• Morgan Hart

Follow the Light to Discover the Calm with Danielle Ireland

If I had to choose 1 word for today’s episode it would be CALMING. And don’t we all need a little more CALM in our lives right now?

Today’s guest, Danielle Ireland, who’s also a licensed therapist and speaker, shared about her expedition of how she chose to create her own position and design a life she loved. Even after professional dancing and acting, which actually fell into her lap very early on, she had an OH SHOES moment, as my sister-in-law likes to say…but she says it a little different than how she says it and I love it. But that led her to unpacking her ego and learning and leaning into her call. And we hear this topic of calling all the time now. And I think a lot of people visualize a bunch of white clouds and rainbows, but there is so much more to it. She actually explains how she went through the season of falling in love with her husband and during that time she realized from that experience what she was missing in that area of her life. And I just loved that understanding. So if you are operating at any point today in one realm of being and you experience abundant light and then you walk into the next realm of your life and the next activity and the light is removed then there is so much analysis to such occurrences.

That finding and searching experience led her to many other positions and hobbies and developments which led to her career now. That consulting and therapy point, she discovered a root. And for me in business that deeper root is a place to unpack the mind, body and soul set of our existence. She explains it so beautifully here…and she does so through our shared mentor, Bene Brown, through vulnerability and authenticity.

I just encourage you to journey through your own life searching for light so you can show up in those places more!

Danielle’s Formal Bio:

Prior to her work as a licensed therapist, Danielle worked as an actor and ballroom dance instructor. Her journey from performer to therapist wasn’t a clearly defined path, but rather a sweaty, awkward, and exhilarating process of step, stumble, fear, learn, repeat. And like everyone else, she continues to blaze her own trail of self-discovery and healing.

Danielle’s also the creator and host of the Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs podcast, the remedy to comparison and feeling like everyone has it figured out but you. And she firmly believes that when we see the best in ourselves, we can bring out the best in others.

Links to follow:

Show Notes: Follow the Light to Discover the Calm

If I had to choose one word for today’s episode, it would be calling.

And don’t, we all need a little common our lives right now, Danielle Ireland today’s guest, who’s also a licensed therapist and speakers, shared about her expedition of how she chose to create her own position and design a life she loved even after professional dancing and acting, which actually fell into her lap very early on, she had an, oh, I’m gonna say Oh, shoes moment as my sister-in-law likes to stay, but she says it a little differently and I love it, but that led her to unpacking her ego and learning and leaning into her call, and we hear this topic of calling all the time now, and I think so many people see it as just white clouds and rainbows, but there’s a lot to it.

She actually explains how she went through this season of falling in love with her husband, and during that time she realized that there was a light and that experience that she was missing in the other areas of her life, and I just love that understanding. And if you are operating at any point today, and you realize when you go into one realm of your being or one situation that there’s abundant light and then you walk right into the next room of your life and the next activity of your life, and the right is removed, there’s so much analysis to take place during that time, just as she did, so that searching experience of a finding light led her to many other positions and hobbies and developments which led her career, but she’s in right now, and that consulting space that led her to where she is his therapist, she discovered a root serving people on the surface level of transformation, and for me, sometimes even in business, I always hear that there is a deeper root, which then propels us into unpacking the next space of mindset of heart set a spiritual set. And so Danielle does that and she explains it so beautifully, and we both use that word Venera, Bill and authentic, which is through our own mentor Brene Brown, which we talk about in this episode as well, so I just encourage you to journey with us in this time of calm.

As we discuss real life fail-forward moments that brought our today into clarity and enjoyment, and as you hear us unpack at the end of the show, we talk to you that we are both open books, and you guys are so welcome to Just… Dima, send us a message, what resonates with you? We would love you to also pop over to our subscribe and reviews, she also has a podcast, so that’s why I’m saying both of us, ’cause hers is don’t cut your own beings, which is amazing, we unpack the idea in this episode, and I actually am a guest on her as well. So please just be a friend in this really live-out community, well, not by comparing, but instead by sharing, subscribe and review to both of our podcasts, and like I said, DM us, we’re here, we’re real people, we’re not just a microphone, so we look forward to getting to know you, and we hope that this blesses you and creates calm in your own life.

This is your God-wing, the moment that heaven says, for such a time as this, It’s time to own your joy, prioritize your health, discover your wealth and exude your wholeness, it’s time to become truly fit. However, this is an A bites podcast though. I’m a retired personal trainer and nutritionist, This is in business jargon or tips and tricks to Landing Your successful fashion project though.

That’s normally why I’m a business coach. This isn’t a quick fix health detox ploy though. I’m all for therapy and I love hoods. I do. Have you lost me too, so this isn’t confusing religious banter… No, I’m an ordained minister still figuring out the many things and facets and faces of Jesus… It’s really none of that. So I’m wondering if you’re wondering what is this… Well, this is an opportunity to join me alongside other big dreamers, innovative movers and lifestyle shakers, as we explore and share our messy combat stories and discoveries with each of you fellow passionate stickers.

