How to Be a Guest Speaker with Alexander Gonzalez
Today's guest is phenomenal. I titled this how to be a great speaker because I was going to ask him exact questions and backstories about his speaking career, and I did get to do that. You will get some incredible assets and tools that you're going to be able to put on your tool belt, but, additionally, you're going to be pierced.
You're going to be pierced by the rhinos' horns and you'll understand what that is as you listen. You're going to be pierced by truth, pierced with courage, and you're going to be pierced with accountability and knowing in all of these things there is joyful identity and you have access to it.
I love that Alexander Gonzalez is a heart-led leader and not a pocket-led leader. And you are going to hear about all of his incredible truths through this podcast. So I would just encourage you, not only to friend him @notthefatdad on Instagram and all social platforms, but truly tune in because he is going to go global with his voice, with his message, and with his mission just as the rhino would do.
🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉Grow your Business for God's Sake! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 Come join us November 5th - 7th in Lexington, Kentucky, as we join together with Glenn Lundy and all the Breakfast With Champions speakers to create some magic! Get your ticket now!
❤️Father Husband Friend 🎙Host @breakfastwithchampionsclub 🌎World Traveler 🏐Vball Coach 🦏Rhino Entrepreneur
Where to Find Alexander:
Follow Alexander On Clubhouse @ Alexander Gonzalez
Show Notes: How to Be a Guest Speaker
Wow. Today's guest is phenomenal. I titled this how to be a great speaker because I was going to ask him exact questions and backstories to his speaking career. And I did get to do that. And you do get some incredible assets and tools that you're going to be able to put on your tool belt. But additionally, you're going to be pierced.
You're going to be pierced by the rhinos horns and you'll understand what that is as you listen, you're going to be pierced by true. You're going to be pierced with courage, and you're going to be pierced with accountability and knowing in all of these things, that there is joyful identity and you have access to it.
And so I love that he got vulnerable with us. I loved that. He shared, um, the understandings of conversations like depression and body image issues and entrepreneurship, and being a dad and just overall motivation that is so applicable to so many people, honestly, everyone. And that's his connective spirit to literally encourage every single one because.
All made inclusively in his image. And I love that he is a heart led leader and not a pocket led leader. And you were going to hear about all of his incredible truths through this podcast. So I would just encourage you, not only to friend him on not the fat dad on Instagram and all social platforms, but truly tune it because he is going to go global with this voice, with this message, with this mission just as the rhino would do.
And you're going to know this and you're going to want to utilize right. Officer is all the time now, instead of being a Kalvia rhino, you'll get it, but you gotta tune in. All right, you guys share us tag us. We would love to just send you honor in the time invested to grow and to become all that you were created to be stay tuned.
Alexander, the great, oh man. It's so good.
Welcome to the fit and faith podcast fit is an acronym representing founders, innovators, and trailblazers who are looking to live a life wholly, fully, authentically, and truly fit a space for us to connect on the raw real stories of mine by. Soul alignment of entrepreneurs and kingdom leaders. I'm your host Tamra Andretta and this podcast, isn't like the cookie cutter interview experience.
I've been coined the entrepreneurial rabbi. And so we do go there unscripted, no matter how far wide, deep or high there is. My desire is to see people rise from the inside, out, into their greatest calling, by sharing their truest stories, talents and tips as a purpose activator and brand builder. I believe our successes and failures are derived from who and whose we are not what we do, but strategy and vision are equally as important to the mission.
So let's cut to the chase together and get fit in faith.
I love how happy you were just watching that. And I'm like, one of my, part of it, I'm like, this is so amazing. I need love the dance party have to go live on Instagram. Oh, I was so busy. I told everybody that was online. I'm like you guys, I wish you could see him right now. You were video video. So I was like, and then I first I was like, it's not going to be anything.
Like it was so cool Tamra, but I should not. I should listen. I underestimated. And I take that back because I shouldn't know, I should know that you're going to bring some excellence. Gotcha. So our live experience, if you guys have never tuned in, and honestly my biggest numbers are in podcasting world, right?
So it's, it's global podcasts. So ask to join us over here and then I'll be able to have you on the Instagram feed. Um, and, and it's been going for three seasons, which is so rad and live doesn't necessarily take traction except for really on Facebook. Um, but it's how I get all of my content. So when I teach, uh, podcasts, I'm always like you have to do video because it literally transforms, um, the ability to show up and then create content evergreen content, because these conversations don't go away, maybe the top one portion of the topic, but not your excellence or expertise.
Um, I asked you to join. Yeah, so it's coming. So it looks like I'm here and here. Uh, here you are going to be here and here. There you are. Yes. You're all the places. Is it echoing on your end? It's not that bad on my end. Okay. So crystal on Instagram. So at crystal, tell us if it's echo-y for you. If it's echo-y over there, then we're going to pop off and just stay focused in these three platforms.
But for right now, it sounds great to me. So as long as when you're talking, we're good. We're good. Um, all right. You guys, so thank you for joining the fin based podcast. I was saying for those who were live prior to that, a lot of this has been an evolution like since day one, My business started as like simplify the heart.
And it was talking about alignment and joy and energy and what that looks like, um, in the faith realm. And it has evolved into what fit now stands for, which is founders, innovators, and trailblazers who are exploring their success and what their version of success is, is different to every single person, which is why I am so honored to have you here to talk about your version of success.
And I know you are an all of the above founder, innovator and trailblazer. So Alexander, the great Gonzalez. Thanks for being. Thank you for having me and thank you for that incredible virtual intro and actual physical interest. Hey, you'll get all the swag afterwards. You guys should have seen the dance moves if you're listening to the podcast now, uh, and this is, this is who you are, which is, is online.
Your online presence is like that. Your in-person presence is like that. And I think a lot of time, there's like a discrepancy in that. And I'm curious, has that always been the case for you? Have you been able to step from behind the camera, to, in front of the camera and then see. So that's a really tough question, so, okay.
So I'm going to have to take it back a couple years. That's what I want to hear. I want to get the chat. So as a kid, and I know that we've talked about this, I'm a pastor's kid, I'm a preacher's kid and my dad, um, at the height of his success in that space, uh, it was T was preaching in front of thousands and thousands of people, Tim story is kind of who got my parents, their starts, if you can just imagine what that came with.
