Be the Message with Darryll Stinson
Today's episode of The Fit in Faith Podcast is with Darryll Stinson from Second Chance Athletes. He helps us evaluate from an inside-out perspective how not just speaking out loud our messages, but how to be our message. He used his trials and tests to make way for the message he is and is becoming for God to use.
Let this episode encourage you to speak your message and propel you to new heights.
Darryll Stinson is a former Division 1 athlete who battled multiple personal and professional challenges in his youth (including violence, drug addiction, and the sudden end to his promising athletic career due to a back injury). After attempting suicide multiple times, Darryll experienced a transformational acceptance of God's love in a psychiatric unit in Detroit, MI, which would put him on the path toward becoming the pastor, business and leadership coach, two-time TEDx speaker, and best-selling author he is today, as well as his most prized roles of being a husband to his amazing wife and the father of three incredible girls. (#girldad) Darryll holds a Bachelor's degree in Integrative Public Relations and has continued his studies under industry game changers such as Les Brown, Grant Baldwin, and John C. Maxwell. He speaks professionally all over the U.S. (and beyond) and has been featured on FOX, ABC, NCAA, and some of the top podcasts in the world. Darryll has mentored and taught entrepreneurs, business and religious leaders, athletes, youth groups, and many more how to curate their individual leadership style, find their authentic voice, and develop a foundation of solid mental health habits to overcome adversity and live a life of power, passion, and purpose.
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Show Notes: Be the Message
So the title of this podcast is going to be a little bit different than the actual podcast, and I could have changed it, but there's so much depth in the understanding of speaking. And here you are listening to a podcast. So of course we're speaking so that you can hear, but ultimately Darrell Stinson, today's incredible guest.
He helps us evaluate from an inside out perspective how the not just speeding. Our messages, but how to be them. He has an incredible rap sheet. I could go down the list of D one athlete and, um, speaker and author, but I could also go down the other side, right? The tests, the trials tribulations that have now made way for.
Things God says to be used for. Good. And so I cannot wait to make way for this incredible time. I pray that wherever you're listening, that you just tune in that you listen and do exactly what he always shares. Two years, one mouth receive a friend. And at the end of this, I hope that you are propelled and called to speak blessings.
This is your God wink. The moment that heaven says for such a time as this it's time to own your joy, prioritize your health, discover your wealth and exude your wholeness. It's time to become truly fit. However, this isn't a fitness podcast though. I'm a retired personal trainer and nutritionist, this isn't business jargon or tips and tricks to landing your successful passion project though.
That's totally why I'm a business coach. This isn't a quick fix health detox ploy though. I'm all for therapy and I love whole foods. I do have a Yolo side, sweet tooth though. This isn't confusing religious banter though. I'm an ordained minister, still figuring out the many things and facets and faces of Jesus.
It's really none of that. So I'm wondering if you're wondering what is this? Well, this is an opportunity to join me alongside other big dreamers. Okay. Movers and lifestyle shakers, as we explore and share our messy comeback stories and discoveries with each of you fellow passionate seekers, the fit and faith movement was birthed through my own trial and error discovery of mind, body, and soul alignment, and to be totally transparent, my own entrepreneurial crash and burn experiences.
I've learned firsthand that being fit isn't about our physique at all. It's not about our qualifying abilities or titles. It's not about our potential. It's truly about our God gifted passions, meeting our purpose, or one step away from achieving your idea, your dream, your calling, your purpose, whatever you want to call it.
And I want to be there for the moment that you say yes, in freedom, clarity, and confidence that you are living fit and who, and whose you were made to be welcome to the fit and faith podcast with me, Tamra and dress, there is no better time than now to get.
Hey, Hey. Hey, I'm so excited for this time with you. Darryl Stinson is on the mic today. Y'all and if you are not here with us. You're in for a treat with his voice. It's like sweet and it is awesome. And I've had the experience of being with him in person, which isn't always the case with podcast guests at a mastermind event.
Um, and I was taken aback from you before, when we just got to know each other virtually, but when I had the opportunity to be in person with you, you have, uh, A sense of calm. It's like that Teddy bear comfort. And in addition to like just a resilience and as I got to know your story a bit, which I'm excited for you to share today, uh, it just empowered me to keep going.
And so I hope that people who are listening today have that same sense of empowerment, but also that same sense of safety. Thank you for being here. Um, I'm excited and everyone tuning in. So watching replays what's up, what's up, what's up and, uh, really excited. I, I feel like this is going to be a time where we have some really engaging conversation that can give a confirmation or a different perspective, you know, in both arms.
I think sometimes we need that. Like, Hey, you're not crazy. There's other people in the world that are struggling, that are succeeding, that are thinking that are worried, that are whatever they feel the way you feel. But then there's those times where it's like, Hey, uh, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
Both are required. So, so good. All right, we're done. We'll see you guys tomorrow. No, I mean, honestly perspective is everything. And I know part of that perspective change in your life happened with trials and tribulations, right? It's with the becoming process it's with the iron sharpening iron, before you knew that iron felt more like a stab in the back.
