God Will Dismantle Your Old Pain and Use it to Build Your Platform - Rebroadcast
Join Pastor Travis Hall in this rebroadcast episode from Transforming Truths. Tamra speaks about what happens when people remove their ‘masks,’ the unhealthy ways people cope in life, and the transformative journey she went through after finding an identity founded in Christ. In life, everybody wants to be fully known and fully loved by someone. And sometimes, people attain these by putting on a mask to conceal things that are hard to reveal. As someone who’s been through the same story, Tamra is aware that no matter how well our ‘masks’ keeps us safe in worldly terms, it will never be in any way that is genuine, lasting, and fulfilling.
Tune in as they put the spot on the Transformational Truth #44 - God will dismantle your old pain and then use it to build your platform with Tamra Andress. Listen with your notes ready because there will be a lot to take away from this episode as you tune in.
In this episode you will learn:
· There’s a difference between treading and gasping in water.
Where to Find Tamra:
I'd love to get to know you.
TEXT Me at 📱757-906-3734
Show Notes: God Will Dismantle Your Pain
Welcome to the fit and faith podcast. It is an acronym representing founders, innovators, and trailblazers who are looking to live a life wholly fully, authentically, and truly fit a space for us to connect on the raw real stories of mind, body, and soul alignment of entrepreneurs in kingdom leaders. I'm your host, Tamra and dress.
And this podcast, isn't like the cookie cutter interview experience. I've been coined the entrepreneurial rabbi. And so we do go there unscripted, no matter how far wide, deep or high there is. My desire is to see people rise from the inside, out, into their greatest calling, by sharing their truest stories.
Talents. As a purpose activator and brand builder, I believe our successes and failures are derived from who and whose we are not what we do, but strategy and vision are equally as important to the mission. So let's cut to the chase together and get fit in faith. Here's today's transformational truth.
God will dismantle your old pain and use it. To build your platform.
Welcome to the transformational truth podcast, where we're committed to eliminating the obstacles that take the joy out of life and leave. Today's guest is Tamra Andrus. Tamra is the nation's number one thought leader in spiritual entrepreneurship. She is an ordained minister and purpose activator on a mission to free and propel entrepreneurs globally to make their uniquely purposed kingdom.
Her fit and faith podcast is globally ranked and it's regularly topping the spiritual religious and business charts. She is the founder of core creatives, a community of rooted entrepreneurs, as well as the joyful and who preneur coaching programs. Her heart is to aluminate the joy and activate people from the inside, out using testimonials and tools to sharpen mission-driven leaders in the market.
As a traveling speaker published two time author and contributor to well-known magazines, podcasts, conferences, and summits. Tamra has utilized her entrepreneurial and relational expertise to align thousands within their businesses for prosperity and profit. She has over a decade of firsthand experience with startups and nonprofit development and serves within advisor positions for emerging companies.
Her most treasured role in developing the kingdom is as a wife and mother. And the most exciting thing about all of this is that she is just getting started. Let's jump into this incredibly rich interview.
Hello everybody. And welcome back to transformational truth. Here's today's transformational truth. God will dismantle your old pain and use it to build your platform. We've all had to navigate pain in our hearts and emotional pain. That lingers can be tricky because rather than go through the process of healing from it, we're often tempted to find ways to simply not.
And speaking as someone with experience, I've discovered that it can unknowingly become the motivating force behind the kind of life we choose to build. But what we usually don't realize is that we're building on sand and sooner or later, we're going to have to deal with our sound. The good news is that no matter how long we've been wounded, we can still live a life that's healed.
That is whole, that is fulfilled in helping us unpack this idea. Today is Tamra Andrus, Tara, thank you for being on transformational truth. I'm really excited. You're here. Wow. That was incredible. Thank you for just opening this time together with that. And, um, I am such a fan of poetic language and that was like that.
And I'm already getting deposits of, of how I want to share and where I hope that it leads based on experiences that I've had with the holy spirit and experiences that I've had in the flesh. So thank you for making way for it. Uh, over the past few weeks, my wife, Tina and I have had the privilege of getting to know you.
Um, and I have to say that we love your heart and we love everything you're about. And every once in a while, and I've actually shared this, I actually shared this with my team this past week. So every once in a while, uh, you connect with someone and, you know, it goes beyond just the casual connection. We both have podcasts.
We both are air. In fact, you interviewed my, both, my wife and I and yours. Um, you meet a lot of great people, but once in a while you meet somebody that goes beyond a casual connection and it really genuinely feels like a kingdom connection. And that's how we feel. About you, you are able to lever, you're a wife, you're a mother, you're a successful entrepreneur.