And so. My dad would always introduce his family. That was very important to him. And we'd always get pulled up on stage. I'm the oldest of three. So when my brother and little sister were younger, I kind of was always the one, given the mic to give something and, you know, say hi to the audience or whatever.
Well, my parents didn't know was that I was actually going to take the mic and enjoy it. So public speaking has always been something good, something, a skill of mine. Now, when the camera transition came, I was actually very nervous. And my first Facebook live ever, I had no idea. It was four years ago. It still did the 3, 2, 1 countdown.
For those that remember what it does. I weighed myself actually at the grocery store. We have. And it was it's ever been in my life. And I w I w I was trying to make this transformation and I had kept everything in the dark in the past. And so this time I was like, I'm losing weight. I'm letting the whole world know because you need to keep me accountable.
And I weighed myself and I almost passed out. No joke if you watched that video, I like literally go like that because I couldn't believe I did that in front of her buddy, but video from then on became an accountability piece for me. And so the transition kind of naturally. That's incredible. I feel like that should be a part of your speaker reel, like grab that original video and like, have that be a part of it, because I think that evolution of who we are, especially who we are in front of the camera is really important for people and that accountability piece, um, no different than when we were together at Ashley phase, embrace your ambition conference, which we're going to be again here soon.
We're so excited about Dallas. Um, but you, you shared, and she shared that backstory. And I think the backstory is a part of what people need in order to stand in their own form of accountability with where they are today and realize that we're nowhere near the six. Space that we want to be, but in that space of always becoming exactly, absolutely a hundred percent.
And I think that it's also important because I think, and this is why we actually talked about this recently on clubhouse, tell your story over and over. You always have a new audience. That story should be told in a way that when people hear, they hear meet. You know, it, regardless if you're someone who, um, was fit and healthy your entire life, or you're someone that was morbidly obese and struggled, a story can be shared that people say me too, and video just really opens up the realm for us, that we can connect with so many more people.
And so podcasting has done that for you as well, a hundred percent. And I that's like literally been the trajectory of my career. So I think it's really important. And I, and I started out right from video with intention of connecting. Um, but also similar to you knowing that that was one of my strengths.
Um, so why not lean into that? It was actually the audio Virgin of seamlessly speaking that gave me the jitters. I was good behind camera, but how am I going to do this for an hour along setting up myself for interviews was the way that I chose to do that and get comfortable. And now I can take the stage for 20, 40, an hour and a half, two hour meetings, and I can keynote that entire.
But it takes practice. It's an evolution of self. And so I want to hear what that evolution for you is like, like you knew from a little kid that you wanted to be an amazing speaker, but when were you actually practicing it? Besides when your parents were putting you on stage? So, I mean, we all have to take, you know, those speech classes and whatnot.
I'll tell you, like in college, freshman year, first semester I took speech and the lowest grade that I got was a hundred, no joke. And my teacher told me straight away, she's like, you are gifted. And we're most people like, even a mutual friend of ours. Um, Marcus black, who is a professional public speaker.
He almost failed out of speech class. So I learned very early that this was a absolute gift that God gave me like this. Isn't like, uh, and this is, I hope this doesn't sound conceited. And I hope that you guys hear my heart, but my level of skill in public speaking comes at such a supernatural rate that I know it's not me.
It's not man. It has to come from God because I haven't really had that much practice. In fact, it was a desire in my heart from a young age that I gave up on that I felt was too hard to actually come to fruition. It would take too much work. I didn't have the right connections. And I knew I didn't want to be behind the.
But I also knew that I was called. And so I didn't know how to find that stage if you will. And it wasn't until around the time actually you came into my life. Clubhouse came into my life, breakfast of champions, all these different things, the social media show that that dream was kind of sort of fast tracked simply because I hit a little microphone that un-muted my Mike and I spoke and people got to hear it for the first time in a larger scale.
And that kind of is absolutely just changed the trajectory of my. It truly did. And it was really cool to be a bystander of that because you had, you know, quote unquote success in, in the, what you were doing on a daily day-to-day basis for career, for money, for fluency, for your family. Um, but this was like that consistent component to self that you wanted to shine light on.
You wanted to stand in the spotlight, but I loved the expressions of like, it's too much work. It's too hard. I didn't have access. I didn't have connections. Uh, how do I do this? Right. And, and insert clubhouse into my own life as well. And I just think it's wild that an app, like this has created trajectory for so many people.
Um, but I do think that those are common place. Uh, Right. Commonplace, limiting beliefs that like there's no way. And so when I first started the pockets, it was the same thing. I'm like, I don't know where I'm going, how this is going to work, but I know that God has allowed me this gift. And if I don't use it, then I'm acting in disobedience to what he's called me to, and I'm blocking other people's blessings by non-speaking.
Right. And so I saw you on the virtual stage at first, but when I saw you in person, I mean the energy, the like electricity, not even energy, because energy can be like calming energy. It was electric energy. Um, that literally ignited me from the inside out that I was like, oh, I'm running with this guy. I'm running with him.
And so I, what do you feel like when you get on stage? Because we know that fear of public speaking is one of the number one fears of all things. So tell me, like, what are you working through? Because there still has to be that sense of imposter syndrome. There still has to be some sort of limiting beliefs.
You're not super. Yeah, so for sure, there's limiting beliefs. I think that, you know, first off courage can exist in the absence of fear. Like you have to be afraid. Right. And so for me, the thing that I've learned, and I did, I I'll say I learned at a young age to channel that fear, that anxious feeling inside of me as kinetic energy as like, ah, as soon as I start feeling, I start to like get myself in state and I'm like, yes.
And like, I'll come out and you see me, I shake my booty. I'm putting myself in state in that moment realizing, because this is the reality is that for a huge chunk of my life and still. In the past for a huge chunk of my life, but still I'm not gonna lie. There's moments of struggle. The devil wants to come in and plant things itself.
Sabotages me. The devil comes in and says to me, oh, you're not really a subject area expert. You're not a professional speaker, so you've lived it, but can you teach it? And so these fights come inside of me because I have, you know, I'm doing it on the stage cause I love it, but I'm also doing it because I feel like I have a message.
I feel like God has instilled in me my actual super power, which public speaking, I might be a gift. So my superpower is seeing the greatness in others and helping them step into it, not being afraid by the light that they shine, the bright, the excuse that they brightly shine, but rather let their light help make my light even shine brighter.