Physically, I know as a part of it with your D one athletic experience. Um, so I'd love for us to dive in, into the place of transition of perspective for you. Um, and I'm sure there has been multiple, but I would love wherever you feel led in your testimony to take us to first. Yeah. I mean, you're going to have to help me a little bit because I've been on this like probably about a week, uh, arguably four weeks.
Uh, reflective period of the way that I think the paradigm shifts that I've had, you know, paradigm shifts are great. And, and until they start to create a separation from the people that you so desperately want to connect to and reach. And so, uh, to put that in a box, um, and kind of make that, be able to be understood by other people, you know, I, I grew up.
Deathly worried about what people thought about me, you know, and my TEDx talk. I talk about this scene where I'm in the third grade. My mother had put me in accelerated learning classes being from Jackson, Michigan, which is about an hour west of Detroit. That meant that I was one of two black students in an all white class, which was nothing wrong with this.
You know, as far as I know, nobody was racist, they loved me. They cheat off my tests. They call me, they call me goon. Cause I was like this big, like goofy goony guy. And, um, I was one of the smartest kids in the class. Life was great. And I thought that since they liked me, everyone, like must, I must be like the best thing since sliced bread.
And I'm walking down the hallway and I see this group of black students circle together and they're just cracking jokes and I'm like, man, I'm getting ready to get on the joke. So I walk over to him like, yo, what's up. Nobody answered. I'm like, man, I know they heard me, you know, like, um, you know, I was always that kid that was too tall for my age.
And I was always the tallest kid in the class. I make a joke. Every time we take group photos, I'm like, nobody knows I have a lower body. It's just floating head in every picture since the first year. So I know they saw me and I know they heard me, but nobody responded. So I'm like, okay. So I spoke up, I'm like, Hey, what y'all over there laughing about?
And somebody turned towards me and was like, you're, what's funny. Wait, white boy. And I started asking them I'm in third grade. So I started asking around the school, like, why did they call me a white boy? And, um, they were like, You know, that's kind of what you're called. I get the whole school. You're known as the black kid that talks and asks why.
And I'm like, well,
everybody knows this, but me, which in the third grade is a terrible feeling, by the way, like everybody I'm the lab. Like I'm a joke to everybody. I'm just being me. So. That created this deep insecurity that who I was authentically wasn't enough to be liked or loved or celebrated by other people. And, and, and so I went on this journey of changing everything about myself, to fit in with other people.
And, and for me, It was that I, I spoke formally, right. For other people it's whatever made you not fit in it's, whatever they teach you about. Like, nobody wants to be the kid that feels awkward sitting at a table. At a lunch table where they, they, they feel like they don't belong. And so I changed everything about myself to fit in with this black community, with the way that I talk, the music, I listened to all of this and it worked, they embrace me.
Like I got to street credit. I started making poor decisions, but I did so at a cost of my authenticity and my identity. I didn't know who I was anymore, because I was keeping up the charades for everyone else. So you fast forward to through college, through division one scholarship through the injury that I had, and you can dig into any part of the story you want to, but you get to this point to where now, you know, I find faith in Christ in a psychiatric care facility and start to realize like, I don't care what other people think about me.
Because I know what God thinks about me now. So we shifted and now I'm focused on, you know, my true north in the current calling of God and the purpose of God. And I'm not even thinking about other people think like it's not even. Like, I don't need, like, I'm not saying no, I am saying like, there's such a callousness there.
I literally don't care. No, my wife, I care, but anybody, I don't care. Like if you, I love you, but you were like Darryl, you know, whatever. I'm like
And, and here's, here's what I meant by paradigm shifts. Can Austin create a distance? So I didn't realize this until recently. I've been on this deep kick that although I've went through that transformation, a lot of people still care about what other people think about them. And I forgot about that, you know, so I was being very cold-hearted towards people.
Like it's even my clients, you know, like, you know, they're, they're, they're worried about sharing this story. They're worried about people judging you. They're worried about people, uh, twisting their words and I'm like, so you have a calling, you have a mission, focus on the people that need to hear it. And I'm not relating enough to them and being like, Hey, I remember what it's like to be, uh, shackled by other people's opinions.
And so now, you know, they say w where I'm from. I don't know if they say this, where are you from? But they say, don't forget where you came from. And I did. I forgot. And, um, and now I'm, I'm, um, I'm, I'm reflecting and I'm getting better as a communicator and as a leader, uh, to be more empathetic to where people are starting, uh, because I was there, I was.
Yeah, I think that's really interesting. I was actually having this conversation with my husband this weekend. Cause I was struggling with making a financial decision, another financial investment, right. And we know as entrepreneurs, speakers, artists, sports like athletes, wherever you are, whatever you do that, it takes a investments of ourselves.
And whether that investment is an investment of time, energy, this was a financial one. I was so uncomfortable to make this decision. And he said, I'm glad you feel that. I'm really glad you feel that way. And I was like, that's just me. Like, you could fix the problem or there's another solution letting me sit in this discomfort.
