From Wrecked To Restored: A Marriage Story of Faithfulness and Obedience – with Erin and David
This message is timely. This message it precious. This message is needed today more than ever. As I see the memes about babies being born after this quarantine which makes me chuckle, because quite frankly I have NO added privacy or time to be shin-digging with my hubby, so lucky on them.
I’ve also seen the memes about the divorce rate increase because of proximity, and that saddens me. Relationships are hard y’all. I know firsthand. My thunderstorm, beach wedding, has prophetic messaging with the rain and the wind, but it also had a rainbow theme…which you know means an answered promise.
This families story of truth and relationship is real, raw, beautiful and touching. It had me in tears on the live y’all and I’m pretty good at keeping my stage face there so you know that it ran deep.
Family Over Everything!
If you are missing something in your relationship.
If you have had a traumatic history and think there isn’t any chance.
If you are feeling isolated in your marriage.
If you don’t want to see your kids walk through a divorce, but it’s been lingering.
This is a story of hope and resilience, but more than anything it’s a story of obedience – and that is such a key component of marriage as a whole.
Go show them some love or even join them for coaching:
Show Notes: Family Fit Ministries
Hey, I have a camera, Andres, I’m your fitting-based podcast, so I upto me, your… Just me. No words. no scripts, no incurs, no altos. I love authenticity, I hope to breed vulnerability, and I usually do this alongside another Dreamer mover shaker entrepreneur, passion is A… Is what I love to call them, if you’re a dude, then a dude, but I am loving just coming together in community with other people to share their high and low stories, to share their journeys to come back, because I believe ultimately that for God would have us he would have us on the mountain top, and even though we learn a ton in the pit and in the valley, God would manuscript now, especially in this season of life, in this time of our culture to shine.
And so here I am, I want to teach you how to shy, I wanna be alongside you when you get your glow, I wanna capable to… Into your calling, whatever that is. So this isn’t a fitness podcast, this is my religious banter that week, Jesus all day long, and this is not just about nutrition or health or well, now I lack some greed, and I know you do too, it’s not okay for us to not be okay.
Was talking about all of these things that, Edison, you guys, we don’t miss need a mental health podcast, we don’t just need a fitness podcast, you don’t just need a religious spiritual protest. It needs to win.
This is what fit in, things all about, it’s all about frontline men, Ativan, it’s about pursuing your wholeness and playing it over your life and over the line, a loved one that you have around your career. So thank you for coming again. I would love to get to know anymore, you can like repeat, subscribe, whatever it is, send me an email being… It’s me, I have an amazing team alongside v, but you guys are gonna be for now, so enjoy, I’m so hope to have a pocket conversation with you is what I’d love to call up, don’t have my coffee right now, but I have it in my system as you can see all the love, let’s do this together and keep going for your free of her love Facebook fan. I’m so excited to be here with you guys today. I swear it doesn’t… Or somebody’s in studio or not in studio, or if I’m doing an intro and Alcala put my AMS together in frames, it just makes me so excited, so grateful that we have this opportunity, especially now with the social distancing and one of the guests that’s on today, literally just said, is that it… While that you prepped all of this, and this was a part of your plan before the plan unfolded of this time of social distancing and it is, it’s really wild and takes me back all the time, so I’m pumped to introduce you to today’s a couple…
I don’t know that I’ve actually had a husband and wife on collectively, I’ve had multiple husband and wife cars come on, but they’ve got to speak individually. So this is gonna be a fun adventure for all of us, David and Aaron are passionate people pursuing the Lord, which of course during this time, we need that light, and so I hope today with what they share in their journey in their testimonies and in their personal passions and collective passions that you feel inspired and that you find some hope in the midst of what feels a bit like a tragedy, a bit like we’re stuck or in isolation, and ultimately, I think they share the passion that that’s not the case, that there’s good news in the midst of all of this, and I’m excited for them to be here today, so David, or over there, you can see them right now, but they’re setting up making sure that they’re live on their Facebook pages as well, but I’m gonna let you guys take the floor and just kinda share Terry story. I don’t know where you wanna jump in or how awkward that is, but I’ll help pro conversation too, so welcome.
Oh, hey, we were so thankful. We’re just so thankful to be able to just share with you this morning and just get to know you a little bit and to hear your heart about just how you’re investing in other people and empowering those people around you in your community and… Man, just awesome, but we really are a story that started perfect and then went really bad and we were a statistic, honestly, we were a statistic, we were… And as individuals, we were dead as a family, we were dead as a marriage, and God just really, really brought that to a back full circle and the restoration and the Ontonagon.
Anyway, it sounds similar to my story, so I’m excited about that, and when I first got in touch with you and read some of the things, and I don’t know all of the details yet, but I found it, I was like, Oh wow, this is really purpose and I actually had personally invited a couple of people to this live experience from their own homes, because I feel like what you guys have walked through, and again, not even knowing the details, marriage in our culture today is such a place of brokenness and it has such an opportunity of covenant and really grasping love and really grasping relationship and communication, and all of the things that I know God intended for it to be, but culturally, we have just not been shown the example that I believe God scriptural wanted us to and shows us on a consistent, daily basis.
So where… What was the… You used the word perfect, and I have to go here for a minute because this is literally my testimony… Okay, I…
Hey, reaction is, I hate it. I hate the word, I hate the concept, I hate the striving towards, but I live plus years a lot more than 20 years in that state of striving, in the state of thinking and expecting myself and my relationships, specifically my marriage, even my children, to be to that space, and because it was a constant word that was utilized, Oh, your family is perfect, oh, you guys are the perfect, you’re the barman kin and your love story is amazing and we never fought.