And so that's like something that I, I absolutely love doing. And then in my head, these thoughts start popping in. You're not worthy, you can't do it. And blah, blah, blah. And exactly what you said. That's why I was like, Hmm. Cause that's exactly it. I'm not doing it for me. I'm not doing it for the crowd. I'm doing it for that one.
And you know, there's a song, a worship song that I love and the part that they say, and I think I've even shared this to you, that he leaves the 99. Yeah. Reckless love. I love that song. like, I love recklessly I'm made in his image. So it makes sense that I'm going to love recklessly. And if I don't allow myself to have courage in those moments and to take that anxiety and channel it into excitement.
Then I'm doing a disservice to that one. That's so powerful. Now I know as a recipient of your reckless love that you, you actually walk that talk all the time from sunup to sundown and probably in between. You're probably praying and dreaming over other people because of that selfless love that you have quick commercial break.
I know I hate these things too, but it's so critical that you grow your business for God's sake. And I mean, that pun intended with all the love in my heart to get you from a place of ideation to activation, stop dreaming, start doing stand ups, start saying yes to the call that God has on your life. We are going to be joining in Lexington, Kentucky with none other than the beautiful rise and grind community with Glenn Lundy, who will be co-hosting this incredible conference.
This is the second annual. And he has taken me under his wing to be able to share the stage to motivate and inspire. And I cannot wait to see you there November 5th through the. If you want to come in for the VIP experience or two doesn't want to come along for VIP, that's all access passes to the speakers and the artists.
And you'll be able to dine with us in the private rooms with your own special bathrooms. So of course, come one day, two day, three day passes available as well. And we cannot wait as good. And I say to hug your neck, see you there. And I love that your background is shining through. So those of you are listening to the podcast.
You can't see the constellation of light that is behind him, but that connected spirit to know that we are all one, right? Like I want you to unpack it because I'm looking at it from my lens as of what you were saying, but what does that mean to you and how are you living with. Uh, you know, I love that because first and foremost, it goes back to that Bible verse that we're all it didn't say were a selected few are made in God's image.
We're all made in God's image and it's beautiful how diverse his image really is. You know what I'm saying? So when we fully understand that, and another thing that I've learned pretty early on in life, listen, I won the lottery when it comes to parents, like I really did. I won the family lottery. Like I am blessed beyond measure.
It can bring me to tears. Like every moment I think about it, like that is such a motivating thing for me, because I want to, I'm recreating that with my own kids. And I also want to recreate that for those orphans out there, if you will, and people who aren't necessarily orphaned, but they'd never felt a part of something.
They never felt that family, they never felt that love. And so I have to love freely. It's part of the air that I breathe. I have to see the goodness in others. I have to, if I see someone, I don't care where we're at, where the grocery store, what we're driving, I have to stop and say whatever it is that they energetically expressed to me that put a smile on my face that that happened and why, because you know what, it fills my cup in a different way.
And you know, what's actually selfish about it is because I love so recklessly. And so freely, I am loved recklessly and freely. And as someone who struggled with self love and self doubt, that is the best feeling in the world to literally look around and think, gosh, I have so many people that love me. So many people that want me to win.
And it all happened when I started loving, freely and forgetting about the judgment that may or may not come with being unique. And when did that, or how did that transition occur? Cause that's what I was wondering. I'm like, have you always been like that or was it a part of, as you learn to love you, you learn to love others.
Yeah. So the reality is, is that I was a happy-go-lucky person. The majority of my life I've always been it's funny. I've always been well-liked I've always been likable. Um, but there was a lot of self doubt, a lot of self hatred. There was lots of chains from my past that held me back and it was actually a moment.
So if anyone's ever read the book, the five second rule by Mel Robbins, she's like one of my heroes, I heard her speak. I immediately put into practice what she talks about and that changed my business. Like literally from one day to the next, like tripled my business within 60 days of hearing her speak.
Wow. That was unbelievable. So I went six months later to hear her speak of. And she chose me to do one-on-one coaching onstage in front of everyone gave me chills and I manifested it. I knew that she was going to pick three people. I started saying it, I was on zooms with hundreds of people on my team. I was on the mic with all the leadership the night before I'm like, she's going to pick me, blah, blah, blah.
She picks me. And then she starts asking the tough questions and I'm like, wait a minute,
get a little deep here. This is a little, we don't talk about that part of my life that, you know, and in that moment, and I'm someone like, I'm a big believer that when you go to any type of event self-development event, church, whatever it is, you play full out. You listen to the people on stage, you participate, you give everything you have because that's when breakthrough is going to happen.
And I teach that to my team. And here I am in front of people in front of 3000 people of my closest friends. And I. Am I going to be the person that always preaches playful out, but then when faced with the chance to actually really play full out, I wasn't going to, and I decided I have to play full out.
So when she asked me in front of everyone and trigger warning, and I don't want to take it down this path, but were you, are you a victim of sexual abuse? And my answer for the first time in history in front of people was yes. And when that, yes, left my mouth. I'm not kidding. I physically felt like chains rip from my back.
And I know this sounds weird and it will, but it's Willow and I'm weird. And that's what it's going to be parallel so much in this story. So I want it and slowly but surely people, one by one started standing up until the entire audience was standing up with their hands, extended out like this. And I. The physical manifestation of love.
I felt God's presence like never before I felt him saying, son, I have you like release because for 30, for almost 30 years, I hid this for almost 30 years. I kept in the dark. My family knew my wife knew there were certain people, but to publicly say something that I was still at 36 years old ashamed of, even though it had nothing to do with me, it was not my fault.
And then to be walked through that by Mel Robbins onstage, and then her tell me exactly how to anchor myself to moments and memories in my life that bring me joy and how to block out that negativity and the chains are falling off. As love is being poured. At that point, I realized I am special. I am powerful.
I am divinely and uniquely made and I have to step into all of that. The black and the white, the good and the bad. I'm a mixture of all of it. I have to own it, put it to the light because as long as it's in the light, it will never have power over me. It's when we keep it in the dark. When we keep it in the silence, when we keep it in secret that the powers over you.
But the second I brought it to the light, the chains were gone forever. And now I know I got to bring it to. Yeah. And I think this is like a series of, of, of experiences that people need to witness, bear, witness to and embrace. And I love that you're saying like, in those experiences where there's a lot of people, you can feel hidden, right?