And it's because he's older and wiser and he's been through it before, but he said, this is going to help you have empathy for the people that you're going to serve, because they too are going to have to invest in you or they're going to have to invest in something else. And so your empathy. Sitting in that, in the midst of that hard emotion, uh, is exactly what you need.
And I think, like you said, for getting where you came from for getting, when you get so removed from that, and you're so confident God, that, and what it is that he has for you, those that empathy factor. Slowly shed. And so I'm curious in this process of reflection and paradigm shifts and really being present so that you can be more present with the people that you get to serve.
What kind of methodology are you using to kind of take you back to that experience besides just talking about it? Like yeah. Now, real talk like that is the methodology. Um, you know, it's, it's the old phrase and I preached it too, that we have two, two ears and one mouth. We should be quick to listen, slow to speak and, and asking people like I did a lot.
I think that was last week. It might've been this knows last week. And I just said, look, I'm trying to figure it out. What's missing. Like, this was my caption, you know, how easily join me for the masterclass. You're going to learn these three things. Things I literally was like, join me because I'm trying to figure out what I'm missing out on because here, here here's my dilemma.
Okay. And this might be a methodology that. I do believe in an abundance. And I do believe that there's people who I don't have to convince at all. Like I can find more Tamra's to talk to. Right? Not that you specifically can be duplicated, but that there's people high, high achievers believers that we can dialogue with.
In fact, that's probably. While you created your conference, which I heard about through somebody else by,
so anyways, you can pick up there later, but, um, and so I do recognize that I could very well be like, forget it, you know, uh, I'm just going to work with leaders and people in my dream avatar, and I'm not going to try to convince the blow paint. Like I could easily do that. But in my mind on how do we change the world?
And I've been using different terminology. I told you I've been reflecting. How do we experience the abundance of the world? And I, and I make that distinction for a reason because I was, I would say, I want to change where I wanna change the world. And I'm like, hold on. We live in a world of a bubble. The world doesn't need to be changed.
The world has everything we need. There's enough, love enough, joy enough, peace enough. Laughter enough money to go around that none of us have to live in lack unless we so desire. And so I don't need to change the world. I needed to change the way we see the world. I need to change how we receive from the world.
And so, uh, in mind, In my thought process of how we actually do that. It's when everybody plays their part is when everybody fulfills the role. We say your story matters to people. We say, you matter to people. We say every person is unique, but yet we don't treat, we don't move through society like that. So, so if that's the case and I truly believe everybody has purpose, I truly believe like that's how we experience the abundant life of everybody operating in their lane to their full potential.
Then I have to find a way to empower other people who don't think like me. And so I don't want to just be like, forget y'all I'm going to make my money. I'm tired of dealing with y'all. Y'all can watch my free content. Uh, I want to get better as a communicator to be like, how do I bridge how you're thinking.
To a whole new pathway. How do I get you to truly believe that other people's opinions don't matter so that you can overcome that barrier and then step up here with the big leagues, because it's possible, you know, and that's, that's kinda where. That's my mindset. And so I'm kind of starting with the end and tracing my steps backwards.
And so I literally started with, let me do the live ask for people's feedback. Like be honest, um, poke holes in people's theories, like, like as challenging, be vulnerable. You know, um, it's one thing to be like, oh, people, people say they want to share their story, but they ain't really, you know, willing to, they don't want it bad enough.
It was very easy for me to say that because I'm an elite athlete. What's harder for me to say, it's like, yo, I want to help people more than they want to help themselves sometimes. And I don't, I'm not being effective at it. That's a lot harder to say. It is. And, and if you're thinking about like poking holes or like changing the perspective, it's like my passion is to see people activated and you, you partner with that.
It's like the knowing that you have to speak and whether you do it on a live TEDx stage at a conference, you go live. On your Facebook or Instagram or whatever, right. Or you're just having an intimate conversation with self, right? There's an activation that's just as critical in that secret place, as it is for you to get in front of the camera and be on stage nobody's message is less important or less valuable.
That's exactly what you're saying in the understanding that we all have a role. But we all have to activate because the people sitting are the people we're actually waiting for, because otherwise, if they were still, if they were already activated, there wouldn't be this. It wouldn't be the struggle of competition.
I don't think in the same way, because there would be this understanding of imperfection and progress versus like success driven, living and secular need of attainment or fleshly compromise. Right? Like I think that we would be exampled to a lot more vulnerability if everyone was willing to share at the actual pieces of their story.
We actually need to share, but instead people are coming up with like, I don't want to share somebody else's and put them under the bus. Cause I love them dearly. The five P's to purpose. I just made that up. So it's nobody's right.
wherever you are coming by me. And you can poke holes in this concept, but it's the knowing that they're taking stage and they're making way to share this message. But it's actually the depth behind the five-piece that we care about. Right. And so this is where I love conversations with people like yourself, because you're willing to go there.