They said they would say like, Oh, we’ve been together for five years. And I think how on one hand, how many times we’ve disagreed, so all that is not… Okay, okay.
Disagree with your spouse. Have healthy conversation. Constructive growth together. It’s so necessary.
So I wanna hear What was that storyline, what was the me angry, the meet cute, if you will.
Well, we can fill into it, I think just by design of our background… Okay, and you said as we meet or at… We both come from good, strong Christian family, and to automatically, you know how to add, you know what’s expected, you know what to where, you know where to go, you know what to say. And so you automatically have one to have all that surrounding you, and so not only do we come from good Christian families, but we were… We both were a Christian school graduates. Alright, so there again is the next level or you know, why do we do what we do, right? Yeah, yeah, exactly.
But then we went to Christian College, and I said, That’s where we… That for we at that, that’s where we met. And honestly, we were like A… For all teens of purposes, we were the perfect Christian college students come to San Christian school, near Christian College, and we pursue in ministry and all these things, and that’s where I met her, we did not know each other previous… So that’s where we met was a Christian college better… Yeah, that’s reform, like you were saying about perfectionism, that’s something that I let go then that’s not in… That’s something I struggled with growing up. And then in our first… There’s a marriage, I expected it to be this perfect… I always say just the fee being in the flowers and then it was like that…
Yeah, and they all say, Yeah.
Was it bad by any means, and I think that… But we were so innocent… Yeah, we were so innocent for what may is really what… And then I… That God’s intended purpose for it was a totally… And we went through… We went through marriage counseling, but you go through a couple of 30-minute sessions and it’s supposedly prepares you for the banks 80 years of your life, and I think it make you… You through the honeyeater, it’s all those count. It’s almost counseling for the wedding day and… And then after down your own your own. Yeah, and I… We were in college and we were working part-time, there were full-time students, and we literally lived that innocent married life. It was okay, it worked.
But I… We went into it expecting not to be divorced or not to separate for a rewards if the… Now, we didn’t do… Yeah, especially in the Christian community like that.
And I pay nearest figured, we get married and they would work out, that’s what everybody… We do. It’s just what would happen. Yeah, so when we graduated, when we graduated college, I already had accepted a position as a student pastor, and so when we walked across the stage, we graduated at the same time, she had elementary education, I had a Student Ministry degree, and so when we graduated college, we literally moved out of our college apartment and into an apartment in a neighboring town, I started ministry. Then again though, this is like the perfect life, this is exactly how God has designed it for us… Yeah, and it was good until, honestly, to a kids, probably… Which, which is full circle because they’re probably a big reason by to God has brought us back together, but… But the reason I say that is because we had our two… We had been in ministry probably five years, and we had had two sound that time because our youngest was really young, probably a year versus… And so during that time, we also had a Christian school… Or associated with our church. Okay, and as just a progression of how some things are going, I was asked to take over the school along with my duty as a student pastor, so I was… Honestly, these are things that they didn’t teach you a… Any of your classes, you’re just supposed to know these things, but here in my life and I were at home, and I was coaching three sports, I was working… Keep in the school, float was working, you trying to build that up and print students and families and fill the associate pastor role in ministry. He had gone from what we want to pursue, and so something that had really consumed had consumed me to the point where to be completely turn her… Yeah, so I think… And resent anything that has to do with the mini, they can… Not husband away from me. And I had quit work and I was saying a home… A year-old and a one-year-old, and then he was coming home at 8-00, 7 o’clock at night. Tiers has even worked in two different position… Definitely, yeah, and so I just began to build up his anger and in resentment, anything that do with administration can be with that is why I have to take my husband away from me and I… Where I felt like we were just getting stress… Yeah, I never… Yeah, this is started to build and build and build in my heart, no outward signs really towards the… Because for us to communicate either, we are not fighters, we’re not in yellows, but you is still something that we know, like that… Does it change? So you have to work on that. Yeah, that is something that can be intentional on is communicate… I’m glad I started with that then I’ll give you some insight on how many… My husband have approached it ’cause it’s hard, it’s hard when… That’s not your natural tendency where oftentimes, that there’s the fight or flight, there’s usually a fighter and there’s a lighter, but me and my husband are both like, Oh, we’re not gonna address that. Right, and so if that’s the case, you have to learn how to combat constructively and make sure that you don’t… Because resentment and that build-up is so real that your year or a couple of months or many years down the road, and then you’re just a bomb waiting to go off and the other person doesn’t even know what they did wrong because you’ve never talked about each of those little tiny things that never surfaced… That’s right, and that’s almost exactly what happened to… And now we were in a… As we didn’t know how… Honestly, we didn’t know how to communicate above surface area marriage type stuff, and so because we hadn’t done that, she was having some issues with my work schedule, what I was putting in at work.
I didn’t even notice it. Because I’m working, I’m coaching, I’m doing all these things, I’m leading, I’m doing all these things in the name of Jesus, he… And that for me, that made it worse and that it works right.
So… And what I didn’t realize was that my verse ministry was at a whole title in, you know… Yeah, where ever? Nowhere ever was I told that coming through all of these days, I… Even in college. They didn’t even teach that.
Not me, just figure, you should know.
Do you know it is a in holmfirth ministry, the one that I should be pouring in to, and honestly, I would come home and her perception where she was, had already checked out for perception was, This is the worst, and she’s checked out so far that really our communication is zero now. And we just grew apart.