Like you can be like, oh, I'll just sit over here in the corner. But that playing full out is a part of sharing your message as a part of sharing your story. We started this conversation about like speaking on stage or being on a podcast or like, what is video feel like? But all of those things are a part of the onion layer that is released when you peel off that first component of protection, because we've protected ourselves for so long.
Uh, generally subconsciously without even like having to bear like words or language to it, I was also sexually abused and didn't share about it until I was almost 30. And so it's very similar. And when I released it, wasn't actually until I. The book, um, which I co-authored about that shame that I felt that, that breakage, that bondage experience, where it was released, because it was sealed that this is no longer in me.
It's actually sealed in this thing. That is not a weight anymore, but instead a life giver, right. To be able to give life from what was the chain that brokenness and stand in the freedom. Um, but it took me living full out. Right. And so it's so important. They can't hear me on Instagram. I hear you. Yeah.
Can you hear it the most important part of this story?
That's awesome. Well, they hear, she is not being heard. That's okay. We're here for the podcast and here for Alex, so, and joy Alexander, follow him on all social media platforms. Um, but listen. So I think it's just so critical that people hear this part of the message and recognize that it takes that moment of, of release.
Um, to say it's not about me. And even in that moment, you were saying I'm in front of 3000 people and I could clam up and say the lie. And then that lie becomes your identity. Or you could open that first layer and say what happens, what's going to happen? And she triggered the ability for you to do that.
Anchor. It's crazy, by the way. I don't know if you listen to Glen's, um, rise and grind show this morning, but he literally had a Mel Robbins video play. And so I'm like, this is weird either. I now need to have manifests meeting Mel Robbins, or it was just so intentional because she is she's brilliant. And so talk us through now your understanding, because even though somebody taught you the anchoring and the release of how do you do this consistently and how do you help people on your team do this?
So it's a great question. So what's cool is, so Mel Robbins is just first off a genius and she operates in her genius. And that's what I love about her. Like it takes chutzpah to ask a man onstage that question, and I was a little bit like, wow, this lady, like she's got some guts. And so I'll forever be grateful.
Number one, for someone who is willing to ask the tough questions that all ultimately led me through breakthrough. Um, but what. What I was talking to her before, was my love for chill, my children. Right. Well, what I would, she didn't know, come to find out was that I almost didn't have children because of what happened in my past.
I didn't want to necessarily bring children into this world. And my wife and I kind of had that discussion pre-marriage and so we were together 10 years before our oldest was born, married for seven of those 10 years. Wow. Slide it. And let me tell you how God works the month to get pregnant. We were pregnant.
I was like, maybe it doesn't work. Cause we were practicing y'all we just wear makeup. And so I was like, maybe it's not going to work in that first month. Boom. We're pregnant. And I know that's not everyone's story. And so I'm not trying to be insensitive, but that is our story. And I can remember laying in that bed the day my daughter was born and we're in, I'm in bed with my wife in the hospital bed.
So we're squeezed in and Sophia's laying in between the two of us and I kiss her on her head and I looked at my wife and I said, why didn't we do this. Wow. And so what I was almost afraid of because of what happened in my past ultimate becomes the best, my favorite role in life. And that's being a father.
So what Mel Robbins did was anchor me to that moment, anchor me to the moment of why didn't I do this sooner. This is so good. Why didn't I do this sooner? So when fear CRA you know, tries to sneak in when the self-doubt tries to come in, when my past tries to hold over me, cause sometimes we can be triggered by certain things that we see and all of a sudden it's like, and it grips us.
I remember why didn't I do it. Why didn't I go for it sooner? Why didn't I jump without that pair of shoe? Why didn't I just say yes. And so that has been the best lesson. And so does it happen every time? No, but this is the Keene. I was just this weekend with Joseph McLendon, the third incredible speaker on stage Tony Robbins' right-hand man on all his stages.
And he talks about where he lived. It was two lanes, you know, one lane in one lane out. And there was these light poles ever so often. And yet on this. So often where they're accidents, where someone would hit the light pole and it's like the light poles, this big, the space in between light poles this big, well, so why are these people hitting the light pole?
It's because they're saying the light pole, the light pole, the light pole, the light pole, and they're focused on the light pole and they crashed the light pole. And so what we have to learn is not to never focus on the light pole. Cause unfortunately the light poles are going to rear their ugly heads in our lives.
But how quickly am I realizing I'm looking at the light pole, where am I focus? Goes energy flows, go to the space. And it's learning that to remember, oh, why didn't I do it sooner? Go to the space. A why light pole? I pro-life, well, why didn't I do it sooner? Ah, go to the space. And every single time I say light pole less.
Every single time I spend less time focusing on the light pole. It doesn't mean it goes away forever. It's a constant transformation, but eventually it stops being a light pole, but light poles never stopped. Wow. It's just how much we focus on them as you're sharing that. Obviously I have this visualization of what's behind you.
And I'm thinking through like how that can also happen, not just with the distraction. Um, but people could actually be the light pole in our lives. Right. And whether healthy or unhealthy, we are not meant to fully collide with them. Right. Unless they're your spouse, we could have that conversation later, but it's the knowing that like, sometimes we distract ourselves so much from our mission, from our gift, from the thing God intends for us to do that.
We think if we got closer to this light pole, that our, our mission or our vision would then be ignited. And I think that there's so much importance to like, Connectivity. But when I'm seeing this constellation, it's the knowing that like we can be energetically connected or as Glen Lundy, Laura wild, all these people are talking about quantum physics, right?
We can have quantum entanglement with someone, but it does not deter us from the thing God inquires for us to do every single day. And we'll continue to create space for, regardless of our distractions. I love that. And kind of touching back on to the backdrop because you know, so first and foremost, this is a sacred geometry.
If you look into anything sacred geometry, it's really beautiful, but there's something within sacred geometry that there's kind of a cohesiveness within all organisms on this earth, Viet plant, be an animal, be human, um, that we have a certain connectivity all to each other. So it's a really beautiful concept, but it's understanding again.
And I, I, it sounds funny, but I'm going to say it again, but it's something that I think about all the time, because I am flaw. And, you know, the, the old Cherokee proverb of the two wolves inside, which will fill, I feed. Sometimes I do feed the bad Wolf. And sometimes I say things or think things that aren't really who I am.