Uh, you are a leader to leaders and as far as anyone watching your life goes, all right, Tamra, you seem to have it all together. You really do. But, but really what only people see as a piece of. Um, and I think it's easy sometimes to look at someone's life and say, well, you know what I mean? You know, she's got it all together.
She's probably always had all together. Um, she, she's probably always, you know, she probably got a great start and it makes sense for someone like Tamar to be successful. It makes sense for somebody like her to, to be a business, a woman of business and a leader. Um, but the truth is Tamra. You've had to overcome some obstacles to get here.
Can you share just a little bit of your story with. Yeah, I would love to, um, I think as you're sharing that, it's the knowing that there's a difference between treading water, right? And in trying so desperately just to breathe and the difference between actually having a boat thrown your way and being that sail and that experience knowing too, that even in that experience, there will be Rocky waves.
Um, but it looks good from the boat lens. If you look at my Instagram, you can see that me and my husband love to be on the water. We, I was a. Beach babe, as was my husband. And, um, we live, uh, we live a beautiful life. We live a very blessed life, but it's taken a lot of work and a lot of treading to get to this place.
And I know likely because of my endurance level and my obedience now, um, that there will be some times while I might have to do it again. Um, but. Take you back to, to the time where I didn't know that I was on a rat wheel, I thought I was achieving the American dream. I thought I was going after every good thing.
Right. The thing, and God thing are different. And at the time I knew God, I knew that he existed. I actually was a youth leader in young life when I was in high school. Um, I, I had gone to. Several times when I was younger and raised in a, what would you would say, I guess, a traditional Christian home where you went to church on, on Sunday best, uh, for holidays and to not necessarily check the box.
I never really felt that way. I knew the Lord's prayer and we would say it nightly. Um, but it was not a consistent conversation. Nothing like it. Um, when it comes to worship and the, in the household that we now cultivate with our kiddos. And so, um, I knew that that God existed, but I had no play of allowing him into my control perfectionism success for then achievement driven.
Um, everything was for the accolade. Everything was for the applause and I was doing pretty well. I was an entrepreneur on many different levels through my twenties. Um, but I was inside starved. I was inside deprived. I was inside, um, completely void and living in a shell. I was very good at this point in my life and wearing a mask that I didn't even know that I had.
Um, Literally blink in my life with it was in every front, from my body image to how I put on makeup, to what I wore to the interactions that I had with people. Um, I was never good at cultivating relationship with women, and I never really knew why, because my mom was my best friend and I, I liked her a lot, but for the most part, I was just living in that rat wheel that, that understanding that there was.
Somewhere to go. And yet nowhere to go at the exact same time and I was married and had kids at this point. And so I think that there is a story in and of itself right here. So recognize that the fairy tale that was being lived out on in flesh and we were called Barbie and kin. A lot of the times we had, um, a house over the years.
A couple in the neighborhood. It was in fact my childhood neighborhood. So that was neat. I was 17 houses down from my mom. We didn't have a white picket fence, but it might as well. We drove nice cars. We were both entrepreneurs. I had a boy first and a girl, second talk about picture. Perfect. And so I felt the consistent pressure to live up to the expectations of Barbie and Ken.
And how do you do that? And what does that feel like? It's. Well, wait, it felt like treading water, but from the outside, looking in, I had a huge plastered smile because since I was little, everyone said your smile lights up a room and they expected that form, that version of me. And I put those expectations in that pedestal lifestyle as a proud expression to who I was.
And so I was working about 70 hours a week, uh, this at this time, Cultivating two different businesses. One which was a global entity, um, connected to an Australian company and was being brought to the American market and to the United Kingdom and Canada. And I was doing that. What felt like on a single.
of talent, even though I had a team and then also, uh, owned a business with my mom and a local brick and mortar store and online boutique. And this specific day, I came home after living this dual life, this dual life of, um, entrepreneurship, mom, preneur ship, uh, thinking I was doing all the right things, checking all the right boxes.
And yet I was suppressing every real raw emotion with so many culturally normal things. Okay, well, to get into those cultural norms in just a second, but I pulled into the driveway and I had just weened my nine month old baby who was already walking because she wanted to keep up with her rambunctious, big brother.
And, uh, instead of her coming to me, after a really long Workday, she waddled back to daddy and daddy was outside and my little boy was on his bike and he was talking to the neighbors and it seemed picture perfect. And when that happened, I had. Experience of looking at my tombstone and thinking, this is not it.
This is not the fulfillment that I want to have at the end of my days. And I want to be. First and foremost, I want to be wife as well. And daughter of the king, like none of that was even in my frame, my phrase, my mind, I didn't know who God was. And I went inside instead of trying to seek that attention for my daughter or son, because I, again just felt void.