You hear that a lot. Well, we…
I don’t know what happened, we just grew up apart. Well, we grew up hard, but I know what happened, you know I… We didn’t communicate. That’s one of the things that led us to grow part… And as we were growing apart, our circles became different, like I was still including in the Christian circle there with church and word, then her circle was changing.
Yeah, for me, like I said, I started, I was at the ministry and starting to build up over, I would say a couple of years, just that anger and your segment, and I was working part-time at Indy at that time, just teaching the… An hour and a son.
So because I had Bill that I had this little door opened and say, And sent someone in just to make me Phil wanted and loved and appreciated what I didn’t feel like I was getting at home. So that’s the site that we haven’t talked about that… No, I never told him her love or… I never said those things. I figured he should just know.
He’s my husband, yeah, yeah.
I sold it to I, although I would have been if at that conversation of my life looking at me and saying, Hey, we need to talk, and I need to be loved differently, and I need to be loved more than what you’re offering. Yeah, I don’t know how I would have been completely shocked at that, but I was completely shocked at at the other conversation that came as well because of somebody else trying to port it to my… On the way that I have… Yeah, but it goes back to communication is so much easier, it’s not always easy at the time, but it’s so much more productive… Definitely, that’s a good way of looking at it.
Yeah, yeah, and I think that’s a point that we try to use and understand is that the other person doesn’t know about at a time that unless you tell them, you just have to be open and communicate and now… So they figure it out or… Yeah, especially in a… One, we’re so different and we look at things differently and we understand different, our feelings or different, so it’s really important just to communicate, communicate affects definitely something to work on on the daily for us. Yeah, yeah, like, I think that’s probably everyone, whether or not they admit it or even work towards it, I think there’s Ed and flows in every relationship and day-to-day experiences, but even having… I always talk about having that one night, a week date night, and that can’t be your only check-in point, that can’t be the only time that you come together and say, Hey, I like you right now, or Hey, let’s been time together. Hey, let’s talk about that thing that happened last week, and mind mindfully of the back when you have little ones, it’s hard to have those conversations, and that’s where we were in our marriage is that mine were one in three, our one and two, or barely one into and just never communicating because I was probably more similar… Well, David and I, in the sense that I was 27, I was running two full-time businesses, my husband was running his own business, so we were both out of the house and my kids were taken care of by my mom and there was just… We were two birds passing in the night, it was just… It was so hard to find that food, and even when we did, the kids took the priority, right, because they at that age, especially, they need you. I was still nursing, I’m still cooking every meal and all of the things trying to live that perfect life, but… And then wondering inside, how are other people doing this? This, how is this working for anyone else, because it is not working for me, and it wasn’t working for him, and it was a matter of realizing that from a striving place, I was still striving for things that I wanted in a worldly way, even though I had what God had already gifted me at home, and to know that ultimately it is your first ministry, it is the first blessing, it is the place that without that building that on a rock, we were on sand and we got married in the sand, so there’s a lot of reference to that, but to… We’ve gotten baptized together and we are footed on a rock and building our foundation completely new, and I think that there’s such a part of what your story is gonna lead into next about coming back together and recognizing the need for a sturdy foundation and not a cultural image of what marriage should be at all, so talk about… So this occurred and you left… Was there a conversation in at that point, or was it just like a… We still were really communicating. I told him that I was done. Yeah, he kinda blamed it on. He said it was his wall, because if he would have done this and I wouldn’t do that, that’s the point out that… And we went through times, it was a whole part in port for a total eight years, so we went through here of counseling time who we grew back in together. Yeah, all that really kind of at the start that you… Because it was when I… About a tax messaging was just getting started, and I had gotten text messaging on my phone because I was the youth pastor, but she didn’t have it and I didn’t… Well, we don’t need it right now. It’s like when it’s still cost you a…
I enter her text, and so when morning I saw, I saw a text, my but… And I was like, Well, that’s… That’s a man.
And so really that next conversation, I just really would set the pace for the next seven or years of our life, and we had… Because we didn’t know how to communicate.
We had no idea what was getting ready to happen, and so we knew that… She said, We’re done. I’m thinking, well, this is my ministry. What about my ministry? What about my job? What about out?
What about all these things that I’m called to do? Again, still not realizing that this is what I’m called to do mergers. And so we immediately began to try and work things out, but she was done, I checked out, and I do… I think at that point, I was trying to make it work for all the rowers, honestly, he really, for selfish, say face, say kind of kind of deal. And so we went to counselling, we went to multiple counselors, we went to one, we didn’t like what he said, we go to the next one, got the next, trying to find one that they would work on the… Which fix us. But can I interject really like I have a question in regards to that, because I’m a huge believer in therapy and really pursuing that individually and collectively, and I talk about that a lot on the podcast, but I’ve never really had… Again, in this conversation with the both of you… So at this point, and you’re like, God is making me mad. And I’m like, Don’t want anything to do with that. Meanwhile, David, you’re like, I need Jesus. And this is the whole point of why I am, what I am, who I am and where I’m at in my life.
So did you guys pursue a Christian counselor or… A secular counselor?
Yeah, we were Christian counselor, a pastor. Christian counselors. But we were going together.
Sure. And how did you feel about that, Aron?