And so I have to realize we're all made in his image. Even when that person cuts you off in the line, even when that really rude person is treating someone else really. Cause I'm not that old school person that back in the day, I don't as much anymore, but I'm going to arms, you know, and causing a scene over someone speaking rudely to a server saying like, that's how you're going to talk to somebody that necessarily benefiting anyone either.
If we stop and think they're made in God's image, I'm made in God's image. I know my flaws. Yeah. Their flaws are just showing themselves right now. Lord knows there's times that my flaws show and I don't care to be judged. And so when we understand we're connected all through that, we're connected by the fact that none of us are.
We're all striving to do the best and live the best that we can and operate through love. In my opinion, the highest vibration that we can operate. What we're going to do is raise the collective consciousness. We're all going to be better. And like, especially in a time right now with this division. And it's so heartbreaking to me seeing friendships and partnerships and everything, because people are one side of the coin and, and this rhetoric that we have to pick a side that we ha it's just, there doesn't have to be sides.
We don't have to be against you. Yeah, well, I mean, it's so different, again, back to this picture, I'm going to have to incorporate this picture somehow for the people who are listening to the podcast, but there is, there is two polar opposites, right? Existing yet still connected. And that's the component of humanity that we have to stay in that conscious collectiveness of.
I see you. I might not agree with you, but I still see you. And we have this, this, this, this, this like flesh in common and therefore we are still one. And I really think even from like a character perspective, even from some of my best friends who I might not necessarily align with on their perspective of spirituality or their experience in religion or in definitely in politics is the knowing that like we all make up the character of who God is.
We all make up his space. And so it, without. I don't know him, excuse me. Right. And so I have to challenge myself to say, w who, who are you in this person? And how can I recklessly love this person with, regardless of what their actions are. And this is, I think where forgiveness is rooted is to say it's generally generationally, probably not even that person's fault.
Right? And so let me first release that. And then secondarily say again, in his image, I will pursue the truth without necessarily having to create a light pole in your life that you're going to run into a hundred percent, a hundred percent. And, you know, just to kind of piggyback on that, oh gosh, I feel like we're back on clubhouse, but dovetail on what you, you know, the, the reality is, is when we kind of take that viewpoint of people and what.
You know, empathy is something that we're lacking in this world. And the difference between empathy and sympathy, isn't just feeling bad for someone that's feeling someone, you know, it's feeling what they feel. If we stop and think, where could this be coming from? How many of us have ever been in a moment where we react in a way that afterwards we are mortified.
We were like, oh my gosh, I cannot believe I just act like that. But then you feel in the moment, like you have to stick to your guns because you already started it in your head as an entrepreneur, as a business partner, as a wife. But you're like hitting the brakes in your head, but you're in your heart, you're in it.
You're here to finish what you started. And so we have those moments, I think often, maybe that's what they're going through. Maybe they're having one of those moments that in their head, they're telling you no screaming brake pedal, brake, pedal, brake pedal don't don't don't don't Joe, but they can't stop themselves.
Lord knows I've been there. So let me not just judge them. Let me see, and this is something that's weird. Right? I like to think this, like, let's see how strong the gifts God has given me. Can I redirect, can I shift the energy? Can I bring light and love into this situation? Can I take that frown? And like the cliche, turn it upside down.
Like can like, like, it's almost like. Oh, I know what I'm going to say. It's on, as I bet she's upset, but it's not a change. I can't wait. You know, and you get so excited in that moment. That's why you and my husband get along so well is because that is literally my husband. Like if the teller, the bank teller is having a pissy day, he's like, I'm going to say every joke possible to like, make her bust a lab.
And then she's like, shoot, I was just a total jerk. Right. I was a bad human in that moment. And that's not the intent. The intent is just to release that tension. Like, cause we carry those light poles. It's almost like you run into them and then they're dragging behind you. It's not a leave it like a crash and burn, right?
we need to tag him in all the things it is due. But I, I agree. And you, you did that for me, even in a moment where, like, I was super confident, I knew exactly what God had given me. I didn't know how it's going to come out when I was going about to go on stage. And you were just like, let me pray for you.
Right. And it wasn't necessarily that I was combating you, but I was combating the enemy in my mind. And so I think that. Everyone on every given moment and the fact that you lived, like I did happy go lucky, likable, probably always wearing a smile, able to take the mic and act like life is perfect. Great family.
All of that is my story. And yet I had those moments, those light poles that I was dragging, those change that were keeping me back from the ultimate purpose that I knew God had before. Um, and so I believe that you onstage and stage, right, this is stage. Um, the experience that we had in Dallas will be another stage.
What we experienced in Denver is a state like they're everywhere, but I was with someone recently and he was telling me his story, um, a bit more intimately. And he was talking about sages and he's like, I know God has called me to be in front of millions and. I said, you're definitely called to go to the nations.
Everyone is called to go to the nations. What does that look like is very different from one person to the next, but I said, can I just hold you back real quick? And he was like, yeah. And I was like, right now, you're speaking to the nations in this one-on-one coffee experience that you don't think anybody else is listening.
But guess what, when we leave, I'm about to get on a podcast that thousands of people are going to download. They're going to hear what you just deposited into my spirit through me. And so you don't always know, Mel Robbins didn't know when she was giving you that access point, how many tens of thousands, millions of people nations that Alexander Gonzalez was going to touch.
And here you are a hundred percent, you know, uh, you know, just to give, uh, for anyone listening can like, uh, to quantify. Uh, my ripple effect has now officially reached over 50,000 people in 20 different countries. And it all started because I've put into activity, the steps that bill Robbins taught. And then when I saw her again, I was open to make the necessary change.
And I think that that's something that's really important as well, because we're all gonna suffer with things. And, and, you know, again, this last, a hanging off 50 cent, you know, perspective. He was on stage, but I was there, I think, you know, he said something that was a hundred percent like, and he said, depression is a luxury.
Okay. And I don't have time for that. So let me just kind of break that apart. Right? So he's telling the story of his childhood, single mothers, 15 years old when she has them. She's, you know, an entrepreneur, uh, you know, in her own, right. You know, maybe a street version of an entrepreneur, but she's an entrepreneur
they drove a catty. You know, he was good at her job. I don't really know. He didn't go into detail or her job was, but he said, she, you know, did some, you know, and then she was murdered at eight years old, this single mom running the streets, selling this selling, who knows what ultimately gets snatched away.