And so you talked about like addiction or, um, chasing mask or wearing mask and not even realize you were chasing them. Um, you talked about the struggle of, of your physical self, of your mental space. Talk us through, like I asked at the beginning, this transformation process. What led you to want to share your story?
Always had knew it deep down inside. I'd always been told since I was younger. I was a leader. I remember being nine years old when I first became a Christian and them telling me that, and I got super involved, you know, eventually I turned away from the church because of some moral issues that happen from leadership.
And because I started to get influenced by other people, not from a behavioral standpoint. Cause I was, I was like selling drugs, skipping school. Um, Being promiscuous, all this stuff, but that wasn't really the bigger issue. The bigger issue was the stuff I was picking up from a belief standpoint, you know, we're all religions meant to control people.
That was the real danger. So yeah. Yeah. People who are like, oh, there shouldn't be selling on there. You shouldn't be smoking on there. You shouldn't be, you know, uh, having sex with girls and it's like, What was really the issue of you would actually talk to me, is that I'm over here listening to this stuff and observing my own church experience and being like, man, this stuff is not real.
This is controlling. This is fake. And so, um, uh, you know, but I always knew it, like there was this call to be a leader to use my voice and, uh, buried beneath my, my facade of street cred was this little boy just wanting to create and shit. Right. Was the kid who secretly like likes Eminem as a rapper, but also likes Tupac, you know, and, and for, for different reasons and, um, not just, yeah.
And, and, um, different reasons than what people usually like those artists. And so, uh, Uh, I get to, uh, you know, I go through this whole experience it's in college and, uh, this addiction to opioids after back surgery and crashed and burned, and didn't get to play in the NFL and got suicidal, had a girlfriend who I was a day in and planning to marry who left me and got engaged to another man because I was no longer NFL potential.
I had fans stopped calling me. And, uh, at the same time, I'm, I'm, I'm noticing I I've always, I always knew it, but I'm noticing. You know, that people are really only around me because of sports and because I was a drug dealer. And so I'm still like, nobody really knows who I am. Cause I wasn't showing people who I was and nobody really likes me.
They just like this character I created. And, um, it was always there, but I'm like, I'm too deep now. I, I, you know, I'm a li I literally have 10 people who I distribute jokes through. I can't be a speaker now. I can't share my story now. You know, and there's a part of my story. Nobody even knows, you know, this is a good, no, I knew I was, it was suicidal thoughts and stuff like that.
So, you know, all that, not sharing, it led to me just containing it. Uh, you know, and, and imploding, which was the depression and the suicidal attempts came from. And then I ended up in the psychiatric care facility, find faith in Christ. Ultimately it was, this is a beautiful story. And I remember. Uh, that was kind of the internal dialogue me and God had.
Once I put my faith in him, it's like, literally, um, I don't get to tell this part off of them. I say, yes. I said yes to God that I tell that part all the time. But the part that I get to say often is that you're supposed to be in there for a minimum of five days when you attempt suicide. But I kept telling the doctors, uh, who, who come to see how well you're doing that.
I was running from God. And I just said, yes, Cause that was the reality. The reality is that there was this underlying call the entire time. And I ran to the affirmation that people and I ran to drugs and I ran this sex and I ran to sports and I doing everything. But the thing he's calling me to do. And so once I finally said yes, and like surrendered, full posture, uh, it was like, God's like, okay, you ready?
And I'm like, yes, yes. Means all. Yes, you're Lord. You're not just savior. And um, I remember saying to God, I had this real moment with him. I said, okay, God, make you saved me from suicide multiple times. So make my life worth living. That's all I wanted. And I knew that I could not settle for. The mundane of life.
I knew I couldn't settle for anything less than my call. And so I knew part of that was that I was going to express my, my purpose through speaking. And it took some time, but we, we, we got here. So, you know, that's a long answer just to say, it's, the call has always been there, but it took a long time for me to finally say yes, In spite of my fear and insecurity.
And I think ultimately Daryl, like, that's the empathy right there. Right? That's the understanding of every single client that you're going to come in contact with, whether they're in their faith or they're not in their faith. Do you have an attraction quality to you? Um, that I think is only God ordained.
It's literally like a cloak that he's given you, that other people don't have height might be a part. Yeah. Statute might be a part of it, but it's the smile. It's the energy, it's the peace, it's the testimony, right? And so your life already has been worth living not only for my sake and meeting you, but also your wife and your children and everyone.
Who's had the gift of knowing who you are. But I think as you're saying that, that understanding of implosion that understanding that often the root is not actually what we as a culture. It's not the alcoholism. It's not the addiction. It's not the sexism. It's not the consumerism. It's not the political, it's not the racism.
Like we could go on and on and on. And it actually just goes down to wanting to be loved. Right. And love comes in the opening of myself, the knowing, and also loving every single piece of myself, even the imperfections and that, that word implosion I've never utilized or grabbed hold up for my own story.