So I wasn’t in the fine to really… I was just like going, I want you to go. My parents wanna go, and I thought, Well, maybe it’ll work, I don’t really wanna do, but they get it, I can… And I think that’s so important, and that’s one of the things that we tell people as we counsel and coach couples is, if you’re not ready, then don’t waste your time. Yeah, the nation was your time to… Was your finances? Because in order for it to work, you have to be in a place where you’re ready to receive it and ready to grow from it, just going and sitting, it just isn’t very productive, maybe you see that a little different, but we see that in marriage stuff that… You’re gonna grow when you’re ready to grow and your heart is in the right place, and ultimately counseling for us was a huge deal, but it was for us individually, for me, it start… Started several years later when I started to Totnes his Christian that she is a lion counselor, and she really tapped into some issues I was struggling with as person personality, emotionally, really learning how to deal with those things and really work on my… That’s when I became open, and that was six years later. Wow.
What inspired you to go back to counseling at that point, just like your own… No, for me, I had a friend reached out, I was not called the Church of the time, not interested in anything to do with God, and she said, Just come, come in late level, you’ll have to talk anybody else saying You see… And so just her open in her part up and just being kind of thought, okay.
I thought, Well, I could use to get a lot from church and removable. Maybe I’ll just give this a try. So it was then that I started going to church and really just going… Not expecting a whole lot, but just thinking, Okay, I remember I got… Speak to me. That’s just, I don’t know, let’s just do it. Yeah, are on my heart, I got connected with a counselor in a different church, but anyway, we got connected that way through friends, and just before that, just going to church, and then I started reading a cabin and started praying, really just surrounding myself with people who were encouraging to me, and I think that God started to self my heart, and so when the opportunity presented itself again, I thought, Okay, there are some things I don’t even work on it that I’m not good at, in that you’re not gonna start… Be… Well, in my mind, I thought at the time, for when I get married again, not necessarily to him, because we had already signed for papers that was over, I thought, Okay, there’s some things I need to work on because I don’t want to end up like I do for… Because my whole heart, when I was growing up, I really just wanted to be a mom in a tie-in to just enjoy starting in the ministry to go… That’s just… Those are just goals that had… And so I really wanted to go back to that. And at the time when I was counseling or really started pursuing that, it was not gonna be the initially on and this tool, one of our mistakes and counseling was… When we were first getting started, we were dragging one or the other of us to counseling sessions together, and we were trying to fix us, but what really had to happen was she had to fix her and I had to fix me, definitely cause… And the HR side of it was more public and mine was more private, neither one of us, neither one of us, our hearts were not in the right place to be working on each other, we needed Jesus to work on us individually… It’s so good.
And I think that that was like the biggest… I was very… Go ahead.
Now, as to say it’s in a long time for that, so that… Yeah, I mean… So some dark tone. Yeah, because through that, we were separated for a three and a half, almost four years before we ever signed divorce papers, and so through that time of separation, we tried to navigate that very carefully for our daughters and… And be very cordial to one another, that was super important for us, knowing that our kids were gonna live that lifestyle and that was impacting for the rest of their life and us, so we were very careful of that, but we began to run into different circles and two completely different groups of people, but what we didn’t realize was that we were kind of in the same place, just in a dark place that individually… In groups of people that sell at the hole, so i to…
I think a huge piece of that in… And to go back to what you were saying is that point of self-identity and biblically, when God brought to together, it was the wholeness of woman and the wholeness of man coming together in that covenant experience and a…
I wasn’t raised in a Christian home to… I mean, as raising a Christian home missions, I wasn’t raised in a fully practicing relational Christian home, and that relationship is everything, and so if we are self-aware and vertically aligned, we come into this experience with somebody else where we’re supposed to understand a horizon… A relationship when we don’t even understand a relationship with ourself.
I didn’t know how to love myself. Well, I didn’t know how to talk or communicate with myself, you have these mind battles that go on and I couldn’t even combat those by myself, so how in the world am I supposed to come together with another human being and communicate well with them?
And then again, knowing that I’m implanting this into my children, and so I’m amazed that you guys at least had the grace towards one another to walk through that experience, ’cause I’ve seen it done very unwell and sadly, and you see the repercussions from the children, so you move into divorce, you start counseling, you’re experiencing your self-identity walk, and then what… Then he start texting me, they’re on a… Well, I did, but… But really it was, I couldn’t let go. You know, I could not let go of that. And by this time were probably seven years apart, and so many other experiences and so many other people have different ideas for you, and I had one person saying, Well, one day you wake up, you’re never even Visser. And that was never my experience.
That was never my experience.
She was always on my part, and I knew that that was who got had for big… But we were just livid and we were just living the set and I relationship, we were living to feed personal lives the… So she would go plug back in it church, through people who were pouring into her, just pouring into her and just loving her again, we were a little closer, but we weren’t in the right place spiritually, but we were getting… Their God was working, we were open and people or into me, and people poured into her, and I knew she was back at church, and I knew she was… Sudanese was going and she was growing just from what I could see in what people were telling me and what the kids were telling me, and so I knew I was growing, but one day our youngest daughter, who was probably…
I don’t know, she might have been like five or six of the time. Probably about five.
She asked me, she said, Dad, will I ever know? And through this, we try to be very open with them, we don’t want a list secrets, we wanna be open, this is gonna be your lifestyle and we wanna help you navigate through this, but on day she said… She said, Dad, will I ever know what it’s like to live in a house with the money a day and completely re… You know, How do you… Our kids ask us questions all the time that we just kinda try and make up answers for the… Like, what do you say?