And he moves in with his grandparents and his grandparents had nine children of their own, his mom of which is the oldest. So when she passes away and he moves in, there's still nine kids, him being now the youngest and life was. But look who he is now. He has the number one television show power. He has the raising cane, which is the number two television show on Showtime.
He just sold Vitaminwater, not just, but recently sold vitamin water for $4.2 billion. He has very first tour as a rapper. He made $36 million. And you know, where do you go from a kid whose mom gets murdered. You move in with, you know, low income, barely have anything to reach. What you've reached. Have you stopped as it affect you?
Do you feel bad? Are you sad? Cause your mom died. Did you see some things that you probably should? A hundred percent. He saw all of it. The gambit was there, everything was there, but he decided he didn't have the luxury. To be depressed about it. Now I'm not talking about clinical depression. I have a master's in psychology at not at all minimizing I'm normal psychological disorders.
I believe in them work with your, you know, work with who we're working with and figure it out. But stop and say, is this clinical, is this something that's actually something that I cannot control? Or am I giving myself the luxury of not reaching the potential God has for me? Because I'm focused on the polls around.
And when I realized in that moment, when he said that I'm like, dang it, I have a tendency to look at the polls and allow myself the luxury of being depressed, wallowing in the fact that the pole existed. And I hit it as opposed to saying, I don't got time for that. Okay. I hit the pole this time. I'm not going to hit it as much last time.
You know, next time, next time I'm gonna look away quicker. Next time I'm gonna turn because this and this, this is a thing that I've learned. If repetition is the mother of all skills. Praise is the father. And so if you want to develop a skill, yeah, you got to do it over and over public speaking is a skill people or a skill over and over and over and over.
But when you do it, you gotta be like, you just did it. You just crushed it. That's how to give yourself your own high five jumping up and down, bro. Did you just get up that stage? Yes you did. Because now I'm repeating the skill. I'm praising myself for the skill. Think about children. You have kids, right?
The first time your eldest said mom or dad, whatever their first word was, where you, like you said it wrong. It's mother, you know? Well now I do, let me tell you a quick story because I do my, my, my kids are getting older six and eight, and they're hearing that everybody else calls mom and dad and they call us mama and data.
And so they tried to transition that name and I'm like, I don't know who you're talking to, but they meet. And they're like, 13, can I call you mom? This is embarrassing. And I'm like, oh no, no, that's not how this works, but you're so right in the fact that like, you still have to lean into those experiences.
Otherwise you're, you're stopping yourself and you're in that loss mentality, you're carrying it right. A hundred and just like a baby. When we're learning to walk, we start by crawling. We celebrate even just the scoot. We celebrate the head up, we celebrate the entire process, but then when we're going, when we're learning how to walk in business or learning how to walk on whatever skill you're learning you get, we get frustrated with ourselves when really we just got to stop and celebrate every single step along the way and keep repeating those steps.
Celebrate, repeat, celebrate, repeat, celebrate. And now you've reached the skill. And so, yeah. Anyway, well, as you're talking about that, I'm thinking of the interjection of the enemy, right? Because shame is deposited and that is literally like, my mission is like to obliterate Shane and activate purpose. And so shame is, is injected in those times that celebration does not exist because I was never celebrated after I was sexually abused because it was a secret.
Right. Right. And so when we bring things into the light, if people have an ability to then shed the me too, like you started this entire conversation with, and it makes your light, that might be so, so dim at that point, you have that illumination factor all over again, and that's where God wants you to be right.
Like he wants you to be illuminated for the kingdom, but. Shame. It's like blanket basket over and over again on this light. That is so beautiful. And so if we can embrace that and do exactly what Alexander does every single day, and that's depositing the ability for somebody to remember their light and flip it back on your life.
I love that. Yes. And I love what you said. Remember that they have the ability already within them because we all are born lights, you know? And you know, I always think of you guys. I love the show friends. Like when, when Phoebe is went running with Rachel and she's like run with like a kid and she's like, this is so much fun.
And Rachel's like too embarrassed to walk with her. It's like to run with it. When did we start caring so much to be so bright and so free? And so, you know, turned off well
why did we flip that switch? And how do we flip it back so that we stay with that childlike innocence and beauty, because we are his children at the end of the day, we are forever his kids. And I'll tell you this. I still come in mom, mommy, and poppy, but that's how we say Latino. And I still will say sometimes.
I'm like, daddy, can you and I ain't got no shame and my kids better be 47 years old for, they call me daddy and I will always be their daddy. Like, I love it. I love it. As you were saying that like right before, is, is this expression of, um, golly, my whole brain just went to pieces with daddy. I'm like, wait, what does happen?
Ah, that's awesome. No, but I think, I think you're right. And I think that there is an evolution and the one thing that I was, oh, I know what it is. The word right. Why, and when did we let go? And how, why when and how, why did you let go? Is the shame when you let go is probably the season that that experience happened.
And then everything thereafter became a light pole rather than the road, right? The road ahead. And then the last piece is, is what can we do now to fix that? And I don't know, the, the Mel Robbins anchoring system. So I'm going to look it up right after this. But the next part is I believe that illumination factor.
And I think if we just anchored into that understanding of joy that I know is so a part of who we are, it's on everything that you do, it bleeds out of you, you create it, right. You're a joy creator. And so I think that if we could tap into joy, joy feels like. Yeah, it's not happy, happy feels subsurface.
It feels like unattainable on a consistent basis, or it feels fleeting. Like I can feel happy right now. And then I'm gonna go back to that experience. I'm going to go back to that mentality, but joy, which we know is innately ours, because if we're made in an image of a joyous father, then we have it.
That's no difference than the light, but the component of joy that we can then share out based a living a playful life, it's you and me shaking our booty on the stage so that people are looking out and they're like, whoa, is this uncomfortable for anybody else? I don't want to dance with them. Right. And then we get them to that place where they're like, okay, nobody's watching me.
They're watching the crazy person up on stage and they have no shame. So let me have no shame too. And so I have to show you right now.