And that's ultimately, I think exactly what it is. Um, and a place that everybody gets to, whether they're super young and in an intimate experience, or they're much, much older or they're running from it and they're still imploding. And, um, I think that's why. Your story. And so many people's story, there's really no exclusion to that.
It's it's necessary. Right. And, and he is so good and so faithful in the way that he allows us to process and, um, uncover the truth of every single part of it because he's, he's willing and, and he's, he's. Right. They're ready to shed the love over top of you, but we have to be in that state. You said the word posture and that word has been in my spirit, spoken on stages.
In fact, just in the last couple of weeks, um, not only to me, but also through me. And I think it all comes down to that. It comes down to posture, a posture of receiving and a posture of giving in a place of no expectation.
So I'm curious when you're, when you get on stage. Cause if you guys have never went and went in to see him first, you can go look up his TEDx right now, but he's going to make way for a TEDx of his own here soon. And you guys we'll be invited or you have to apply probably, but you can come speak. And so you, you teach people this concept every single day.
And when I got to witness you speak on the stage that we had in the house the first time, and I watched your like body language, I was the last person to speak. I was. So nervous. I'm like, I am not called to do this. I am called, I am not worthy is how I felt. And I sat there and all the different emotions that I'm sure every single person you coach goes through.
And I kept hiding. I like went to the bathroom during the middle of the second and third person I hit in the corner. Darryl makes way. And I'm watching him, not even from like where the stage is. He's not even speaking into me because I'm hiding in the corner and. You took this posture of, of being in a chair of coming up in confidence.
And literally as I watched you, I was gaining confidence saying I have to use my body. I have to use my body. I have to posture my whole body. Not right. Whoa, hold on. No, you came up with that idea on the spot. Oh, I'm pissed.
And I learned it from you. Practice that the night before
the world of Marianne Williamson, that everyone quotes. It's one of my favorites too. Like our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure towards the end of that whole riff. There's this part where she's like, you know, when you let your light shine, you liberate people so that they too.
Can, you know, let their light shine and I'm paraphrasing, but that's the sense as your own liberation gives people inspiration and freedom and the pathway to do the same. And what's crazy about that moment that you're describing is I, and you can ask Britt and my wife, I was freaking out like I did not want to do that.
I wanted everything instant. It's funny how our beliefs will sabotage our sleep. And you have to pay attention to the inner dialogue that goes into something when you meet opportunity. So here we are, because the way that it started is we started in small groups. So there's like, I don't know, 25 30 people at the conference.
Are you small groups of three or four or five? And then out of your group, you, you pick the best person to go present in the, in front of the bigger group. And I knew. Uh, there, I was in the group with Dr. Justin. Uh, he's good. He's a really good speaker. He's like really poised. Right. Um, and, uh, and there was this moment of like, who's it going to be Daryl or Justin?
The old arrow would have just blocked it away. Oh. Cause I perceive Justin to be more valuable than me, better than me. He's got more money than me and I'm so focused on what other people have that I don't even recognize what I have. And by the way, I didn't show up how I could have showed up. And so, so, so they don't even know.
I'm like, you know what? I didn't even give him my aunt. So anyways, I'm sabotaging and there was this little moment where I said to myself, don't fight it. Do not resist it. Just shut up. Just don't even say anything. And I'm literally, I'm promised this is a true story. I'm literally sitting there like grabbing my tea.
To anchor myself to not say anything and we're in Justin. So he's cool. As a cucumber, he's just sitting there, like he knows it's his
and then, and then, um, Hmm. I was like, I didn't say I'm down for whatever, because that would have been a little why I wasn't deep inside. I knew it was mine. And so I just had to let it go, come to me and not pushing away with these thoughts, humility statements. And, uh, ultimately that's what happened. And they were like, well, will you go?
Especially cause you're the speaker. Got it. You know? And then, and so then I go and then I'm like, I told my wife and my man, I'm going to try something. But I'm not good with my body. I don't like trying things with my body. Yeah, he's lying. This is so good. This is so crazy that this happened. You're going to find this crazy.
That's I've been speaking since 2012, but, um, timidly, right? Um, I can count on one hand how many times I've done something. Okay. And so I was like, man, it'd be cool if I just started off sitting. And then as I go, like, stand to give the can to communicate, this is the journey I went through. Right. So nobody listened to the sound of what I said.
They will be able to tell just from body language and. I was so scared to try that in front of people who are like gonna catch every, every, every air. And, um, that's crazy that it inspired you to do that. I literally could like I'm on the verge of tears right now because. It was for me, like, I truly believe that as much as it was for you and you now have unlocked this new component of your being as you speak, it was for me.
And I received it in that moment. I activated it quickly. And I think that's a component that people hinder themselves in that thought pattern. But as you were sharing the story just now, I don't know how often we actually sit and reflect on an emotion that can happen or a situation that can unfold very quickly because those conversations, we shared our story really fast paced per for the most part.