And that cost me, and I thought… And I thought about that and I said, Honey, I said, I can do anything to help that. The answer, yes. And at that point, God used that to say, We’re not done. We need to give it another truck, and so I just began… I know it was centered around that conversation that got used to kinda influence my heart to say, Let’s just see if we can work this thing out, and so we just began texting small stuff like, Hey, good, more in or… At first I was like, Why? Why are you in what I… What I… He and I was like, This is done. I feel that would work on me, but I put that part of my life, I felt like I put it, I’m not on sure. And I was trying to the right ings of where I was right now, we… I kinda played…
I kind of played it not so well at the beginning, if I do, she was out with friends or finish was out with someone, I would text her, then he just was you one thing about… Like how would you think about the…
I didn’t necessarily play it exactly right, but I guess I did, I don’t know it.
That, I think really is how it started, and just thinking about you today, trying for you or I read something.
So, and I think this might be an encouragement to to us, and while we were just making these small tap connections, we were growing spiritually and people were pouring into us, they weren’t hating on us because we were still in sin, we were still living in perfect lives, and they weren’t hanging on that they were just loving us where we were understanding that Jesus was gonna have to claim that a… And little by little, he was… And putting our thoughts and our minds back together, but I think she still was… I was like, I don’t have any other choices.
And she’s like, I got litigation that.
But I ate the Lord really.
The Lord was really working. Yeah, and so I don’t remember when I had… So you want to go on a date. And so we started dating secretly just because we didn’t know it was gonna work and we didn’t wanna talk, our daughters especially, we didn’t wanna give them any kind of also, and so we dated secretly for a while, yeah, ’cause we have been… By this point, we had been a part over seven years, so the hopes of family and friends and people of us getting back together seven years as that those are long beaure, and everyone has accepted just where our fists at a… Yeah, in… And so the last thing we wanted to do was give anybody any kind of hope that we were gonna make it… We didn’t even know we were gonna make it.
So we didn’t tell them soul for a while. From several months.
Yeah. And so then he asked me to marry him again.
Well, we just started telling, I like to post… That would be an interesting surprise. Wedding.
We had him, he didn’t have privately because he said, I don’t love you ready for this, I’m ready. So it was really so, if you’re cutting, you don’t have to wear this on me, no break and everything, he said, They’re not rip, then you know, want you to CRA your time and pray about this, and at that point, I knew it that hard that God wanted us to be together again. But I still was looking for this feeling that I had when we first met in college, and I was looking for that feeling again, and I didn’t have that, and so I still was scared and unsure, and so I just went in knowing that and wanted me to marry him and really learning as we got married in the last three years that love is not about the feeling. Yeah, and that’s one thing that especially young couples and look forward other dating, and when you meet somebody new, you do have that, but that’s not what real or true.
Lot of the local of is it… For me, understand that. And so then she really just have make that got with… And if this more, as we continue to grow though last every years, but I want to tell you real quick, the daughter that told about the mom and the dad will never seen… So we had a stroller out address again, it was just family and they were little flower girls in the wedding, and then right before or after, I can’t remember when, but he written… They both had written his notes, and in that 1 as note she had written that she had created every night for Mom and Dad to get back together.
So I, for us, we really believe that God used or our children… Yeah, connect us and bring us back together. I always think if we didn’t have them… I don’t know, I mean, you don’t know, but I really… They definitely, definitely used them as a catalyst to us even looking at restoration… For sure, I agree. I think our kids having that child-like faith and having that desire innately, even when it’s not mimicked socially as well, my kids see a lot of mixed families and families with just… Amami family is, is just a day. And all of that, and mine were so little in the experience that as we were going through counseling, we never separated, we were together the whole time, but we… I would sit in bed at night, crying, isolated, completely alone, and it’s odd that we’re walking through this season now where people are being essentially forced back to concentrate on that first ministry, and I pray that there is communication, and I pray that they aren’t feeling completely alone and isolated in that experience, because this is one of the longest things ever, but member laying in a bed all the time with my three-year-old at the time, and I would be lying in bed for him to go to sleep and he would see me crying.White matter away, and he would just say, Mommy, you don’t have to be said, Dad always makes you happy.
I just like those are the littlest moments that happened so many times that I know had my kids not been in my life that I would have chosen to keep pursuing what I thought was my perfection… What I thought was, what God wanted for me.
I’m good at this, and this is what I’m meant to do.
And yeah, what we’re meant to do is to learn to live in a covenant marriage and to shine lights for others in that regard, no matter what you’re… Purpose pursued is outside of the home.
It’s all connected.
And I wanted to say one thing as well as you were talking about running in different circles, and I…
I see this a lot in marriages and even marriages that seemingly are doing really well, and I just want people to always have an air of red flag when that happens, for them to recognize the huge, huge value that it is for you to be in communion with other people who are married walking this thing out together, because what they have to say about your experience or your feelings, quote once, or a situation that you’re in is drastically different than the person who is single, the person who has divorced, the person who is not pursuing Jesus, the person who is, they just want a buddy, they’re like they want a drink and partner, and so that is so out of alignment with where God would have a speed, and so to live in the discomfort, to live in comfortability of the isolation and instead of looking outwards, look inward first, and then obviously upward in that process, and then you can start to… The person that God has intended for you. So you guys literally live that out in such a different way than my marriage, but in so many similarities, so it’s really… I’m grateful to be in communion with you just in this time and thereafter, what a legacy for your girls to know that they get to pursue the wholeness of love when they are that age, ’cause they’re still bad, so yeah, I… Oh no, that’s in.