The fit-based movement was Bird through my phone, trial and error, discovery of mind, body and soul alignment, and to be totally transparent, my own entrepreneurial Brasher experiences, I’ve learned first-hand that being fit isn’t about aphasia at all, it’s not about our qualifying abilities or titles, it’s not about our potential. It’s truly about our God-gifted passions. Meeting our purpose. You are one step away from achieving your idea, your dream, your calling, your purpose, whatever you wanna call it, and I wanna be there for the moment that you say yes in Freedom, clarity and confidence that you are living on it and do a co… You are made to be welcome to the bit-based podcast with me, Tamara Andres. There is no better time than now to get this… Well, thank you so much for having me. So my name is Danielle Ireland, and I am the host of the podcast, don’t cut your own bangs. And the heart of the podcast is it’s the remedy to comparison and feeling like everyone has it figured out that you… And for me, when I came up with the title, it just kind of came… I thought about wanting to create a podcast for about six months before I knew what I wanted to call it, and it just… Once I knew the heart of what I wanted the message to be, which is essentially, you’re not alone, we all make mistakes, for example, like bad banks, we’ve… A lot of us know what that’s like, but really it’s become a metaphor for taking leaps of faith in relationships, or taking leaps of faith professionally and falling flat on your face, and then there’s nothing worse than that feeling of making a mistake and feeling like, Oh, my gosh, it’s only me. This has only happened to me, I’m the only one who’s done this, and then we sort of bury that secret deep and we keep it shameful and hidden, and so for me, when I bring that truth into the light and when I acknowledge it, accept it, embrace it and share it, not only do I find so I feel better, but usually there’s a lot of laughter involved because we that shared or sold a soul heart-to-heart recognition of, Oh my gosh, I have so been there, and so that’s the heart of the podcast and then the work that I do, apart from the podcast, is I work as a… I’m a clinical counselor, so my license is a licensed clinical social worker, and I have my own therapeutic practice where I see clients, and so that work involves a lot of listening and reflecting, and the podcast is where I get to do a lot more talking, so… Yeah, it’s a really fun… And prior to that, I have a background in performance, and I was a ballroom dance instructor for seven years because I actually didn’t know what… I didn’t fully understand the scope of what being a social worker meant until I started researching the graduate degree that I was gonna go for it. Do I wanna go into psychology? Psychiatry, what’s the difference? And so the psychology psychiatry, just to kind of break that down. Psychiatrist prescribe me medication. They’re actually a medical doctor. Psychologist is, they’re more research-based or kind of like biology psychology, the study of the science of… And then within the umbrella of sort graduate level degree therapists, you have licensed marital family therapists or LMS, licensed clinical social workers. There’s also, I think a couple of other acronyms I’m missing, but social workers work a lot in child protective services, they work a lot in non-profit organizations, sometimes they work on policy reform, they wear a lot of hats and I… The reason why I picked the degree, I knew I wanted to do two things, I wanted to create online programs and online tools, digital tools to help people take this sort of therapeutic self-discovery work home with them to make it as accessible as possible.

Which that’s a longer term goal, and I knew to do that effectively, I had to actually work with people in a clinical one-on-one way to know how is that we’re gonna translate effectively. And so knowing that I was kind of going into the work with two very specific goals, but also broad goals, I needed a degree that allowed me to essentially learn a little bit of both, and so that’s how I chose social work, because they have what they call… Well, it’s sort of like a holistic approach to their modalities there, they’re looking at the person in the environment, not just what’s presenting clinically or making a clinical diagnosis, and so it just seemed to fit all the different things I wanted to do with it, and I will say that the most notable social worker that any of your listeners probably know as Brene Brown, she’s a clinical social worker and then got a PhD, and that’s where she wrote all of her books on 100%, and she is so amazing every time that she puts anything out on my grad it, I actually encouraged my husband, I’m like the personal help, like the guru in that regard in our home, and my husband is too, but in his own way, he doesn’t read, so I’m the reader and then I regard to take and then he is the listener, and he regarded to date, so one night I was like, Babe, you have got to sit down and watch this with me, and I had already watched it, and so… Bring him in, and he was just like, This is so good, this is so good. So many gold nuggets. So clarifies herself or classifies herself under the research storyteller, and I just think that that title is so good because it takes that therapeutic side and then it comes into the research side, which I think that there’s so much value to that.

So I love that you actually essentially work with doing it the same exact way, because here we are and on your podcast or unpacking to other people’s stories and talking about that, and then you’re clearly doing it in a more of a research-based way in the actual office or our intimate kind of hippies.

Yes, and yeah, you’re absolutely right. I would put her up there as one of my North Star if… Okay, if she can do that with this degree, I can too… I just have to re-imagine. I think prior to going to school, I looked at…

I think I looked at degrees and sort of certifications, I was looking for that permission to be worthy or a value to have room in a space or to really stake my claim in a space, and what I’ve learned through just finding champions and people who have kind of blaze their own trails. I can make any opportunity happen, pretty much we’re starting wherever I am in life, but the opportunities that she has created for herself have not just come from her degree, but just because of what she’s expounded upon, just from that starting place, ’cause it’s just… Yeah, she’s inspiring to me. For sure.

She really is now, she hasn’t tapped into the e-course component as she… Like the online teaching, the have… That’s a great question. She’s got a couple of… She has a certification program specifically for clinicians, so you have to be in the mental health space to take this program. I believe it’s called The Daring Way. It’s one of my future future certification goals, but she also has, I believe, a course that anyone can take called Courage works, I think I’m sure if you guys at her website… It’s visible, I’ve looked at that too. I haven’t looked at it in a while, but I think it’s called Courage works. I don’t know exactly how it’s formatted, but I love… I don’t know if you’re familiar with the work of Marie folio, her B-school. I would love to me, there’s just a lot of people who have taken e-learning and really elevated it to something so beautiful and user-friendly, and I think that the mental health space could benefit from a tool like that to…

I 100% agree. I actually have a girlfriend who does, she lends nutritional health, mental health, and that’s how she coaches and brings her clients along the journey with her, and her bringing into that e-course experience is so needed, and because there is that component that you kinda touched briefly on is of that isolation and feeling completely alone in that emotion, and then also that shaming guilt, and you carry that in such an honestly secretive way that even to the forward-facing community, even though it’s completely close to you, and I can raise my hand to this. Even my husband, who just didn’t even know the depth of the sham and guilt that I was experiencing as we were married and with children, and so as we came to the table and we came to the couch, if you will, with our therapists and we started to unpack what that looked like. It was so eye-opening for both of us, meanwhile him being completely unaware of it, that he then carry is shame and guilt around the fact that he didn’t know me like fully right. And yet we’re here married, and so it feels almost like this tandem of push and pool when you’re experiencing life with someone else, and yet you’re doing it in isolation, and so I’m always prayerful of people coming together in Union and any type of relationship they are And Brenner girl, authenticity and vulnerability, like the freedom. And that is so amazing.

Yes, that’s all really well put. Very true.

Thank you. So explain to me, this is always what I love to go. Tell me how you got to where you are. So what journey… What path led you… What a tiled. How… Do you know you wanted to do this?