And then everyone got deposited feedback and I literally sat in the exact same position. Carrie was in there. And I was like, carry forward, girl, we're going to shout out all the people from the mastermind. She's incredible for stories. Powerful. Talk about eloquence. I, she got more money than me. I mean, we're ha we're going through the same Darrell, like no doubt I'm sitting there and I'm like, but I knew, I knew that it was mine and, and we, what do we value?
Right? Because. Carrie has I love Carrie, I've done content with Carrie. Carrie is a good speaker. Carrie. Carrie's intimidating. There's there's some footage cause we did, uh, I was running studio time here in Metro Atlanta, and I invited her over. You know, not too far from me. And, uh, there's some footage I haven't released yet.
Like just to be real because, because of how she made me look, you know, I'm like, dang, she keeps me looking better than me and my back ass. So I wasn't prepared for all of this. You know, I had my, I was missing a button niche. Anyways, she is amazing. You were going with this, this was coming to a really important point, the symmetry of our experience, uh, what do we value?
You said yes, because all that is important, her presence, her power, but what gets overlooked is your relate-ability. Um, and, and, and, and not that curious, not relatable. Sure. Of course. For me as a consumer of both of your content and as a friend to both of you and as a colleague, I relate more to you, you know, and she's a Christian, you know, and I, you know, I love Jake too.
And so it's just, there's you just, I don't know what it is. Well, it goes right back to what you said before that everyone has a piece in this, right? And, and there's even if you're using the parallel of everyone has their own lane. Like our lanes might be closer that doesn't devalue the lane. That's too old.
One day, you might veer off to be next to that lane. Right? And so it's the recognition that they all exist and they all have the same direction when we're aligned and we all want similar things. And that Christian belief system that faith in God allows us to all have the same trajectory, but you're so right.
The, in that understanding of relate-ability, I think that. There's those connectivity pieces. And so that was such a powerful experience. I had no plan on talking about it today, but I think people need to know that there's so much more to just sharing your message. There's actually this expression of being.
Your a message. And when you become that, your message, if every part of your life is that message, as you go up to speak for five minutes, or you go up to speak for 50 minutes is if you can become, if you can embody every component of empathy and every component of confidence, right? It's the whole spectrum that allows people to immerse into who you are.
That's going to be your message. I mean, Speak your message. We should have being your message. And I, and I so agree and it's so funny. Cause I was just telling a couple of my clients is specifically one and I can't get into, I want to share the exact same story, but I don't know if I have permission. You know, I, I have, again, I'm learning that not everybody thinks like me, like to me, I'm an open book and everybody's not open book though.
So, you know, uh, You still get the lesson in it. The lesson is, this is I'm talking to one of my clients and, and he has this message that is so powerful. Uh, but he's not living it. And, and I'm like, oh, this is, this is what's really, there's no congruency. So you feel like an imposter? Not because you don't have a better website, not because you're not a great speaker or not, but because you're literally not.
Doing the very thing that you're encouraging other people to do, which is crazy. Um, and it's probably what makes this message so powerful is that oftentimes we need the messages that we teach to other people. And so if I were to apply that to self in this moment, you want to, one of my messages is your name.
You know, I got like four engagements in the fall on just that message alone. And you're enough without the job title. You're enough without the, the, the social media following you're enough without the, the level of income that you think other people respect you're enough with or without the girlfriend, you're enough as you are.
And when you have that foundation belief, that you're enough. It's what helps you to have a healthy version of success. Right. And so, That was my opportunity to be the message. Because I didn't feel like I was enough. I felt inadequate. I felt undeserving in certain ways. And then I had other insecurities.
And so me living out that message made the spoken message so much more powerful because there's this internal unseen game. That's like compounding energy into this message. And so I'm so glad you said be the message. And I think that's important for people, you know, we it's so corny, we say, be the change you want to see.
And we're like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's so much truth in that statement. A lot of people are complaining about things that they should be the solution to.
So true. And, and you, like you said, it's like, what you speak is often what you want to hear. How many times do you hear a pastor? Who's like, I needed that. I need that. Right. I felt that same way when I just, I just finished writing my book. I cannot wait for it to release, which, by the way you guys, he's also an author.
I've got his book that he sent me right here. Who am I after sports by Daryl Stinson, but it was that emotion. This, this is the message of my life. There is so much vulnerability to it, but I needed that. I needed to just release it out of me so that I was actually confident enough to say it out of my mouth, because it's a lot easier though.
It was still hard. And I weeped over the pages. I'm writing with a pen. I never actually wrote it. I was typing the whole time, but you know that the written component. I, I weeped for years as I wrote that book. And when I finally finished and close that, that final piece of paper after reading it through, I was like, I heard in my space.
It's time, it's time. So that subsequently happened almost right before that experience at meeting you and being able to share. And again, there's so much more to the story, right? Like you don't have enough time to say it all in seven. But I feel like that was just the first step to so much more that's to come and, and no different for you, even though you've been speaking for years in coaching it for years.