I think that there’s also so much accountability when we run with our spouse and have that community to get there’s small groups or whatever it may be, there’s just accountability with that, and one thing that we have found is just accountability is so good and we didn’t… We didn’t have that port, we didn’t know that we needed it, but now we just know we are a… We are feeling and he attended the one we need to accountability that God puts in in her life, but as we… As we got remarried, I think that was probably… It was just a full step of a being… We had no idea what we were stepping in to, we were more scared that time then we were the first time… The first time when we got married, we were in love and we do a AAA.
Yeah, I think I let have no idea or… So for, I started to use communication because my country need to work on this, and so I told him, I said, We’re in a very small town, we moved there with me college and given a for 15 years. And I said, If this is gonna work, I said, I think you’re gonna have to leave your ministry where you want, that I don’t think that I can survive here, just mentally, just some of the things I haven’t involved in, I just… I didn’t feel strong enough to face that every day to the small time… Yeah, definitely.
Not that I was giving ultimate, but I said, I really want you to pray about this. I don’t think that I can say where we are and our marriage survive right in… But at that point, I knew that this was my first minister, God had brought me to that point where I knew what I was pursuing an everything, everything else was the second place to us fixing our marriage in our family.
Yeah, and when I had approached him with that, I didn’t know, but it was our laying the grammar for some opportunities that have been presented to him to get the… No, the core, but then he was able to say Yes to… Yeah, yeah, that’s awesome.
Yeah, but you know I… What… There’s someone listening that is struggling with… I just don’t know, I just don’t know if I can do it anymore. I don’t know if it’s… I just don’t know if it’s right.
And I think we are where we are today, because we stood on… We got married at all on top of a boat house, I was a… Was there were have Ivanhoe for us, they got used and used that family and he used that place over the years to make sure that we were always connected with one like aways, seeing one another, taking the kids they are doing off. And so we wanted to that to be just a landmark for our relationship, but it all came back to… We’re just gonna be open. And we have no idea what that looks like.
We have no idea what the road ahead looks like, We have no idea, honestly, what is in store, but we know right now that God would have us to be obedient, and he had protected us in all of our disobedience and went back to past that he had protected us in all of our disobedience to give us that place at the top of that boat house on that February day to stand in obedience, and it’s just… We’re just so thankful to that, so beautiful. It’s the Wild.
Haven’t remarried my husband. But we talk about it all the time. I did re-proposed at one point, I didn’t propose the first time, but I proposed this time, and I was… One of those things that I just… It feels like… How do I say it? Even the representation of the ring, which people I’ve since married, I finale as… And we could talk about the circle of the ring and all of those things. No earthly representation of marriage exists in a tangible… To me, the only earthly representation that exists for me is literally when we are connected, one together, an intimacy that doesn’t necessarily mean in the bedroom, it’s great, but in literally connection, right?
You can just be with that person and a song that speaks to me so deeply, and that is a Tyrone Wells fully known, where I can just look at him and he can look at me in all of the HR, all of the pain, and then all of the highs and all beautiful moments, and he knows me, and that is ultimately who God sees every time he looks at me, and so to have that comparison, to know that he looks at me just as much as a daughter as he does as a wife, and that might sound really weird, but that representation of fully knowing someone, he adores me, He protects me, but yet he wants me alongside of him, and I’m the mother of his children and all of these pieces, it’s so much deeper than a ring, it’s so much deeper than even a marriage ceremony. But there is so much covenant to that when Jesus evolved.
Yeah, that’s right, that’s right. And he is the perfect picture of marriage, and that was a verse that was really… He used in my life and Ephesians, You husbands, you’re to love your movies Cris. As love the church and gave Himself for it. And as we were walking back through this, there’s no way that I can love her like Jesus wants me to long her until I fully understand the love that he has for me, and when I stand, I love the… For me, that I can love her the way that he wants, need to love her, and that was an away getting for me that this is not some superficial arm around you Sunday morning kind of deal, and everything’s okay, this is… This is a real… Yeah.
And to love her, Jesus loves me. And the only way I can do that is to understand the love of Jesus in my life, and pray that we can pass that on to her and to our kids, that they would see that and that they would see our love.
And I look for that.
Definitely so A… They don’t like that it… And I think a big part of that, because I’ve always come back again to that word perfect, is knowing that… Is it, I’m never gonna get there, that even our… Our marriage is never gonna get there, and so for us to be always pursuing what Jesus would have for us, which is perfection, but being very honest about the fact that at the end of the day, he… Likely because of he’s human and imperfect, isn’t going to be able to give me the fullness that I need, and so I’m sure Aaron has come… You’ve come to many conversations with yourself to say, Okay, I’m acting in obedience, I don’t feel the butterflies, but I know this is where God would have me be… Show me the butterflies. Gives me the butterflies, give me the feeling, and I have had to find that feeling in Jesus, God, how can you fill my cup to the overflowing Brin, because he’s not gonna meet me there every single day of his life, and I’m not gonna meet him there in the same regard.
And so knowing in my intervention, in my humanness that this perfect covenant marriage like I would have us do, we’re still gonna fall short, and so just great. That’s where the grace is the representation of us coming to the table… Right. I didn’t get it right today, I went to bed without the kiss, I said the wrong things, I did the wrong things I lighted, instead of fighting like all I do it wrong all the time.
And so being in conversation about that also continuously in this… Not living in a state of apology, but living in a state of grace.
Yes, that was one of the things that I had to learn because I expected him to fill me up and see what I needed, and he shouldn’t come from him.