And I went back into isolation and it wasn't until a couple of weeks later where, um, I was that boy that, that suppression, those coping mechanisms were discovered. And that discovery process, um, was, was very painful. And I know that there's other people who have been found out and I'll say found out whether you've been called out in areas of shame.
You've been called out in areas of sickness or hardship. And it feels really hard when your problems are brought to light. Um, but I had. At that point, do I lean in to the light and allow the transformation from what would have been my tombstone, which was just successful entrepreneur, but completely alone, or do I lean in, um, to what will be the cultivation of the life that I will continue to lead every day?
Moving forward. And I chose the hard route. Um, even though there were ideations of divorce in my mind, and I brought those to light during that experience as well. My husband. Couldn't figure it out. He's like, who is this person that I married? He married the mask and he didn't know what was going on behind closed doors of my brain, of my mental thought patterns of my heart.
Um, and I was, I was isolated in those spaces. I had never told anybody about the things that had occurred or things that had happened in the shadows of my life. And some of them, I had suppressed so much in areas like alcohol and areas like shopping in areas like culturalism, um, and addictions, um, and, and understanding that addictions are more than just drugs and alcohol as well, because there are so many societal norms of addiction nowadays.
And so I had to go on this journey and this journey was so hard. This journey, um, led me to coming to know Jesus in the way that I know. And it was an undressing that occurred in front of the holy spirit. Um, and I went from being completely downcast and the things that had been discovered and fully not even still knowing myself or what those discoveries would be to a moment where God literally lifted my chin.
And I remember seeing lights, which is like halo of light around me and him literally saying you were fully seen, you are fully known. And I still love you. And it was the first time in my life that I had ever, ever been told to the full capacity that every nook and cranny was loved, beautiful, known, and seen.
And I didn't have to stand in shame. Um, when his light was casting into all of those parts, parts of my body and my. Wow. Wow. Well, Terry, you just said so much. Um, I want to, I'm trying to think of where to launch into, because you've just said so much. Um, a couple of things that stood out to me was one, you said.
You're basically surrounded by people. As you tell your story, we get this image of your life. You're surrounded by people you're wearing the smile. And despite the fact that you surrounded by people, you have a beautiful family. Uh, you're isolated. Um, talk about that for a second, because I feel like there are people listening who can relate to that.
You can be. Completely surrounded by people that you love. You can be surrounded by people that love you, but you can still very much be isolated. Can you touch on that for. Yeah, I, and I think this is something that started, I know, actually it was something that started at a very young age for me, and it wasn't until I got into therapy, that it was really fully discovered and uncovered.
Um, I had warned shame because of so many different choices and I thought that there were choices that I solely made and come to find out. I had actually been sexually assaulted by, uh, Little one who I say little, he, he felt like a man. He looked like a man in my eyes. He had a mental handicap and he would quiet and silence my mouth with his finger.
He was obsessed with three Stooges and he would put his finger over top of my mouth at the mere age of three and a half. And it was done. So underneath the wing and the location of our family, of our loved ones. And so it's the knowing that, um, lots can happen in the midst of what you think is surrounded by loved ones.
And later, um, a couple years I ended up discovering pornography for the first time during a game of hide and seek it became my regular hiding place. Um, it then led into. Experiences of cybersex when AOL dial up internet started, um, it was chat rooms, late night conversations that live then led into conversations with boys and the opposite sex.
When I had access to my first cell phone, um, all hours of the night, and eventually obviously led to actual bedroom. And, um, from there, just losing my sense of identity even more so. And so when you think about walking into a room of crowded people, all eyes on you expecting a one version of yourself and feeling like a different version of yourself, you feel like you're living between two worlds and it's pretty hard to be fully present.
I never actually was. I was constantly in this state of being of achievement. And so how could. Help more people think that this is the best version of me. Maybe if I try harder, these other portions of me will disappear and I never felt fully released from them. And I felt like they followed me. They were like shadows in my life.
And I think a huge part of it was this understanding of body image. And what is. And my dad was a personal trainer and nutritionist. When I was little, my mom was really into marathon running alongside my dad as well. I was a gymnast very, very early. And so I was constantly in a leotard. Um, so that alone, it makes me think of like the Baird skin, right.
That, that we exist in society. And it's a normalized experience. The more skin, the better. And, um, so I, I feel like we can be in that room and we can be bare naked and nobody cares. Nobody actually cares. Nobody actually is willing to look into the depths of your soul and even see that that smile is fake.
And I have been so incredibly blessed and graced with an empathy factor that I never ever had. Now that I have been. Before God, he has helped reestablish my identity in him. And I can see the brokenness of the world and I can go into those rooms with tons of people. And I can just look into the souls of people and be able to connect with them in a way that was never done for me.