That’s a great, great question. And it wasn’t… I think one of the elements of my Bio was I acknowledge that it was not a straight narrow path, I think that I, for a long time, embed people who from childhood knew this was the thing I was meant to do, I meant to be a teacher, I meant to be a doctor, I meant to be a this or this or this. And I have always been a multi-passionate person, and I think for a long time that internal dialogue or that internal narrative became that either I didn’t have follow through, I didn’t have clarity, maybe I wasn’t as ambitious as some, and I felt like there was something missing with me. And so I think to kind of encapsulate it a little bit concisely, the journey of my 20s was trying to find an identity that fit me, Oh, I’m the fashion person, I’m the dance person, I’m the this person, and what I would usually experience about three to four months and is there would be… After the newness would kind of wear off, there would be the elements about it that still appealed to me, but then I would feel another calling, like something was missing. I love how Disney and Pixar seem to just… They just, they understand stories so well, particularly the hero’s journey, if anybody enjoy so of Campbell’s work, but like I wanna call out to see… I would be three months into a job and I would feel that call out to something else and I would be like, Oh, why can’t… I just wanna find my thing, I just wanna find my thing, and what I learned after a lot of processes of stumbling and repeating, and stumbling and repeating and trying to find a job that ticked all these boxes for me was… Each time I had to repeat that same lesson, the lesson that kept being presented to me was one I wasn’t wanting to hear, but I think fully I eventually heard or understood was that, Oh, there’s not going to be a job out there that I’m going to apply for that, I’m not gonna submit a resume too, that’s gonna check this box for me, this is an opportunity that I’ll have to create. And it was in that moment, equal parts is… Can I curse on this podcast? Or Toledano shit moment. It was equal parts. It was like As soon as I recognize, Oh my gosh, this is who I am, and this is who I am, and I have to create this opportunity within a millisecond was no, shit, this is who I am, and I have to create this for myself, and so… I kind of recognize that truth and then I buried it on a shelf for a while, and I think when I was… To be honest, I think when I was teaching ballroom dance for seven years, to answer your question more directly, I started commercial acting when I was 13, and then I pursued acting opportunities through college, we got a couple of really great paying opportunities that were really fun and I thought, This is what I’m gonna do, I’m gonna be a performer. It just, it feeds everything I need, and then when I was actually preparing to take the steps to operate my life and move to Los Angeles and make that life happen, I realized, This isn’t the environment I wanna live in, this isn’t the world I wanna live, and I loved the job, but everything else around the job was just not… It just didn’t feel right, and that was a deep, deep dose of humble pie.

So putting it a hard, it really knocked me down and knowing what I know now, I probably very likely went through, I’ll say about a depression coming home, ’cause I was not gonna be that 22-year-old coming home to mom and dad, and that is exactly what happened, and I was lost, and I’ll say that dance found me, ’cause actually both my parents met as balance instructors and it was existential in the studio, so when people hear it, they think like, How… Ball room. How did that happen? But in my life, in my world, it was kind of a lateral move, and so it allowed me to… It was a very high energy job, it was fun, and also I’ll say it fed my ego too, ’cause it was cool to tell people that’s what I did, but that ego fuel couldn’t sustain me forever, and ultimately it didn’t, and it was probably around year five that I really started to feel that call for something more, something else, and it wasn’t really until I met the man that’s not my husband, that I realized, and through the process of falling in love with him, that I felt… How good I felt with him and that relationship, and I realized that that sort of that light, that spotlight that that showed, I realized how the rest help… The rest of my life wasn’t lit up in the same way that this relationship was, that contrast became clearer to me, and I needed the rest of my life to match that, otherwise I was gonna put way too much pressure on him to make me happy, and so… It was really probably about the first two years of our relationship that I really started to search for that thing, that… Whatever that thing was. And I tried a few different things. So I tried working in retail, I worked… I was a store manager for BC B. G-max, if anybody knows that brand, and I thought that that astonishing, that’s gonna be a double words product on, boom, it’s gonna go… I’m gonna come outfit, it’ll be great. It was just… But it was, again, a two-year process of a lot of different jobs, and then I thought, Oh, well, maybe I’ll do consulting, some kind of consulting. I didn’t know what that was. I created my own landing page website, I did B School, went through that whole process and I thought it would help people figure out how to dress and makeup and stuff like that, and when… I only worked with maybe six people, but what I found consistent with each person was about the third, second or third time we would meet once they found the foundation they needed, or once they knew how to curl their hair the way that they wanted, or whatever, it was that they were stuck on. They inevitably wanted to start talking about deeper things like, I’ve just had my third baby and my husband and I haven’t had sex in a year, and I wanna feel beautiful again, or… You have gained 30 pounds in the last year, and I think I’m really depressed and now what to…

I don’t know what to do about it, like these women were starting to open up in a way that felt beyond the scope of what I could do, how I could really show up for them, but the best way I could describe it was it just felt… And I don’t mean that their pain or misery was exciting to me, but it was the desire in me to be of service or to show up or to want to dive into this conversation with them. That was really the moment that I realized, Oh, all the things that I love to do, this is what they have in common. And I could kinda go back and trace it, and then I realized I need to go back to school, and I was, I think, 30 when I realized that… That’s awesome that you took… You can do… You kept going, and you mentioned a couple of times like that process of stumbling, which I love to call failing forward, because without that, you would not be able to take ownership to those things that led you to the aha moment, the light bulb or the O-Ship moment, whichever one you wanna use, and had to be able to speak to you for you to understand, Okay, this is my calling, this is a part of something deeper than me, and I think ultimately that’s what calling is and in it, and that words into around a lot, but it’s the knowing that the purpose of your life and the plan of your life and what you’re supposed to be doing on a consistent basis is adjustment for you, isn’t meant for the limelight, for you to be teaching ballroom dancing and to start the ego, it’s to stroke and build the ego of those around us so that they too can exist in a lit world, and it’s funny that you use that analogy of light, because my word that I love to do is ultimately I’m an illuminator, I call myself and I want to go into a room, and since I was little, my doubt always feel like you light up a room, and I took that through a majority of my childhood, as much as I love to hear, it was a… It was something that aired on the component of perfectionism and the need for achievement, and I have to light up a room, so it was shameful and guilt moments that I had within me, I had to suppress, I had to hide, because if I didn’t light up the room, who was I? And where is that identity factor, and that’s what people needed me for… Right, that’s my purpose. So I have to be strong for these people, and it’s realizing in the moment that you have had with these women or even men in the same existence, there’s always a why, there’s a why we wanna curl our hair and put on make-up, there’s a why that we wanna own our fashion self, then there’s a why we wanna dance, but just like I take my clients through and it sounds like we have this experience as well. It’s like, I go deeper and what’s the next level of the why… What’s the next level of the… Why was the next level? I’m going all the way back to that root identity of who were intended to be, and that’s the moment where you were like, I gotta go to school so I can help these people realize that they have so much opportunity and truth in the fact that light exist and you are serving it to them in your profession, which is so amazing, I love… I love that synergy that we both had in that regard… Yeah, it’s so true. And I love how you articulate it to just several things in that, but the thing that… I don’t know if it became clear until now or I’ve fought it and forgotten it, but at that moment of recognizing this or even identifying, this is the next direction, I didn’t have a clear vision of what that whole end of goal was going to be, but it was like I found the bread crumb trail back home, it was like I found like, Oh, this is the thing. And I think every time the truth is re-revealed to me, it feels like a recognition, not a discovery, it’s like there’s a difference for me learning a brand new technique or being trained in a new modality, or getting to know someone new, but what I love about story-telling, what I love about podcasting and what I love about therapy is that when the truth is revealed or brought into the light, it’s a recognition, it’s like, Oh yes, this is the thing that has been there the whole time, and it’s such a grounded… Sort of rooted recognition and understanding that the feeling I had before and trying to wear all these different identities that it felt like grasping and it wasn’t coming through me or from me, but I was trying to adopt it, and it’s so good to us of that constant process though, are recognizing the discovering all of that.