Yeah, yeah, it’s a really big thing to teach girls, I’m a part of a rise up Women’s Conference, I say women’s their girls, middle schoolers and high schoolers, and I never thought that that would be a generation necessarily that I would be called to… ’cause I’m in community so much with people who are my peers or even a little bit older sometimes, but when I got asked to do that, I was just praying around it and thinking, God, where was my mind at those times, and it wasn’t really dark, isolated places.
From things that I’ve walked through from childhood that I didn’t even recognize, I didn’t even know, it was just living in a state of blindness and so feeling such desire over that generation and pouring into them to know that they are fully known as who they are right now, and also already known who they’re going to become, and so pray over your spouse, but don’t give yourself to people, especially the opposite sex, when you don’t even know what you’re giving, you don’t even know the piece of the puzzle that you’re letting go, because that’s intended for your husband. And that is just so critical in this time, even from a social media virtual reality that we’re living in, I see Tick-Tock videos and Snapchat filters and all of this, and I’m like, Oh, you’re giving a part of yourself that’s not intended to be given as a… For me, that I really had to understand this for him, I had this mentality that God was waiting for me. Always the messed up. And he was just like, that’s just kind of what I picture God as growing up.
And I… Parts of our marriage and really just learning that God and accept me as I am, but then for me, really accepting forgiveness for my husband for what I had done and he forgave me, and I think that’s so important, if there’s stuff that… On your marriage, that you have to forgive. Or for… Yeah, I would not gonna forget ’cause we’re human, but to really… We don’t meet your… Spent over the head with it. You didn’t ever at me, but for me, it was really accepting that… Yeah, and I got to be different.
You did rank it really for… Gave me… And really just… And just accepting that, and it was almost like when I finally accepted it, okay, if God going in for it in my husband really did forgive me, it was like this my shots and just open up as a… Yeah, ’cause it’s also just the forgiveness of self and understanding, I could understand the DES forgave me.
I’ve been taught that my whole life, I can understand him for giving me.
But it was like the forgiveness of self is so deep, and that’s where therapy and counseling really comes into play, because for me, it was this experience where I got to go back into my childhood as the person that I am today in the wholeness of who God has made me and sit with that girl, it with that little child who was alone, who made wrong decisions to host and experience the enemy and so many drastic ways and recognize that God was there and that it’s okay, and that you are now this new being, this new creature in the reborn again experience of being with Jesus.
So it’s, there are so many levels, there’s so many layers, but I… Again, it all goes back to self-identity, your vertical alignment, so that you can come into relation with your spouse, so it’s so beautiful, like the way that you guys have done that, so since coming back together, you now share your story and tell me about family fit ministries, what is that? And the intent… Well, this May is a lot different than the first one, because we purpose it differently, and there’s a couple of things that we do that are different, one of those is we have to be intentional about communicating, so what we try to be better communicators. The second is, but we have to be intentional about spending time together, even though she is a full-time health coach and works from home, and man, just hurt clients from me. And I’m at the church, we lived is right across the street from the church, but there’s still office work in time and things that we’re involved in, and then kids in school and time can slip away, and so we just try and be intentional about spending time together for us now, and we get up early in the morning to go to the gym together, and I go running out, and I was like, Oh, I was a…
I can’t attend they go back on that on the… But there’s just little things that it’s not only the by side in a cat’s just being together, it’s just that time where you just can… I can see her. I was thinking this morning as I was running and we had on different paths, so… No, he runs faster.
I ate right on the…
I, I know that she was a ways up the road behind me, but I just thought more, I’m so thankful for that, I’m so thankful for the opportunity that I have to watch her, because I know where she’s… And then her, she is now, and I don’t know where you’re gonna take her, but I’m thinking that I’m along for the ride for that, and I’m just thinking for this person that you’ve created and put back into my life because we’re so undeserving of that, and so all of that together got really burned our heart to start a ministry where we can just share our story. Right.
There’s… What we find is that they’re… So I know you see the same thing, there’s so many people that are in their marriage and they literally think it’s the worst place, or they are learning… They are alone. They feel left out. And we know that that’s not how God intended it. That’s not his purpose for marries, he created it, that it would be a… In the teen who sold find it that why I find it a good thing, and marriage is good, and we want that we desire that healthy marriage and a healthy relationship for everyone, because we have been on the unhealthy side of it.
And we know what that looks like, and we’ve been in the middle of it, and we know what that looks like, and that we’re on the healthy side of it, and we see how much better that is, then everything else we won.
Yeah, so we really just started it the way… Of course, when we started it, we didn’t really think we’re on be speaking, you sharing our story is really just a way for people to hear our story written out and then to reach out to us. Okay, cause I… Something that was proven in it as well, we felt like we didn’t have any no resource, nothing of us, and we felt trapped, that was initially… We started it in for that reason, and then got one be more contacting us and come in speed and share with a… Well, okay, or I got it at a a.