Um, and I will say that my husband, uh, leaned into his faith in the simultaneous time that I did with exploration. What are the answers? How can I keep hold of this woman that I love so deeply and how can I help her understand her beauty and the person that I do feel like I see that she's never allowed me to see.
And I still in the same way, love and eye contact and intimacy were a huge part of those things. And so I'm grateful that I have him at my side to be able to see me on the days that my smile is still there, but I'm actually sad. Um, and, and so those are the people that I now surround myself with because.
And access to those dark points. And I think that's a huge point for people to understand. It's okay to be the light. It's okay to walk into a room and be a vibrant energy and a, and now a vibrant vessel for God, but it's also okay to be equally vulnerable with those people and allow them to see behind the curtain because what you see on social media.
Fun and light and vibrant. But if you read what I write on social media, you see the vulnerability and the transparency. I never want somebody to think that my life is perfect. I never want somebody to think that my smile is always smiling. Um, because there are every angle. Facet scared, sad, fearful, all of that exists.
And so in order for us to exist in full humanity and connect with people in those massive rooms, and even in social media world, we've got to say, um, this is me the fullness of who I am and the stories. Well, one of my, one of my favorite moments in the life and the ministry of Jesus was when he walked into the locked room and Thomas was angry and he was bitter and disillusioned, and Jesus shows everyone in the room, his wounds, this incredible moment of transparency of here's, where I was wounded, but I rose anyway.
I think that's one of the signs that healing has occurred. I think it's one of the signs that Christ has done something different in our hearts and our lives and he's transforming us. So we have the capacity Tamra to walk into a room and say, here's my wounds. I think there's something about that that gives other people permission to admit that they have them to, to, to actually roll up their sleeves and say, you know what I mean?
You know what I was wounded too. And, um, to your point, you said earlier, uh, the temptation to numb our pain with all the culturally normal things being, being addicted in front of one another without even realizing it or acknowledging it. Um, I think, I think there's something. About owning, where we've been broken, owning, where we've been wounded and just walking into the room and saying, Hey, here's why I've been wounded, but because of Christ, I gotten back up and that's what you're doing right now.
That's what you're doing and you're doing it well. And I believe God's going to continue to give, to give you the platform to do that. Um, you said something else earlier about wearing a mask and we actually had this conversation previously, but I I'm absolutely convinced Tamra that everybody goes through.
And they're trying to figure out their match and, uh, because every human being longs to know, at least two things are fully known by someone and they're fully loved by that same someone. And it can be scary to take off that mask. That can be scary because we put on our mask to attract love to us. We want people to know.
Um, and at first it works at first, it works. It actually does what we thought it would do. The problem is over time. We're not sure do they love me or my mask. And that's a scary moment because I feel like, because for me to get my joy and peace back for me to walk out this new identity in Christ, I have to have it find the courage to take this mascot.
If I'm ever really going to feel. And love myself. Talk to us just for a second about that. How, how scary was that for you? What was the emotionally, what was it like for you after building this life based on a mask? Describe that to us. What was it like taking off the mask? Yeah, that was a very pivotal in my story and a huge part of how I'm still married today.
And I feel grateful for that, but the first part of that was, um, being able to rid myself of the shame that I was carrying, you know, in that love that Jesus blanketed me with in that moment and that utter forgiveness I had not forgiven myself. And I'm a part of those things were, were, um, Where pieces that I feel like I knew inevitably we're going to have.
And, and that is the scariest part, right? We create this crutch on these emotional experiences that are taking place inside of our mind. And when you live inside of your mind instead of inside of your actual body and being, and the identity. Uh, you, you live in the shadows of your existence. And so in order for me to rid myself of shame, in order for me to even come into the identity factor and say yes to what God was teaching me in that time, which was that I was a daughter of a king, which was that I was worthy, which was that I was beautiful, which was that I was a wife and I was an honorable wife at that.
So for 30 days, and I didn't count specifically, but I know it was about a month. I couldn't, I couldn't brush my teeth in the. I couldn't really even get ready in the mirror. It was enough that I would see myself in my reflection and it was enough to move on to the next task. But I had gotten rid of all of those roles.
Those CA physicians had to go away because the titles that I was describing myself by no longer mattered what mattered was my sanity. What mattered was my life. I had suicidal ideation at this time. I was shaking convulsing through the night, um, out of fear of what would happen in the morning. I was Googling, what is wrong with me as this is, is this an anxiety attack?
Is this depression? Is it just suicidal ideation? And then that's okay too. And, and understanding that the mask literally kept me safe and in safe in the worldly terms, but not in the loving terms of the father. He didn't want me to be in that place. So as I slowly progressed, I actually signed up for a worship school, which sounds really weird.