I say, always be coming because we are… We’re always be coming. Right, and that’s an okay thing, you take it on as that and know that you’ve never made it, and we’re never gonna make it even the grandiose vision that we have over our careers or our marriages or our children’s lives or anything like… There’s never a moment where you say, Ah, this is it. And if there is… You missed it. You’ve honestly missed the whole point because… You’re talking about Disney before. I think it’s Disney crews. Have you heard of the crude movie… No, I don’t know that ever aired magnitude-wise or the big screen, but my son, he’s now seven, but since he was a toddler, I just loved this movie that’s now turned into a Netflix series, and we don’t watch a lot of TV, but it’s about cavemen and their discovery that there’s more to the world in these caves, and that there’s actually like a son that exists, and there was the one of the characters who is very much like my son, he even dressed up for him is Halloween, and he was like a toddler.

He talks about chasing the light, and that’s the whole point of what we’re saying, like We should always be chasing the light because there’s never a component to as far as ISIS from the west that we should ever find that discovery. And I think that’s the most beautiful thing about living and the most exciting thing about living is that there is more to it, and when we get stuck in these places of shame or guilt or so many other emotions… I keep going back to that because it’s something I can really identify with. But if you get stuck in the limiting beliefs that you’re not capable, that you’re not worthy, that you’re not lovable, any of these places that are common, their common… It’s not a place of isolation, and that’s the most beautiful thing about being able to speak your truth and to know that there’s other people that are gonna catch you in that spoken word and that expression of self, even in depression and anxiety, you’re not isolated there. And so, right, it’s like knowing through your e-course that you’re gonna wanna develop to express that with people and to know that there’s a community building opportunity, oftentimes therapy is done in isolation even, and people know… Yeah, sure. Maybe she goes to see a therapist, but I still wouldn’t share necessarily what was happening, but as I started to unfold and an envelope and like, Guys, this is what I learned through this, and like I go and I consistently need to go and you should go and we should go and all of the things. Everyone should be constantly becoming… We should always be evolving, and if you’re not searching within and you’re not searching up, your searching outward, which then becomes that grasping that you’re talking about and putting on other people’s clothes, which is the exact opposite of our calling. Do you feel like you’ve been sitting on the dream God has given you for far too long, do you feel out of alignment or obedience because of it, or perhaps you’ve been spinning your wheels on how to answer God’s call, but can’t quite define or design it into a business, maybe you’ve titled this Gondry, a ministry on you wholeheartedly give all of your time and the energy to yet your passion isn’t providing the profit. You need to stay in your home. Your first ministry, do you struggle with the idea of earning money doing something you believe he’d want you to do in a servant? Do you feel unworthy as a woman to possess… Well, I get it. I’ve been in every one of those shoes, and I can promise you the moment I traded those worn out handles for his intended comfort, I was able to finally walk the Miles has taken to grow the dream, from ideation to activation, catapult my true passions into my full-purpose. And now, while I’ve had a joy to coach many women over the past couple of years in a group setting, I still sense they’re missing straps to their well me shoes.

So I design this course, the god dream design course to walk alongside you intimately until you’ve claimed the gift of the shoes he has always wanted for, you’re probably wondering if this is the sure fire way to claim your roots and discover your wings as a kingdom entree. Why are we talking about shoes?

Well, these aren’t is… They aren’t, is whatever the kids call them these days, and I am not giving you sandals like Hermes either God’s shoes, truly God shows, have limitless souls that never wear down, they are promised to get you where He has shown you that you were intended to be. So come along for the ride, get out of that stuck analysis for our state of limitation and develop the mindsets, mendis and models to bring to life the vision he has planned for you before your IT and your mother’s will sign up today for your self-paced program where I will actually provide you live coaching, a community and women to walk this journey alongside a package of goodies right at your door step and many more incredible deliverables. You can find all of the details on my side at Tamra Andres dot com, don’t forget, Tamara, T-A-M-R-A. I got the good version… Thanks, mom.

Or really girls, it’s time to fly. I promise it’s a spring as it sounds… Chi totally agree.

