven in my life over and over and over again. And I always crack up when people say to me, well, you were that intimidating person.
I'm like, are you? Because you were like, you know, I don't know. I can't be without a silly word I use. But I'm like, I'm not intimidating.
But it's interesting that I'm like, well, I'm glad that you came alongside. So we are more alike than we are different. And what what we have in common we can help. And what makes each of us different makes us great and let's move forward together.
So that's why I urge people to do like kind of meet the most intimidating person in the room and get to know them. It's so incredible.
And I will say that right now I'm in the midst of doing that in several different places in my life, all specifically not just spiritually, but also in business. And I should say the opposite, not just in business, because as people know me in that realm, but also spiritually is like, OK, who knows more than me? You know, we don't often like to be that small fish in the pond, right. We're like, we want to be the big fish.
And like all the small fish can come play and we'll feel good about that. But what happens when you're the small fish is you actually start to adapt that mirror. And then I told you about is there any becomes presence and that undulation that you have to hike and you're going to get there a lot faster? One, because there won't be as many fail forward moments because they're telling you you don't have to do it that way. Try this. They're already willing to get you to that place because competition at that point is gone.
They only see you as the person that's maybe behind them in the most adoring way. Right. And saying, come on, the view is good.
And so I want you to realize the conversation that's happening right now is meant for you in the sense that you're intended to be in conversations like this, conversations that will arise, you hire conversations that will propel you into a different mindset in a different heart set, emotionally, physically, spiritually.
I love and I know that you probably get that girlfriend on a walk at some point during your visit. And I am proud of you for that because I believe in movement. And I hope that as people continue and realize that in their lives movement, there is muscle that is built and that is synonymous to wisdom.
And you Jessica have so much. I love that as you are sharing.
I was envisioning you in that spot where people are like, oh, I don't really like her or I'll never make that much money or any of the things that people would say in their own brain.
And we make up our own stories. If you've never heard of Vernon Brown, please go research and read everything that she is because she talks about the stories that we tell ourselves which end up being a lie, which ends up being the place that we stay. That's our base camp and therefore we never move forward. And everyone around us is an enemy we were talking about at the beginning, wanting to bring in our. And I thought about the thing that she used to always say to me when I was little and no, I talked about that transition of heart set when God got a hold of me after that bratty twenty nine year old decided she was going to wake up and live the life that she was destined to live through the lens of the Lord, she used to say copying is a compliment because I would get frustrated when I would have this idea where this outfit right in elementary, middle, high school and then somebody else would emulate it.
And I'm like, she's totally stole my idea. It's happened since I started businesses. It's happened in a multitude of different ways. Right. And I was like, OK, copying is a compliment. So annoying. I would get so frustrated. And then I'd come up with another idea that would be copied.
And now I was a coach and, you know, this weird copy so that they can mirror so that they do do the things that they do rise to that level.
And I only know that that is because of God, like he gets all the glory.
And that part of me that has transitioned massively from being in a room with three hundred women where they were like, you should be in our sorority.
And I was like, no thanks, ladies, to now. I'd like desiring to be in a room with three hundred people so I can be the small fish, but I can also be the person who's reaching back to say the view is beautiful. It's so true, so I always think about when I'm in leadership, I think I want to build leaders, not followers, not followers. So if they start doing what I'm doing, I'm building leaders.
And so then I feel like, OK, now I can set them out to go and lead and then I can train up more leaders. So it's dangerous when we want to be the big fish and we want all these cute small fish to just think we're so great. So my whole goal in business over and over again was to say, OK, this is how I do it and this is what I've done. I want to teach it to someone.
And then so often I teach it to them and they actually make it better. They improve it, you know, in my photography business. Oh, my goodness, I would teach these girls, this is our this is our image. This is our brand. This is how we do it. And then a week later, they would come and say, have you ever thought about doing it this way? And I'd be like, no, teach me your ways.
So all of a sudden I taught them all that I could teach them then. Then by empowering them, they go out and actually improve the process. Well, that's better for them. That's better for me. It's better for all of us. So that's the thing that I think people need to understand is when you feel like those women are being hurtful or they're copying or they're they're maybe not supporting you, but you've supported them, don't get caught up in that.
Don't get caught up in that. Because the truth is, you know, rising tides lift all ships. And so if we can all do better, we're all doing better. And then when you do better, you go out and you make a difference and you help more. And we want that for everyone. Right. So it is it is a compliment, truly, when they're copying us to just be nice. If they were nice about it, write it out totally.
Maybe give it. And it's not about that. I don't think it's about the credit at that point either, because it probably used to be where I needed like, hey, they didn't tag me. Right. And that, thank God social media wasn't a thing when I was younger, that total I would have just messed up.