But I found very quickly in my research and Googling one. I didn't really know what was wrong with me. Um, how do you define yourself? I wasn't an alcoholic. I wasn't a drug addict. I didn't, I didn't know what was wrong. And so I went to therapy and in that therapy was when I had that uncovering. I also wanted to seek his face and I needed something that was going to keep me contained in a safe Harbor, in addition to being in the four walls of my home.
So we went back, we retreated my husband and I into the nucleus. Instead of the parties, I couldn't go anywhere where there was people. Cause I couldn't even make eye contact with myself. How could I make eye contact with other people? The only place that he went was true. And even at church, I couldn't make eye contact for nearly a year.
So I did this worship school and I did it. It was called burn 24 7 alongside Sean , who was doing, uh, a global, uh, right now a national experience with let us worship. And it's just insane to see how his ministry has taken off. That time. Uh, I got to intimately know who God saw me as, and I got to intimately know who is Tamra at the core questions that were asked to me were, what are you passionate about?
And I had no idea our life savings, cultivating businesses. We had nothing to our name. We were actually hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt at this point. And my husband and I both being entrepreneurs. We didn't have health insurance, like. So much brokenness again at this time from the outside of the.
Picture. Perfect. Right. And so I went on this experience of understanding intimately, if I am loved this much, why are so many things broken? And so in therapy, we were given communication strategies as a husband and wife, because as I gained to know myself, I now have to share that self with the person who I co-parent.
And was living with and truly did love, love him dearly. And so we did this exercise and I encourage every married person to experience it. And we, we sat knee to knee, eye to eye and the intimacy of our bedroom. And, um, we had to each share stories with one another stories that were about 15 to 20 minutes long, a story that, that other person had never known about us.
And we were. Seven years into our relationship together about four years, married, I believe is what it was. And, um, that seven year itch conversation, right? There's a real, there's a realness to it. And so we sat there and we had to share stories, but the key component of sharing and communicating and creating intimacy is the knowing that you cannot listen to respond.
In fact, you don't even get to respond at all before you go to bed, you simply have to actively listen. You have to hold their hands. Even the sweaty palms and the nervous ticks, and you get to look into their soul as they're sharing something with you. And these are not secrets. Um, these are secrets, but they're also just not storylines that have left.
Like one day I went to Disney world minute and share that. Of how you are, who you are and those pivotal moments in your life that you've forgotten, that you've hidden away so far, that you'd never wanted anybody to know about. And then you would have to sleep with that information, whether you were the one sharing it and all the vulnerability or you were the one receiving it, all you wanted to do is give them words of affirmation.
Let them know that you're there for them and you hear them. And the following day, you sit in the same exact position and you get to just affirm them in the results of what it is that they shared. How do you actually feel? Not a quick witted emotion, but the actual depth. And ultimately it always stems back to that.
And so I got to fall back in love with my husband. I got to fall in love with myself for the very first time. And I got to fall in love with Jesus, who was someone I only knew from afar. And that is truly how I now get to live every single day. And instead of just keeping those beautiful. Things to myself.
I get to share them with the world and I share them one by one, not only with my kids, but with my family. I've seen redemption happen in my extended family and the people who I had to leave behind during this intimate experience. People who I love dearly, who loved me dearly. And I could not look in the eye.
I could not speak to, I could not have in my vicinity because they were not pouring life in. They were actually extracting. And they expected me to be that mask and I wasn't able to give it in that season. And so my encouragement to you, if you're listening is to know a couple of things. One you are fully seeing are fully known and you are fully loved in every single nook and cranny of who you are.
But additionally, that this is a journey that this is a process, that there is not this new being of Tamra, this new ice sense of identity that just is, is. That is complete. I am in a process of becoming, I have so much to learn. I have so much to continue to surrender. I have so much of my flesh that wants to live out even in my entrepreneurial realm.
So it's a daily sacrifice. It's a daily, knowing that in my vulnerability, in my showing up in the authenticity of who I am doesn't mean that it's all smiles and. It means that I don't wear eye makeup. Like I literally stopped wearing makeup, uh, at the beginning of COVID. Um, and, and this was to empower women to say, I don't need false eyelashes to be beautiful.
And it is just, it's empowered clients. It's empowered, um, my best friends and, and yes. Do I get glammed sometimes? Sure. It's super fun. But now I have a total different sense of self health, wealth. Um, just being, there's just a whole nother component to who Jesus calls us to, rather than who the world says.
Yeah. I think what I'm hearing is absolutely the word that I keep hearing is transformation. Tamra. I think there's transformation. The love of Jesus. Phil has the capacity to transform our lives and that's what I'm hearing. And it's an, a beautiful story. Um, yeah, I think, um, if I can just comment on a thought you just shared, I, I do think there's the reality of taking your mask off.