To talk to us about like this don’t cut your bangs concept, and I mentioned it at the beginning, and I think when I was actually at the very beginning, my mic was off, so you heard me, but they did it, and so Danielle’s podcast, I don’t… What does it… Don’t cut your own bank, don’t cut your own banks… Yeah, you’re on things, so go through this event, don’t cut your own bank, so the title initially came to me thinking about the way… And this is not always little girls, but it does seem to be common that the adult women in my life have either experienced this as children themselves or with their own children, that they get a hold of the parasites and they’re like, Oh yes, this is gonna be great, and they just watch and they just chop it off, and then usually children have a response of either doubling down no matter how bad it looks, that they think it looks great, or they try to cut more off to make it better, so they’re making the problem worse or they try to lie, so it’s like all of the bargaining things that children do when they make a mistake are still things that adults do, so it just seemed… Once I really wanted that concept, and it was funny, it was more of a story of that visual that came to me, and that’s where the title came out of that, but once I really started to hone my message and the type of conversations I wanted to have with people, what I love talking to people about is not the before and after a bad haircut and then an amazing hair cut, ’cause I do feel like at the time in my life where I was wanting to create a podcast, I felt like I was really getting flooded on social media with a lot of before and after, and while they can certainly be inspiring if you’re wanting to make a change, make a financial goal, set a business goal or a weight law school, like 12, 30 at night when I’m not feeling great about myself, seeing a woman with an a pack doing a handstand on a beach in Bali, that didn’t translate to inspiration to me, that translated into… You are not doing anything with your life. You need to get it together. Girl, like, What are you doing? And so those… Before and after is the thing that I was really craving was the how… What happened when it was a Wednesday at 6 o’clock in the morning and you didn’t wanna get up to work out, what happened when you weren’t posing for that really cute sweaty selfie. They’re like, Oh, hashtag sweaty. But really… You took eight photos. What does that really feel like? What was that experience from point A to point Z? Because that’s the journey I’m on, because when I compare my inner struggles with a highlight reel, I’m not gonna come out feeling very good, and I’m certainly not bashing social media, I am such… Particularly with, in light of covid and all social distancing, I’m so grateful for technology, and I’m very passionate about creating a safe space and a safe community on social media, so this is not a boomer bash of social media, but I’m just being honest for myself that… How I’m feeling inside is gonna get reflected back to me anywhere I look, and social media just happens to be a place where my eyeballs fall a lot, and so what really inspired me to want to have those conversations was my own desire to heal that wrestling with that, am I really alone in this trying to figure this mess out part, and so I wanted to have as many conversations as possible to see, Is this just me or is it not just me? And so the podcast really became kind of a creative… Initially, a creative challenge is to see if I could do it, and then beyond that, it was a vehicle that kind of gave me permission to invite someone to have a conversation that I might not normally have. If you and I were like, Let’s do a Meet and Greet at Starbucks and just chat, ’cause then I find that I go deeper faster and I have more interesting conversations with a microphone in front of me in doing this type of format than I would if we just met at a dinner party, so it just gives me a great excuse to ask strangers personal questions, so… Good. You get your research day, got research at that Bates.

Good, and it’s so true. I’m actually coaching a podcast, a workshop next week, it’s all in person, and these six women are coming together and they’re gonna unpack kinder why and their purpose, and they’re already saying yes, that they wanna do a podcast or a live show or a vlog or whatever they wanna do, but I think they’ve asked me… And many of them have, Why choose this vehicle? And what do you like most about it?

Can I do it? And my favorite thing it is such quality time, I’m so intentional right now, my phone’s not near me, it’s not like I’m bringing… I have all my notifications off, like I am right here with you, and I wanna know it all… I don’t know when the next time I’m gonna have an hour I just dedicated to Daniel Ireland is gonna be, and so I wanna make the most of it. And I think it has been such a freeing time and something I look forward to every single time I have the opportunity to do it, and I think if more people went here, there would be less isolation because I can… Absolutely, raise my hand and say that I’ve scrolled and thought those exact same things I’ve actually posted, not even thinking about the other person who’s on the other end, but more so wanting to provide encouragement, and I was literally just in a post of me on a hand stand on the top of a mountain to…

Okayama, Agosto, party, ago. And it was a Sunita and B. and I had people respond, Michael, my gosh, you’re so inspiring. And that’s incredible when you’re crazy, all of the different things, and I did, because for me, it’s about showcasing that you can and not… It’s beautiful.

Let me… I feel like I need to to…

I do not take a fence, I am the last person to take it, I think it’s amazing, and I see what you’re saying, I actually hadn’t unpacked it that way, so I thank you in this areas, we… Sure. What I firmly believe to be true is that what I see in those moments, when I see evidence of my own awardees, it is not a reflection of the Post, it is not a reflection of the other person, it is a reflection of something I am unafraid to. Feel and heal within myself. And that is, I think, often that mis-labeling of where should we place this discomfort if I were to project that on to you, that would be where I would judge you and criticize you and… Or gossip about you, or send maybe an unkind to you or a Rollie emoji, that is where I’m displacing my discomfort, that I’m not in touch with something within me that I need to recognize, and so I will say that I today feel that feeling far less far far less that comparison trap or that… I feel that far less, the more enriched and truly fulfilled, I feel less… The less I’m looking to measure my worth against what someone is or isn’t doing, whether that’s in my life or on social media, and so I am in a way, so incredibly grateful for the women who did those hand stands in Bali because one of my life long dreams is to some inhuman Wales and Tonga and you baseline all over the… Grammatical it on, right?

Yes. Oh my gosh. Be proud you.

That’s so awesome. So, and I guess a part of that, that part is like the journey, what did you do to get their awesome candid shot, but totally grammar the right at the bitrate same time. I did something that other people said no to that weekend, ’cause we woke up at 2-45 in the morning, and to hike for two hours in the dark with a headland pain upper mountain with my parents and my brother and his wife. And we have done it before, so we were like, Oh, no big deal, we’ve encouraged and there’s processes of this and you back to many waters we told you weren’t gonna be thirsty like that, there’s lessons and there’s a lot of humility that takes plays and fear and so crazy. But that’s the joy of it all.