You guys, if you're listening and not watching, you have got to go to the live at minute 44 to 7, 8, 9. Oh my gosh. I'm so curious that he's about to die
here, so, sorry. I ha I'm just like, I'm so excited literally saying things that I'm like I have to go. So I went and got to. Okay. Okay. Cause this is the thing. This is a quick little analogy because oftentimes I agree with everything you're saying so full on and someone might be listening, thinking, well, how do I find that joy?
It's real easy to just say be joyous, but how did I get that joy? Right? So here we have two lighters. One's going to light the other. One's not lit, but look at this one. As soon as I bring this slider closer, this one star, you can't see it, but it actually has lighting, lighting up without you even pressing out.
It's connected. You understand that? That's what, when you want that joy, when you want that fire and you can't find it within, go find the people who have it surround yourself with those people. Because at first it might just be a little light, little dim light, but it's shines brighter and it goes brighter until you're illuminating more than you ever thought that you were.
Just by surrounding myself people. That's what clubhouse did for me. Yes. Did clubhouse given me the opportunity to use my voice? Like never before a hundred percent did clubhouse give me the opportunity to be on stages with people that I never thought I'd have the opportunity to be on stages with a hundred percent, but clubhouse brought me closer to the fire.
It brought me closer to the people who were already bright, brightly shining. And then like you and Gary who are silent mentors of mine, I mean, we are actively. So I was like, but I view you as mentors because I want to emulate your behavior. And I just said this yesterday or today on clubhouse, the difference between a coach and a mentor coach can show you how to get there.
A mentor has already been and you guys have been through it. Part of you guys are a beautiful couple. Yes. Inside out. You can, you can, you know, physically beautiful. That's not, you're beautiful. You're stunning. This is in your God. That is the stunning, this, that stunning, this lies in how you've put God first in your family.
If you put God first in your relationship, have you got first in your marriage, in your business? I mean, literally put God first fill in the blank. That's what's stunning. That's why I deem you guys mentors. And that's why I am so grateful to have people like you. That light my flame because I can now be as bright as I want.
And that's the power of. Um, that is such an amazing, it's such an amazing analogy of vision and I'm a visual learner, so that is just deposited into my soul. I will not forget it. Um, and it, the word that you're saying, as you're saying that that fire, um, is Ember, right. Be the. BV Ember, because what happens is like we can be responsible for our flame for sure.
But there's also the component that like some days I'm dim. Right? And so it has to, you have to know that like the one mentor, the one thing that is steadfast, never changing is the ultimate fire starter, which is God himself. And that's where, when we talk about fit and faith, right. Founders, innovators, and trailblazer lasers, the reason that they have.
Quote unquote success. The reason that they have this ability and this electricity in this connectivity is because they're aligned and we have to stay aligned to the fire for us to have the ability to Ember out to other people, like get close, watch out, because if you get too close, you're about to catch on fire.
Right? I love, I feel, I feel brands come in Alexander, the great and Tamra Andrus we're out. I love it. It's so good. Oh gosh. Alexandra today has been incredible. You are a human that is just worth getting to know. Um, and I think that. That's a beautiful thing. Like I want to know the more layers I can't wait to meet your wife and your kids.
Um, one final thing that I want you to share, because it was something that was super impactful to me beyond the health and wellness journey that you've been on the community that you serve in that regard, the traveler that you are, because I also share in that is this tiny little pin that had a really big impact.
And so I am fashionable. And so is Alexander. He was wearing some Louise at the conference and it was so humbly. In fact, I actually have them on video of him just like bouncing his foot while someone's on stage. And I'm like, look at those shoes. But in the after part where we were doing that special time of prayer, I remember seeing this tiny little rhino on his lapel and I just was like, that's a rad pin.
Like, I don't know what that is. Like alpha Sigma Kappa, whatever. I have no idea. Unlike tell me about the rhino. And so I want a rhino pin. I think that you should brand these and create your own. Tell me all about it. So Scott Alexander is an author that wrote this very short book. I think it's 94 pages. I just gave my last copy away.
It's like one of the things that I'd be all stocked up and then I like, oh, you need this book. And what's really important about the book is the whole book is called rhinoceros success and it gives this, um, kind of mentality that there's different types of people. There are cows and their sheeps sheep just kind of, you know, follow willingly cows would think about what a cows.
Sit in their own muck, kind of like chewing and that chewing, if you will, like the gossiping talking poorly about each other, but they stay hurted together. And a rhino is a solitary animal, and there's a couple of really unique things about rhinos. First and foremost, a rhino skin is two to three inches thick, so thick that before modern weaponry, um, no arrow or dark, nothing that man had could actually Pierce a rhino skin.
And so they were the top of food chain without necessarily being a predator. You know what I'm saying? They were untouchable. Uh, and so secondly is that when a rhino starts charging because of their bulk, because of their weight, they actually can't stop themselves. So it isn't until they actually meet the point of contact, their destination that they stop.
And so this book was basically asking the question. Are you a rhino? Are you a cow? Are you going to sit in your own muck all day talking poorly about other people, bringing other people down? You know, it's a story of the two crabs in a bucket. If you put two crabs in a bucket, one tries to climb out and what does the other one do?
Pulls him down. Are you a cow or are you a rhino? Which means sometimes you might have to be okay being alone. Sometimes you might have to. And that doesn't mean a loan from your family, but it's alone in a season where you're kind of separating some things away. You're pushing those poles, those distractions away and saying right here, right now I'm focused on this mission, this goal where I'm going, and then do you charge as fast as you can towards it, knowing that arrows might be sick in your skin?
But they ain't going to make, they're not going to stick. You're going to feel them, but they're going to fall off. They're never going to Pierce that skin. And I choose to every single day, wake up as a rhino, but more importantly, to raise rhinos, to raise kids that are okay in solitude as well as okay. In social aspects, because that's important, you know, we have to be social, we're human I'm in the business of building relationships.
So I gotta, but also our okay. Charging, like never, before not listening to the darts and arrows thrown their way. It's a reach, whatever goal guys had, God has placed in their heart. It's so incredible. And I, and I don't want to get to that place at my lead has that expression where he doesn't want to get to heaven and have the viewpoint of meeting this self that he wasn't created to be.
And he is less than that man. And so it makes me just think of like, I don't want to miss my target and there's going to be a light. I can't, I can't get rid of that light pole visual because it's so important in the rhino could easily do that, but he won't because he's going for impact. It might brush by, but he's like, Nope, I'm going.