And one of the things that we fear of course is if I take it off we'll will people walk away from me? We'll be able to maintain all of my relationships and quite frankly, probably not all of them. And nor do you want to, I think the reason why our relationships feel in that season of our lives, so extremely shallow Tamra to be quite honest is because they are totally is because they are shallow and, uh, I think oftentimes the enemy wants to convince us that this is as good as it gets, and this is, this is normal, but that's not true.
The abundant life that Jesus wants us to experience is rich. It's full of deep, meaningful relationships that are vulnerable and transparent and real. And I think the moment we take off our mask, two things happen, the people who shouldn't be in our lives to leave and the people that need to be in our lives finally show.
And I think that's one of the gifts we give ourselves when we give ourselves permission to take off that mess, what a beautiful and incredible story. And I think that's the perfect segue into, into this question. Um, here, here, what, uh, we've discovered too, and I've discovered our own lives and our own. Um, the unspoken truth about pain is if, if I don't turn in face it, if I don't turn it at some, some point deal with it, it will deal with me.
Um, and it usually happens, uh, in ways that I wasn't hoping it would. Um, so here, here's my question. Why do you think. Numbing our pain can initially feel more attractive than healing from our pain. I'm so good. What a great question. You know, I think the numbing makes you feel connected to the other people who are also numbing.
And so the emotional turmoil that was existing inside of me was being equally met by other people who were. And I, I don't want to call out any, any person, a family member or friend who I was connected with in that shallowness, but shallow existence, even shallow quote, unquote partying, right? That happy hour experience.
I was only looking surface deep. And so were they for us? That was enough. But when I started looking to the depths of my soul in that. When I saw myself for beautiful because of who God made me to be, rather than who the mirror showed me to be and who my husband was calling out to be. I have friendships now that I created that depth in a matter of weeks and they will never leave my side and I, them, because there is an access point that's been getting.
In that vulnerability, in that transparency, we call each other to a higher level of excellence on the days that I choose to cope, they call me out. Right. And there's been given that a sense of authority because they know who I am called to be. I never let anybody else know who I was called to be because I never identified as a child of God.
What level of excellence does the secular world have? What level of excellence does the CEO have? Nobody is, is given. Rules and regulations to live by. And it's not to say that religion does, but there is a level of excellence regardless of any, um, religious understanding that if I'm meant to be like Jesus, and if you follow who he is and what he did when he was here, there's a level of excellence that I, I.
I can only desire to attain, but to know that I am always becoming gives me grace in the fact that I don't have to be perfect. And that achievement, that it's a, it's a journey. And, and yet at the very same time, it's the knowing that I don't have to cope, to feel. I get to experience my emotions, which are God given emotions.
And then to lean into God. What do you say about this? Do I feel this way. And so a couple of years ago, um, my, my son came up to me and we are very health conscious home. And I know you guys are as well. And we practice something called landscape design, which is they can basically have access to anything in the fridge at any given hour of the day and anything in the pantry.
They can't, and wouldn't really want, because it's not a snack. They have to cook it and they have to prep it and they don't know how to do that yet. They're still little. And so he came up to me this one particular day and he said, Hey mom, can I have a try of your drink? And it was drinking wine. And, uh, I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no.
That's an adult drink. And he was like, well, how come you can put it in your body? But I can't put it in my. And I thought to myself and I was like, man, it's a great question, dude. It's a really good question. The next day I come home and it's about four o'clock and my daughter says, do you want me to get your wine?
Four years old. And I knew that the whole mantra, mama drinks, wine mama needs a Marg, the whole culture that has been societaly normalized as okay. The lukewarm, right. It's okay. I was like no more. I, I there's alcoholism and addiction in my family on so many different realms and so many different sides.
And I refuse to let the things that I still needed to be sharpened by that provide coping to be the thing that inhibits my children from sorry. And my merit from guiding. And so for the last two and a half years to not have a sip of alcohol when I really wanted to, um, because I wanted to suppress stress because I wanted to suppress what I was actually feeling.
And instead lean into just hugging my husband. Hmm, right. Hugging my children being present. I could never get that time back and I never regret not being hung over. So there's that too. Wow. Well, uh, what a great transition point for this next question? Um, you touched on this a little bit earlier and I think it's such a relevant point to our culture and to those in positions of leaders.
Um, I think sometimes when you talk about numbing pain, I think people are quick to think about obvious addictions, but, um, uh, timber, what are, um, from your perspective, some ways that we tend to numb our pain without even really realizing what we're doing. Yeah. I mean the first one that comes to mind, as you're saying that is the, is the numbing scroll, right?