You’re gonna be swimming with his home bag… They’re massive, I just went way watching with humpback, literally, they’re breaching in front of my boat, and I am screaming at the top of my lungs because if they just in one wrong direction, they’re all on my boat, and it’s role and it’s beautiful, but there’s so many emotions that go into that one picture, the closest I’ve come to that dream come true so far. If anyone listening has any desire to either follow or check on my Instagram feed, you’ll see if you scroll back, I’m not quite sure how far, but I have swim with whale sharks. I did a four-day sordid trip with whale sharks and they are anywhere between 20 and 40 feet, and compacts are bigger, they’re 660 feet, so I just… But it’s a dream that’s going to come true in my lifetime, so a space love it, because I wanna do well, I wanna go to the wet the Wilshire so bad, I’ve heard such amazing things, I do really wanna get my scuba diving license before that, so that I can go deeper rather than the circle, but I don’t know if that will happen with the kids, will see… Regardless, I just… I think that the, uh, there’s so much richness to that comment and it’s so true, and also something that we ask… What are you gonna call it? influencers or not, whatever you wanna say, people that post on social media as an influence or that we should be mindful of those things, and I don’t always… I literally use that as my journal, and if you read which mouth people don’t read on Instagram, they’re just looking at the picture of the hand, same girl and whatever they feel they feel, but if they were to read… I do on packet. Right, so I think that there’s… I think that there’s beauty and sharing, and we get to share in so many ways, whether it’s a podcast, whether it’s with your clients and in the private to give a room, it’s just being with people, and it’s realizing that there’s so much value in another person, your journeys could be absolutely completely estranged, and yet there’s a similarity, there’s a commonality, and ultimately it’s the wanting to be known and the wanting to be loved, and it’s us I’m understanding and walking that out and grace day by day. How does that look when you meet a stranger on the street that you’re not gonna sit down and have an hour podcast with, How are you… Activating that in your life when you don’t have those opportunities.

So I would love… What other… Do you have any insight? We have you or less… This is Daniel’s time. Tell us more about your passion. Maybe now that you know that e-course is coming, what more… How are you learning and continuing to develop that… I love that question, How am I continuing to grow and learn, so that makes me think about… I was recently asked this question, a friend of mine was like, Well, how do you find a therapist? Or how do you know if you need a therapist? Or how do you know if you need a coach? What do you look for? And I don’t have a simple checklist, but I will say that that a lot of friends who are incredible coaches, but the quality that either the therapists that I consider colleagues that I’ll see Well, do shared supervision, which is where we share cases with one another and kind of talk through maybe challenging experiences, so either that or the therapist that I see or other coaches, the thing that they have in common, and again, I’ve only thought of this recently is that they are also continued seekers, continued learners that are also doing their own work, I do…

I don’t know exactly how articulate it, I feel a little pause or a little reservation or hesitation when I see someone present themselves as a finished product, like, here I am and I’m done, or if someone refers to, I’ve done the work… Like in past tense, I’ve done the work and I’m done that sort of like the unspoken conclusion that always makes me… Again, I’m not overly concerned, but just a little hesitant because if you’re only… I’d like to think about… I have the infinity symbol tattoo on my wrist, I don’t think you can see it ’cause of my watch, but I do think whether you look at it horizontally or whether you look at it vertically, the sense of what goes out goes in. What goes in goes out, and if you’re only giving out advice or if you’re only giving out and being of service and you’re not serving yourself, filling your own COP, stretching yourself, evolving growing. I question how effective you’re going to be because I do think that what has made me probably a better therapist in life, and I’m assume… And that’s also assuming that I am a good therapist, but I’d like to think that I am, but I think a big part of that has been on my passion for learning and education, and then also owning and acknowledging in a way that serves the situation to acknowledge that I am also seeking my own therapy, I know what it’s like to sit down on the couch for the first time and look at a stranger and prepare to unpack your life and maybe you don’t know what you’re gonna see, and maybe that’s scary. There’s a difference between being an expert behind the curtain and being human-to-human. And so I think that that’s really important, and I can’t remember exactly how I got there, but I owe that I appreciate and value teachers and also acknowledge their own learning, or maybe or even a comfortable acknowledging the gaps that they’re trying to fill in their own knowledge their own expertise or their own life, that to me, that feels safe when someone can go there, ’cause then it just… It feels a little bit more authentic and a little less ego-driven… Yeah, I totally agree, and I think for a long time in my 20s, I had… That was not me, I was saying like, Oh, I’ve gotten… I’ve achieved a thing, I’ve done the thing, and I’m in my 20s, so naive, but again, wisdom is a part of it ever becoming the… Right, that’s what I got. So I sold all the world’s problems, college, 20-21, sitting around with friends. We solved all the world’s problems. If all people would listen, Asturias fun to now be honest, adventure through through my coaching, through my faith life, through life in general, and being able to journey with people, and that’s where the podcast, it’s like linking arms with someone in saying, Let’s do this together, let’s figure this out together. What do you know that I don’t… What can I teach you that serves your life more holy. And I love that you brought up the infinity sign. So I just learned this and I didn’t know that it was a biblical side in the way that I had no idea. And so infinity to me was just like the math number, it’s just… It’s this big, as big as is big, then you’re speaking on it, it just has continuance congruence. All of that… Well, I just discovered through a study that I’m learning that it’s actually a part of the covenant and the way that in the old Hebrew days, in the Old Testament, people, that’s how people may promises, so they would make sacrifices, they would cut the animal in half, and because of the half, they would actually walk that circumference together, and it was like a pinky promise back in the day, that’s how they made a promise towards one another’s families, towards longevity of families. People were living 900 years or whatever they were said biblically during that time, and so these covenants were supposed to last generation to generation, and I can’t remember specifically what book it was that I was unpacking, it might have just been in Genesis, where Abraham and God have this interaction and Abraham is dropped to sleep by God himself, and instead of been walking the Coven it together, which was how it was traditionally done, God makes this promise on his own, and that is the sign of infinity that without man, I do not need you. That I will forever keep this promise because you are flesh and imperfect, and here I am promising you this, so I realized that, and so the fact that you have a tattoo of it, I was like… I say body, my husband’s like, I don’t know, when you learned something from the Bob and the US running to get a tattoo, and I’m like, Man, we’re in… It is a becoming process, I think the tattoos are beautiful and it’s a expression of art, and I don’t ever wanna forget that there’s so many things that happen in life that are a-ha moments and realizations that are just literally gifted to you as that moment and you’re becoming process that… If I found out things like that 10 years from now, it would have been out of sight, out of mind, because I knew it all, and so now to be in this state of constantly learning, to be in the state of like… My eyes and heart are open, what do you have to teach me today with the people that I get to be blessed to spend time with, or not even the people, the animals, the environment like anything. I’m constantly like, What you got for me? But living that life like that is so much more fun than eyes cast down, which I’ve done for years, and not being able to look people in the eye because I had that shame and guilt component or doing it, but literally only for the facade. And that’s the freedom factor that I hope that people hear through this podcast, is that they have an opportunity to live in abundance and live in freedom, and live in the fact that we are becoming… And it’s okay that you’re imperfect, it’s actually perfect that You’re imperfect, and just lean into that and learn to grow step by step.