Oh, good. Yeah, and so it really has been a complete step of faith, and we’re just learning and growing has got open doors, but this year has been just been incredible for what God is just allowed us to be able to do and share, and just the victories that we’ve been able to see the hope that people have… Not because of us. It is not about us. I use this word all the time, but like we are, and any given day, a train at A… And so it is not about us is nothing about us, it is about the hope of Jesus Christ, and we simply are a picture of what can be when you are obedient and living in light of who God is and who He wants you to see. And so it has nothing to do with the decisions we made, has everything to do with who God is and his character, and so we’re just so thankful for the opportunity that he has given us just time and time again, whether it’s with someone over the phone or a couple in person or speaking at different places or podcasts or whatever it is, the opportunity that we have just to share a story of success because there’s so many… Are so many marriages, and we realized that I went in… They will end with a story like this, and we were all most date, yeah. We were almost this… And so we’re thankful that got rescued us, but there’s hope, it doesn’t matter if you… Our story isn’t always about restoration… Yeah, or stories about being faithful, then faith was the in openin, so whether you’re in your first marriage for a third marriage or fifth marriage, like they… That the last one, be faithful right where you are, honor God right where you are, make him the foundation of your marriage right now, and he will build the house that you design, you know also a good… He keeps Seagate.
Don’t I switch implies? Don’t keep switching people. God, God’s desire for marriage is the one you’re in right now, and… And he had a foundation that he wants to build in your life for that, and don’t give up on that, don’t quit, there’s hope there’s resources, there’s people, there’s prayer, man, don’t give up, keep pushing, keep fighting, don’t float to good, good. So I go in an… I love that. whole circle. Look at you.
When are you gonna be on a podcast? So I yell so good. I was thinking as you’re sharing, I’m like, Okay, we have a book out of this, we have a work book out of this, we have a timeline out of this, in my entrepreneurial brain’s going…
I ran on a one.
I love all of this. I think that it’s literally gonna touch the hearts of so many… I’m so grateful to just be along side you as you share your story, you guys got me choked up many times because it’s so real and it so it touches everybody in a different way.
There was people on that, we’re just talking about how good it is and how real it is, and supporting you guys the whole way through, so I’m just thankful that you guys gave in obedience, that you can speak up and speak out about things that hurt you, things that you chose wrongly in and that you can say, Hey, that was me, but that’s not the end of my story.
And I think ultimately, that’s a testimony because… And he gets the shining star at the end, he gets the gold medal, it’s not about us, but He is surely there along the entire race, and that’s another thing that I think people just need to recognize is in that isolation, in the moments of despair in the pit wherever you are, God is with you and you aren’t alone, and he’ll continue to show himself until you take off the scales of your eyes and recognize that he’s been there all along. So I’m excited for you all. I think this is literally just the beginning of something so good for your marriage, for your relationship, for your children and for generations to come, because it is absolutely something that your grandchildren and great, great grandchildren and all of the people that are in your ministry around and I know are blessed to have you as an example to a covenant marriage. So thank you guys for being here. How can they find you? Let’s share, I’m gonna of course, share all links here and then when the podcast goes, but they wanna get in touch with you right now, where do they go, Where’s your most occupied social media… So our Facebook page, family fit ministries, is there, our website.
So wow, family fit ministries, Don com, we have an Instagram, we just started Instagram and an ITV account, so we… We’re super pumped about that.
But it’s their Facebook website, all of our contact is there, if we can just pray with someone, I mean, someone is true.
We don’t have all the answers, and there’s a lot of times that we outsource to a certified counselor, that’s what they do for a living, but Hey, if we can just help, I just be an encouragement and just pray… We just wanna be able to do that. You know, I think talk about… I think we should do that before we go out… Yeah, yeah, so and give a live with us, and I think that there’s a need for that in this time, especially, would you guys like to lead the front… Do you do? Let’s do it.
Or is just so thankful for who you are, and God, we’ve realized that it is nothing within us acceptable or Jesus Christ, and it is all about you, it is about your grace, and it’s about your mercy, and it is about the power that comes through the name of Jesus, and Lord were just thankful for how you have shown that in our lives and more for bringing us to a place of the beating is…
And God, thank you for giving us forgiveness, got thinking for the forgiveness that is in Jesus, thank you for forgiveness in our hearts for one another, and Lord for just bringing the restoration of our family together, Lord, but just so thankful that you redeem and you restore and your revived, you have given us new life. And what do you promise to do that all through your work? That when we call on you, and when we look to you, and when we live in obedience to God, you promise to give us new life. All the old things are passed away, all things become new.
I… So God, this morning, we just rejoice in that guy we were thankful for, or just this platform, this podcast, God were thankful for these people who are listening today, the board now to bats, no doubt.
There’s someone this morning, guy that just needed to hear a story of hope, they needed to hear a message of encouragement, they need a foundation built on the word God in the hope of Jesus Christ, and so… Or this morning, we just pray that you and encourage hearts that You would empower families, this tiny communication that you provide, accountability, God, that we might live lives that are profitable for the ion to Millbank You in Jesus, in Jesus name.
Amen. Amen. Thank you guys so much, it was such a joy to get to know you. Thank you for sharing. And we’ll be in touch soon, yeah. Awesome. Was set, I…
I came my address, I’m your kid, and paid posts, and I am so excited to just be here to share with you other movers, dreamers, shakers, entrepreneurs, pastors, whatever.
If you got a head and you’ve got a hard, I’m… So I see to explore who that is, who you are, and discovering your wholeness or how your… Well, well, and your joy, I love to Zoo happiness. I want people to know that this is not… This came with trial, you guys, this came with a lot of effort, that came with a lot of lows and so many highs, and I want us to experience those together, this is our wheel community at dreamers, and I’m excited to help catapult your calling, your key to experience the purpose of your infant all to oral wherever, however that is. So how… Along for the ride, I’m excited to chat with you a like comment review in museum, I mean email, it’s me responding even though I have an email team, and so I’m just excited to get to know you. Let’s connect, less beat community, and let’s walk in our call in