No addicted to our phones. We're so addicted devices. We're so addicted to being seen, known, and loved. And none of those people can see know and love you. It's the people who are in your close proximity, in your vicinity and who actually have access to you like Jesus. Does it ever give a moment to be able to provide you love, but we scroll.
Um, and in that scroll, guess what happens? There's gaming that happens. There are, um, comparison traps that occur. There are emotional deposits that are taking place based on the opposite sex affirming you. Uh, and in that you now are exploring and you're having conversations in your head of is the grass greener, right?
And, and that's truly what social media is giving you. Is there a grass greener than where you are right now? The grass is only greener where you water it. Well, and it is so critical for us to realize that those things lead to so many other things. I don't have a pornography addiction and haven't, since those magazines were removed from my mind or from my eyes, but they were always in my mind, I have a pornography addiction.
Yes. Was it what you thought it was or what it could be seen as no. Could anybody trace my porn addiction? No could any way to trace my sex addiction hardly. Right. And so it's the knowing that the things that are societaly okay are now just like pacifiers. They're literally just pacifying the problems of life.
They're pacifying, the devil. That's what they're really doing. And they're allowing there to be no actual transparency in what's going on in the minds and the. Bodies of our, of our people, of our brothers and our sisters. And that's the part that's so heartbreaking. People are doing it with food, right.
Sugar, caffeine. They're so addicted and it's societaly okay. You have Starbucks in your hand. You're cool mom. Right. And again, it's so much more than that. It's the mindful practice of becoming more like. And you have to do that mind, body, and spirit. But if you are not willing to put your mental health as a priority in your life, your emotional stability is haywire and therefore social coping is the only thing you can.
Well, uh, it's so good. You know, St. Rob discovered as well, that one of, uh, especially from leaders or, or highly ambitious people, I think one of the drugs of choice, um, when we're really doing well with dealing with a lot of pain, uh, in it's so sneaky, uh, because to your point, you're around everyone else who is using the same.
Uh, his pace, I just keep ramping up the pace, you know, and, uh, I run harder and faster and harder and faster and harder and faster until eventually there's nothing left in the tank. And usually that's a hard crash. But have you discovered, I mean, are you seeing that yourself? I mean, we live in this culture where we're all, we've got these wounds, we've got this pain and so we just sort of pick up the pace.
No, we've got a, a 12 inch plate, but we pick up 18 inches worth of work. Yeah. That's good. Uh, work in food, right? Like we know that our hearts are supposed to be smaller. Right. And as you were saying pace, I was actually, um, ideating money. Right. And ideating that the w the chase of success. Um, and, and I lived there, I literally lived dollar sign Dean sign on my phone to Dean sign.
I was like, oh, I got another one. And I would be in the middle of a date night with my husband or date night, lack of right. It was a superficial date night. We were doing stuff, but there was no sense of intimacy. And, and I think so often when it comes to that race, when it comes to that, um, understanding of.
We're comparing ourselves, but we're really don't know what we're comparing ourselves to. Are you comparing yourself to Jeff basis? Are you comparing yourself to Elon Musk? Are you comparing yourself to Gandhi? I'm not sure, but whoever you're comparing yourself to it's the realization that your pace is going to be drastically different than everybody else's pace.
I have people often because I moved pretty quickly. As you can tell by how fast I talk is that, um, I, I'm not going to be. And they tell me this I've, I've literally had a conversation where someone said, I'm really worried for you. There's no way you're going to be able to keep this pace. And I really reflected because I believe in constructive criticism, I believe in feedback, especially if it's somebody who's in their faith and I respect what, where they're coming from from a God connection.
This wasn't the case in that conversation, but I still am an open to that. And I reflected, and I talked to my husband and the outcome to that conversation was one they don't know about. And two, they don't know my energy source. And so I believe when you're living in your purpose, the fullness of your purpose, and you understand who you're connected to and how you've gotten, where you've gotten, you become a conduit of God's energy.
You become a conduit of God's. And the pace paralleled to how Jesus would want you to get there because sure. Do I want to go harder, faster sometimes. Yes. But guess what happens burnout, right? Guess what happens? Overwhelm? Guess what happens? Stress, guess what happens? Anxiety. I feel those things. And so anytime I sense those red flags, my husband and I are so connected.
He calls it out. I call it out in him and I say, we, we need that admitted, miniature. Is it a knee to knee experience? Is it getting on the water in a place that creates happiness and calm? Is it letting go of all devices and just being with our kids and playing a game? Is it just snuggling? Is it extra sleep visit, pouring into a book?
Is it opening the Bible? Is it going to church? Is it finding a worship night? I mean, there are so many healthy. Coping mechanisms when we allow pace to be our problem. And at this point, if that's my sharpening that I need to get done, I'm in, because all the other things that I let go of in the past, woo, they're a lot harder than I can come into face every single day.