I think one of the things I’ve found in sort of the hear and you say that expression that you’re perfect in your imperfection, or it might be paraphrasing what you said, but I think that for me, a big part of my healing has also been appreciating the phases and stages of awareness, acceptance, acknowledging and then acting on a feeling or ignore, acting on a new idea, because I think… I can sit here in this moment, in this conversation with you, and I can look back in hindsight and see how those… I love that expression of failing forward, by the way, I’ll be sure to quote you on that, but I can see how each of those moments like a domino falling forward led me to this moment and I can appreciate their beauty from this perspective when I’m in that moment though, I do not have that, I do not have that perspective. And that’s probably where my personal journey and healing is still becoming, because it’s challenging for me in that place when I’m down on my knees and there’s dust in my eyes and I’m stuffed up and I’m feeling credit, it’s challenging in that moment to say that this is perfect, and this is happening to me for a reason, and yet I know that that is true. I’m hearing you speak it and I believe it is truth, but I feel like it’s also so important for me to acknowledge that that’s an area where I actively struggle when I’m in that place, but I think, again, to go back to the phases and stages, letting that moment hurt and letting it be painful or whatever it is, it may not be pain, it could be a different emotion, but allowing that moment to be, I think for me, is a big part of the acknowledging and recognizing and then accepting it for what it is, because once I accept it for what it is, when I’m not doing is resisting it and trying to make it something different. So when a client is actively in grief or gosh, virtually every session I have with clients lately has been about covid and feeling rumbling or wrestling with different stages of change and fear or unique challenges that are being presented with just the climate of the world, and I think trying to position panic or fear or anxiety into something else, maybe doesn’t allow the emotion to fully express. And I think one of the challenges that I know I felt personally, and I’ve heard people share too, is that, Well, if I feel it, am I going to indulge in it, and what I have found is it’s almost opposite, if you were to think of a Chinese finger trap, for example.

So you’re pulling against your left hand is telling you feel your feelings, feel your emotions, you’re safe to do so, and the other is a logic, like your feelings are ridiculous, there’s no reason to feel this way, I don’t know why you’re freaking out, you’re just sitting on your couch watching old reruns or friends anyway, just like Will and we’re just Poland.

It’s in that poll or in that resistance, or another way I like to explain it, since you just were visited a mountain, it would be like if the emotion is the mountain, you can push against it, you can try to blow up and turn it into rubble and clear the rubble. There’s lots of ways you can avoid climbing the mountain, which is what I think going through the stages of emotion can be, but there is a path of least resistance, and it’s not just when I just try to go up, that’s a…

I’m gonna get to the other side.

That’s so good.

Gosh, it’s hard, but I think one of the greatest gifts I’ve given myself my own anxiety, my own perfectionism, is to speak the truth of the emotion as it is, because once you say it out loud, once you really plinths sucks. If there’s kind of nowhere to go from there, there’s no way to keep kind of feeling it, ’cause maybe instead of acknowledging it, what I do is I go to friends and I just talk about how overworked and tired I am, and then… I don’t know, then maybe I do some shopping to just to feel a little better and I fill the shopping cart full of things that I don’t really want, but I got a good deal on, and then maybe I pour myself an extra glass of wine or two or three, and then maybe I do where all of these things to dance around the feeling that I’m not just letting my still field, which is this sucks, because once it’s out, it kind of deflate the pressure of the emotion, and then once it’s out of me, I can look at it and then figure out something to do with it, and maybe that thing to do is to sit with it, maybe that thing to do is to breathe, maybe that thing to do is to pray, maybe that thing to do is to share with a confidant, but that action step isn’t gonna be clear if I’m constantly trying to dismiss it, deflect it or package it into something else that’s so valuable and so tangible for like my marriage as you’re saying that… Oh, can you hear me okay? I can hear you okay.

What? I hear you, I can hear me now.

We can’t hear you.

Or I can hear myself, I can’t hear you.

That stringy.

I like, I can read your life or what… I’m so strange.

Just really fast.

Can you hear it? Okay.

No, is your micro… It’s not if anybody is online and they wanna let us know if they can hear us or not, that would be awesome.

I’m sorry.

Hold on one second. Let’s see. How about now?

I natal happen while I was talking. Which is so strange.

I can hear you. Can you hear me?

Yes, I can do…

I don’t know what you screening came, but people online can hear us, so… That’s good.

In technology, you go of it, I did not forget what he was talking about though, ’cause that was so valuable, and I think I was saying that I feel that specifically, and I could hear that for my marriage, because I think so often, even when we can get in touch with our own emotions and we can say it out loud, Oh, I’m exhausted, our emotions and our reactions to that response often happen right, like I’m exhausted, so I’m not talking, so my kids are getting the short notes, so I’m not cooking dinner tonight, so I’m not doing all of these other things. And then if I don’t learn to communicate those emotions, then it looks from the outside in, they could come up with a thousand stories of what’s happening, I did something wrong, they’re mad at me, did I say something? And then that person has been over-analyzing the situation, so you said for a words and I love things that I picked up like this awareness, acceptance, acknowledge and act on those in the wrong order.

You’ve got the four.

The first is awareness, so that to be aware, so even to sense what’s going on, and then once we are aware that we’re feeling something, acknowledging what it is, wait, oh Lord, now I’m up and then accepting it and then accept it… Except that’s true.