Um, so there's that embodying. So coming in October, be the message lie with Darryl and Tamra. I don't know what it's. It's so good. And again, I think the best part about it is it's it's, it's heartfelt because I didn't script that I didn't plan. I know. I mean, I'm, I'm like, I'm really, I'm like, okay, I'm about to ping my sister and be like, let's, let's make this happen.
Quick commercial break. I know I hate these things too, but it's so critical that you grow your business for God's sake. And I mean, that pun intended with all the love in my heart to get you from a place of ideation to activation, stop dreaming, start doing stand ups. Saying yes to the call that God has on your life.
We are going to be joining in Lexington, Kentucky with none other than the beautiful rise and grind community with Glen Lundy, who will be co-hosting this incredible conference. This is the second annual. And he has taken me under his wing to be able to share the stage to motivate and inspire. And I cannot wait to see you there November 5th through the seventh.
If you want to come in for the VIP experience with who doesn't want to come along for VIP. That's right. Access passes to the speakers and the artists. And you'll be able to dine with us in the private rooms with your own special bathrooms. So of course, come one day, two day, three day passes available as well.
And we can not wait as good. And I say to hack your neck, see you there.
I think affirmation's important, but I think a lot of entrepreneurial. Uh, and I see this a lot on clubhouse. Um, I see this a lot in retreats. Uh, people are, are wanting affirmation, prematurely or work, or too much of it. And I say that with another mind that says you can never get enough affirmation. So like, anytime I always say you want to have a better marriage, anytime you think good thoughts say it, you know, they'll just think it.
Uh, cause a lot of times I'm like, man, I think good thoughts about my phone communicated, but when she messed up, go here
ever get enough affirmation, you know? Um, I appreciate you. You have what it takes, never get enough of that. But I think it's when you're, so depending on that other people's affirmation, other people to confirm your ideas, that you value their opinions so much more than you value your own is where you get into trouble.
And that's what it was like for me. I mean, I still have tendencies, uh, to do that, like, um, and, and I call it research in that college is trying to make sure that I'm understanding the situation correctly, but deep in there, it's an insecurity of like, am I wrong? Am I alone in this and, and I'm looking for a YouTube video to affirming.
I'm looking for a conversation with the spouse or an entrepreneur to be like, Darryl, you're not crazy. Are you going the right direction? Like, but, but sometimes none of that comes and sometimes you gotta just value your own opinion because deep down, you know, you know, You know what you're capable of.
Like I tell people one of the reasons why you can't do that is because nobody but you and God know your actual potential. Right. And, and I always tell people this example that I was a division one now. And, uh, I was a defensive line out. If you don't know sports is, might be a little hard for you, but I was a big guy.
Okay. And we got conditioned. They worked us out according to our weight level. So if you were bigger, you have more time to complete sprints. If you were smaller, you had less time to make it even, but I was fast. And so what I did is I was the first person to finish my conditioning sprints out of the bag.
Watch this, they, they were clapping. They were applauding me. This is the dangerous appall so, so they, yeah. Oh my gosh. You're so you guys need to be like, Stetson, look at him. He's looking at him and he's running through the line every single time. Like, look at his effort. He's given everything he's got on every sprint and I'm like, Ooh, I'm going 75 person.
I was an all star, uh, all-state track athlete. I should be running with the small people, but that's hard. So I'd rather run with these lie men and be first. Yeah. And it, and, and hide behind they're after me. Whoo. You guys, you better be taking notes or feeling convicted in this moment because, wow. Yeah.
Yeah. And this is why you can't motivate gifted people with, with, with trophies and things like that, because it's like, it's you gotta, you gotta call greatness out of some people like that, because I know, I see it cause I wasn't. So I see people and they're like, oh, they crushed it. I'm like, no, they're not.
They give them 70% and not even giving everything I can, I can tell. I can tell they can't and that's why they can't receive. They can't receive because they know it's not true. They know that they didn't give it everything they got. They know that they're not trying their best. They know that, you know, it's so you gotta, you gotta, you gotta go with what's in your heart.
I'm living, I'm doing the things I'm doing because of what I know I'm capable of and what I know God's called me to. Holy smokes. Y'all affirmation helps Tamra being like Daryl you're missing helps, but I'm telling you if that ain't, if that ain't there. I, I got found
I do something, you know, you can't be so shaky and so needy and so broken and because. You got to value your own opinion. Because when I talk to people who struggle with depression and feelings of inadequacy, a lot of times when you really have conversations with the people, you'll notice they see their talent.
They're just, they're just waiting for somebody else to like convince them of their own greatness. You convince you, you can, you know, and I used to say, Hey, borrow my belief in you. If you don't believe in yourself, I get that. Sometimes you got to borrow other people's money. But it comes to the point where you got to switch a different gear, like borrowing somebody.
Else's belief is like gear one. Hmm. That's good. You can't be in year 10 in year one. I got to shit from, I borrowed your belief to now my belief driving. Come on, you might not get it. That's how people create change in them. You know, and I think as I'm thinking through that affirmation, words of affirmation from a love language is like bottom of the rung for me.