And he's too big anyway. And so I think as being a big human and I don't mean that in egotistical big, I mean it in like education, I mean it in self-love, I mean, in all of the other capacities of goodness that we can save Harbor, um, but also. Right. And so recognizing that, and that there's no destination that we're going to reach this side of heaven, um, that is going to be the impact that I think God fully wants us to meek until we meet him, meet him face to face.
Um, so I want to give you a little bit of space, um, because I hear you speak all the time and you never sell anything. And I love that about you and I am so curious, like I know what you do only because I follow you closely, but I want you to share, I want you to share how people can come into direct community with you, how they can support not only the mission that you're on, but also support their wellbeing in the process.
I love that I'm having like technical difficulty. Well, my phone died, so if it's Instagram, yeah. Okay. I was like, okay, good. We're good. Um, first and foremost, I appreciate that. Yeah. I'm very intentional with that. Because I want my heart to always be what leads and not my pocket. And I'm a businessman. My kids eat based on what business I do.
So I spend a lot of time on clubhouse. And so, but I can tell you this, God has continued to bless me. And I think it's because I'm okay putting it in his hands. I'm okay. Believing that I can be abundant and I'm okay. But as he's leading me in this season to give time and energy, to be a rhino on clubhouse and give everything I have there, that everything else is going to kind of fall into place.
But however, that being said, semi-colon, I don't want this alarm to go off again. So I'm just turning it off. This is what I think is this is what I do. So basically I help people become wealthy. And let me just explain what wealthy means. That's happy, which I want to change it. Now that you said what you said today, I want to change it.
It used to be happy, healthy, and financially abundant. Now I'm going to say joyous, healthy, and financially abundant. And that's really what I'm in the business of doing. I have a product that I sell. I have a team that I'm building. I have opportunity. However, when people come to me, my job is just simply to educate them and what it is that I have to offer.
And if it works for them. Great, if it doesn't, hopefully I can point you in the right direction. I'm all about that miracle on 34th street, Santa Claus style. Well, you can go to Macy's or you can go to like, I'm all about that. Because at the end of the day, I do believe that there's a million ways for people to make a million dollars.
There's a million ways for people to lose weight. There's a million ways for people to find community as long as you're actively. What it takes to build that community, make ha live in a financially abundant life, be happy and healthy, rather joyous and healthy. That I'm good. And if I can point you in that direction that I'm here for it.
So not the fat dad on Instagram. Uh, are you going to put up all my social? You'll find it wherever it's going to be. Um, my I'm going to put my phone number right now. (407) 792-9052. And if you heard
0 7 7 9 2 9 0 5 2, literally just messaged Tamra and I'll know that it's you, that reached out to me, but. The space of Quito and ketosis and changing bodies from the inside out. But thank you so much for that opportunity. I love pitching what I do, but I don't do it on clubhouse. You don't, but I love, I love that about you.
Absolutely. Our heart led leader. Um, and I'm grateful for that example and mentorship, right? I think we get to emulate one another, um, based on what we've been taught and how we learn and how we grow. And so that's what this is all about. Um, and selfishly, when I have time to just dedicate an hour with people and just like, I wish you were here and we were like able to embrace because you give the best hugs, but I am hugging you from afar friend and so excited to see you in a couple of weeks in Dallas, or they embrace your ambition conference.
I hopefully I see Gary and you will meet my wife at that event. He will be there for my kids will be there as well. They are, they have some cousins. There'll be playing with the cousins during the day, but you will be able to meet that is awesome. Yeah, we'll be there. Um, my, my b-day is actually on Sunday, the day that I speak.
And so we're taking a extra couple of days for justice, so that's exciting. Yeah. It's gonna be really fun. So you guys make sure you get your tickets to the embrace, your ambition conference, Dallas, Texas, October 14th, through the 17th. And, uh, you'll get to see Alex and I in person and I call him Alex. He goes by Alexander on clubhouse.
So just you have to know him. Okay. I I'm a, I'm a family preference here, Alexander. The great exactly. I appreciate that. And also we're going to get three sharing another stage in November.
I had to plug it, but really I'm, I'm excited about both conferences. You're going to get two different experiences out of both, but both are going to be life-changing and impactful. And, uh, I'm excited to be there. I mean, we're going to be with some jokes. Oh, I'm so excited. I am too. I cannot wait. It's been such a door opening up or opportunity.
Um, and it's just going to continue. Like, I literally believe that this is just the beginning for so many of us and it's going to be one of those things we look back on and be like, remember when clubhouse launched. And so it's, it's really cool that it's a part of our story. And I really love it. I don't know if you knew this part, but I had done a 21 day fast of social media and the day I came back, I had already signed up for social media for clubhouse before I did the fast.
And the day I came back was the day I entered breakfast with champions and got on the stage and was able to share and have been a part ever since. So it was an answered prayer. I will tell you this, someone who I didn't talk to for over two years reached out to me that have you heard of clubhouse? I said, I've not like, dude, you would slay that he only had, it was when you only got two invites.
He's like, I'm gonna give it to you. I have messaged him. I can't tell you how many times to thank him. I've never heard back from him. It was.
really amazing. Why am I, again, honored to know you and so excited to see where God leads us and I will help you. I will keep you accountable and not hitting those light poles. Yes, I likewise, back at you much love, I can't wait for our families to be together for all the future that we God has for us. So I'd love you.
Bye guys. Love you too.
Hey, y'all it's me again. I hope in today's episode, you sends an ignite to an Ember within you, something mentally, physically, emotionally, or spiritually moving that creates and sustains a fire within your journey. Before you go let solidify the flame. I'd love for you to take a step right now and declaring your takeaway by snapping a pick of the episode.
You tuned it to share your spark moment and tag me at bitten faith underscore podcast, or me personally at Tamra dot Andrus on instant. I hope that I can keep you accountable and also share you with the greater community of the fit and fade podcast listeners. We're totally in this together. Community over competition is the motto, right?
I'd also be incredibly grateful. If you took an extra second to leave a review on iTunes or your podcast listening app, I'd love to feature your thought in the next episode and give you and your passion project, a big shout out. You know, I'm a writer. So I love words and I can't wait to read what you have to say.
I'm ready to fuel the blame with you together. And until next time blessings over your joy, health, wealth, and wholeness tune in next time.