Um, but this is the thing I wake up at four or four 30 and I'm on a run and I'm on clubhouse and I'm with my kids when they wake up and I'm, you know, we're doing all the things. And I do believe as a societal trap of busy. And this is the huge transformation that happened in my life from living those dollar sign deans to 70 hour work weeks to now having the freedom to just take off whenever I want, because I've cultivated my life like that is the knowing that I don't have to.
I get to write, I don't have to do anything. I get to. And in addition to know that my worthiness is not in the success of what the world sees me as my worthiness and identity is fully established in him and to him, I'm already all the things. And so why try to be all the things for everybody else at the end of the day, guess where I'm standing.
Face-to-face with Jesus, just like I was in that moment. When he told me I was fully known and fully seen and fully loved. And those points of my life are when I know without a shadow of a doubt, because he gives me vision to the next step, because I'm aligned in the understanding of this is where I need you to go next, how you get there might not be in, in the way that I anticipate, and it might not be at the pace that he would want me to go, but he always provide.
Um, I have one more question. We share a similar passion. We, we have this desire to obliterate the shame. Shame keeps us from seeing ourselves the way our heavenly father sees us. It will keep us from giving ourselves permission to your point, to live the life that God created us for, for the person that's listening.
And they're struggling with this lingering sense of. Old shame. What would you tell them to help them get victory over that shame? Classify your title. I would say that you are letting still to this day and I've done this. So I understand you are letting the titles of the textbooks, the titles of the rehab, the title of the therapist, the title of the podcast that you're listening to dictate who you are.
And that's simply not true. It's an enemy tactic to keep you entangled. And I believe in that fully known and fully loved desire that every single person has that there is a simple knowing that they are made for more, that they are not that thing. And so if you can realign your. And do so in every realm of your being, it's not just mental health, it's not just spiritual health.
It's also physical health and emotional health. If you can do all of those things on a consistent basis, touch those areas, not in striving, but in desire to know, and a desire to understand and to desire to love yourself the way God sees you. You will not hold on to those past. Hmm, you would classify yourself first and foremost, just like you did.
And I took note of that, Travis, the very beginning, you named me a believer before you even named me a wife and that at the end of the day is who I am. And that's ultimately who they are too incredible. I want to recap to these transformational truth. God will dismantle your own. And then use the pieces to build your platform Timur.
Where can people find you? I am mostly on Instagram and clubhouse. I also have my own podcast called the fit in faith podcast. So look me up Tamra. Andrew's pretty much everywhere. Um, this has been absolutely a treasure and. As you say the dismantling of the pain, there was one final point that I wanted to share.
And it was the vision that I had in the beginning. When you said that, um, and it was with pastor Tony Miller, who has since passed and gone to the other side of heaven. Um, but he was sharing at Ron carpenter, Junior's church redemption in Greenville, South Carolina. And he was up on stage. And he was talking about building your life as an old.
And I believe that every single one of us have this opportunity and this calling, and it's not about what business you're in. It's not about what ministry you lead. It's about the life that you lead from the time you wake up to the time you go to sleep and legacy is less about the story and more about the impact and the impact might be one person.
The impact might just be you, but God has positioned you in the place that you are for your life to be the ulcer that somebody else can run it. And in order to do that, you have to let go of the shame. You have to embrace your identity and you have to be willing to vulnerably share about it. And so I hope that this empowers others to do what we've done here today.
And to know that you are fully loved in the fullness of who you are. And, um, I would love to pray with people, um, if they want to come and find me on social media, I'm all for it. Um, I believe that that is the ultimate way to obliterate shame is to give it all to him. Cause he's willing to exchange it for your identity.
Amen and amen. And if you'd like to connect with Tamra, please check out the links that we've included for you in the show notes. And if transformational truth is helpful to you, please do me a favor. Take a moment to go to apple iTunes rate. Right. As a quick review, I want to help you restore the joy to your life and your leadership Tamra.
Thank you for joining us today.
I see your sister. The dream is spinning in your soul, calling you forward. And yet the works are taking a toll
summoned into purpose to reap what he promised, what you desire is noble and honest.
Co-laborers needed to level up your fields. Plow, plant. Harvest to yield
your vision and growth well manifest layer, spirit to rest with all you invest
a fresh season upon you waiting to flourish, requiring your faith and works to nourish.
Are you ready to repeat your harvest?
Hey, y'all it's me again. I hope in today's episode, you sent an ignite to an Ember within you, something mentally, physically, emotionally, or spiritually moving that creates and sustains a fire within your journey. Before you go, let solidify the flame. I'd love for you to take a step right now and declaring your takeaway by snapping a pick of the episode.
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