And it's always because when I get them, I feel that exactly. I'm like, oh, that was all right. Uh, could have been better. And, and there's because I know, I know the greatness that's within me and when it's not to that level, the applause. They just don't matter. And even when that applaud is my spouse. And so what I have had to come to do from a learning perspective is one I need to be okay with receiving so that I can then give back in a gratitude.
Right. Because just because I don't like receiving it doesn't mean that it doesn't feel great for that person to be able to affirm me. We have a gal who's listening now and she gives me affirmation every single day. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Right. And do I actually take it to heart? Maybe not all the time, because I know that there's a level of expectation that I have for myself, but ultimately the practice.
And this is something I hope that you take a no from me. I'll tell you you're great every single day, but I think it's us coming to the Lord. Going back to that first word that we talked about, that posture, that positioning ourself in a place of God. Tell me how you see me. Cause when I get into the. And he's affirming greatness within me.
That's the level of expectation. It's why worldly words don't matter. It's why I love you for saying it, but if it's not to his standards, I fall in short. And so my expectations are just like through the roof all the time. Now, does that mean I don't have grace for myself or that I'm striving for perfection?
Absolutely not. He is the only perfect one, but I'm called to be more like him. And he was the best storyteller. He was the best community driving person that we could possibly know. He was the message. Talk about, be the message. Right? So every single thing that I try to evoke and equip other people with, but also having to start to be the message to be myself and evoke and equip myself is no different than how you activate on stage and then activate other people.
You're calling them to be more like Jesus. And that's the greatest commission. Not, not get on stage. That's not what Daryl and I are saying. We're saying be the best version of yourself. Yes. And redefine how you see a stage. Yes. This is a stage. Yes. If, if you cut off the stream, it's still a state. I have a person's attention.
And that's important to the overall narrative of you want to know the, the biggest stage, most important stage, uh, from a human interaction. This is not, I'm not going to go the guide route, um, that I ever had in my life. And this'll be my like closing story. Uh,
It's when I was driving in my car, wanting to end my life. And my mother called me and I picked up the phone. That was a stage of one person. It was a mother and a suicidal son, and she had an opportunity to be her message. To speak her message. And she spoke it authentically and vulnerably. She said, son, I don't know what's going on.
I don't even know why I felt led to call you, but something's telling me that you need to come here and get help. She sent this while I'm driving to end my life. My suicide letter was on my seat. She had no clue. That's the reframe, how you see a stage? My daughter, he came up to me today. She fell and she lost one of her teeth.
She came with her little tooth and she goes, daddy, that's a stage. We start to see life like that. And we be our message speak RMS. Stuff starts to change. And so I just say that to people because yeah, there's this level of getting in front of people being more public that's required and of some, uh, but all of us have a stage, all of us, all of us.
And by the way, if you really got it like that, you do good with the stages that you're giving and God's going to open up doors. You cannot hide greatness. You can't. Um, so, uh, that's kinda my last time. And I, and I say that because I know that there's people who follow you, who, uh, envy, uh, who follow you, who, who love you, because they think so much more highly of you than they do themselves.
Oh my gosh. Of course, Tamra. Yeah. Look at her. Look at her, look at her, look at her. And it's like, no, look at your life, your stages, your opportunities, your relationships.
Speak your message there. So powerful. I don't have anything left to say y'all I don't either. I mean, I do, I do, but, but I just want people to take that and just soaking that in and take action on that because one person. One part, if one person does that, I'm telling you if they go back and listen to some of the stuff we were saying that we didn't have time to dissect, I'm telling you it's a game changer.
Absolutely. Is the ultimate impact, right? Is the knowing that it's, we hear it all the time. It's for the one. And do you actually activate in that understanding or that belief system, are you checking how many followers or likes or views you got on your real. Guilty. Right. And so it's this knowing that your mom is never going to meet every single person that you're going to impact.
She's never going to see the ripple effect of that call, but her stage might be more powerful than every single one that any of your students ever take, maybe because it was a position and it was a posture that God allowed her to take that prompted. Right. That then she activated. And that's the ultimate part of every single message in order to be the message of be, is it action.
These still in no, don't sit on your rear. Don't do it. Don't drive into no man's land and consider taking a life that is so precious was so predetermined for greatness. And so there's so much beauty to us being, and I'm grateful to be with you. Thank you so much. You guys, if you do not know Darrell Stinson, I hope you know him more.
Now I know you do. You can go to his website and all the links are in the, all the places and you can go see him on Facebook and Instagram Stinson speaks. Um, and, and hopefully soon enough, you'll see us in a picture again. Side-by-side top path, a PIM whole half of me.
Good brother. Thank you for being here. We appreciate you. Take care.
Hey, y'all it's me again. I hope in today's episode, you sent an ignite to an Ember within you, something mentally, physically, emotionally, or spiritually moving that creates and sustains a fire within your journey. Before you go, let solidify the flame. I'd love for you to take a step right now and declaring your takeaway by snapping a pick of the episode.
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