My entire traumatic childhood is like the recognition that, like now it's not about needing recognition at all, but still like being a mirror to just emulate that. He is in every single thing that we do. And if they're looking to be better, that means they are good hearted and looking to be more good. And if they're looking to be more good, they're looking to be more like Jesus. And if they're becoming more like Jesus than they're becoming more adaptive, having heaven on earth.
And I want more of heaven on earth. Absolutely. That's like my heart for for missional heart centered people to rise up in the marketplace because the marketplace is muddy right now.
Twenty, twenty more Christian entrepreneurs than I've ever heard of in the past, finally speaking up and speaking out to say, wait, this was God's idea. Business was God's idea. And man has taken it just like he's taken those things in an imperfection. And it's just the knowing that God is trying to come and put that heaven on earth, so if you're showing up at a place that feels mudie, that doesn't mean you're in the wrong place. It means maybe you were meant to be there so that you could make the water more clear.
Absolutely. Yes, I. I feel like we could just keep going for hours. And I am so grateful for this conversation, for you, for everything that you bring into the world on a consistent basis. I want to give you just a couple more minutes to kind of just what is the thing that's you're begging to say. What is the thing that's on your heart right now that you're like, don't leave this conversation without this without this golden nugget, the last of many that you've already shared?
Well, honestly, if I can if I can pour into any woman that your goals are worthy, they don't have to look the same as mine. They don't have to look the same as anybody else in the room. But your goals are worthy. You are created for them and don't allow people to speak over you or into you. That one had never done what you want to do, or for some reason, if they're not where you would want to be, then let's let's take that into account.
Don't let people speak negativity over you, because truthfully, that isn't that isn't God's design. That isn't what he intended. And honestly, I just love it when women can get clear on what they are passionate about, what they are excited about, what they believe their purpose is. And then my whole hope for them is that if they can focus in on that, that that's what they make their priority and that's what they spend their time on. So many women spend time doing a lot of good things, but they're not in on that priority of great things that they're called you.
So understand what your purpose is, make that a priority and spend your time on that and you will see great things. I know it to be true, and I believe it for all of them, all of that so much.
And that's like such a biblical concept, too, is that like we were made for greater we were made to do greater things than even Jesus Christ himself. It's literally biblically written. So for us to understand that what we're experiencing that is good, he meant and intends to be great. And so if you're spending your life in this place of of, again, that comfort zone, that mediocrity, everything's OK.
You already have been promised more. And so it's just an activation of your head. It's a pursuing of your heart and a movement of your feet to get you to that place that you envision yourself ten years from now.
So I think at the end of the day, me and Jessica would just be like, go get him, go get work done where I'm going to.
I'm going to put one last plug in if I'm alive, please.
I'm a true advocate for orphans in adoption, and I know that every family is not called to adopt in their home. Every person is called to take care of orphans and widows. So if you know anybody fostering, you know anybody trying to adopt, support them. Any way that you can drop off a meal, give them ten dollars, give them fifty dollars towards their adoption fund, you can make a huge difference whether you adopt into your home, foster into your home.
If you know someone who's trying to do that and I encourage you to help any way that you can, you can make a difference for orphans. We have an orphan crisis in our world and my heart breaks for them daily. So little. I love that so much.
And I have to fill it up with a question because it's too good not to ask it. I could ask it offline, but I know that I'll be super helpful for everybody.
On is I have a lot of people that come to me and I feel like you probably. I know that you do because we have good we do have good hearted people here on Earth is the knowing that they have this dream, they have this vision and they also have this mission ministry mindset towards something that they're called to. And yet at the same time, they need to make money. Right. And so, like, it's the knowing that, like, you have this prosperous businesses that got to flourish into this place of ministry.
Right. This place of nonprofit world. How do you suggest somebody goes about that? And I'm just going to look at it from a financial lens right now. Should they start the business that creates the finances before the nonprofit or should the nonprofit mission be started before? And how do they then make that happen?
Yeah, I only know the world of starting the business first, because that was the that was the vehicle that allowed me to go into the nonprofit and start advocating. So I don't know how to do it the other way around. Maybe not one is more right than the other, but I tell people all the time, don't wait until you can start an orphanage in Haiti. Don't wait until you can start a nonprofit and get all the paperwork in. Don't wait until you have the finances to adopt a little one.
There are little it's that same mountain climb, right? There are little incremental things that you can do that will make a huge difference in the life of somebody who is wanting to foster or adopt, helping take care of their biological children while they're getting adjusted with the new baby in their home, helping drop off a meal. And understand that they may not even come to the door because they're cocooning and there's a whole thing around adoption, but I would just say just start doing something.
Don't wait until you have this plot of money that you can then go and do whatever this glamorous dream is. All those things are great, but it starts literally with just little small steps. And I would encourage everyone, look around your church, look around your neighborhood, look around your Instagram and social. You'll see there is somebody trying to adopt. There is somebody that's fostering. And you could reach out to them today with dropping off a Chick fil A gift card, a meal to their favorite Mexican restaurant, whatever.