Yes, accepting that it’s true, which I also be giving it as like giving yourself permission to feel this way, which is I think a big hurdle is that for me in particular, so you… In a little bit of perfection is you mix in a little bit of type, you also mix in some rescuing, I’m a helper, I don’t need how my job is to help others, and also a little ego like, Oh, the acronyms at the end of my name mean that I should have this all figured out and don’t need to accept this help from others, because this is what I do, and… Oh goodness, when my husband uses things that we have learned either together in therapy or things that I’ve shared with him in conversation back at me when I’m being a jerk, I actually wrote a blog called that time I was being a jerk, just… But it gains humility, it’s just going back to that humility and then act, and so taking the action step based on those things that you’re not aware of…

I love that, I love that. And I think, again, it’s all of those things, and that’s a consistent… All we have to do this every single day, probably multiple times a day, if we really want to be in tune with who we are and in tune with the environment that’s surrounding us and constantly changing, and just as they are constantly changing, we’re constantly changing, and that ebbing and flowing in again and back to that becoming process, and it’s just having freedom and letting go because I absolutely was a control freak forever, and realizing that nothing, literally not one thing, even my finances, I can’t control. There are so many things outside of my ability to control, especially the things that I want to control, like relationships over my children or my hair on any given day, depending on the humidity, and so it’s just knowing that… Things that are so big and things that are so small, if can just learn to release that control through the awareness of it, through the acknowledgement, through the acceptance, and then to just act. And I think so often, people think the act, if we wanna go back to calling or back to purpose with what… Circle us back to the beginning of the conversation. They think that those things have to be huge, they think that in order for you to understand your calling or your purpose, or walking in the truth and the light, but it has to be this grandiose experience, you guys… That’s just not true. It’s simply the combination of a bunch of tiny acts, a bunch of tiny actions that put you into a place of something great, and so all you have to do today is the one small thing, and then the consistency of those small things become the great thing that you’re… For that vision coming to fruition. Those things that you really desperately hope and are trying to manifest and have been praying for, like they come because of each tiny little step, and just like you said for the mountain, you can go up the Mount and you can go straight up and out, and that is an option, but the trail people who create the trails, it’s much longer, they do switch backs, they do switch backs back and forth and back and forth, so you’re actually going double the distance than if you just hyped up the mountain, but the difficulty of that on your body is so much harder, so to be okay with the fact that it’s gonna take a long time for you to get to that mountain top, but it’s so worth it, and people have gone before you, and again, back to that understanding of isolation, you’re not doing it alone.

Yeah, Tony Robbins has a quote, and I don’t… Again, I’m not a huge advocate for Tony, but he does have a way of taking large concepts and making them concise, which is not my gift, and I love what he said that we underestimate what we can do in a year and overestimate what we can do in a week. And I remind myself of that often because I think one of the ways my anxiety and perfectionism love to play with me is I’ll get an idea, I’ll get very excited about the idea and the idea needs to be done tomorrow, and I don’t actually think… ’cause I know what I’m capable of doing if I sit down and grind something out, but usually the thing that I miss are food breaks, bathroom breaks, family-like life, like all of the other components of my life that aren’t this one project, and so I’ll create a timeline based on me, tackling that one thing, and I will totally miss that 30000 foot view of all of the other things, not that I’ve committed to, but that I also want to do… That’s important to have a well-rounded life. And so you’re right, you could blaze that busily bristly barnacle trail all on your own, or maybe you could take a more well-worn path with friends and not have to do it alone, I think that’s really valuable too, so… So good. And yeah, I think Tony has some incredible things to take away from conversations as well, you guys have… Literally, I hope that this conversation has just blessed you, I hope that is kind of like brought you back to ground in the crazy that’s happening because Danielle, you have a beautiful way of just like… I can see why you do what you do and why it’s a part of your calling it a very just soothing nature about yourself, and I love the way you cultivate words together, so thank you so much for just sharing with us and being present with us and be coming with us and I’m excited to be on your Instagram, I’m gonna be looking for the way all picture, so please post many and I’ll know another and stand on your way to a so… So good, thank you for being here. Do you have any final words? Where can they find you? When can we anticipate things?

In anticipation, I have a really exciting announcement, I… And one of the steps towards creating my program, I’ve actually created a seven-part Guided Journal, so it’s a little part book, a little part, like a workbook processing tool, and a lot of free space to journal, but it covers career, love, relationships, family, sex and purpose, and the whole, I’ll say theology behind it, is to really shift from fear into curiosity. And what does that look like in each of these different areas of our life? And I use a compilation of an amalgamation of experiences with clients to sort of set up the lesson and learning, and then walk everyone through each step, and there’s lots of personal time and processing, so I’ll make sure to share that link with you so that… That can be shared out, but it’ll be a major Sunday, Sunday gather.

Timing, yeah, perfect timing.

And this will eventually become the course, but there’s something about putting your hand to paper and writing it down, as much as I love technology, I think I’m always gonna have a special place for the old school, you just gotta write it out and so the journal is called treasured a journal for unearthing you. And so it’s just, although unearthing those little hidden gems inside… And yeah, you can find me on my website, Daniel Ireland dot com. I’m also on Instagram, Linkedin, Facebook, Pinterest, there’s lots of fun ways you can connect with me and… Yeah, I really appreciate your time. This was an absolute gift just to sit and reflect and share ’cause these are my favorite types of conversations… Yes, I’m so great. Well, thank you so much for taking the time and you guys have to check out and all the places I’ll be tagging all the links here in just a second on this line and then all all the podcast stuff coming out too, so thanks for tuning in. You’ll… We have some listeners. active listeners on there. We see you. I promoted your comments. Y’all are the best. Thanks for being here. See you later.

Hey, y’all, it’s me again. I hope in today’s episode, you sense an Ignite to an ember within you, something mentally, physically, emotionally or spiritually moving that creates and sustains a fire within your journey before you go. Let’s solidify the point. I’d love for you to take a step right now and declare your take away by snapping a pick of the episode you TuneIn to share your sparked moment and tag me at it, they underscore A podcast, or me personally at Tamara do Andres on Insta. I hope that I can keep you accountable and also share you with the greater community of faith podcast listeners, we’re totally in this together, community over competition is the motto, right? I’d also be incredibly grateful if you took an extra second to leave a review on iTunes or your podcast listening app, I’d love to feature your thought in the next episode and give you and your passion project a big shout out. You know, I’m a writer, so I love words and I can’t wait to read what you have to say, I’m ready to fuel the plane with you together, and until next time, blessings over your joy, Elwell and wholeness to next time.

#mentalhealth #ego #podcast #therapy #visualization

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